


Disillusioned

by PandaPantsLuvsU



Series: Survivor's Guilt [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 1 part social justice : 3 parts angst, Alpha Alex, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Burr makes a guest appearance, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay John Laurens, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Mental Health Issues, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Really Character Death, Omega John, Omega Verse, Pansexual Marquis de Lafayette, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Burn, Straight Hercules Mulligan, Underage Drug Use, endgame lams, mentioned marliza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:29:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 94,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12379977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaPantsLuvsU/pseuds/PandaPantsLuvsU
Summary: Omegaverse! Semi-dystopian Modern AU (also my first fanfiction on this site!)For the past twenty years, the world has been coming apart at the seams.  Disease, natural disasters, and - according to John Laurens - the inherent crappiness of human beings. The world's population is dropping rapidly, and everyone knows that it's only a matter of time before the government steps up and does something about it.Time's up.(If any of the tags need to become archive warnings, PLEASE let me know!)





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

 **J** ohn’s father was angry again.

It wasn’t at him, thank goodness. He’d only yelled at John once before, and it was an experience he wouldn’t care to repeat.

John put his headphones in and turned up his music, focusing on his drawings for Eliza’s birthday. He’d already drawn a pair of doves surrounded by daisies, and now he was working on a sunset. She always loved the sunset.

His father’s voice was suddenly much closer, and John turned to see him standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

Henry Laurens. Large. Loud-mouthed. Important. Arrogant. The textbook definition of a stereotypical Alpha. His already hard frown deepened when John pulled a headphone out. “Yeah?”

“I’m going out of town. There’s something that’s come up. Martha’s in charge.”

Marty, his little sister. She was younger than him by two years. He gritted his teeth, but said nothing. It wouldn’t do any good to start an argument now. Not when he was so close to having him out of the house.

John’s relationship to his father wasn’t exactly a good one.

“Do your homework,” Henry added.

“It’s summer.” _And I’m nineteen years old. Don’t boss me around like I’m a damn child._

“Well, I’m sure there’s something productive you can do.” A beat, as if he was daring John to say something. John kept quiet. “I’ll be back in three days.”

John rolled his eyes at him and waited until he was gone to go downstairs and flip the door off. He didn’t want Henry to see him performing the gesture, but damn if he didn’t do it at least once.

“Not nice, Jack,” Marty said boredly from the couch. John glanced at the door one final time before plopping down next to her. She made a face at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“So,” he said, propping his feet up on the coffee table. Henry hated when he did that. “What’s the big national crisis that our super important father has to solve this time?”

“Hell if I know.” Marty popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth. John reached for some, and she handed him the bowl. The TV was on, but neither of them were really paying attention to it. “I’m guessing population.”

Ah, the population. The problem that’d been looming over everyone’s heads for the past two decades. It had all begun with an onslaught of natural disasters - hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanic eruptions, wildfires. Then there was an outbreak of _something_ that mosquitos had been carrying. The virus alone wiped out half of the US population. They’d figured the worst of it was over after the last infected person died.

Next came the flooding, the droughts, and even _more_ wildfires.

Mother Nature had been pissed off too many times, and she was raising hell.

“What’s our current number?” The wildfires were their most current threat, but they were safe in Norfolk. They only had the rising sea levels to worry about.

Marty gestured to the TV. “Looks like we just dropped below a hundred million.”

John whistled lowly, shaking his head. He set the popcorn aside and stared at the numbers on the screen, expecting them to fall even more. “Did you hear anything about the heat wave in Arizona?”

“I heard that they’re predicting another dust bowl in California. Body count’s only gonna rise.”

John turned off the TV. “You know what would be really great?”

“If they came up with an actual productive solution instead of focusing on increasing the population?”

“Yes.” He stood and started to pace. He did that when he felt agitated or excited. “Just imagine the results we’d see if the government actually started fucking taking care of the environment?”

Marty smiled wistfully. “That’d be nice.”

Sometimes John hated his privilege. His father was a US senator, and his mother’s family had been some of the first pioneers to colonize South Carolina. That meant that John would always live comfortably, so long as he remained in his father’s good graces. One of the many things he hated about that man was that he never seemed to use his position to help those who _actually_ needed it.

“That’s what I’m going to do when I get rich,” John said.

“What’s that?”

“Help the poor.” He placed one of his feet on the coffee table for dramatic effect and leaned forward on it. “Once I graduate, Marty, I’ll get a job. Donate a portion of my paycheck to a charity. Spend more time at the shelters.”

“There you go. Maybe you can even climb your way up the social ladder at work. Convince the CEO that your cause is worthy of his time. Sucker others into helping, too.”

“There’d be a gala,” John said. “A giant gala, with suits that cost my entire tuition and huge oversized checks. Omegas would be walking around in three-pieces and red bowties, carrying trays of champagne. Everyone would show up just to show off their wealth. And to help the downtrodden, of course. Because that’s what the entire point of it would be.”

“God, I can see it now.” Marty assumed a terrible posh British accent. “I’m standing here with the esteemed George King the Third. Tell me, Mr. King, which charity are you donating to tonight?”

“ _Charity_?” John scoffed, playing along. “I’ve not the faintest idea what you’re talking about. I’m just here to show off my new cloak.” He snatched the throw off of the couch and draped it over his shoulders. “Isn’t it exquisite?”

“Oh, absolutely! And just _look_ at that stitching. Simply beautiful!”

John twirled in his ‘cloak’. “The fabric was hand-made and treated with the tears of orphans.”

“That must have cost a fortune!”

“But of course! Only the best _for_ the best!”

“What’re you two _doing_?”

They both turned to see Junior standing in the doorway, brows arched.

“Having fun,” Marty quipped. “You should try it sometime, killjoy.”

“I’ll have _fun_ when I feel like it,” Junior grumbled, grabbing a handful of popcorn and falling into the recliner.

John and Marty exchanged a glance. “Something wrong?” John asked him. “Alicia?”

“She won’t text me back.”

Young love. Henry Junior _was_ fifteen now. He was about that age. John remembered his high school encounters with a bitter smile. Hopefully things worked out better for his little brother. “I’ll bet she’s just busy.”

“I guess.” Junior set his phone aside. John marked it down as a victory in his book. “Dad seemed pretty pissed when he left.”

“Country’s coming apart at the seams. It’s enough to piss anyone off.” Marty shrugged. “I think they’re calling everyone in to come up with a solution. A way to stop the problems or prevent other disasters from happening.”

John snorted, falling back onto the couch. “Yeah. Let’s listen to the politicians instead of the scientists. Because that’s worked so well before.”

Marty threw a pillow at him. He caught it and swatted her with it. “Maybe they have scientists on staff, too. You’re such a pessimist sometimes.”

“Hey, I’m either always right or pleasantly surprised.”

“It’s too early to be screwing my brain with a paradox,” Junior griped. His phone beeped and he looked at it expectantly, then rolled his eyes and put it away again. “Just Dad.”

Marty’s phone went off a second later. She ignored it in favor of looking at her feet. Because that was the surefire way to make John feel better about his father’s refusal to text him, right?

But he couldn’t be mad at her. She was his baby sister.

James poked his head into the living room. “I got a text from Dad? When did he leave?”

“Probably somewhere between you playing _Call of Duty_ and being a loser,” Junior said. James flipped him off.

“Hey,” John snapped. “We don’t flip people off. It’s rude.”

“So is calling someone a loser but I don’t hear you getting on to Junior for _that_ ,” James whined.

“Because it’s not rude if it’s true. Loser.”

“Enough, you two,” John said. “I’ll ground you both if I have to.”

“You’re not in charge, Jack,” Junior said. “Marty is.”

Marty gave him a look. “You _do_ realize that I have backed up every decision Jack has made, right?”

Junior grew quiet. James stomped back up to his room.

John and Marty rolled their eyes at each other. _Kids._

“On that happy note,” John said, standing, “I’m going to go for a run. I’ve gotta meet the guys at the park soon, anyway.”

Marty squeezed his arm, eyes apologetic. _Sorry about Dad,_ she seemed to say. John just shrugged and kissed the top of her head before pulling on his sneakers and heading out the door.

* * *

 

John saw his friends sitting under their tree in the park and smiled, joining them.

“... all I’m saying is that it shouldn’t make a difference whether you’re an Alpha, Beta, or Omega. _Skill_ is what’s important. _Drive_ is what’s important. Not biology.”

“No one’s arguing with you,” Lafayette chuckled.

“But it’s so ridiculous! Why does everyone assume Omegas are automatically demure and submissive? That’s bullshit!” Alexander Hamilton threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “And just because they're _built to_ _have children_ doesn’t mean that they’re second-class citizens. Or that they deserve to be harassed in public.”

Alex and John had been best friends since Alex and Lafayette were adopted by George Washington when John was five.

“If anything, they should be valued,” John interjected, sitting down next to Alex. “They _are_ only about thirty percent of the population. Pretty rare.” Alphas and Betas were both at an even 35.

Hercules and Lafayette seemed surprised by his arrival, but Alex didn’t miss a beat. “ _Thank you_. And for the record, _I’ll_ always think you’re the most valuable one here.”

“Hey!” Hercules and Lafayette said at the same time.

Alex simply shrugged.

John ignored the fluttering in his chest. He’d had feelings for Alex since he was twelve.

“Would it be alright if we talked about something other than social injustice for a moment?” John asked, resting his head comfortably in Alex’s lap. Alex automatically began to braid John’s hair.

“What happened?” Lafayette asked.

John sighed, closing his eyes and rolling his ankles. “I know I’m a blight on the family and all, but would it _kill_ my father to at least pretend to care whether I live or die?”

“Probably,” Hercules said.

John snorted. “It just sucks. I mean, the Laurens family has been all Alphas for seven generations, and then _I_ come along, and he blames me for tainting the bloodline even though my class isn’t something I can control. Believe me, if there was a magic pill that I could take to become an Alpha, I would. I’d do it in a heartbeat. But there isn’t. And I know that there are so many others out there who have worse problems than me -”

“Yours are still valid,” Lafayette said firmly.

John sighed and rubbed his face. “Sorry. I probably just killed the mood.”

“You interrupted one of Alex’s rants,” Hercules said. “We should be thanking you.”

Alex flicked an acorn at him. “Remember when we were kids and none of this mattered?”

John couldn’t think of a time when his class wasn’t at the forefront of his mind. He’d always known he was an Omega - his father made sure he got the special test done. But at least his mother was still alive when he was littler. She made it better, easier. She’d told him that it didn’t matter, that his happiness was all she wanted for him. He’d almost believed her.

He remembered playing with Alex and Lafayette under the old oak tree, chasing each other with sticks or play-wrestling. He remembered sleeping over at Mr. Washington’s house when his father was in a bad mood. He remembered sometimes waking up in the nest that Mrs. Washington had created for them and curling up closer to Alex, briefly wondering if he’d be able to build nests that elaborate.

They’d met Hercules when they were thirteen. He was an Alpha, just like Alex. They could do anything they wanted to. Lafayette had pretty much all of the same rights as a Beta.

John would never see any executive floor unless he was cleaning it.

He’d never hold any position of power.

He hated it with a passion.

“I remember when you found a box turtle and cried when your mom wouldn’t let you keep it,” Lafayette laughed.

“I remember when you fell out of your window because you were trying to jump onto the tree branch,” John shot back.

“I remember when you drew that picture of the deer you saw and gave it to Alex, complete with little hearts surrounding your signature.”

“I think I still have that,” Alex said.

John ignored the warmth that settled through him with the thought of Alex _keeping_ his childhood artwork. “I remember the day I first met you guys.”

Alex and Lafayette had both been living in the same foster home at the time of their adoption. Since Alex was older than Lafayette, he’d assumed the role of the big brother. It was something he and John had bonded over.

“ _I’m a big brother, too. I’ve got Marty and Junior and Mama’s having another baby soon.”_

“ _I’ve got Gilbert.”_

“ _Lafayette,” the four-year-old said indignantly. “Jutht Lafayette. No more Gilbert.”_

_Alex gave Lafayette a look and took his hand. “Okay. No more Gilbert.”_

“You had the cutest lisp,” Alex teased.

Lafayette shot him a dirty look. “It took me _two years_ to get over that.”

“And it still comes out when you’re upset,” Hercules added.

“Well, not everyone can have perfect speech patterns.” Lafayette moved and sat on top of John. “John, they’re being mean.”

John sat up and pretended to rock him. “It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s here.”

Hercules spluttered a laugh. “ _Daddy?_ If anyone in this group gets to be Daddy, it’s me. I’m the oldest. Good God, Lafayette, do _not_ bat your eyelashes at me like that.”

“Why can’t _I_ be Daddy?” Lafayette asked with a pout.

“You already are,” John said. “To Adri.”

“Do _not_ bring my mate into this!” Lafayette scoffed, hopping off of John’s lap like it had caught fire. “She is too pure for that kind of talk!”

That was a damn lie and everyone knew it.

It didn’t stop Alex from saying, “Precious cinnamon roll, too pure for this world.”

“God, again with the meme references?” John groaned, lying back down.

“Maybe.” Alex tugged a loose strand of John’s hair lightly.

“Such meme,” Hercules said. “Much wow.”

“Not you, too. God, you’ve _infected_ him, Alex!” John covered his face to hide his smile.

“I don’t always speak in memes,” Lafayette mocked. “But when I do, I use an old, lame format.”

Hercules stuck his tongue out at him. “You’re one to talk. One does not simply speak in memes, Laf.”

Lafayette launched himself at Hercules and they rolled around, play-wrestling. Alex and John watched them for a moment, then John nudged Alex. “You’ve created monsters. But that’s none of my business.”

Alex understood the reference after a second. “You forgot the Lipton tea, dumbass.”

“You mad bro?”

Alex tackled him. John struggled against his grip and they, too, wrestled until Alex had John’s shoulders pinned to the ground. “Say it.”

“Say what? Uncle?”

“No. Say your memes are trash.”

“Never!”

Alex arched an eyebrow. “Very well.” He lifted his head, a wicked gleam in his eye. “Dogpile on John!”

Hercules and Lafayette jumped on top of them, and John flailed around in a useless attempt to escape. They didn’t budge.

“Fine! My memes are trash.”

“Alex is the meme king,” Alex prompted.

John grumbled a little before muttering, “Alex is the meme king.”

Everyone got off and John stared at the sky, taking a moment to catch his breath. Alex poked him, a semi-concerned expression on his face. “You okay?”

“Oh, sure, _now_ you’re asking. I’m fine.” John motioned to the sky. “The sunset’s pretty tonight.”

Alex lay on his back next to John. Lafayette and Hercules joined them. A comfortable silence washed over the group.

“You know,” Hercules said after a moment, “my mother used to say that when an artist dies, God lets them paint the sunset.”

“What happens when a lot of artists die on the same day, then?” Alex asked. “Would God let them paint the next day’s sunsets? But then what would happen when artists die on _that_ day, too?”

“It’s just supposed to be a sweet sentiment” John couldn’t see Hercules’s face, but he knew he was rolling his eyes.

“Maybe God divides up sections of the sky for artists to paint. And that’s why sunsets look different all over the world.”

“I think God makes them collaborate,” John said. “Everyone has to pull their own weight, and that’s the only way to get past the gates.”

“So are non-artists... what's the word... oh, _screwed_?” Lafayette.

“I think everyone’s an artist, in their own right.”

“Hmm,” Alex hummed thoughtfully. “Knowing me, I’d make actual words from the clouds. Write a farewell address.”

“A _farewell address_?” Hercules barked out a laugh. “I’d probably keep it simple. Orange, with a splash of purples and pinks here and there.”

“I’d make it vibrant,” Lafayette said. “I’d use different oranges and reds, and just a touch of purple so it isn’t too loud.”

“I think my sky would have tons of fluffy clouds,” John said. “They’d be illuminated by the sun.”

Alex turned his head and looked at him. His eyes were unreadable. “None of you are allowed to die,” he finally said.

“Neither are you,” John said.

A quirk of the lips. John pushed back the urge to lean in. He loved him. He really did. He thought about what Alex had been like when they’d first met, almost timid and always quiet, and how he’d changed.

“What’re you thinking about?”

John hadn’t realized that he’d been staring.

“When we were little. You were so different.”

“I was.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t know I had a voice, I guess. Or at least, I didn’t realize that there were people out there who wanted to hear it.” A smile, sadder this time. “I was in a pretty bad place when I came to the States.”

John squeezed his hand. Physical affection like this was normal, considering how starved for it they both had been when they were kids. Alex hadn’t liked being touched by anyone other than Lafayette or John. John only got so much love from his mother and siblings when he was little due to his ostracization by Henry.

He loved his mother very much, but he sometimes found himself resenting her for not standing up to his father. It wasn’t her fault. He knew that. She was an Omega and he was powerful and hated being told _no_. But she _had_ bonded with him in the first place.

At least John was allowed in the nests.

If he ever had children, they would be fathered by a different kind of man.

 _Like Alex_.

He pushed that thought away, even though he felt it deep in his chest. If he had to choose right at this moment, he’d pick Alex without any hesitation.

Alex, who was nodding off next to him. John smiled at that, a part of him longing to build a nest that he could relax in. Hercules and Lafayette, too, if they wanted.

He and Alex could buy a big house, far away from Henry. They’d bring his siblings, of course, and Frannie, Hercules, and Lafayette and Adrienne, and the Schuyler sisters and Maria. He and Eliza would build a giant nest in the middle of the living room, out of couch cushions, pillows, and fluffy blankets. They could all cuddle up together. Alex would hold him close, run a hand through his hair, murmur nothings against the top of his head as they fell asleep. Eliza and Maria would be curled up next to them - Alex was much closer to them than John was, but he loved them too. Then Peggy and Angelica, and his siblings. Frannie would be on their other side, right next to Hercules, Lafayette, and Adrienne. They’d wake up in the morning and eat pancakes, eggs, bacon, and hash browns.

And maybe, in a few years, John would wake up one morning to the feel of smaller hands on his face and he’d open his eyes to see ones that were as dark as Alex’s, only belonging to someone much younger. Someone with curly black hair and freckles.

Only when the time was right, of course. He’d want to have a stable job before he even thought of having children. Alex would write for the Times, like he’d always wanted to do. Maybe he’d be a columnist. Or maybe he’d make editor-in-chief, if he wanted to take a break from writing.

Although he highly doubted Alex would ever put down his pen.

John would do his best with his degrees in environmental science and law. He’d probably land a job as a law clerk or paralegal. Maybe after thirty years of hard work, he’d get to be an associate for a couple of years before he had to retire.

“You awake, John?”

“Hmm?” He was yanked from his thoughts and cracked an eye open at Alex. “Yeah. I’m awake.”

“It’s getting late, _mon ami_. Adrienne wishes for me to return home.”

“Why, though.”

Alex swatted John. “You’re trash.”

“So sorry, your highness. Say hi to her for me, Laf.”

Lafayette stretched and hugged everyone before walking down the hill. Alex watched him, a slightly sour expression on his face.

“You’ll see him again soon,” John said to him.

“I know.” Alex flopped back down onto the grass. “I still don’t think he needed to move in with her.”

“They’re bonded now,” Hercules said. They’d had this conversation before. “They want to spend some time together. Besides, Laf’s in college. It was as good a time as any to flee the coop.”

“ _Fly_ the coop,” Alex corrected, but didn’t say anything else.

Lafayette and Adrienne had been together for three years. They’d bonded as soon as Lafayette turned eighteen last September. They were still seniors in high school at the time. Everyone had been surprised, and the Washingtons had been less than pleased. Alex had been _pissed._

It only got worse when Lafayette announced his intentions to move into an apartment with her as soon as they graduated. They’d fought for the entirety of winter break, and through about half of the spring semester. Finally, John and Frannie conducted an intervention for the two of them. They made up shortly after, but things were still a little tense from time to time.

John understood. Letting a little brother or sister grow up wasn’t easy. He was learning it first hand with Marty, who had transformed from the thirteen year old with braces and an awkward smile to a graceful young lady that was already much smarter than John would ever be. She’d be a senior this year, and then she was going off to college to study astrophysics and change the world. She was steadily changing from his kid sister to his ally and confidant, his second-in-command when they were watching the other kids. And while it was nice to have someone else to help, he missed her shy requests for advice on wooing boys or creating course schedules or surviving high school.

He’d eventually have to deal with all of them growing up, but it was inevitable. He just didn’t like to dwell on it.

“Think I’m gonna head home, too,” Hercules said, stretching. “Maybe go by the store and buy some tequila or something.” He’d just turned twenty-one. “Have a good night.”

John turned to Alex, who was staring up at the sky, face blank. “You wanna spend the night at my place? Dinner will be provided.”

“Well in that case...” He smiled at John and pulled out his phone. “Need to text George and let him know so he doesn’t call in the SWAT team when I don’t come home.”

John hadn’t come home for several days once. Henry hadn’t even noticed.

They walked back to the Laurens’ property and headed inside. Mary Eleanor ran into the foyer as soon as the door shut and threw her arms around John’s leg. She was the youngest of the children at four years old.

“Jacky,” she chirped happily. John scooped her up and she grinned, hugging him around the neck.

“Hey, kiddo. Were you waiting up for me?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Want a nest.”

“Didn’t I just build you one yesterday?”

Mary Eleanor pouted. “James took it apart.”

John was going to have to talk to him about that later. “Tell you what, we’ll make another one after dinner and we won’t let James near it. How’s that sound?”

“Good!” She looked over his shoulder. “Hi, ‘Lex.”

“Hey, Polly.”

“Wanna make a nest with us?”

John opened his mouth to explain that Alphas didn’t typically build nests, but then Alex said, “Sure.” John pointedly ignored the little jump his heart did.

Marty appeared in the doorway. Her hair was pulled back into a frazzled bun and a couple of strands had fallen form it. Her cheeks were a little more flushed than normal, and she’d swapped her contacts for her thick glasses, which had slid down the bridge of her nose. “Glad you’re home, Jack. I need your help with dinner. I’m -” She glanced down. “I’m struggling.”

John put Mary Eleanor down and kissed the top of her head before following Marty into the kitchen, Alex trailing a little ways behind. “What’s wrong?” he asked her.

“I need to make the sauce _and_ cook the chicken, and the water's about to boil, but I can't leave anything on the burner without stirring it because it'll burn. And I haven't even started on the bread yet, because I forgot which cheese to use.”

“Got it. I'll take care of the bread and the sauce if you want to take over the chicken and pasta?”

Marty nodded, and they got to work. He caught Alex's eye and smiled, a little apologetically. He shrugged, sitting at the bar and watching. “Maybe I'll finally learn how to cook if I watch you,” he joked.

“You can cook.”

“Sure. In the microwave.”

John chuckled and got cheese out of the fridge, and a knife. “Where are the other kids?”

“Grounded in their rooms.”

John sighed. “What’d they do?”

Marty glanced at Mary Eleanor, who was climbing into the barstool next to Alex. Then she leaned closer to John and whispered, “James called Junior a douchebag and then Junior tried to swing.”

John shook his head. “I’ll talk to them later tonight.” He dropped a kiss to her head. “They won’t hate you forever.”

She smiled. “Stop reading my mind. Now tell me what the sweet hell I’m supposed to be doing.”

John smirked at her, washing his hands and starting a base for the sauce before pulling out the bread. “Mama used a mixture of mozzarella and provolone. She layered it, but it’s easier to mix the cheeses together before putting them on the bread.” He buttered the loaf and added garlic, then put the cheese on top. He put the bread in the oven and checked on the sauce. “Sauce is easy. Heavy cream, butter, garlic, parmesan, a bit of provolone, salt, pepper.”

“Butter?” Alex asked. “ _With_ cream?”

“Says the one who claims that he can’t cook.”

“I’m just saying.” He held up his hands.

“Makes it richer,” John said. He noticed that Marty was stirring the boiling pasta and the chicken. “When did you put the noodles in?”

“About a minute ago?”

John flipped the heat off and put the lid on the pot. “Remember that trick I taught you about pasta?”

“It’s done when it sticks to the wall?”

“The other one.”

She shook her head, reaching blindly for the pepper. John handed it to her.

“You can let the pasta boil for a minute then remove it from the heat, cover it, and let it set for however long the box says to cook it. Frees up a hand.” He looked at the pan with the chicken and grabbed the bottle of olive oil. “Add a little more.”

Marty leaned against him and rested her head on his bicep. “What am I going to do when you go off to college again this fall?”

“I’ll miss you too, Mars.”

He was to go back to Columbia come late August. He and Alex were both going to be sophomores, although Alex had been doing a couple of summer courses so he could graduate early and go on to get his graduate degree in English.

Maybe John would take some courses next summer, too. Work his ass off so he could graduate as quickly as possible, get his law degree sooner than expected, and start working his way up.

Twenty-five years ago, no one would have ever dreamed that an Omega would even be permitted to become a lawyer, or an engineer, or anything, really. There were specialized 'Omega colleges' that offered half-assed courses in random fields of study that made absolutely no sense. Omegas would graduate with a certificate instead of a degree, and only be offered entry-level jobs with no hopes of advancement. Even now, the chances of receiving promotions were slim to none, but at least the opportunity was there.

John would just have to work really hard to get it.

Alex was up against his own odds, too. He was a bastard orphan from the Caribbean. No one took him seriously for the first twelve years of his life, save for the Washingtons and himself, of course. Then, when his scent gland developed and he was branded an Alpha, everyone was surprised because there was _no way_ that Alexander Hamilton, the scrappy, lanky kid who cried during thunderstorms, was an _Alpha_. He'd spent the past seven years of his life fighting against the prejudice and labels that came with his biology.

John felt like he'd always known Alex was an Alpha. He was shorter and skinnier than average, sure, but he had a quick wit and high intelligence. And when he spoke, his eyes lit up with passion and fire that made John's chest ache. Alex could manipulate the English language on a whim, command a room with a few simple words that maybe wouldn't have as much meaning if Alex hadn't been the one holding the pen. Alex's physique might not have given him away, but his mind did.

Or maybe John was just in love.

“John says you’re the bestest,” he heard Mary Eleanor inform Alex conversationally. He stared down at the sauce, feeling his cheeks redden. He hadn’t told anyone about his feelings for Alex, but apparently Mary Eleanor had picked up on them.

“Oh yeah? Well don’t tell him I said this, but I think _he’s_ the bestest.”

Mary Eleanor giggled and John rolled his eyes.

“I drawed a picture in preschool today, ‘Lex.”

“You _drew_ a picture,” Marty corrected her. “Jack, is the chicken-?”

He looked over at it and cut into one of the bigger pieces with the spoon. “Yeah, it’s pretty much done. Just let it simmer for a minute. The sauce is done, too, and the pasta has about two and a half minutes left. I’m going to get the boys.”

John returned with James and Junior a couple of minutes later. They’d had a talk, and the boys would be on their best behavior throughout dinner. The food itself was a very big hit - even Mary Eleanor, who was notoriously picky, claimed that it was the best thing she’d ever tasted.

After the meal, James and Junior volunteered to do the dishes. Marty went outside to stargaze, and Mary Eleanor dragged John and Alex up to her room, chattering excitedly.

“Want it to smell like you and Marty and Junior and ‘Lex. Not James, though.”

John looked over his shoulder at her as he pulled blankets from the closet. “You want it to smell like Alex?”

She nodded, and Alex shrugged, taking off his shirt. John took it from him wordlessly, going back to his own room and grabbing a blanket as well as a t-shirt, which he handed to Alex. John removed one of Junior’s extra pillows from his bed and the extra throw Marty kept on her bed in cases like these.

With the help of Alex, who had never really built a nest before, they got to work. Pillows went on the bottom, followed by a couple of layers of blankets, then the scented items, and then another blanket and finally a sheet. Mary Eleanor curled up on top of it, yawning and stretching out, taking the teddy bear John handed her. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead before checking to make sure her nightlight was on and leaving, making sure the door stayed cracked.

“Your nests are easily the most comfortable,” Alex said when they were on the couch. James and Junior were back in their rooms. Marty was still outside. “I mean, it’s not a surprise. You’ve gotten a lot of practice in over the years.”

“Yeah.” John found himself looking at the overmantel of the fireplace that they never lit anymore. Mama’s picture used to hang there. Henry had taken it down the day she died. It was because of her that he knew how to make decent nests. It was because of her that he knew how to cook, how to take care of the kids, how to do the laundry. Everything that he’d done for his family, he’d learned from her.

“You do a great job here,” Alex said, as if he’d read his thoughts. “They all really look up to you. They respect you, respect your authority.”

“I’m not the head of the house.”

“You might as well be.”

“But I’m an Omega.”

“So? That didn't stop you from applying to Columbia or signing up for eighteen credit hours in your first semester. And it didn't stop you from punching that asshole in the face last winter for trying to grab Eliza's ass. Or standing up to your professor when he gave you an unfair grade on your paper. And it isn't stopping these kids from following you. You may be an Omega, John, but I have no doubt you'd be a great leader if the world gave you half a chance.”

John swallowed. “Alex...”

“I know it's unheard of, but if anyone's going to change things around here, it's you. If anyone can convince someone to change their policy, it's you.”

“You _are_ the bestest,” John said, moving over to him and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Aww, thanks.”

John glanced back at the empty overmantel. “You think she’d be proud?”

“I think she’d be astounded by how well you’ve taken over.” Alex rested his cheek on top of John’s head and took one of his hands, playing with it lightly. “Especially since you’ve practically raised Polly and James both. I just wish your dad wasn’t such a dick to you.”

“I think it wouldn’t have been as bad if I’d been born a girl,” John murmured, looking down at their hands. “Because he’s sexist as hell, too. But when Mama was still alive... he kept it to a minimum.”

It had been four years. Sometimes it felt like an eternity had passed. Others, it felt like it happened yesterday.

They lapsed into silence until Mary Eleanor came downstairs a few minutes later, complaining of a nightmare. She wanted comfort from both of them.

“Stay with me,” she begged when John tucked her into her nest. “Bad dreams don't come if I'm not alone.”

John and Alex exchanged a glance, then climbed into the nest. Mary Eleanor slept soundly for the rest of the night, sandwiched between the two boys.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to get a lot... darker. Let me know if any of the tags need to become archive warnings!  
> Warnings: Mentions what is basically socially accepted rape. There's also active underage drinking and drug use.

Chapter 2

 

 **J** ohn paced the floor. Marty watched him from her spot on the couch, openly concerned. Mary Eleanor was curled into her side, teddy bear clutched to her chest, a frown on her face. She didn’t know what exactly was going on - no one did - but she knew that the collective mood certainly wasn’t positive. Even James, who was usually absorbed in his laptop or phone, was watching the television with a grim look on his face. Junior was on hold with their father.

“And that’s all he said?” John asked, running a nervous hand through his hair. “ _Watch for news?_ ”

“That’s all he told us,” Marty said. “We’re just as in the dark as you are, Jack.”

“Dad? It's Junior We got your text, what's -” Junior paused, face scrunched up a little as he listened. “So there's no way you could -” An eyeroll. “Sorry, sir, you're right. It _would_ be bad for your reputation if you demanded answers . . . Okay. I'll tell them . . . Yeah, bye.” He hung up and looked over at the group. “He has no clue. All he can say for certain is that the federal government is making a decision about how to deal with the population crisis. They're going to make an official report as soon as it's done.”

John nodded, finally sinking into the couch cushions. He'd figured that the ominous text meant that someone had died, or that the country was on the brink of a coup. The population crisis wouldn't affect his family. “They're probably going to offer assistance to those who'd have trouble carrying or supporting children. Or make a statement that glorifies pregnancy.”

“Probably.” Marty was relaxing, too. Mary Eleanor had started playing with her teddy bear. Even James was going through his phone again.

John leaned back and watched the reporter.

An hour passed.

Two hours.

Three.

He spent the time texting in the group chat – mainly getting onto Alex for changing the name from _General Nerds_ to _Spiciest Memelords (not John Because His Memes are Trash and Alex is the True Meme King) by Fallout Boy_.

**HamFam: Suck it Laurens**

**JLaw: I just came here to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked rn**

**HamFam: ^^^!!! This is why!**

**JLaw: And after I invited you into my home and fed you dinner.**

**HamFam: Dinner** _ **was**_ **pretty good**

**Lancelot: What did you have?**

**JLaw: Pasta. Mama's recipe.**

**SewNotIntoYou: Sounds like heaven**

**JLaw: Are you watching tv?**

**HamFam: Yup. Keeping an eye on the news**

**Lancelot: Not particularly worried**

**JLaw: Me neither. Why are my memes trash?**

**HamFam: They're old and outdated.**

**HamFam: John did you seriously just text me a picture of a golden Pepe?**

**HamFam: You think this will appease the mighty Meme Gods?**

**SewNotIntoYou: Are these the same gods who'll let you paint the sky when you die?**

**HamFam: Yes**

**HamFam: They are not pleased John**

**JLaw: Are you their prophet or something?**

**HamFam: Yes. And they demand a sacrifice**

**JLaw: Please no my wife is pregnant**

**SewNotIntoYou: Is that the Winnie the Pooh meme?**

**SewNotIntoYou: Misquoted, first of all**

**SewNotIntoYou: And it's not funny out of context**

**JLaw: Sorry I'm not good enough for you guys now**

**Lancelot: (Teleports behind you) Nothin personal kid**

**JLaw: ^^^ !!!!!!!!!!!**

**HamFam: No that one was okay**

**JLaw: But it was taken out of context and doesn't make sense!**

**HamFam: Don't be a baby Laurens**

**HamFam: Such an epic fail**

**JLaw: Much sadness**

**HamFam: I'm so done with this.**

John chuckled and started typing out a reply when the reporter began to speak.

“ _We've just received word that a verdict concerning the population crisis has been reached. President Aquitaine is issuing a statement now._ ”

The television cut to the president, standing at a podium. He wore a practiced expression of neutrality.

“ _Fellow Americans._ _My congressmen, cabinet members, and I have decided that the best way to fight population decline is to encourage population growth._ ”

“Here we go,” John muttered.

“ _So on Friday, June sixteenth, all unbonded Omegas will report to their local designated military hospitals for emergency breeding. Any who fail to do this will be punished to the fullest extent of the law._ ”

John's blood ran cold. Marty and Junior gasped. James dropped his phone. It fell to the floor with a thud. Mary Eleanor looked at everyone, then at the television, confused.

“ _Mr. President, are you concerned that some Omegas are going to try to escape the country?_ ”

“ _Not at all. We have immigration officers on the job in case someone tries to run._ ”

“ _Mr. President, what will happen to the Omegas who refuse this?_ ”

“ _Unfortunately, they will be taken into police custody and charged with the act of willfully putting the country in danger. No more questions. Thank you._ ”

John swallowed several times, then promptly ran to the bathroom and threw up until there was nothing left.

Marty was there by his side in an instant, rubbing his back as he puked into the toilet. She didn't say anything.

He washed his mouth out and took deep breaths. He let her lead him back to the couch. Mary Eleanor crawled into his lap, hugging him around the neck. He hardly felt it. He hardly noticed Marty sitting next to him and taking his hand. He hardly noticed Junior on the phone. He hardly noticed James getting up and coming back with a glass of water.

John hardly noticed any of this as his vision darkened.

All he noticed was the shallowness of his breath, the pounding of his heart, the cacophony of voices and words in his head.

 _Emergency breeding. Punished to the fullest extent of the law. By June 16_ _th_ _. Emergency breeding. Designated military hospitals. Immigration officers. Emergency breeding. Unbonded Omegas. Emergency breeding. Emergency breeding. Emergency breeding._

 _No,_ he thought. _I can't be bred. I'm still in school. I can't juggle school and a baby. Dad would be pissed if I had a kid before bonding. How can I become a lawyer if I have a child that needs diaper changes and food all the time? Who would help me raise it?_

And then, _I don't want to be a parent yet._

_I don't want to be a parent if it's not my decision._

_This isn't my decision._

_They're taking away my decision._

_I have no decisions._

“ _I really am just my biology._ ”

Hands. Hands on his face. Hands in his hair. He didn't like it.

“Stop,” he groaned.

“Open your eyes, Jack,” a voice whispered.

“Marty?” He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. The darkness gave him a feeling of security.

“Yes. Open your eyes.”

John's eyes cracked open and Marty sighed, trying for a smile but not quite getting there. They stared at each other for a few moments. Then John let out a sob and she was pulling him into her arms as he cried.

“They can't do this.” His voice was muffled by her shirt.

“ _Shh_ , Jacky.” Marty ran her fingers through his hair. “I'm here. We're here. Junior's trying to get a hold of Dad right now. We'll figure something out.”

He let himself believe the lie and nodded.

“John!”

His head whipped around at the sound of Lafayette. He ran over to John and fell to his knees, wiping his tears away. “Oh, _mon ami_. They can't do this to you.”

Adrienne placed her hand on John's shoulder. “I'm so sorry.”

He sniffled and rubbed his face. He looked up. His hazel eyes locked with deep brown ones that were lined with exhaustion and horror. Alexander. His Alexander.

“Alex.”

Alex crossed the room so quickly it would've been comical if not for the situation. He sat on John's other side, hugging him tightly. “John. Oh, John. They can't do this to you. I won't _let them_ do this to you.” He took a shuddering breath. “I'll write an essay. I'll write a _thousand_ essays and send them into every newspaper in America. I'll use Washington's name and get into galas and dinners and convince the higher-ups that this is wrong. I'll kill the fucking president myself.” He held John's face in his hands, forcing him to meet his eyes. “You will not be bred like an animal, John. Not if I have anything to do with it.”

That comforted John much more than it should have. He leaned back into Alex and listened to his racing heart.

Hercules arrived a couple of minutes later. “People are losing their minds,” he said. “ _Fifteen_ riots have broken out in the last twenty minutes.”

“Not exactly helping with the population problem,” John said.

“I'm not going to rest until you're safe, John,” Alex said.

“Jacky?”

They all turned to see Junior He was unnaturally pale.

“Dad will be home tomorrow so he can talk to you about this.”

John nodded mutely. Grabbed Alex's hand. Alex gave him a squeeze.

Mary Eleanor came back into the room with her security blanket. She wordlessly gave it to John.

He almost started crying again.

Marty nudged him further into Alex’s arms and stood. “Come on, Mary Eleanor. Let’s help make Jack feel better!”

John’s phone went off. He ignored it, tucking his head against Alex’s shoulder. But then his phone wouldn’t fucking _stop_. He fished it out of the crevice of the couch cushions - when had it fallen? - and swiped to answer without checking the ID. “Hello?” God, his voice sounded like shit.

“John, did you see the news?”

“Yes, I saw the news.”

“God, what the actual fuck! Who does Aquitaine think he is? I’ll put a goddamn bullet in his head, so help me God, I’ll convince my dad to hire a hitman -”

“Mimi.”

“You sound horrible.”

“Mimi.” His voice broke. “Mimi, I’m scared.”

An inhale on the other end of the line. It sounded shaky. “I am, too. God, John, what are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know.” Tears blurred his vision once again. “I don’t know, Mimi.”

Alex gently pried the phone away from him. “Mimi, we’ve gotta go. Call us if... Just keep in touch.” Then he hung up. His own phone started ringing a second later. Marty and Mary Eleanor came back downstairs with blankets and pillows, which they began to spread out on the floor. Alex looked over at them, then at his phone. “It’s Frannie.” He answered it. “Hey... Yeah, he’s with me... Okay, okay, yeesh.” He handed the phone to John. “She wants to talk to you.”

“Oh my God baby, are you okay?” she said as soon as John mumbled a greeting. “I called your phone but it was busy and I got really worried and it’s so good to hear your voice. Is everything okay?”

“I think I’m going into shock. Everything’s like... really numb.”

“I know. I know, baby.” She sighed. “ _God_ , John. Do you want me to come home now?”

“No,” John said. Alex stole a blanket from the pile and draped it over John’s shoulders. “No. Stay in West Virginia. Keep working. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”

“Call me if you need anything. At all. Ever. I mean it. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Fran.” He hung up and handed the phone to Alex. It started ringing before he could take it back. John shook his head. “I don’t think I can-”

Alex took the phone and pressed a button on the screen, pulling John close. “He’s okay, Eliza,” he said. “At least, as okay as he can be... No, I don’t think... Betsey, I’m not - he’s just in... Hi, Angelica... John’s okay. He’s with me... He’s scared, okay!” His voice rose to an angry, panicked shout. “He’s scared and in shock and miserable and he doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now!”

John hated it when Alex rose his voice in anger. It made him sound too much like all of those Alphas who would throw around their Threatening Alpha Tone in high school. He shuddered, closing his eyes tightly. This wasn’t how he imagined spending his day.

He just wanted it all to stop.

“Alex,” Lafayette snapped. “Volume.” He crossed over to them and took John into his arms, lifting him with ease. “You need to be careful with him. He’s fragile.”

 _Fragile_.

John squirmed until Lafayette put him back on the ground. He looked at the nest that Marty and Mary Eleanor had made just for him. He looked at Alex, who was watching him warily- _everyone_ was watching him warily. Like he was a dying animal. It made him sick.

He turned on his heel and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of Henry’s beer, then marched up the stairs. He heard them calling out for him, but ignored their voices. He went into his room and locked the door. He just wanted it to go away. He just wanted it to stop. The fear was clawing at his stomach, threatening to tear him open. The government had decided what was going to be done with his body. Fuck them. Fuck everyone. Fuck everything.

He opened the bottle and took a long drink, then rooted in his drawer for his pot. He never smoked in the house - Marty would have his ass if she knew he smoked at all, but this was an emergency. He opened the window and rolled the joint, lighting it and taking a long drag. He didn’t want his little siblings to know he did any of this. They’d be so ashamed of him.

He took another drag, another swig. If he could forget _why_ he was upset, then he would no longer _be_ upset. That was logical, right? Of course, he wasn’t going to get wasted enough off of one bottle of beer and one joint, but it was a start. Maybe he could call an old friend from high school, convince him to get him some cocaine. He got sicker than a dog on cocaine - he’d only done it once in his junior year - but it would fuck him up enough. He could escape.

_Like Dad did?_

He froze, bottle halfway to his lips. When Mama died, Henry had turned to whiskey. He’d come home later and later each night, drunk off of his ass. After about a month, John had had enough and convinced Mr. Washington to talk some sense into him. He stopped drinking so much after that, but if he hadn’t...

Alcoholism _did_ run in the family.

There was a knock on the door. “John? Can I come in?”

Alex.

John looked at the bottle. He’d tried to drink his problems away multiple times before. The first time, he had woken up the next morning with a woman in his bed. Even though he’d known he was gay.

He’d made several other mistakes when he drank in a bad mood. But he still hadn’t learned.

“John, I know you can hear me. I don’t want to have to pick the lock, but I will. Listen, I know you’re scared. We are too. But don’t shut us out. We can-”

John opened the door and stepped aside. Alex looked at him, shocked, before coming inside. John shut the door behind him and handed him the beer. “I can’t do this,” he said.

“We’ll come up with something.”

John shook his head. “No. I can’t do _this_.” He gestured to the bottle. “I can’t become my father. I can’t do what he did.” He took another drag then put the joint out on the window sill and shoved it back into his bag, stashing it in his drawer. “I can’t do that to them.”

Alex set the bottle on John’s desk and pulled him into a hug. “We’re all here for you,” he said softly. “We all love you, John. We’ll work together. We’ll figure this out.”

“I can’t go,” John said. “Not with the kids. Not with my schoolwork. Not with the soup kitchen. God, they’ll need volunteers now more than ever.” He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. “I can’t go.”

Alex joined him. “Come downstairs. The girls’ll be pretty upset if you don’t at least try out the nest they built you. Get some rest.” He coaxed John into looking at him and wiped away tears that he didn’t realize he’d shed. “We can’t plan when we’re exhausted.”

John stood and walked into the bathroom, scrubbing at his hands and brushing his teeth. Then he went down the steps. Marty was waiting for him at the bottom, and she pulled him into a tight hug. He held her, closing his eyes and committing the feel of her in his arms to memory.

“We’ll die before we let them take you,” she promised him, kissing his cheek.

“No. You’ll keep the kids safe.”

“Jack-”

“I’m not going without a fight, Marty. But if I can’t get out of this. If I...” He couldn’t finish. “Swear it. Swear you’ll look after them for me. Just keep them alive, keep them out of trouble.”

Tears were streaming down Marty’s face. “You’re all I have,” she whimpered.

John kissed her forehead, hugging her again. “Please.”

“I-I promise.”

He curled up in the nest and Alex lay next to him, Mary Eleanor on his other side and then Marty. Everyone fell into place and John tucked his head under Alex’s chin as Alex rubbed his back.

John didn’t sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love the good ol' government, huh?  
> What'd you think? Let me know!  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the comments and kudos!  
> (No real warnings here, just Henry Laurens being.... Henry Laurens.)

Chapter 3

  
  


**H** enry Laurens arrived early the next morning.

John and Alex sat up as soon as they heard the door open. Henry walked into the room and paused for a moment, taking in the mass of bodies sprawled out in the giant nest in the middle of floor. To his credit, he only nodded once at the boys and walked into the kitchen. John stood and followed him, Alex close behind.

Henry brewed a pot of coffee, helping himself to a mug and then sitting down at the table, smoothing out yesterday’s newspaper. He’d never looked so old.

John stared at him and for an instant, he was four years old again, asking his father why everyone was so worried about a bug, why everyone was so scared, why _he_ was so scared. “Dad,” he whispered.

Henry’s shoulders sagged and he ran a hand through his thinning hair. “John-”

“Mr. Laurens,” Alex cut in, “you have to get John out of this. You can use your name, or bribe people into letting him leave the country. We could go to the Caribbean. I’m fluent in French, and I could teach John-”

“Mr. Hamilton.” The finality in his voice as he held up a hand to silence him made John’s heart still. “That’s enough. I’ve done everything in my power. No one is willing to overturn the decision. This is out of my hands.”

“Out of your-” Alex spluttered. John looked down at his feet. He was missing a sock. “No,” Alex finally said. “ _No._ You have prestige. You have _power._ You have more money than you know what to do with! You have _everything_ you need to save him!” His voice cracked. “Please. Don’t let them take John. I’m begging you.”

“John,” Henry said. “John, I’m so sorry.”

“If you were _sorry_ , you wouldn’t have given up!” Alex stepped in front of John, holding himself straighter.

Henry stood. “Do you realize what’s at stake here? The fate of our country.”

“If _this_ is how our country reacts to a crisis, then maybe it deserves to fail!”

“If I speak out publicly-”

“You’ll maybe be able to knock some sense into someone-”

“I’ll lose my job-”

“ _You’ll lose your_ _ **SON**!_ ”

John put his hands on Alex’s shoulders. He was shaking. They both were.

Henry looked taken aback. “If I lose my job, I can’t provide for this family. I’ll lose... _everything_.”

“But you have no problem with losing me,” John whispered. It was too much. It was all too much. The news, the realization that he was going to be forced to - to  _breed_ , the setting in of his reality, and now the fatal sting of his father’s rejection.

John burst into tears.

He felt pathetic as he buried his face in his hands, hiding from Henry as he wept. Alex wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a bone-crushing embrace, murmuring soft, futile words of comfort.

When he got a hold of himself, he looked up to see Henry watching him with an expressionless face. It faltered slightly when their eyes locked.

“You know what?” Alex draped an arm over John’s shoulders and steered him away. “You don’t have to take this. You’re coming home with me.”

“I can’t break the law, Mr. Hamilton.”

Alex turned to him, puffing his chest out slightly. “No. You _can_ break the law just like I _can_ break your jaw. It's a matter of choice.”

Henry let out a low growl, but the two were already upstairs.

John packed changes of clothes and some blankets into his bag. Alex gathered up some of his art supplies, putting them in another bag.

“Jack?”

They both looked up to see Marty standing in the doorway.

“I have to -” John began.

“I know.” She hugged him. “I love you so much, Jack.”

“I love you, too.” He inhaled shakily. “Take care of Mary Eleanor for me.”

“I will.” She pulled away. “Let me help pack.”

Ten minutes later, John and Alex were at the front door. Lafayette and Adrienne had already gone back to the Washingtons' to explain the situation. Hercules had accompanied them.

“Take me with you,” Mary Eleanor pleaded, holding onto John's leg.

“I can't, kiddo. You'll be fine here, with Marty and Junior. They'll take really good care of you.”

She shook her head. “Who's going to build me nests?”

“Marty knows how.”

“It's not the same!”

“Then you can teach her.”

“John.”

He looked up as his father entered the room, arms crossed.

“I'm sorry you're reacting so childishly,” Henry said.

“It's not childish to be irritated with the fact that dead people have more bodily autonomy than me,” he shot back, picking up Mary Eleanor, kissing her several times, and placing her in his arms. “Good luck running the place. Alpha.”

He walked out of his home, Alex right beside him.

“We'll figure something out, John,” Alex promised. “We always do.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. I'll be posting a oneshot that's canon with this AU tomorrow, though, so be on the lookout for that!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of socially accepted rape.  
> Also, John isn't in the best place right now. Understandably so.

Chapter 4

  
  


**T** hey hadn’t figured anything out.

Lafayette, Adrienne, and Hercules hadn’t left since they’d come over. They all exchanged, and shot down, idea after idea.

When everyone else slept, Alex and John stayed awake with the aid of coffee, energy drinks, and sheer willpower. Alex typed countless essays. John sketched out escape plans, but hourly updates about the strengthening of defenses and the increasing number of Omegas being caught crushed each and every one.

On the eve of the 15th, he dropped his pen.

Lafayette and Adrienne were asleep in Lafayette’s old room. Hercules was asleep in the guest room.

Alex was nursing another cup of coffee. He hadn’t eaten in close to forty-eight hours. John could see the shaking in his hands as he typed, the exhaustion under his eyes. This wasn’t fair to him. This wasn’t fair to any of them.

“They’ll induce heat,” John said softly. He stared at his notebook. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Alex for this. “They’ll use pheromones on the Alphas. It might not- it might not-” He swallowed. “I don’t think it’ll hurt -”

“No,” Alex snapped. “Don’t you _dare_. Don’t you _dare_ think like that.”

“Marty will probably help me raise it. Henry will hopefully provide some kind of funds for his grandchild. I wouldn’t be totally alone.”

Alex shoved his computer off of his lap. “ _No_.” He fixed John with a glare. “Stop it. We’re not going to stop until we find a way to get you out of this!”

“I don’t see what we can do!”

“You won’t be bred against your will -”

“I can’t see a way to avoid -”

“ _I will not let anyone breed you against your will!_ ” Alex grabbed John’s arms and stared into his eyes desperately. He was on the verge of shattering. John reached for his face, reached for the stubble that had grown there, but stopped himself. He looked down, shoulders slumping. It was time to admit defeat.

“Alex.”

“No, John. We’re not giving up.”

“I’m -”

“We’re _not_ giving up.”

“I’m _unbonded_ , Alex. There’s nothing we can do.”

Alex froze. “John. What if you... What if you _weren’t_ unbonded?”

John shook his head at him. “I don’t - I’m _not_ -”

“But what if you bonded with someone?” His eyes had _that_ gleam in them. He had an idea.

John sighed. “Alex, there’s no one who’ll bond with me. Bonds are for life-”

“If you don’t consummate-”

“I’d still be tied to them for life. Not to mention it’s a huge risk. That’s bond fraud. That’s a serious crime. I can’t even _begin_ to imagine what the consequences would be in a case like this.”

“Someone who’s willing to take that risk-”

“Who the hell would be willing-”

“Me.”

John stopped short. “ _You_?”

Alex nodded. “I don’t give a damn about what might happen if we get caught. No risk is too large if it means that you’re safe.” He sighed. “But it’s gonna be a lot on your part. Because technically, _you’re_ the only one who has to be bonded for this to work. You’ll be tied to me, but I won’t be tied to you.”

“What do we tell the government when they ask us why I’m suddenly bonded to my college roommate?”

Alex shrugged. “That we’ve been in love for years and were planning to wait until after we graduate to bond, but this kind of forced our hands.”

This was a very big deal. John needed to spend time mulling it over, rethinking his options.

But he didn’t _have_ any other options. And being bonded to Alex was a better alternative than being shipped off to some facility and only released once he got pregnant or died.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Alex seemed surprised.

But John nodded. “What other choice do we have?”

Alex made a face. “Right. Um. Would it be more comfortable for you if you were, um, on the bed?”

John stood on stiff legs and lay back on the mattress. This felt wrong. Mechanical. Alex leaned over him and smiled awkwardly before lowering his face to John’s neck.

“Wait.”

Alex stilled.

“If we do this... We’ll still be friends, right? No matter what?”

“Of course.” Alex pulled away and met John’s eyes. “We’ll _always_ be friends.” A beat. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” John took a deep breath.

Alex once again lowered his face to John’s neck. His breath tickled John’s skin as he searched out his scent gland. John stared up at the ceiling. He felt Alex’s lips touch his skin. The sharp pain of teeth. He stiffened, clenched his jaw, eyes snapping shut as his heart pounded in his ears. Then the teeth were gone and Alex was kissing away the blood that bloomed on the surface.

He'd been told stories about bonding. That looking into his lover's eyes would give him feelings he'd never felt before, he'd be swept away in a sea of affection and love. But when Alex pulled away and gave him an uneasy smile, no such thing happened.

John didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved.

Instead he took a stab at humor. “Does this mean you're going to use your shitty Australian accent and call me _mate_ all of the time?”

Alex laughed. “Absolutely. You okay?”

John nodded, sitting up and touching his scent gland. It was sore. Rightfully so. “I'm fine.”

“Feel any... different?”

John shook his head. “Not really. Your scent's a little bit stronger, I think.” He inhaled a little and the word _home_ immediately came to mind. But Alex had always smelled like home to him. He smelled like home and ink and coffee and a little bit like cinnamon, which never made sense because Alex wasn't a baker.

“So you're safe now.”

John stood and grabbed his phone, opening the front camera and examining the bite. The little mark on his skin was supposed to mean everything. It meant nothing.

A part of him felt sick.

_It was our only option_ , he reminded himself. It didn't make him feel better.

“We need to prepare ourselves for the investigation,” John muttered, pulling himself away from the dangerous thoughts. “They’ll ask us weirdly specific questions that only mates should know the answers to.”

“We're mates.” Alex's voice sounded a little off when he said it. Then he shook his head sharply. “We'll be able to convince them easily. It's not like we're strangers. And we can deal with the questioning. We just need a backstory.”

John sat down on the bed. “Right. A backstory. How long have we been together?”

“Six months. But we've been dancing around each other since before we went to college.”

“Easy enough. Um, where do we go out for dates?”

Alex didn't miss a beat. “We always order takeout from either the Chinese place on Fifty-first or Thai on Elms. We get Chinese more often than Thai, because you have to be in the mood for Thai or else you don't like it.” All of that was technically true. Alex took his laptop and began typing. “I'm sure there's sample questions online for... Here we are. Here's a good one: _do your parents approve?_ My parents are dead.”

“My father didn't know until we bonded. He doesn't like you.”

Alex snorted. “When is your birthday? October twenty-eighth.”

“Yours is January eleventh. Who knows about the relationship?”

“All of our close friends. They'll all lie for us, I'm sure of it. We just wanted to keep it quiet because we knew your dad wouldn't approve, and we were going to wait to bond until you passed the Bar.”

“We were?”

“We wanted to have steady jobs so we could afford to hold a huge celebration.” Alex smiled. He'd been planning his ceremony since he was in the fourth grade, when they'd first talked about it in their history class. John remembered Alex showing him his sketches and notes. His heart hurt a little. Would this keep Alex from having that?

John took a breath, focusing on the task at hand. They could get divorced after the Protocol ended, Alex could find someone that he _really_ loved. “Are there any weird questions?”

He scrolled down the page. “Oh. Um, when was your last heat?”

“I take suppressors. So _years_ ago. We weren't together yet.”

“That's right. I remember you telling me about how your professor was confused as to why you hadn't taken your five days off each semester.”

“And I know you take suppressors for your rut, too. If you remember to.”

“How many children do we want?”

John looked down at his hands. Thought for a moment. “Well, we'd be waiting to have any until we both had steady jobs. And a house. I don't know how many I want to have.” He leaned back on the bed. Felt Alex's eyes on him. “We already have a huge family, with my siblings, and Frannie and Daniel and Lafayette. And then there's Hercules and Adri and the Schuylers because they're family, too. At least, to me.”

“Yeah, they're my family, too.”

“And I love them all, and having a lot of kids will only add to that. But I don't want my kids to become my only job, and having a bunch tends to do that.” John paused. “Is that wrong?”

“That you'd rather work and try to change the world instead of have fifteen kids like society expects you to?”

“Fair enough. I think I want three. Maximum. Just one or two would be fine with me.”

“I like two. It's an even number, and the kids won't outnumber the parents.”

John nodded. “Two it is, then.” _What would we name them, though?_ He didn't ask. That would be too much, and he figured that no one expected them to know the answer just yet. “What's my favorite color?”

“Green. What's mine?”

“Red. Not just any red. _Dark_ red, like a shade or so lighter than blood.”

“That's really morbid.”

“I'm not wrong.”

“No, you're not. Um...” More clicking as he looked through the page. “What was your mother's maiden name?”

“Ball. Yours was Faucette. And your father's last name was Hamilton, obviously.” John gave a half smile. “Rachel Faucette and James Hamilton.”

“What's your deepest fear? Yours is... being alone. Like truly alone.”

“And yours is being forgotten.”

There was a knock on the door and Lafayette entered, rubbing his eyes. “Morning.”

“Morning?” John echoed. “What time is it?”

“Three-thirty. Adrienne's still passed out. I think she's more worried about you than she -” He stopped and inhaled deeply. “John? You smell... different.” He looked at the man in question, eyes searching and finally falling upon his neck. “ _Mon dieu._ ”

“It was the only way,” Alex said.

Lafayette shook his head. “This is equal parts genius and idiotic. You _do_ realize that this changes everything about your dynamic?”

“It doesn't have to,” John said. “We're not going to consummate -”

“ _What?_ ”

“- and we're already roommates. It's not like this is a big step for us.”

“ _Non_ , it is a _monumental_ step! You two are _bonded_! For life!”

“I'd rather be bonded to Alex than forced to have children I don't want with someone I don't know!” John spat. Lafayette looked at him, eyes wide and concerned. He knew, John realized. He knew that he had feelings for Alexander. And that this was a little more complicated than everyone thought. “It was the only thing we could think of that wasn't guaranteed to end with us in prison.”

Lafayette sighed and sat down on the bed. “This is cruel to you, John.”

“I know.”

“Alex, you're cruel to John.”

Both John and Alex winced. “I made sure that he was okay with it before I bit him.”

“Yet you didn't let _him_ bite _you_.”

“Only the Omega needs to be bitten for this to work.”

Lafayette's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything else. Just pulled John into a hug and kissed the top of his head. “John, I don't know if this is the same for Omegas, but when Adrienne bit me, she became very attached right before her rut. She clung to me like a child. She did not let me leave her side.”

“Is this for every rut?”

“No, just the first one. And when it happened, she was insatiable. She could not get enough of me. I couldn't leave the room, or else she would become miserable.”

John swallowed. The heat or rut that immediately followed a bond was supposed to be ridiculously strong, as a way to reaffirm the relationship. No amount of suppressors could stop it. “Then I'm glad I didn't bite Alex. He won't have to go through it.”

“But _you_ will.”

“It's just one heat. It's not going to kill me.”

“When are you due for it?”

John looked at the calendar on his phone. It was harder to determine since he’d been on suppressors for so long. “Two weeks, I think.”

Alex looked stricken, like he hadn't considered any of that. John hadn't, either. “John,” he said, “I -”

“I'm safe now,” John said firmly. “That's what matters. If it gets too bad, I'll make Marty drive me to the heat clinic.”

Alex nodded and looked away briefly. John understood. As close as they were, this was new territory. It hadn't been discussed before.

When Adrienne and Hercules woke up, they explained the situation, which warranted roughly the same response.

Mimi texted John that she’d gotten out of the Protocol and was going up to Canada for the rest of the summer.

The head of the soup kitchen called and told him that they would be closed until further notice.

At around 8 in the morning, John's phone began to ring. It was Eliza.

He sure was popular this morning.

“Just checking in,” she said when he answered. “Any solutions?”

“Yeah, actually.” John excused himself and went out onto the back porch. “Alex bit me.”

He had to hold the phone back from his ear as the shrill “ _What?”_ came over the line.

“Yeah. I'm no longer unbonded.”

“Did you two -?”

“No. We're still just friends. Which reminds me, I need to ask you and your sisters to lie to the government for me.”

Eliza didn't say anything for a long time. “I'm sorry, John. This must be really hard for you.”

“I'll live. It beats the alternative. And as far as impromptu bondings for the sake of avoiding governmental tyranny go, Alex isn't the worst choice.”

The Schuyler sisters were in Italy for the summer, along with Eliza's mate, Maria. Eliza was an Omega, too, but she and Maria had bonded last year, in a huge ceremony that everyone attended.

John had tried to hate her when they'd met, because she was Alex's first girlfriend, but he couldn't. There was something about Eliza that he just couldn't bring himself to resent. Not to mention she'd helped him with Marty when some _girly_ issues arose. There wasn't a malicious bone in her body. John had nothing _to_ hate. And he hated that.

But when she and Alex broke up – after John helped Alex pick up the pieces of his broken heart – it was easier to get along. He also realized just how smart she was when, a year later, she confronted him about his feelings for Alex. At that point, John was so miserable after his _own_ breakup that he admitted it freely to her. She was the only person he'd told.

But apparently not the only one who knew.

“Do you want us to come home early?” Eliza asked.

“No, no, enjoy the rest of your vacation. I'll live. I promise.”

“You know to call me if you need anything, right?”

“Of course.”

They talked for a couple more minutes before he heard a throat clear behind him and turned to see Mr. Washington standing by the screen door.

“Hey, Eliza, I've gotta go.”

“Okay. Say hi to Marty for me.”

He hung up and faced the man in front of him. “Sir.”

“Alex told me what happened.”

“Oh.” What else could he say?

“He tried to tell me that you two have been together for the past six months. I don't believe him, and said as much.”

“Oh.”

He sat down at the patio table and gestured for John to join him. After just a moment, he did. “I'm sorry that this is what it's come to,” George said. He was a lawyer. He had his own firm. He'd studied political law in college and got high marks on everything. John was terrified. “I'm not fond of lying. You've known me for long enough to know that.”

“I do, sir.” He was going to report him. And then Alex was going to go to prison and John was either going to prison with him or to one of the breeding facilities the government had erected in the past three days.

“But as much as I hate dishonesty, I hate this new policy more. So your secret is safe with Martha and me.”

John let out the breath he'd been holding in, shoulders relaxing in relief. “Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.”

Mr. Washington nodded. “If you need a lawyer, or if your father becomes an issue, you can always come to me.”

John went back to Alex's bedroom and sat down next to his new mate – _ha_ – who was furiously typing again. “New essay?”

“Just because we've gotten you out of it doesn't mean everyone else is in the clear.”

John nodded, picking up his notebook and a pen. He'd been saved. Now it was time to work on saving everyone else, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what'd you think? Let me know!  
> Also, send me asks and headcanons and stuff on my tumblr! I love hearing from people!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Henry being Henry.

Chapter 5

  
  


**J** ohn went home on the sixteenth. He stared at the large front doors, the brass knocker. The doorknob hadn’t felt this heavy in years.

“You can always come live with us,” Alex said.

“I know.” John stepped inside. The floor was so white, so pristine. So were the walls. They’d always made John feel uneasy. Now, he felt absolutely ill.

Alex caught the look on his face as the door swung shut. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I do.” John swallowed and took a step forward. “The man’s only my father.”

Marty came into the foyer and hugged John. “I thought I heard someone come in.” Then she stilled. “Jack?”

“We need to talk, Mars.”

Her lips thinned and her eyes narrowed. She looked like her mother when she did that. “I guess we do.” She led both of them into her bedroom and locked the door. “Bond fraud, Jack? Really?”

“It’s not fraud,” Alex said. “John and I are in love.”

She gave him a look. “Bullshit.”

“No, we are. We’ve been together for six months.”

“I _know_ you two, stupid.” She ran a hand through her hair, then pulled it back. “You haven’t been together for six months. You’ve been together for three. You’re not comfortable enough to pass for six. Jack, you look miserable.”

“Just not looking forward to the impending conversation with Dad.”

“Me, neither.” She sat down on the bed. “How are you going to explain that Alex isn’t bonded?”

“We weren’t going to bond until after we graduated. And _I’m_ the one who was going to get shipped off, so it made sense that only I was bitten. We can have a full ceremony later.”

“Will you be getting bitten again?”

John thought for a moment, then nodded.

“That’s believable enough. Look, Dad's been getting calls from all kinds of people. Omegas all over the country are bonding with someone. The BIB is going to _grill_ you.”

“I know, Marty,” John said. “But we've been living together for a year. We've been best friends for fourteen years. If there's anyone in the world who knows me like the back of their hand, it's Alex.”

“And John knows me better than I know myself,” Alex added.

She fixed him with a glare. “I know this was your idea. You'd better take care of him.”

“I always do, Marty.”

Marty huffed. “Well, Dad's probably wondering where we are. He heard you come in. The kids are still asleep, so be quiet.” She drummed her fingers on her thigh. She got fidgety when she was nervous. “Junior and I have been writing to our house representatives nonstop. James is leaving voicemails. We're trying so hard to get this overturned.”

“I love you, Marty.”

“I know.”

They walked into the dining room. Henry was drinking a cup of coffee, reading the paper. Alex took John's hand and squeezed it.

“John, I take it you're here to say goodbye...” He looked up, nostrils flaring slightly. His gaze dropped to their hands. “Explain yourself, John. Now.”

“I'm bonded to Alex.”

“Obviously.”

“We weren't going to tell you about it for a while, because the relationship's still relatively new. We've only been together for three months. And we were going to wait to bond until we graduated, but with the new policy, we decided to go ahead with it.”

Henry glowered at Alex. “You threatened to hit me.”

“My mate was going to be shipped off to a breeding facility and you didn't care.”

_His mate_.

John pushed the thought away.

“And I didn't _threaten_ you, I merely suggested that I possessed the ability.”

John rolled his eyes. “He gets it, Alex.” He looked over at Henry. “We would've invited you to the ceremony.”

Henry crossed his arms. “Why didn't you tell me you were with him?”

“Because I didn't think you cared one way or the other. You haven't exactly been present in my life, you know.”

His frown deepened at that. “I didn't know you were gay.”

_Case in point._ “I never told you. I know how you feel about it.”

“Then why are you with him?”

“Because I don't _care_ how you feel about it.” John felt anger boil in his stomach. This was _exactly_ why he hadn’t come out to him, why he hadn’t come out to _anyone_ until high school even though he’d always known.

“And what if I told you that I refuse to support this relationship? What if I told you that I wanted it to end?”

John clenched his jaw, then shook his head once. “I'd tell you that it doesn't matter. That what you think has no control over me anymore.” Henry needed to hear this. It’d been festering inside of him since the day his mother died, since the day he realized just how much he’d lost. “I'll never make you proud. You'll never point me out to any of your work buddies and say, _that's my son_. You'll never call me on Christmas or my birthday or tell me that you love me and that's _fine_. I've accepted it. I know you hate me because I've tainted the family bloodline, that you're mad because I'm an Omega and that makes you look bad. But I don't care anymore. It stopped hurting a long time ago. And now, I finally have something that makes _me_ proud. That makes me _happy_. Alexander Hamilton is my _mate_ and I love him more than _anything_ and I want to be with him for the rest of my life and he is mine and I will not let you _take that away from me_!” He took a shuddering breath.

Nobody said anything. Marty's arms were crossed over her chest and her wide eyes were on John. She knew now, too. She could always tell when John was lying. And he wasn't lying. Maybe she'd always known that he loved Alex.

Alex, who had a tight grip on John's hand. Alex, who was stepping closer and wrapping his arms around him from behind and pulling John back into him. Alex, who was kissing the side of John's head. He'd never kissed John before.

Henry stared at them, face emotionless. Then something flashed in his eyes – guilt, anger, sadness, regret? - and he heaved a sigh.

“I'll never agree with either of you. But if that’s how you really feel, it’s not like there’s anything I can do to keep you apart.”

John's shoulders sagged and Alex's grip on him only tightened.

“Where will you two be living?”

Neither of them said a word. They hadn't thought that far ahead. Were they expected to live together now? They already lived together in college. But over the summer?

“We hadn't given that much thought,” Alex admitted.

“I hope you don't plan on living in my house while you figure it out,” Henry said.

“Dad,” Marty snapped, aghast.

“I don't approve of this relationship. I don't like Mr. Hamilton and homosexuality is unnatural. John can stay here because this is his home, but Alexander cannot.”

And just like that, his father was back to normal.

“Now listen here -”

And so was Alex.

“Alex.” John turned around. “Don't worry about it. Let's go back to your place and figure something out.”

“But he -”

“Reacted better than I thought he would. Let's go.”

Alex shot Henry one last dirty look, which his father returned, before letting John drag him back to the Washingtons’. Marty followed.

“That was pretty good,” she said, falling into step with them. “Playing on his many failures as your father.”

John almost stumbled. This was the first time she had outwardly mentioned that Henry Laurens wasn't a good parent.

“Now we just need to convince the BIB,” Alex said.

“They're going to be tough,” Marty agreed. “You'll need to have a group of people willing to play along. Close friends. Does Lafayette know?”

“Of course. So does Hercules. George and Martha are going to play along, too. And I guess that means that Frannie and Daniel will be on board, because it'd be weird if they didn't know.”

“I thought Daniel was still in Scotland,” John said.

Daniel was four years older than John, and had become an international aid worker. He was helping a couple of local communities in Scotland after they'd suffered eight severe floods back in January.

“I guess so.” Alex shrugged. “Maybe George will mention that we're together if it comes up in conversation. Maybe Frannie, too, but she'd be harder to fool.”

“Frannie should know the truth,” John said. Frannie was his best female friend. He’d wanted to call her earlier, but she had so many other things to worry about. She was going to become a lawyer, like her father, but she was going to focus on social work and improving the foster system. When she wasn't studying or interning, she was volunteering at preschools and churches. When John was little, he'd had a huge squish on her. He still did.

“We'll tell her when she comes home, then.”

They sat at the kitchen table, quiet for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts.

John glanced at Alex and wondered if they'd be able to pull it off.

He didn't want to be the reason his dearest friend got arrested.

That meant that they couldn't let themselves be caught in the lie. They'd have to work pretty hard to make sure it didn't happen.

He reached over and took Alex's hand. Alex looked up, a little surprised, then smiled. John's heart flipped. He could feel Marty watching them. He knew that if he met her gaze, her eyes would be sympathetic and apologetic. He didn't want any of that. He wanted freedom.

And he was going to fight tooth and nail to get it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?
> 
> I AM working on a Halloween special, so stay tuned for that!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's fairly lighthearted.

Chapter 6

  
  


**M** rs. Washington came downstairs a couple of minutes later and greeted the trio before pouring herself a cup of coffee and asking if any of them wanted breakfast, frowning when they all declined.

“You can't plot on an empty stomach,” she said. “At least let me make you some toast, or something.

John relented. “Toast sounds kind of nice. Thank you.”

“No problem, John.” She was still in her pajamas, a cotton light pink shirt and matching pants, complete with slippers. “It's the least I can do for my fake son-in-law.”

She said it with good humor, but it gave John a bad taste in his mouth. Another reminder that the mark on his neck was meaningless, that someone out there viewed him as property and not as a human being.

 _Not these people, though_.

His sister – his _little_ sister who was already smarter than him and would only continue to thrive – was coming up with ways to convince the government that he and Alex were together. She loved him as much as he loved her. And she was putting her entire future at risk to help _him_ , her Omega brother, because she knew that the circumstances of his birth didn't define what he did and didn't deserve, and she knew he he didn't deserve this.

 _She wants to be an astrophysicist_ , he thought. _She wants to unlock the secrets of the universe. She wants to find proof of intelligent alien life. She can't very well do that from prison._

And Alex was taking an even bigger risk than her. If it got out that their bond was fake, he could kiss the New York Times goodbye. John wasn't going to pretend that Alex wasn't smart enough to have realized this - he always knew exactly what he was getting into. He was just arrogant and thought that he'd get away with everything. There was almost nothing that Alexander Hamilton couldn't either argue or bullshit his way out of.

John was terrified that this might be where the word _almost_ comes into play.

Mr. and Mrs. Washington had lives, had jobs. Mr. Washington had his firm. Mrs. Washington was an LPN. And they'd throw it away for him. His own father wouldn't risk that.

Lafayette wanted to be an artist. Adrienne was in school to be an osteopath. Hercules was interning for one of the top fashion designers in the country. Angelica was a business major. Peggy was only Marty's age – still just a highschool student, with a world full of possibilities ahead of her. Maria was studying to become a speech language pathologist. Eliza worked in a flower shop. They all had so much life, so much potential, so much that they wanted to accomplish.

It wasn't just John's future that would be in jeopardy if they were caught. It was all of theirs, too.

So he wouldn't get caught.

Mrs. Washington set a plate of buttered toast in front of him and touched his shoulder gently when he thanked her. “Did you tell your father?”

“Yes.”

“How'd he take it?”

“Better than I thought.”

Alex snorted. “He said he'd never accept our relationship. And then he said that I couldn't stay there anymore.”

“Polly's not going to be too happy about that,” Marty said. “She adores you.”

“She can always come over here. Any of you can. You're always welcome in our home. You're our family.”

“Martha,” Alex said to her, “John and I aren't really -”

“No way, I never would've guessed.” Sarcasm dripped from her voice. “The Laurenses have _been_ family for years. You know that.”

Marty smiled at that. John had been the one who spent the night most often, but Marty had come over all of the time, too. She used to follow Frannie around like a puppy, let her play with her hair and practice doing makeup on her. She was like her older sister. And when their mother had died, John knew she had called Mrs. Washington when she needed maternal advice that John couldn’t provide.

Alex stole a bite of John's toast and smirked when Mrs. Washington admonished him. “We're mates now. I can get away with it.”

“No you _cannot_ ,” John said, feigning irritation. “You had your chance to have some toast of your own. If you want any, you'll have to make it yourself.”

“Yes, dear,” Alex quipped, standing and walking into the kitchen, ruffling his hair as he walked by him. John lazily swatted at him, missing by an inch. Alex only laughed at that.

Marty shook her head. “You two are acting like an old bonded couple.”

“Isn't that the goal?” John asked, standing and taking his plate to the sink, arching a brow at Alex, who was leaning against the counter and drinking a cup of coffee. “You already had a cup this morning.”

“I'm still tired.”

“You're addicted.”

“There are worse things to be addicted to. At least I'm not on drugs.”

“I can't imagine you hooked on drugs,” John said. “You'd be even more of a mess than you are now.”

“That hurts my feelings.”

“Alex, just the other day you referred to yourself as a walking disaster and snapped at me for disagreeing.”

Alex simply pouted, which looked equal parts adorable and pathetic. John took the mug from his hand and took a drink, ignoring Alex's protest. “That's _mine_ ,” he whined, reaching for it. John danced back and took another drink. “You don't even _like_ coffee!”

“You stole my toast.”

“I stole one bite. You've drunk like half of the cup by now.”

“You're such a baby,” John teased, handing it back.

Mrs. Washington shook her head warmly at the boys from where she was stirring pancake batter. “You _are_ a mess, Alex. Don't even argue with him because you know it.”

“You're taking _his_ side?”

“In my defense, he's right.”

John laughed at that and went back into the dining room. Marty held out her hands. He took them in his own. “You gonna be okay with this?” she asked. Her voice was low.

He knew what she meant. “Hey, I've been hiding it for years.”

“Stakes are higher.”

“Good thing I love a challenge.” When she sighed, he knelt in front of her, like he used to when she was little, and pushed some stray hair out of her face. “If there's one thing I can count on, it's the fact that he's one of the most oblivious people I've ever met. He's not going to find out. He's just going to think I'm a good liar. Which, I guess, is something I've always been.” His voice had dropped to a whisper.

“For what it's worth,” she whispered back, “I don't think your feelings are as one-sided as you may believe.”

He shook his head. “Alex always speaks his mind. If he wanted me, he would've said as much by now.”

She just shrugged.

“ _Bonjour, Maman_ ,” Lafayette said from the kitchen. Marty's face lit up and she ran to greet him. John followed and watched her throw her arms around his friend enthusiastically. He hugged her back. “Marty, I didn't know you were here this morning.”

“I came over with Jacky and Alex. Where's Adrienne?”

“She's still getting dressed. How are you doing?”

“Pretty good. You?”

“Cannot complain, but the day is still young.”

“My God,” Alex said. “Laf, that's so depressing.”

Lafayette's brow furrowed and John could see the gears turning in his head as he replayed what he'd just said. “Oh. I guess it was.” He chuckled. “It’s been a very long couple of days. I meant that I'm in a good mood _and_ the day is still young.”

“The English language, am I right?” Marty said. Lafayette laughed.

“Indeed.”

Adrienne came downstairs and greeted everyone a little sleepily. “I do not know how you can like the mornings,” she said to Lafayette, kissing Mrs. Washington on the cheek. “ _Bonjour._ ”

“Morning, dear. Would some pancakes make you feel a little better?”

“Perhaps,” she said with a grateful smile.

Hercules entered the room and accepted Marty's kiss on the cheek. The sight made John's skin crawl a little and he felt an irrational urge to shove Hercules away. _They're_ friends, _dumbass. The only reason she's not this affectionate with Lafayette is because he's with Adrienne and Alphas don't like it when other Alphas kiss their mates._

_Brothers don't like it when their sisters kiss men, regardless of circumstance._

But Hercules wasn't interested in Marty like that. Some Alphas didn't mind dating other Alphas, but Hercules wasn't one of them. He preferred Omegas. And Marty wasn't dating. She was still just a kid.

She was going to be eighteen in November.

Alex nudged John's shoulder. “You look like you want to kill him,” he whispered.

John tore his gaze from Hercules, who was fortunately too busy talking to Marty to notice. She was telling him about her pending applications to Barnard, Berkeley, Charleston, CalTech, and Cambridge. “I don't think I'll get in,” she laughed when Hercules mentioned it. “Jacky made me. He thinks too highly of my intelligence. But my first choices are either Barnard or CalTech.”

“If you go to Barnard, you'll be closer to John,” Hercules said.

“I know. I'd visit him every single day. He'd get so sick of me.”

John would never get sick of Marty, but he wasn't going to say that. It'd embarrass her in front of the older, much more mature Hercules (who was honestly sometimes more of a child than Lafayette, the youngest of their friend group).

His phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket, not at all surprised to see that the caller was someone whose number he didn't recognize. He answered it. “Hello?”

“Hello. May I speak to John Laurens?”

“Speaking. How can I help you?” He stepped out onto the back porch. Alex followed a few paces behind.

“This is Dr. Geoffrey Brittany from Medford General Hospital. I was just calling to schedule an arrival time for you since you haven't done so already. We need to get everything sorted out, so when you _do_ arrive, we can get you on the right bus.”

“Bus?” He exchanged a confused look with Alex.

“Yes, so you can be transported to the appropriate breeding facility. Each Omega is assigned to a specific Alpha to allow for optimal genetic compatibility.”

“Oh.” He didn't know if that was better or worse than it just being someone random.

“So it looks like the earliest time we have is noon. If that doesn't work, we could do two o'clock or five o'clock. You'll also be needing a quick physical examination, so keep that in mind. Which one do you think you'll be making?”

“None of them.”

“Mr. Laurens, you are legally required -”

“I'm bonded.”

A beat. Then, “The database doesn't say you are bonded.”

“We haven't gotten registered yet.”

A deep sigh. The doctor had probably had this conversation a million times already. “I'm going to transfer you to someone who will take this information down. Please hold.”

John sat down at the patio table. Alex took the spot next to him. Cheesy hold music played for a couple of minutes.

“John Laurens?”

“Yes.”

“What is the name of your mate?”

“Alexander Hamilton.”

“When did you bond with him?”

“June fourteenth.”

“Are you aware that bonding for the sake of avoiding emergency breeding is considered fraud and if you two are found to be guilty, you both will be punished to the fullest extent of the law?”

“Yes.” He wanted to swallow, but figured that would be a telltale sign.

“Someone from the Bonding Investigations Bureau will be in contact with you shortly.” A click as they hung up.

John put his phone down and took a deep breath. “We can do this.”

“Of course we can.” Alex took his hand.

“We don't have a choice.”

“Not really, no. But we've got this. We know each other, remember? It's not like we're strangers.”

Mr. Washington came outside, eating a piece of bacon. “Morning, boys. Was that them?”

John nodded. “The BIB's gonna call and schedule an interview.”

“Then I guess you two had better start preparing. Get to know each other even more uncomfortably well than you already do.” He took a bite. “But none of that's going to happen on an empty stomach. Come inside. Eat some breakfast. And just toast and coffee doesn't count.” A pointed look at Alex.

John stood, pocketing his phone, feeling a bit of affection for Mr. Washington. He really loved and looked after Alex, even though it irritated the latter to no end. He always made sure he ate well and got at least a little bit of sleep. John was thankful for that. Alex had so many people that cared about him. He just refused to see it.

“Especially if it's only one bite,” John added as they went inside.

“Don't rat me out, man.”

“You mad, bro?”

Alex slowly turned to him. “Are you _serious_?”

“No, I'm John.”

“Not dad jokes, too! God, you suck!”

“Hey, be nice,” Hercules said through a mouthful of pancakes. “I don't want to have to break up a fight on a full stomach.”

“John's making bad jokes and quoting old memes again.”

Marty rolled her eyes. “Alex, your jokes are just as bad as his.”

“No they're not.”

“Yes, they are,” Adrienne said. “Just last week you told me that you'd gotten fired from your first job at a calendar factory because you'd taken a couple of days off.”

John laughed at that as Alex grabbed a plate. “That is pretty bad, Alex.”

“Yeah, yeah. At least I'm still the meme king.”

Marty shook her head at him, but his back was turned. “You'd be about as good of a king as George the Third.”

Adrienne and Lafayette set their silverware down to applaud her. She gave a little bow. Mr. Washington snorted at their antics and shared a knowing glance with Mrs. Washington, whose eyes glittered with amusement.

“What kind of family did I bond into?” Alex muttered under his breath. John beamed.

“A pretty damn good one, as long as you ignore the patriarch,” he whispered conspiratorially.

Alex chuckled and nudged him with his elbow.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what'd you think???


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I'm late! It was a really rough weekend and I've got this huge math test coming up...  
> Anyway, sorry about that.  
> This one's pretty dialogue-heavy.  
> No warnings that I can think of.

Chapter 7

  
  


**A** lex and John sat next to each other in the small office, looking at the figure seated in front of them. The nameplate said _William Poitiers_. The man had a permanently angry expression, with beady eyes and a downturned mouth. His face was cleanly shaven, and his suit was pressed and straight. He held himself with authority and purpose; his presence could be felt throughout the entire room. A Beta with the confidence and command of an Alpha. Very dangerous.

“John Laurens.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And Alexander Hamilton.”

“Yes.”

“Do you know why you're here today?”

“The government suspects us of bond fraud?” John guessed.

“Correct.” He crossed his arms. “Here's how this is going to work: I'm going to question you both. Then you'll be questioned separately. We'll look into your personal lives. Ask friends and family. Talk to neighbors. If something doesn't add up, you'll be questioned again. If things _still_ don’t add up, both of you, and anyone else found to be assisting you, will be facing legal persecution. Alexander, you will most likely be imprisoned for no more than five years. John, you will be escorted to an available breeding facility and then to prison.”

“So John would be impregnated and then thrown in prison just like that?” Alex asked incredulously. “What about the baby?”

“There will be doctors who will ensure that he and the fetus are kept in good health.”

John felt fear stir in his stomach and Alex took his hand. “That's barbaric.”

“If you two _are_ telling the truth, then he doesn't have anything to worry about. However, if you confess to fraud now, all charges _will_ be dropped and it will be as if this never happened. That being said, is there anything you would like to tell me?”

John’s heart began to pound and he fought the urge to look at Alex. They were taking such a big risk. Maybe they couldn’t fool them, after all. Maybe it’d be better to -

“No,” Alex said. “There's nothing we would like to tell you.”

Poitiers cleared his throat and took out a pen, opening a file. “Very well. Let's proceed. Do you two live together?”

“We're roommates during the school year,” Alex said. “We're looking into getting an apartment for next summer.”

“Where would you two live?”

“We're still deciding,” John answered. “We'd like to be close to the family -”

“Whose family?”

“Both of ours. We grew up across the street from each other. Anyway, we'd like to be close to the family, but at the same time, both of us would like to graduate as soon as possible, so we might pick out a place closer to campus so we can do courses over the summer, too.”

“What does Alexander want to do, John?”

“Write for the Times. He writes like he breathes. Hell, I think if he had to choose between the two, he'd choose writing.”

Alex laughed beside him.

“What does John want to do?”

“Environmental law. He wants to help the planet.”

Poitiers arched a brow at John. “That's a pretty steep ambition.”

John strangled the temptation to take the bait. “It just means I've got my work cut out for me.”

“Who gets up first in the morning?”

“That's a tough one,” John said, “because Alex's sleeping schedule isn't exactly stable. When I actually get him to sleep, though, I'm usually the first one up.”

“He makes me coffee.” Alex's voice was almost wistful. “Even though he doesn't approve.”

“John doesn't like it when you drink coffee?”

“He's got a serious caffeine addiction,” John replied. “I wish he'd take it easy before his heart gives out.”

“Who's the better cook?”

“John, for sure.”

“I don't know. Alex is pretty good on the grill.”

“But you're an all-around better cook. You could make a feast out of three eggs, lettuce, and peanut butter.”

“That sounds disgusting,” John laughed.

Poitiers wasn’t amused. “What's John's favorite animal?”

“Turtle.”

“Alexander's?”

“The lion.”

“Are you two religious?”

“No,” Alex said. “I'm agnostic, and John only attended church when his father made him.”

“What church did he go to?”

“The Baptist church up on...” He thought for a second. “Crabtree, right?”

“Yup. First Baptist on Crabtree Lane. So many super fun memories.”

“Do your parents approve of your relationship?”

“My parents are dead,” Alex said.

Poitiers looked over a paper. “Your adoptive parents, then.”

“They love John. They always have. I think they're happy for us.”

“For sure,” John said. “Mrs. Washington called me her son-in-law two days ago. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.”

“And Mr. Washington?”

“He hasn't indicated that he's _unhappy_ with our relationship. He and I have always gotten along pretty well.”

“What about your parents?”

“My mother died when I was fifteen.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“She loved Alex, though. I think she would've been glad.”

“I hope so,” Alex said.

“What about your father?”

John chuckled. “He hates Alex. With a passion. And he's not that fond of me, either. Or homosexuality. So telling him that we were together was like a triple whammy.”

“Did he kick you out of the house?”

“No, but Alex isn't allowed to sleep over anymore. Understandable.”

“No it's not,” Alex protested. “It'd be understandable if it was because he didn't want his young son to be sleeping with his mate. But it's not. It's because he can't stand the fact that you're an Omega and you're gay, and he hates the fact that I don't take any of his shit.”

“So you and Henry Laurens don't get along?”

“Not at all.”

“So what would you do if John wanted to spend Christmas with his family?”

Alex paused at that and shared a look with John. Was this seriously one of the questions? “I don't think he'd want to spend Christmas with his father if he could help it. The only reason he'd go would be to see his siblings. But I think...” Alex rubbed the back of his neck. “God, we need to talk about holidays, don't we?”

“We could always spend Christmas with your family,” John offered. “It's not like I wouldn't see the kids. They'd be just across the street. And we could do Thanksgiving at my place. As long as you don't say anything about Marty and me doing all of the cooking while Dad watches football with Junior”

“I'll try to keep quiet,” Alex said. “For you.”

“I appreciate that.”

Poitiers jotted something down. “Alright.” He stood and walked to the door, opening it and gesturing to someone. “You're going to be questioned individually now. Alexander, you'll go with Miss Matilda Saxony. John, you'll stay with me.”

Alex hesitated for a moment, then stood. “Okay.” He squeezed John's hand – had they been holding hands all this time? - and leaned down, brushing his lips across his cheek. John fought the blush. “I'll see you when we get done.”

“Bye,” John said.

When Alex was out of the room, Poitiers closed the door and sat back down. “So, how long have you two been together?”

“Three months.” He felt a little less comfortable now that Alex was gone. And maybe that was the point, to make them feel so out of their element that they slip up.

“How did you two get together?”

“Alexander is afraid of storms,” John said. “I was comforting him during one and accidentally told him that I loved him. He later asked me about it, and I admitted my feelings. We got together that day.”

“An Alpha afraid of thunderstorms?”

“Everyone has their faults.”

“Where was Alexander born?”

“Nevis. In the Caribbean.”

“Do you have any pets?”

“No.”

“What kind of pet would you want?”

“I think Alex is more of a cat person. But I think if we got an animal, I'd want a dog. A big dog. Like, fifty pounds or more.”

“Would he be okay with it?”

“Probably not, no. At least, not until it was trained. I think having a big dog would be good for him, though. It'd make him be more active, for sure.”

“How many children do you want?”

“Two.”

“Why?”

“We don't want the kids to outnumber the parents.”

“How's your sex life?”

John sputtered. “That's a strange question.” _And one none of us thought of._

Poitiers just crossed his arms. Didn't say anything.

“It's fine. We're doing fine.”

“How often do you have sex?”

His face was red by now. No doubt about it. “Um, we're not doing it that much right now, because it's summer, and we're not living together. And I don't like doing it at my place, because I've got a four-year-old sister.”

“So you have a lot of sex during the school year?”

“Not _a lot_.” John's mind raced. How would Alex answer this?

He'd answer it the way he thought John would answer it. So it was up to John.

“Why not? Is there something wrong with your sexual relationship?”

“No. Our sexual relationship is fine. The sex is great.” He grounded himself by taking a breath. “It's just an awkward question to answer, you know? Because we're still so new. But we're both pretty work-oriented. We study a lot. And we take suppressors, too.”

“Do you?”

“Yup. We just want to focus on school and get it done so we can begin the rest of our life together. We'll have time to share cycles when we've landed steady jobs. Until then, I'm content to wait.”

Poitiers nodded and scribbled something down. “That's surprisingly mature for a couple of nineteen-year-olds.”

_Thanks, it was the trauma._ “We both had to grow up pretty quickly.”

Poitiers continued to question him for another twenty minutes, but John knew the answers. When lying to the federal government about being bonded with someone, a fourteen-year relationship came in really handy.

“We'll call you with the results in about a week,” Poitiers said, leading John to the waiting room. “I'll compare my answers with Miss Saxony. Mr. Hamilton shouldn't be too much longer.”

John sat down in one of the chairs and paged through an old _Better Homes and Gardens_ magazine, admiring the open-floor design in one of the pictures. He wanted a house with an open-floor design, so he could keep an eye on the kids while he made dinner. It would also make him feel less claustrophobic, less separated from everyone. His house would have a big backyard, too, for his fifty-pound dog to run around in, and his kids to play in the sprinkler during the summer. He'd have a patio, too, and Alex would grill hamburgers on the Fourth of July and they'd all be outside, combating the summer heat with ice cream and cold water.

Except that he and Alex weren't really together. His bond was nothing more than a way to escape breeding. He knew that. He couldn’t let himself daydream about things that would never happen.

John put the magazine down just as Alex turned the corner.

“John,” he sighed. John stood and walked towards him. Alex threw his arms around him and pulled him close. “Hey.”

“Hey, love.” He said it maybe a little too easily, but Miss Saxony was standing behind them, watching. “All done?”

Alex pulled back and took his hand. “Yup. Wanna head out? I figured that maybe we could grab lunch on our way home.”

“Sure.” They walked out of the building, fingers interlocked, neither daring to look back.

They didn't say a word until they were in Alex's car.

“Did he ask you about our sex life?” Alex asked.

“Yeah.” John laughed awkwardly. “It was so sudden, too.”

“What'd you say?”

“That we were both really focused on work, so we didn't do it that often. I mentioned that we were both on suppressors, because at least that was true.”

Alex's shoulders sagged in relief. “I figured that that's what you would've said, so that's what I told them.”

And then John was laughing again. “And I figured that that's what _you'd_ figured!”

Alex joined in. “God, we know each other so well, it's almost scary. So where do you want to go for lunch?”

John shrugged. “I don't really care. What do you want?”

“I don't really care either. Just pick something.”

“Okay, um, how about Chinese?”

Alex made a face. “I'm not really in the mood for Chinese.”

“Then Mexican?”

“Nah, that doesn't sound good, either.”

John gave him a look. “Pizza?”

“No.”

“Thai?”

“The only Thai place around here is that crappy one with the rude old lady.”

“Jesus Christ, Alex, listen to yourself.” A beat. “Okay. Tell me what you want to eat.”

He shot him an annoyed look. “I told you, I don't care.”

John threw his hands up in defeat. “You've shot down every single thing I've said! How about burgers?”

“That actually sounds really good.”

“Okay. Then let's get burgers.” John ran an exasperated hand through his hair. _Like an old bonded couple_ , Marty had said. _You and Alex act like an old bonded couple._

She was right.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm so sorry for the late posting.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Physical assault.

Chapter 8

  
  


**W** hen John woke up in the middle of the night, his first instinct was to throw all of his pillows and blankets onto the floor. He stared at the pile, then went to the closet and pulled out anything that looked soft. He glanced over his shoulder. Something was missing. He wasn’t sure what. After a moment, he got an idea and went downstairs, pulling the cushions off of the couch.

He constructed his nest three times before it was comfortable enough to curl up in. He’d positioned it a little ways from the door and made it big enough for at least three people, although only two would actually fill it.

His eyes shot open and a small bout of panic rose in his chest.

Only _one_ would fill it.

The nest was suddenly too lumpy, too _wrong._ Everything was wrong. He stood and ran an agitated hand through his hair, rearranging the pillows, removing the comforter, shifting a couple of blankets, replacing the comforter. He finally gave up and collapsed on it, burying his face in his pillow. He had no idea what had come over him, but he missed Alex. He wanted him here, in his nest with him. It wasn’t so strange, was it?

He rolled over and checked the clock. It was one. He’d still be up.

John grabbed the phone from the nightstand and pulled up Alex’s contact. He smiled at the old picture of him from the summer festival five years ago. Alex hated that picture - he’d claimed his smile was too wide, his nose was too prevalent, his hair was too messy. John loved it. He loved it because it was so genuine.

Besides, Alex’s contact picture of John was from the seventh grade, when he still had braces. As long as that picture stayed, so would John’s.

His finger hovered over the _call_ button. What would he say?

He put his phone back on the charger and tried to sleep.

“John!”

His eyes snapped open and he squinted at the sunlight flooding through his window. He’d managed to fall asleep, after all. Huh.

“ _John!_ Get down here!”

He rubbed his eyes and took his time going downstairs. Henry was waiting for him, arms crossed, scowling. Did the man ever smile?

“What?”

“Where are the couch cushions?”

Fuck.

“In my room. I need them.”

“For what?”

“My nest.”

Henry shook his head, scowl deepening. “They belong on the couch.” He began to climb the steps. “I’m taking them back.”

John stood in his way. “You can’t. I need them.”

“Just use pillows.”

“But those aren’t comfortable enough!” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be back in his nest. His nest that _Henry_ was going to take apart.

“This isn’t up for debate.” Henry tried to pass John on the stairs. John blocked him. “Dammit, John, move.”

John glowered at him, then turned and fled to his room. He’d protect his nest. He had to. It was too important. He stared at the mass on his bedroom floor. He’d finally gotten it perfect last night.

“John, give me the cushions.”

John spun to see Henry in the doorway. “No,” he said. “Don’t touch my nest.”

“I won’t lay a hand on it if you give me the cushions.”

John shook his head, glancing at the nest. His nest. Not Henry’s. Henry couldn’t touch it.

“You’re being ridiculous. What’s wrong with you today?” He tried to step around John to get to his nest- _not his nest_ -

John let out a threatening growl.

Henry hit him.

John reared his fist back on instinct, then his brain caught up to his body. His hand fell limply to his side.

Silence.

They stared at each other.

Henry Laurens had never laid a hand on any of his children.

He’d also never looked so horrified. John’s hand slowly moved to his cheek and he felt the skin there as if he’d expected it to have fallen off. The slap hadn’t been particularly hard, but it had stung. John swallowed, tears springing to his eyes.

“John,” Henry said hopelessly, voice barely above a whisper.

John wordlessly dismantled the nest and handed him the cushions, even though doing so hurt almost as much as the blow had. After a moment, Henry took them.

“Don’t growl at me,” he finally said. “Never growl at an Alpha.” Then he left.

John tried to reassemble his nest, but it wasn’t any good without the cushions. He gave up and curled up in it, staring blankly at the wall, mind racing as he tried to fully comprehend what had just happened.

“Jack, why is Dad-” He heard Marty stop short. “Can I get in?”

John nodded and she sat down at the edge of the nest, placing a tentative hand on his back. “I hate it,” he finally mumbled.

“Hate what?”

“The nest.” He made a face. “It’s lumpy and uncomfortable and _I hate it_.”

“Are you kidding? This is one of the best nests you’ve ever made.” As if to prove her point, she lay back on it. “I love this.”

“It’s not good enough.”

“Not good enough for what?”

John shook his head and rolled over onto his side, facing her. “I have no clue. I have no clue and it’s really fucking with me. I feel like shit and I don’t know _why_!”

Marty ran a hand through his hair and he closed his eyes. “Dad seems kinda miserable, too.”

John didn’t fill her in. If she knew, she’d be beside herself. She may never agree with anything their father did to John, but she still loved him.

“About your nest, what if we dragged your mattress onto the floor and used that?”

Something John hadn’t considered before. “It’s worth a shot.”

He dismantled the nest for the second time today and stripped his mattress, pulling it onto the floor and then building his nest on top of it. Marty offered to help, but he declined. This was something he needed to do by himself. He arranged everything meticulously and when it was done, he tested it out. Something inside of him became calm and he sighed. Marty joined him with permission. “Thank you,” he said to her.

“No problem. So you don’t have any idea why you need this to be so flawless?”

“I just woke up last night and had to build a nest.” He rubbed his face. “The cushions worked so well until Henry took them back. He’s not allowed in the nest. Neither are James or Junior or Mary Eleanor.”

“Not even Mary Eleanor?”

“To be honest, Mars, I’m barely tolerating you right now. And I don’t know why.” He got a nagging suspicion in his head and he checked his phone. It was the fifth of July. He knew that. They'd just celebrated the Fourth. Mary Eleanor was just old enough to hold a sparkler with the help of an adult. Alex had come over, much to Henry's dismay. In all honesty, that's probably why he'd done it in the first place. But John had been happy to see him regardless, and stayed glued to his side the entire night. They all watched the fireworks from the backyard, and Alex had leaned against John halfway through. John remembered being able to truly relax then, as if his worries had been sucked right out of his body. And then when Alex left, he made a show of kissing John on the cheek.

He definitely wasn't winning Henry over.

John thought about his fake mate. The fading mark on his neck. His clinginess last night.

_Oh._

“Motherfucker.”

“What is it?”

John rubbed his face. “I’m such an idiot. I’d completely forgotten all about it, with everything that’s been happening.” He looked over at his sister. “I’m _nesting_.”

“Obviously.”

“No, Marty. Nesting as in, I’m about to get my Bonding Heat.”

Marty inhaled sharply. “Oh. How much time do we have?”

“It’ll probably start tomorrow. I’ll need to go shopping, get a scent blocker. And tell Alex that he needs to make himself scarce. He can’t be here.” His gut clenched as he said it, but it was true. Bonding Cycles were what really sealed a bond. If Alex stayed and something happened, then it’d be even harder to move on later.

“Okay. I’ll explain the situation to the family.”

When she was gone, John grabbed his phone and called Alex.

He answered on the second ring. “Hey, what’s up?”

“You need to stay away from the house. Avoid it like the plague until after the ninth.”

“Yes, because that makes sense.”

“No, you don’t get it. My pre-heat just hit. You- you can’t be here.”

He heard Alex gasp. “Oh. God. I'd forgotten about that.”

“Me, too.” John tried to crush the anxiety in his chest. Alex couldn't be here. He'd be facing this alone. He'd always know that, but _God_ , that didn't mean he was ready.

“This is gonna be really rough on you, isn’t it? Is there anything I can do?”

John had a few ideas, but none of them were logical. “No.”

“If gets really bad, you can, um, call me? Or something. If you need to.”

“Thanks.”

There was an awkward stretch of silence before John said goodbye and hung up. Then he grabbed his wallet and keys, heading downstairs.

Henry was waiting for him at the door. “Alexander is not permitted to be in this household during your heat.”

John stopped. “Excuse me?”

“If you want him to... be with you, then you'll do it outside of this house. I don't care that the children will be gone during the days. You will not do anything in this house.”

“He's my mate, you know.”

“I know. And I don't give a damn. He's not to be in this house with you while you're in your heat.”

Omegas preferred to spend their heat in the comfort and safety of their nests. That was why John had been in such a craze earlier. The nest had to be perfect because his instincts had temporarily convinced him that he'd be spending the next three days in the arms of his Alpha. Expecting him to be able to get up and leave during that time – and in his _Bonding Heat_ , no less – was beyond cruel.

“When you say shit like this,” John said, “it makes me really fucking glad that I'm with Alex.”

“Watch your language.”

“So fucking sorry.”

“John, I'm not kidding.”

“What're you gonna do, hit me?” With that, he walked out the door.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henry, Henry, Henry...  
> So the next chapter might be a little late. I've rewritten it twice now and I still don't like it, so I'm going to rework it one more time before I post. Sorry in advance!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry it's so late! To make up for it, I'm posting a new chapter Monday through Friday.  
> As for warnings for the chapter, self-deprecating thoughts.

Chapter 9

 

**J** ohn couldn't sleep that night.

He'd gone to bed early so that he could rest up for what was about to come, but instead he stared up at the ceiling. Panic welled up in his chest. He let it. He really didn't want any of this to happen, but it was going to. He'd never had a heat before, other than the very short one he'd endured when he first presented as an Omega. That'd been five years ago. That had only lasted a day and the symptoms were easy enough to ignore, so long as he kept his scent blocker on. He was wearing one now - a thin silver bracelet with some kind of technology or drug that would make him smell like a normal Omega to anyone else. The pheromones produced during a cycle had a specific effect on Alphas and other Omegas that he didn't necessarily want. The scent blocker would, well, _block_ that.

His family wouldn't feel any attraction to him if he didn't wear it because they were blood. But it would make them agitated, and the last thing he needed in the middle of this was for someone to come in and yell at him.

John rolled over onto his side and thought of Alex, as he usually did when he couldn't sleep. In the fog of his pre-heat, it was easier to imagine that he and Alex were actually together, that Alex was just on his way home from work, but he'd be back home soon enough to curl up with John in the nest he'd built for them.

Then again, he didn't see the point of lying to himself. It would only make things worse.

He and Alex were _not_ together. And John was going to go through this alone.

He hugged himself.

This sucked, but it definitely beat the alternative.

* * *

 

The heat _really_ began to set in at around dawn. John hadn't slept at all, so this paired with his exhaustion was _miserable._ He curled up, closing his eyes tightly and clenching his teeth. He wanted to call out for Alex, as if he was just in the next room. As if he would come running in at the pitiful sound of John's voice.

Alex wasn't here.

John rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. It didn't smell like Alex. Nothing in this room smelled like him. Because he was gone.

_No,_ he reminded himself. _Not gone. Just not here. He doesn't live here. You're not actually together._

_There's something wrong with you._

_He doesn't want you. He hates you._

“No,” John mumbled weakly, entire body tense as he shuddered. His senses were too sharp, everything was too much. “He doesn't. He doesn't.”

_Your Alpha rejected you. That makes two now._

John pushed the thoughts back and focused on something, anything else. He counted backwards and forwards in English, Spanish, and French. When that wasn't enough, he recited some of the poetry he still remembered from a literature class he'd taken last year. So long as he kept his mind occupied, he wouldn't go insane, right?

It got worse after everyone had left for the day. John made himself get up and pace the room, ignoring the part of him that was _screaming_ at him to get back into the nest. If he went back to the nest, he'd be more likely to wallow in self pity, and that would make everything that much harder to deal with. He figured he still had a couple more hours of coherent thought before the heat got too strong for him. That always happened eventually. Nothing could be done to prevent it. He just had to keep on his feet, keep himself busy, and maybe he could fend it off for a little while.

He decided to shower because he couldn't bring himself to go for a run.

It was a terrible idea.

The spray of the water might as well have been knives, tearing into his hypersensitive skin. John turned it off and got out immediately. Then he threw up.

He brushed his teeth before holing up in his room for the rest of the day. He sketched, wrote, even did a few circuit routines, but he still couldn't distract himself enough. His mind kept wandering to what he needed, and what he wasn't going to get.

“Fuck,” he growled, running an angry hand through his hair. This wasn't going away.

John stared at his nest. It pulled at his very bones.

He got in and pulled the covers over his head.

“Just three days,” he mumbled. “Three days, then it's over.”

Three days would feel like an eternity.

As soon as he closed his eyes, his mind became cruel. It taunted him with images of Alex.

He didn't even want that much from him. Why couldn't Alex come over? John was sure he'd be able to control himself. All he wanted was to curl up in his arms, feel his arms around him, share his heat with -

_No._ If he called Alex and managed to convince him to come, his hands would remain glued to his side. He wouldn't touch Alex. At all.

He knew he was lying to himself. Alphas could control themselves during their cycles for the most part, but Omegas were kind of a loose cannon. It was an evolutionary trait, because Omegas used to have multiple partners long ago and needed to be practically insatiable for their Alphas. Some Omegas still preferred polyamory, even today.

_But I can't even get_ one _Alpha?_

John hummed a little, rocking himself. He could get through this. Right now, his mind was just getting used to it. Soon enough, things would calm down.

Another lie. It was supposed to make him feel better.

It didn't.

By the time Marty got home, John was already far gone.

He stared blankly at the wall, a part of himself having accepted his fate. The other part was convincing him that this was all his fault. That his Alpha wasn't here because he hated John. Because he knew what John had done, he knew that John was filthy and unlovable.

God, _was_ he unlovable?

Marty came inside and sat down in his nest. When John finally registered her presence, as well as the cool washcloth she was dabbing on his face, he got the urge to shove her away. He hated himself for that.

But this Alpha was wrong. She was blood, she was caring for him, but she wasn't who he needed.

John let out a whine, and it lengthened into a sob.

“Shh,” she whispered, wiping his tears away with the cloth.

“He hates me,” John whimpered, rolling over and burying his face in the pillow.

“He doesn't.”

John shook his head, clutching his stomach. “I want my Alpha.”

“I'm so sorry.”

“Where is he?” He prayed that he was just outside, waiting to come in and take John into his arms, to put all of his fears to rest.

Marty took a breath. “Alex isn't here, John.”

That broke him. He cried into his pillow, not caring that he was suffocating himself. His Alpha wasn't here. He'd be better off dead, anyway. “Please,” he finally choked out. “Please, I need him.”

Marty didn't respond.

“ _Please!_ ” John wailed.

He heard the door opening and his gorge rose. _This_ Alpha shouldn't be anywhere near him. Or his nest.

“That's enough,” Henry snapped. “The kids are home. Stop crying and toughen up.”

“He's in pain!” Marty shot back. “Why don't we take him to a Heat Clinic?”

Like that would help him at all. “Alpha,” he mumbled weakly. “Want Alex. Please.” His face was still buried in the pillow. He couldn't see either of the figures in his room. He didn't want to.

“He's not allowed in this house.”

John started crying again.

“Knock it off.”

“Leave him alone, Dad! He's miserable enough without you yelling at him.”

“Maybe he should've thought of that before he bonded to Alexander. John, you brought this unto yourself. It's _your_ mess. Don't expect us to help you deal with it.”

Anger burned in his gut. “Leave me alone! I don't want you here!”

He heard Henry grumble, then the door slammed. Marty sighed and rubbed circles into John's back. Under any other circumstances, it would have been soothing. Now, though, he tensed.

She paused. “Do you want me touching you?”

He shook his head.

“Do you want to be alone?”

After a moment, John nodded, sniffling.

“Okay. Okay. I'm going to put your phone right here, right by your pillow. If you need anything, just call me.” A beat. “I'm so sorry, Jack.”

Then she left, and John let himself drift.

He finally came to some time later. He groaned. Everything ached. He was weak. His muscles were lead, his bones even heavier. He supposed it was from being so tense and agitated. His thoughts weren't fully coherent yet, and his stomach was still in knots, but things were a little better. He figured he had a few minutes to gather himself before it started again.

John forced himself to check his phone. It weighed five tons.

11:30. The eighth. He'd lost an entire day to this.

That meant this was the halfway mark.

John took a steadying breath. He could remember most of the last eighteen or so hours, but he didn't want to. If he let himself dwell on it at all, he was scared that he'd never come back from it.

He scrolled through the various notifications, finding several concerned texts from his friends. Two from Lafayette, five from Hercules, one from Eliza. Thirty-seven from Alex.

_He really does care._

_If he did, he'd be here._

John closed his eyes and turned his head away. He knew that Alex could make all of this stop.

_If only he actually loved you._

John slipped again.

He didn't quite _drift_ , at first. It was a lot more like drowning.

His skin was on fire, his eyes burned from the tears. He grew restless too quickly and squirmed in his nest, gritting his teeth to distract himself.

He only needed a couple of minutes with his Alpha.

He'd _die_ for a couple of minutes with his Alpha.

“Alex,” he whispered to the empty room, as if he'd materialize just like that. “Alex, Alex, _please_.” His throat hurt. He'd been begging for too long. “I need you.”

_Then call him._

He picked up his cell phone again and unlocked it, pulling up Alex's contact. His finger hovered over the _dial_ button. Did he really want to call? What would he even say? _I'm miserable because I need you to fuck me but you can't fuck me because then the bond will become that much harder to break. Your thoughts?_

John put his phone back down on the bed and covered his face with his hands. He felt weak and pathetic and he couldn't wait for the torment to end. Maybe then the pain in his heart would subside, too.

* * *

 

His mind returned to him on the ninth, and he was able to breathe again, albeit uneasily. He was still technically in his heat, but the worst of it was over. He could no longer feel every fiber of the blanket against his skin, and the light from the moon outside of his window wasn't blinding.

He checked his phone. Two thirty-seven in the morning.

He stood on shaky legs and made his way to the bathroom much like a newborn fawn, getting a glass of water. He hadn't realized how dehydrated he'd been until it touched his lips. He drank greedily.

Then he went back to his room and fell asleep for the first time in three days.

The sound of the door opening woke him up. He had barely opened his eyes when he caught the familiar scent of ink and coffee and cinnamon and _home_.

“Alex,” he whined, rolling over and looking up at him.

His appearance was disheveled, his hair kind of messy, circles under his eyes, shirt rumpled. But he took John's breath away nonetheless. Alex stopped when he was a couple of feet into the room and his eyes widened. Marty nodded once at John from behind him and closed the door.

John glanced at Alex. He felt relived. He felt angry. He felt -

“C-can I join you?” Alex asked.

John continued to stare at him, then nodded once, scooting over and making room. Alex removed his shoes and placed them next to John's against the wall. John liked how that looked.

Alex sat down at the edge of John's nest. They were quiet for several long minutes. John's mind was a warzone.

_He's here._

_But he_ wasn't _._

_But he is now._

_But you_ needed _him._

_We'd agreed._

They'd _agreed_ that John would go through it alone. An unconsummated bond was easier to move on from.

They hadn't consummated.

This was all fake.

John _knew_ that. But he still hated it.

Alex finally moved under the covers and reached out to John, pulling him into his arms. John fought the tears. The pang in his chest was harder to ignore. Their bond might have been fake, but John's feelings never were. He had them long before, and he'd have them long after.

“I'm so sorry, John,” Alex whispered. “I didn't know it was going to be this bad.”

Alex's presence was making his fading heat a little stronger. John swallowed thickly, squirmed a little, closed his eyes. He couldn't have this. He'd never have this.

“I was really worried about you,” he continued. “I called Marty a couple of days ago, and she said you were beside yourself. That you couldn't focus. And you kept crying about how much you needed your Alpha and how much it hurt.” A long pause. “I'm so sorry.”

John still didn't answer.

“If I'd known it was going to be this bad -”

“You still would've done it.” John hardly recognized his own voice.

“What?”

John pulled away and looked into his eyes. “You still would've bitten me. I would've asked you to. We still would've gone through with it. Because it was necessary to keep me safe.” _But was it worth it?_

Alex brushed some hair out of his face. “We were caught between a rock and a hard place.”

“ _I_ was caught between a rock and a hard place,” John corrected stubbornly. He had no true reason to be irritated with him, but he was. “The policy doesn't affect you.”

“You think so?” Alex scoffed. “Right, because I'd be totally fine with watching you get shipped off and treated like a - like a _machine_.”

“That's not what I meant, Alex. _You_ have choices. And a future. It's not _your_ body they'd be using and manipulating. It's mine. But you chose to risk every dream you have, your potential career, your _freedom_ , for me.” Everything was still too much. Alex would risk it all for him, but he didn't want to _be_ with him. It usually just hurt, but now it made John a little mad, too.

Alex stared at him. “Is it really that much of a shock?”

“Sometimes it is.”

And then Alex was holding him close again, running a hand through his hair. “You have no idea how loved you are, John Laurens. You have no idea how many people are willing to die for you, just to keep you safe, just like you're willing to do for them.”

John shook his head. He didn't like that. He didn't want people to die for him. He didn't want _Alex_ to die for him. He didn't want Marty, or Hercules, or Lafayette, or Eliza, or Angelica, or Peggy, or Frannie, or Daniel to _die_ for him. They weren't expendable or so easily discarded. They were his family. The thought of each of them being willing to lay down their lives for him, just like that, made him feel sick.

“Yes, they are,” Alex said, misinterpreting the gesture. “They all care about you so much.”

Too many people were dying. He didn't want his family to become just another number on the daily death report.

He clung tighter to Alex. “You're not allowed to die,” he said, echoing Alex's words from just under a month ago.

“John,” he whispered.

“None of you are allowed to die. Not for me. Not for anything. Promise me you won't.”

“I can't promise that I won't _die_ , John.” He'd taken a stab at humor and struck John in the heart instead.

He rolled over, stubbornly tugging the blanket up to his chin. He couldn't face him right now. Not when he was a mess, just coming out of his heat, just regaining the ability to actually think, just being slapped with the knowledge that his bond to Alex was weakened because they didn't consummate. He'd always known that he and Alex weren't really together. He'd actively thought about it – and tried to think of ways to change it - fairly often, even before this whole shitshow. The familiarity didn't make it any less painful. Especially when he was coming down from a state of mind where he'd been consumed with nothing but a raw, primal need for him in every way.

He wasn't sure when he started crying, but suddenly tears were rolling down his face and his chin was trembling and, _God_ , he was falling apart.

Arms slid around him, pulling him back into a warm mass. _Alex_ , he thought. _You're a real bastard, you know that?_

“ _Shh,_ John. Don't cry, please don't cry. I promise I won't die, okay? I promise.”

A hysterical laugh bubbled up in John's throat, tearing its way out before he could stop it. _That's_ what he thought this was about? If he had any more energy, he'd probably pull away and mock him, watch him get as irritated as John felt.

Instead, he let Alex comfort him and even rolled over at his prompting to allow him to wipe his tears away and press a tender kiss to his forehead. His skin burned at every touch, and he was nearly engulfed in flames with the kiss. “I'm sorry,” Alex breathed. John didn't know what exactly he was sorry for. It didn't feel right to ask him.

He noticed a few tear tracks on Alex's face, too, and brushed his thumb across his cheek. Nothing was said for a long time.

“I wish things were different,” Alex whispered brokenly into the barely sunlit room.

So did John.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Henry's a dick. Shocker there, I know.

Chapter 10

  
  


**J** ohn always woke up before Alex.

That had become a routine when they first started rooming together. John would get up early and start the coffee, then wake Alex so he wouldn’t be late for his first class.

When the bedroom door opened and slammed against the wall with a loud _bang_ , however, both of them shot up so fast that they almost knocked heads. Alex’s arms went around John as he tensed, ready to flee. John’s hand instinctively shot to his right for his baseball bat that he kept propped against his headboard, but he hit the wall instead.

Henry Laurens stood in the doorway, face red with anger. “I thought I _told you_ ,” he spat. “What did I say, John? Tell me what I said.”

Talking to him like he was a child. Again. “You said not to let Alex come over during my heat.”

“And what did you do?”

“Let him come over _after_ my heat.”

Henry’s jaw worked. “I also told you that he wasn’t allowed to spend the night.”

“I came over at four this morning,” Alex said.

“Forgive me, but I don’t trust anything you have to say.”

“What else is new,” Alex grumbled. John glanced at him. He felt a slow burn start in his gut.

“What the hell is your problem with him?” John demanded. “You’ve always hated him.”

Henry stepped to the side. “Hamilton, you have ten seconds to get out of my house before I call the police and have you arrested for trespassing.”

“That’s not an answer.”

Alex stood, and John’s mind stuttered for a second. _No Alpha don’t leave nest nest is safe don’t go-_ He shook his head hard. “I’ll see you later today,” Alex said. He leaned down and pressed his lips to John’s forehead. Henry growled lowly and Alex rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I’m going.”

“You’re nothing but a troublemaker, Hamilton. Just a bastard, immigrant troublemaker.”

Alex tensed in the doorway and John forced himself to stand, despite how much his muscles screamed in protest. “Fuck you, Henry,” he snapped, grabbing his bag and shoving clothes into it. “He’s more of an Alpha than you’ll ever be.”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“And you know what else?” John stood, slinging his bag over his shoulder. His blood was boiling, but throwing a punch wouldn’t do as much damage as he wanted. “This bastard, immigrant troublemaker fucked me so hard this morning that I saw stars. And I _loved it_.”

Alex stared at him, his cheeks darkening at the words, but he was smirking. He seemed to notice the bag over John's shoulder and the smile only grew.

Henry began to growl at John, but he didn’t care. “What? Don’t like knowing that your Omega son is gay and loves taking it up the ass? I’ll have you know I did it _religiously_ in high school. Almost every day.” He took such a great satisfaction in the way his eyes darkened with rage. “Anyway, this has been a blast, but I think I’m gonna take off. Maybe get fucked again, maybe have an orgy, who knows. Day’s still young.” He was getting absolutely drunk with power. Henry stepped closer to John and stood up so he was towering over him. John didn’t react, only noticed when Henry’s fist twitched, when the growl deepened. “I dare you,” he hissed, baring his teeth in a challenge. He’d never swing first, but if Henry did? All bets were off.

Alex began to growl from the doorway. John sobered up a bit. He had to get him out of there before it _really_ came to blows.

John walked over to him and squeezed both of his hands. “Let’s go, love.”

“If you walk out that door, you’re no longer my son.”

“So nothing will change. Good to know.” John almost had to drag Alex away. Alex was still growling at Henry, just as threateningly.

“I’m serious, John.”

They kept walking until they reached the front door. John faltered as he reached for it. Did he really want to go through with this? But then Alex was looking in the direction of the stairs, growl turning into a snarl. John turned to see Henry watching them. He gave him a little salute and opened the door, not letting go of Alex as he went outside. He heard it close. The settling of wood against the frame was deafening and he clenched his jaw to avoid screaming.

Instead, he tugged Alex out of the yard.

“I’ll kill him,” Alex said when they reached John’s driveway. “I’ll fucking kill him, I swear to God, I’ll tear his throat out-”

“Alex.”

“That bastard was going to hit you, John, I’m not just going to stand by and let someone hurt-”

John stopped in the middle of the street and pulled Alex into his arms in an attempt to calm him down. “I’m okay.”

“He was going to-”

“He wasn’t.”

“Has he?”

John closed his eyes. “Yes.” And there it was, in the open.

Alex growled again and John held on tighter. “I’ll fucking-”

“Don’t. Please. He’ll kill you.”

“I don’t care. If he _hit_ you-”

“You _promised_ me you wouldn’t die. Risk your life for worthier causes.”

Alex growled again. John swallowed. How could he calm him down enough? “Trust me, this _is_ worthy,” he ground out. “He’s been treating you like shit for _years_ ,”

“But it’s over now. It’s all over.” John grabbed Alex’s face and made him meet his eyes. “He can’t hurt me anymore. Never again. And it’s _not_ worth it. Nothing is worth it if it means I could lose you.”

That was as honest as he’d ever been with Alex about his feelings. He hoped Alex didn’t catch on.

Alex stared at him, then looked back at the house one final time. “How long has he been hitting you?”

“He only did it once, a few days ago. It was my fault -”

“No, it’s never your fault -”

“I took the couch cushions for my nest and when he tried to take them back, I growled at him.”

Alex’s eyes met his. “You were nesting and he hit you?”

John stepped closer and ran his thumbs over his cheekbones. “I’ll be okay. It’s not like I need him for anything. I’ve got Mama’s trust fund for college and other things, not to mention that little bit I still have saved up from working. And the kids will be fine. He won’t hurt them.”

Alex closed his eyes nodded once. “Only because I don’t know what the BIB would do if I got killed or arrested.”

“Okay.”

They resumed walking.

“I can explain everything to George and Martha if you wanna shower.” Alex took John’s hand. “They won’t have a problem with you living with us. They’d probably enjoy having another mouth to feed.”

They went inside and John headed upstairs to the bathroom. He scrubbed at his skin, washing away the sweat and slick that had dried on his body. Maybe if he did it enough, it'd wash away the memories too.

He also let himself cry a little. He _had_ just gotten disowned, after all. And as much as he hated it, he felt the weight of the loss settle into his bones, making it even harder to stand.

When he got out, he treated his hair and dried himself, then dressed and splashed cold water on his face. He took a few deep breaths. Strangely enough, he wasn’t getting another burst of anger. Maybe he was too tired.

He went into Alex’s bedroom to find Alex sitting in bed, typing on his laptop. The familiar sight made him feel warmer and he smiled just a little, crawling onto the bed and curling up next to him.

“Hey,” Alex said. His voice was soft. A part of John reacted to that in a way, and he scooted closer. Alex looked down at him and smoothed his damp hair back. “There’s a protest happening next weekend. It’s supposed to be covered by the national news.”

John hummed, watching his face with tired eyes. “Projected numbers?”

“Fifteen thousand. Not too bad, considering it was announced this morning.” He went back to typing, but he didn’t look as relaxed as he had. “The Schulyers are coming back on Tuesday. They should be able to come, too.”

“I’ll design some signs.”

Alex grimaced and shut the laptop, putting it on the bedside table. He got out of bed and John fought the whine until Alex lifted him - good _God_ , when the hell did he get so strong? - and stood him on the floor. “You can lean into me,” he whispered. John didn’t fight it and relaxed into him as Alex pulled back the blankets. Then he eased John back into the bed and tucked him in. “Get some sleep. You look exhausted.” He turned, reaching for his laptop.

“Don’t go?” John begged. He was too tired to be embarrassed.

Alex sighed and put his laptop down, then walked to the door. Panic welled in John’s chest, but Alex just turned the light off and shut the door. He joined John in the bed, getting under the covers. John started to scoot closer, but stopped. “Alex, can I-?”

“Do whatever you need to do right now. Don’t worry about me.”

John snuggled into him, tucking his head under his chin and breathing him in. He was here, Alex was right here. His arms wrapped around John and he was asleep in a matter of moments.

When he woke up a couple of hours later, Alex was on his laptop again, but he had one hand resting on John’s head, rubbing his scalp. John smiled at that and sighed contentedly before reality set in. The smile faded and he sat up, running a hand through his hair.

“You feeling any better?” Alex asked, only sparing him a glance. John nodded. “Martha came in a little while ago. Said she had sandwich meat in case you were hungry.”

“Have _you_ eaten today?”

Alex didn’t answer, and John got out of bed and headed downstairs. He went into the kitchen and began to make two sandwiches.

Mrs. Washington came in from the dining room when she heard the shuffling of plastic. “Hello, dear. How are you?”

“I’m okay.” John grabbed the mustard and squeezed some onto his bread. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mrs. Washington move closer. “Really, I’m-” He swallowed and shook his head. “I feel awful. The past three days were absolute torture and to top it all off, I just got kicked out of my own house.” He took a deep breath. “Other than that, though, everything’s just peachy.”

“You always have a home with us. I hope you know that. And I know it’s not the same, but-”

“Thank you.” John finally looked at her. “It means a lot.”

She nodded and offered him a sad smile. He returned it.

Alex was still typing, but he’d moved to his desk. “Now that you’re actually awake, I don’t feel as bad about getting up,” he said when he heard John enter. “Because you give off heat like a damn furnace when you sleep.” When John put the plate next to him, he frowned and shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”

“Just eat the sandwich.” John took a bite of his own and his eyes slid shut. He’d forgotten what food tasted like. He hadn’t eaten in three days, after all.

Alex grumbled but complied. John sat back down on the bed and searched for charities that had been formed in response to the Protocol.

There were four. Two of them were entirely political, and one looked sloppy and informal. The last one was based in Virginia, and had been founded the day after Aquitaine had made the announcement. Its goal was to raise awareness to the issues Omegas face every day, and help those who had trouble helping themselves. They raised money to build shelters for homeless Omegas and their families. They were also working with the Brighter Minds Group, which was an organization that awarded scholarships and grants to Omegas who wanted to go to college, but couldn't pay for it.

VAMO, he jotted down. Underlined it twice. He searched through the website a little more, finding a calendar of upcoming events. It was blank.

He searched out the contact information, emailing the listed address about the protest.

They replied ten minutes later. John set aside his current design for a t-shirt and skimmed through the message. “Fuck, yeah.”

“What?” Alex asked monotonously from the computer.

“Head of a new charity is going to come to the protest. Thanks to me.”

“That’s really good, John.” His voice sounded a little bit more genuine.

They both lapsed into silence and focused on their work.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that John telling his dad off like that was satisfying rather than creepy?  
> Anyway, let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite OCs is being introduced in this chapter, I'm not gonna lie.  
> I'm not biased or anything (I'm totally biased) but I LOVE them!!!  
> Sorry. Curbing the enthusiasm.  
> No warnings that I can think of. Let me know if you find any that I need to put up here.

Chapter 11

  
  


“ **W** hat if we held a rally next year?” John asked an hour later. “I mean, we could work with VAMO if we like them enough. They could sponsor it, get us more publicity. Maybe we could get some local businesses in on it. They’d donate a portion of their profit to the cause, and we’d advertise for them.”

“Pretty smart.” Alex shut his laptop and turned around. “We could get Lafayette to help us convince them it’s a worthy cause. Not many can say no to his accent.” He rolled his eyes. “And you can turn on your Southern Charm.”

“My _what_? That’s not a thing.”

“That _is_ a thing. Your voice gets all soft and you begin to talk like you’re from one of the Carolinas. You do it to get out of trouble.”

John opened his mouth to object again, but then they heard the front door opening, followed by a very familiar voice. They both exchanged a glance and raced down the stairs.

John beat Alex to the landing. He threw his arms around her and lifted her up, spinning her around. “You’re back! I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you too!” He finally set Frannie down and she gave him a kiss on the cheek. Alex nudged John away and Frannie beamed, hugging him tightly. “I’m finally taller than you, doll!”

“You’re also wearing two-inch heels.” But Alex was grinning. “God, you left a lipstick stain on John’s cheek.”

John’s hand went to his face and they all laughed.

“I take it they’re happy to see you,” Mrs. Washington said from the doorway, bearing a watery grin. John hadn’t even realized she was there. He glanced down guiltily.

“It would seem so,” Frannie agreed. “I’m going to go get my stuff out of the car, and then _you two_ are going to explain why John bonded to Alex without telling me.”

“I’ll help you with the bags,” John offered, getting the door for her.

“In lieu of an apology?”

“Along _with_ an apology?”

She quirked an eyebrow, but walked outside. He followed her and grabbed a suitcase from the back of her car. “I’m listening, John.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the second it happened. It’s complicated.”

“I suppose evading the government _would_ be.” She rolled her eyes when John gawked. “Yes, silly, I know you’re faking it. We’re best friends, remember? Not to mention Alex is my brother. Between those two things, I would’ve at least gotten a phone call if something happened.” She grabbed a duffel from the trunk, looking up at him with amused eyes. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me. Though I _hope_ that would go without saying.”

John ran a hand through his hair. “I _am_ sorry we didn’t tell you sooner.” His eyes drifted to his house. Marty’s car was still gone. His was still in the driveway. He needed to move it soon.

“Well, seems like you’ve had more important things to deal with.” Frannie followed his gaze. “Homesick?”

“Home _less_ , actually.”

She stopped. “Henry threw you out?”

“Seems he’s finally had enough of his favorite mistake.”

Frannie placed her bag on the ground and pulled him into her arms. “I’m so sorry.”

John nodded, hugging her back and resting his chin on her shoulder. He closed his eyes and breathed her in. She’d been his very first friend and they hadn’t drifted apart much over the years even though they both went to different colleges. She’d often acted as the voice of reason in their friend group when John was young and stupid with the rest of the boys. After Mama got sick, they learned to share the role, and he grew to love her even more than he already did.

“Want me to kick his ass for you?”

“No. The kids of America need you alive.”

She smirked and ruffled his hair. “I suppose.”

They walked back inside and ascended the stairs. “By the way, there’s a protest next weekend-”

“I’ll be there.” She opened her bedroom door and dropped the duffel unceremoniously on the floor before flopping onto her bed. “God, I’ve missed this mattress.” Then she rolled over onto her back and looked up at John. “So, just how fake _are_ you two?”

“Very.”

“Hmm.” She frowned. “Because Marty and I have been talking about you two behind your backs for _years_ now -”

“Hey!”

“- and she and I both agree that you’re in love and should be together. But for _real_.”

John sat next to her. She made room for him. “That’s not going to happen. We’re just friends.”

“And yet you don’t seem very happy about that. But I guess I won’t pry.” She stood and kissed his jaw. “I’ve got to go talk to Mom about boring school stuff.”

“Have fun with that. But if you get a phone call-”

“I know, I know. I’ll tell them that I just found out, but I’m very happy for your gay ass and Alex’s bisexual ass.”

“I’m glad you’re happy for my ass, Fran,” Alex said, appearing in the doorway. Frannie rolled her eyes and kissed the top of his head as she walked by, to which Alex reacted like an eight-year-old. “Ew, _gross_!”

“You’re a dork,” she said.

“Nerd.”

“Asshole.”

“Bitch.”

“Dumbass.”

“Hojacket”

“ _What_?” Frannie laughed.

“Hojacket.”

“That’s not a word.”

“Um, yes it is.”

“You just made it up.”

“Nope. Nope. Hojacket is a real and valid word.”

“And so the mighty meme king has spoken!” John cried from the bed, thrusting a fist into the air.

“Meme king?” Frannie shook her head and ruffled Alex's hair. “Adorable. You and I both know who the real royalty is.”

“Yeah, me.”

“Your memes are garbage and you know it,” Frannie said, walking away.

“ _Ha!_ ”

“Hush, John.” But Alex was smiling. “Anyway, I’m going to take a shower.”

“Enjoy,” John said, going back to Alex’s bedroom. He started working on another design.

A few minutes later, his phone rang.

He sighed, putting his pencil down. He just wasn’t going to get any work done today, was he? He grabbed his phone checking the caller ID. His heart dropped.

Unknown.

“Hello?”

“Is this John Laurens?”

“Yes.” He had to remember to breathe.

“This is Matilda Saxony from the Bonding Investigation Bureau. I’m calling with the results of the investigation regarding your bond with your mate, Alexander Hamilton.”

John dug his nails into his palm to keep his hands from shaking. “Okay.”

The two seconds that it took for her to respond felt like several eternities. Sweat beaded on the back of his neck, his heart roared in his ears. He stared straight ahead. This was the moment of truth. If they failed, he’d be shipped off and Alex would be arrested.

“We didn’t find any problems with your questioning and see no reason to continue with the investigation. You two are registered as legally bonded. Your transfer papers will be arriving in the mail shortly, and when Mr. Hamilton decides to bond with you, all you’ll need to do is go to the courthouse and fill out some paperwork. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” John was only vaguely aware that he was speaking. When she hung up, he put the phone down and fell back onto the bed. He was shaking. His entire body was shaking. He rubbed his eyes and took a shuddering breath.

_Good God, we got away with it._

Alex came back into the room and dropped his towel, pulling on a new change of clothes. John focused on the ceiling. They’d changed in front of each other before, but he still felt like seeing him naked was some kind of violation of Alex’s trust. He did notice _one_ thing, though.

“You look like you’ve bulked up a little.”

Alex turned, now fully dressed. “Yeah. It’s probably from carrying all of my books.”

“Or that giant ego of yours.”

Alex tackled John and they rolled around a little, but John’s heart wasn’t in it. He was too relieved. Alex sat up, crossing his arms. “What’s with the smile?”

John sat up and Alex shifted so he was straddling John’s hips. In any other circumstances, John would feel awkward. “We did it.”

“Did what?”

John’s smile only grew. “Alex. We _fooled_ them. They just called me.”

“Who? The BIB?”

John nodded emphatically.

“You mean we got away with it?”

Another nod, even more enthusiastic.

“ _Oh my God!_ ” Alex threw his arms around John and hugged him so tightly that he could hardly breathe. He hugged him back for several moments before pushing him off and grabbing his notebook. “What gives?” Alex scoffed, falling dramatically to the side.

“We’ve got work to do,” John said, bringing his legs up a little and propping the notebook in his lap. He hoped his cheeks weren’t burning. _Get a hold of yourself_.

Alex moved his laptop to the bed and they worked in companionable silence for a while.

Alex broke it. “Is Frannie your favorite Washington?”

John’s pencil didn’t stop moving. “Of course.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Does Daniel have a crush on me?”

“No.”

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason.”

John looked up and watched Alex type, eyes narrowed in concentration. He smiled. “Hey, Frannie’s my favorite Washington, but you’ll _always_ be my favorite Hamilton.”

“I’m your _only_ Hamilton.” He didn’t tear his gaze away from his computer, but he’d stopped typing. “She used to talk about you a lot before you came out. I think she had a crush on you.”

“I know she did. She told me.” And they’d laughed about it, too. “Why? You’re not jealous, are you?”

“No,” Alex snapped. John arched an eyebrow. “I’m not jealous. You were friends long before I moved in. But she’s just so... touchy sometimes.”

“She’s always been touchy.”

“I’d forgotten how... affectionate she is, though.”

“I don’t mind it.”

“But you’ve got lipstick in two different places and you smell like her perfume.”

“You smelled like her too, before you showered.”

Alex just grumbled. John rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom, washing his face and then changing his shirt. “There. Better?”

“Don’t patronize me.”

John threw up his hands. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Just drop it, okay? Forget I said anything.”

“If something’s bothering you, then-”

“ _Forget it_ , John.”

John huffed but got the message, scribbling angrily into his notebook.

Alex was in one of his moods again, apparently. He loudly typed his essays with pointed dirty looks at John when he thought he wasn't looking. John had learned to ignore this – he knew Alex was just trying to get on his nerves, just raising his bait in hopes that he would bite. Two years ago, he would've snapped at him and started a lengthy argument which would ultimately lead to Alex pinning things on John and John feeling like _he_ was the bad guy, even when he wasn't.

Two years was a long time ago.

Instead he tuned him out and worked on more slogans and started some t-shirt designs. When his hand cramped from drawing so much, he browsed the web on his phone.

Alex sighed. Twice.

John ignored him both times.

A few more minutes ticked by, and John went back to designing shirts. He had a couple of ideas that he wanted to bounce off of Hercules, to see if it could be done and how much it would cost.

Alex cleared his throat.

John kept sketching. He'd won every single version of this game Alex had tried to play with him. There was no way he'd lose.

Alex cleared his throat.

John had four younger siblings. Three of which were loud and opinionated. The other one played video games at impossibly loud volumes. Tuning things out was his specialty.

Alex cleared his throat.

John put down his pencil and stood. He could see Alex watching him and trying to be subtle at it. Subtlety wasn't Alex's thing. John bent over and rummaged through his bag for a moment, then found what he was looking for. He straightened and walked over to Alex, then wordlessly dropped it in his lap.

Alex looked up at John incredulously, and John shrugged. “Figured they'd help your throat feel better.”

Then he grabbed his journal and left the room, Alex still holding the bag of cough drops.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings that I can think of.

Chapter 12

  
  


**J** ohn was sketching on the couch when he heard the doorbell ring. He glanced around. No one else seemed to be coming down to answer the door, so he did it himself.

Marty was standing on the porch, tears streaming down her face. “Hi, big brother.”

John pulled her into his arms. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“What do you think?”

He frowned and guided her to the couch, moving his notebook to the end table. “It was going to happen eventually,” he said, rubbing her arm.

“I _hate him_ , Jack.”

“No.” He shook his head. “No, Marty don’t say that.”

“But I do!” She started sobbing. “Junior cried for the first time since Mama’s funeral. James- God, I thought he was going to punch Dad. He got so _mad_ , kept yelling about how you were the one thing that held this family together and now that you’re gone it’s going to fall apart. And Mary Eleanor wouldn’t stop _screaming_.” Marty wiped her face. “We were so scared that she was going to hurt herself.”

“You told her?”

“I’m not going to lie to her for the man who destroyed our family!”

John sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. “He didn’t destroy our family, Marty. You’re all still my family. I’ll always love each and every one of you no matter what.” He suddenly got a terrifying thought. “He didn’t - _hit_ \- any of you, did he?”

She shook her head. “God, no.”

“Okay.” He pulled Marty closer and held her, running a hand through her wavy hair. She sniffled and his heart broke for her. “ _Only you,_ ” he sang softly, “ _can make all this world seem right._ ”

She laughed humorlessly and tucked her head under his chin. He began to rock her.

“ _Only you can make the darkness bright. Only you and you alone-_ ”

“ _Can thrill me like you do,_ ” Marty sang with him, her voice slightly off key. John grinned.

“ _And fill my heart with love for only you_.”

“Remember when James used to want you to sing that to him?”

John chuckled. “Yeah. But eleven’s _far too old_ for that kind of stuff now.”

“But I’m _not_ too old?” She wiped her eyes. “Didn’t you know it in Spanish at one point?”

“I still do. I sometimes sing it to Mary Eleanor when I tuck her in.”

Marty’s eyes began to water again. Then they heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. John rolled his eyes.

“You know what, Laurens? I’m so tired of your-” Alex stopped short when he took in the sight before him. “Oh. Um. Hi, Marty. Is everything okay?”

“You two are seriously fighting?” Marty whined. “ _Dios mio_.”

“I wouldn’t call it fighting,” Alex said.

“Yeah, it’s just Alex being a pain in the ass for no reason.”

“It's not for _no reason_ , you jackass.”

“Then why don't you tell me what your problem is?” Alex stayed silent. “Yeah, that's what I thought.”

“Stop it, both of you,” Marty snapped. “I don't want to lock you both in a closet, but I will if that's what it takes for you to get over it. Alex, swallow your pride for once. John, stop being a passive aggressive asshole. Now, make up.”

“We can postpone until you feel better,” John said.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Alex agreed, sitting down next to them. “What's up?”

“Other than the fact that Jack got disowned?”

“Fair enough. But he's staying here, with us. You can come see him at any time. The other kids can, too.”

“I know that.” She took the tissue box that John handed her. Wiped her nose. “But it's not the same. And I know that it's not like he's never not lived with us before, but now I know he's not coming back. And that would've happened eventually, but I wish it was on better terms and I don't know if I can do this by myself yet.” Marty had started crying again, and buried her face in her hands.

“Do what?”

“Take full responsibility for the kids,” she sobbed. “I was only able to do it last year because Dad still had the nanny on part time, but she's not coming back this year and I don't know if I can juggle all of it and now that I know you won't be coming by for winter break and summer, I'll have even less help than I thought.”

“No one is expecting you to take that on.” John tugged her into his lap and rested his chin on her head. He hadn't known that Tracey wasn't coming back. Knowing her, though, she'd probably quit. “You've got so much else to worry about. You’re taking six AP courses this year.”

“It’d be seven if you didn’t make me take a study hall.”

“I _did_ make you. Nobody expects you to assume responsibility like that, okay? I'll talk to Dad if I need to, see if we can't get another nanny. And you know the Washingtons are always here. They'd be more than happy to help if you needed it. But it's not something that you should be worried about doing right now, okay? They're not _your_ children.”

“Just like they're not yours?”

“Touche. But this isn't your job. It's your part-time obligation when you're not busy with school or work or whatever you may find yourself tangled up in this coming year.”

“It shouldn't have been your job, either, but you did it. And you were so good at it.”

“I spent a lot more time learning about that stuff than you.” Henry didn’t let John out much when he was little, with school and baseball being the exceptions. So he ended up helping his mother with the housework as a way to pass the time. She taught him her cooking secrets and how to do the laundry right, but the majority of his skill had been obtained through observation and a lot of trial and error. “Listen, Marty, it’s an easy enough routine to fall into. Junior and James pretty much know what they’re doing. And Mary Eleanor will usually work with you in the mornings because she likes her daycare. Evenings aren’t bad, either. Just keep them alive and fed, make sure they do their homework and go to bed on time. They’ll listen to you.”

“You sound so certain,” Marty grumbled.

“I’ll talk to Henry about this. See if he won’t hire the nanny back on. He might listen to me if it has to do with you guys. He loves you all.”

Marty’s face fell and she threw her arms around John’s neck. “God, Jack, I’m so sorry.”

He kissed the top of her head.

After a moment, she stood. “I’m going to go say hi to Frannie.” She squeezed John’s hand. “And _you two_ need to talk.” He ignored her pointed look and watched her walk towards the stairs.

Worry seized his stomach. “Maybe I should take the semester-”

“No.”

“If they need me-”

“No. If you don’t go back this semester, then odds are you never will. You need to learn to live for yourself without feeling guilty about it.” When John opened his mouth to protest, Alex shook his head. “I know you love them. I know you’d do anything for them. You’d do anything for... a lot of people.” He gave a rueful smile. “I take that for granted too often. But sometimes you worry so much about them that you stop taking care of yourself and I think that might be the death of you. It really scares me to think about.”

John reached out and hesitantly took his hands. Alex sighed, shoulders dropping. He looked up at John. “You were right about Frannie.” Alex shifted a little and bit his lip. “I was kind of jealous”

John waited for him to continue.

“I know you guys are close, and that doesn’t bother me. Really, it doesn’t. But when I saw you two, I realized that Henry wouldn’t have minded if she was your fake mate instead of me. If you two had bonded. He wouldn’t have thrown you out. And I guess I’ve still got a bit of self-doubt because I started to wonder if you’d ever realize how much better she is than me and then you’d drop me altogether.”

John frowned. “It’s not a competition. You’re both my best friends.”

“I know.”

“That being said,” John leaned forward and brushed back a few strands of Alex’s hair that had fallen from his ponytail, “ _you’re_ pretty great, too. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone, even if they’re rich and influential and blessed by God himself. And Henry threw me out because he’s an asshole, not because of you. It was only a matter of time before he was driven over the edge.”

“Would it have worked better, though? If you faked it with her?”

John shook his head. “No. And not just because I’m gay. She and I wouldn't be able to fake a relationship to save our lives. We've got this preestablished level of intimacy that can't be messed with.” It was hard to explain. “With you, it's more... malleable. There's a lot of factors, really. Not to mention she's in West Virginia and I'm in New York. Everyone knows I don't do long-distance.”

Alex chuckled. “So that means you’re stuck with me, huh?”

“And there’s no one I’d rather be in this clusterfuck with.”

“Your lapse in judgment is astounding, but I can’t say that I mind.” Alex nudged John’s shoulder, earning a grin.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking of taking the two one-shots (New Beginnings and The Worst Halloween Ever) and reuploading them as part of the same fic. I'd post other one-shots that I plan on writing in there, as well. Your thoughts?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Insecurities are discussed, MAJOR discussion about past child abuse (emotional, physical, and neglect).

Chapter 13

  


**M** arty refused Mrs. Washington’s dinner invitation. “I need to get back to the kids, see if maybe they've settled down, too,” she explained.

“You can call me if you need anything,” John said.

“I know.” She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Mr. Washington came home just before dinner and greeted Frannie. “I didn't think you were coming in until next week,” he said to her.

“My internship finished sooner than I thought it would. Figured there was no harm in coming home a little early.”

His smile faltered a little bit. “Frances Custis-Washington, are you wearing a _nose ring_?”

John decided to duck out of earshot and let them have their privacy.

Dinner was pretty peaceful. Frannie spoke avidly about her life in West Virginia, about the kids she was watching in the daycare, about her studies. Mr. Washington didn’t comment on her new piercing again, choosing instead to speak to her about her pre-law course. She was just as devoted to her work as he was.

John volunteered to do the dishes after dinner. Alex joined him, opting to dry and avoiding the suspicious glances from John. Alex wasn’t the type to do housework when he didn’t need to, especially since he was going on one of his writing kicks. He’d want to be getting back to that as soon as possible.

His motives became clear when he pulled out the coffee pot and stifled a yawn. John grabbed the coffee grounds before Alex could. “Gimme,” Alex snapped.

“No. You’ve already had coffee today.”

“I’m still tired.” He tried to snatch them back, but John held them over his head. Sometimes being three inches taller than Alex had its advantages. “I will climb your body, John. I swear I will. Like a koala.”

“That provides an adorable mental image. You’d make a cute koala. But I’m not giving this back to you. If you’re tired, go to sleep. Or drink cold water.”

Alex glowered at him. John held his gaze, fighting the smile when Alex reached for the coffee, even jumping a little. “You’re being ridiculous,” Alex huffed.

“And you’re addicted.”

“This was never a problem before last year.”

“I didn’t know how much you drank before we lived together.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t live together, then.”

John just rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to see you getting hospitalized for heart failure. You’re not allowed to die, remember? So _this_ ,” he put the coffee on the top shelf, “stays here until tomorrow morning.”

Alex jumped up onto the counter. John simply lifted him and put him back on the ground. Alex groaned in frustration. “Dammit, John.”

“I could do this all night, Alex. Because I get my energy from _myself_.” When Alex tried again, John lifted him up, but didn’t put him back down for a few moments. Even then, he didn’t let go. Alex started to struggle, then slumped.

“I give up,” Alex said.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t blame you.” Alex turned and glared at John. “I just want my fucking coffee. It’s not like I’m addicted to heroine.”

“You’ll hurt yourself. If you need something warm, I will make you some tea.”

“ _Fuck_ tea.”

Lafayette came into the kitchen. “Thought I heard you two.” He arched an eyebrow at their current position. “Seems rather bold to be going at it in the kitchen, but Adrienne and I have-”

“We’re not _going at it_ ,” Alex hissed. “John’s trying to keep me from my coffee.”

Lafayette smirked. “If you don’t let him have coffee, John, I doubt you two will ever _go at it_ again.” He pretended to examine his nails. “Although I think it’d be nice if you refrained from drinking too much, _petit lion_. Could cause cardiovascular issues. And John’s too young to be a widow. Think of the children.” He shared a look with John. “All ninety-three of them.”

John knew he was up to something. He loved it. “I don’t want to raise ninety-three children on my own, Alex. Don’t do this to me.”

“Oh my God, I’m not going to die from drinking too much coffee! And we don’t _have_ children!”

“And we never will if you keep up that attitude of yours.”

“Not to mention,” Lafayette added, “excess caffeine has been linked to infertility in both the giver and the receiver of sperm, so...”

Alex narrowed his eyes at him. “We’re not trying to- we’re not even- we’re just-”

“I think we broke him,” John stage-whispered. Lafayette nodded once, and John released his grip on Alex. He spun and gave John a look.

“I’m going to write profanity on all of your sketchbooks.”

“As long as you make it artsy.”

Alex pushed past him and climbed onto the counter, opening the cabinet door. “What the _fuck_?”

“Want some tea instead?”

He hopped down. “Fuck you both,” he growled, turning the kettle on. John and Lafayette tried to stifle their laughter. “Why can’t you let me feed my addiction in peace?”

“Because we love you,” John said.

Alex stiffened. “I’ve got shit to do tonight.”

“Like what?”

“Essays.”

“How many have you written today?”

“Only three!”

“But how long are they?”

Alex grew quiet. “Twenty pages each,” he mumbled.

Lafayette shook his head. “Don’t work yourself to death, Alex. We all need you.”

Alex poured the water into a mug and added a tea bag. “I can’t stop until every Omega is safe.”

“Omegas have _never_ been safe,” John sighed. “They’re just less safe than usual.”

“Whatever.” Alex trudged up the stairs.

John and Lafayette went into the living room. “That was amazing,” he praised Adrienne. “I didn’t even hear you.”

She simply smiled, proudly holding the coffee grounds in her lap.

When Lafayette and Adrienne left an hour later, Frannie turned to John. “You know,” she said, “you seem a little protective for someone who’s just faking it.”

“I thought you weren’t going to pry.”

“I’m just saying. You two _were_ exchanging a few looks at dinner. Don’t think I didn’t catch those.” She stood and they went up to her bedroom. “I can tell you’ve been lifting, by the way. You’re all muscular now. Even more than you already were.”

John smirked. “I guess.” He’d been working out a little bit more since the summer began. He needed an outlet for his stress, and art only did so much.

“And you _did_ lift me like it was nothing.”

“You’re not much bigger than Alex.”

She sat down on the mattress and looked at him as if she was considering something. “About that. Don’t - I mean, answer honestly. Do I look like I’ve gained weight?”

“Maybe a bit. Does it bother you?”

“A little? I mean, I know it’s because I prioritize other things over eating healthily and exercising. There have been times when I’ve eaten nothing but ramen for two weeks in a row because I’m too busy studying to go to the dining hall. I’ve got such a huge workload, and everything else is more important than losing weight. But I’ve never had this problem before and it’s kind of messing with my head. Probably doesn’t help that I haven’t gotten laid since last summer.”

“Neither have I.”

She smirked. “All you’ve gotta do is ask, and I’m sure Alex would be _more_ than willing.”

John rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “Back on topic, here. If you want to have sex, then have sex. What’s stopping you?”

“My studies, my volunteering, my internship. Again, it’s one of those things that isn’t at the top of my list. But something in my head is telling me that it’s because I’ve gained weight. And it really sucks when your jeans suddenly don’t fit and then you’re noticing stretch marks and other flaws that you’d never seen before.”

“Hmm.” John pulled Frannie up and guided her to the mirror hanging on the back of the door. “You know what I see?” When she looked up at him, he said, “No, no. Look in the mirror. I see someone who’s strong and smart and courageous. Someone who wants to help everyone because she has the kindest heart. Someone who is dependable and sweet. Someone who is as beautiful as she has ever been.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Which is _very_.”

She laughed. “You’re the best, you know that?” She turned in his arms and kissed his cheek. “Although I don’t know how much of this I can trust,” she teased. “because you’re gay.”

“I am? Why did no one tell me?” He shook his head. “You can always trust gay guys about stuff like this, because they’d never flatter you just to get into your pants.”

Frannie chuckled. “I guess you’re right. Didn’t you used to do this for Marty when she felt crappy about herself?”

“Yup.”

“Maybe you should do it for Alex when he feels like shit.”

“I don’t think he’d appreciate it.”

“Then it’s his loss.” She draped her arms over his shoulders. “You’ve got this tendency to make everyone feel loved and important. Never lose that.”

When John went back into Alex’s bedroom, he was curled up in bed. John sat next to him and placed a hand on his back. He didn’t respond. John figured he’d fallen asleep and changed into his pajamas.

“I’m sorry I’ve been snippy,” Alex mumbled.

John jumped, startled, then sat back down. “It’s alright.”

“No, it's not. I keep getting frustrated and taking it out on you. It's not fair.”

“So what's really bothering you, then?”

Alex sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. “This whole situation, for starters. The Emergency Breeding Protocol. It pisses me off that anyone can think that it's okay. And it kills me to think about what's happening to those poor Omegas – what could've happened to _you_.”

John heard the hitch in his voice and pulled Alex's hands from his face. “But it didn't happen to me. Thanks to _you_.”

“But at what cost, John? I saw you this morning. You were beside yourself. And even now, I can tell how exhausted you are.”

“You think I'd be better off in a facility? Forced into some kind of harem, at the mercy of a random Alpha? Living each day with the knowledge that I'd be having children that I don't want with someone I don't love? Because that's what's happening across the nation.”

“No, I don't think you'd be better off! _Nobody_ deserves that kind of treatment, that kind of fear! What's fucked up is that we had to _lie_ to the _government_ to save you from that! And the price we're paying – the price _you're_ paying – is so goddamn high. You're going to be bonded to me for the rest of your _life_ , John. Even if you fall in love with someone and let them bite you -” Alex's breath caught. “Your bond to me will always be there.”

It would. Mates very rarely broke up once they'd bonded, but it wasn't unheard of. They'd move on with their lives and maybe find someone new and bond with them. The new bite would overpower the old, but it was a lot like wearing a scent blocker or putting concealer over a bruise.

“That's why I didn't bite you, too,” John said. He knew Alex's heart tended to wander about, searching out one lonely soul after the other, connecting for brief moments before moving on. John had watched it happen several times during high school and once during their first semester at Columbia.

“This isn't about me, John,” Alex said hopelessly. “God, I wish you _had_ , then maybe I wouldn't feel so, so -” He shook his head, lost for words for the first time. “Helpless,” he finally said. “Everything makes me feel helpless. And I can only imagine what it's like for _you_.”

John looked at Alex, who was trying so desperately to hold it together for him. “Nothing's changed,” he said softly. “Not really. Yeah, the Bonding Heat sucked, but that was the worst of it. You're still my family. You're still my best friend of all time. That's not going to change. _We_ don't have to change. And if I _do_ find someone else, we'll just have to work with it. There are worse problems to have.”

“You're not going to be able to date until after the Protocol is lifted.”

“Then I won’t date until after the Protocol is lifted. It’s not that far of a stretch, anyhow.” John had only had one boyfriend, in his junior year. They crashed and burned. Other than that, he had a few flings and one no-strings-attached relationship that lasted way longer than it should have and left him a little gun shy. Last year, he poured his excess energy into studying and working out. He needed to focus on grades, not boys.

“But what if it’s _never_ lifted?”

“It will be if I have anything to say about it.”

Alex frowned. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You didn’t.” _Not in the way you’re thinking, anyway._

“Your father disowned you because of me.”

“No. He disowned me because he’s an asshole. Nothing more.”

Alex stared at him. His eyes looked haunted. “He only hit you once?” When John nodded, he said, “And the other kids are safe there?”

“They are.”

“And you won’t lose funding for school?”

“No.”

“And you’re not lying to me about any of this?”

“Of course not.”

Alex nodded, seemingly appeased, but his eyes still had that look to them. “My first foster family was... Terrible. Well, not at first. They were really nice that first week. But then I dropped a plate.” He blinked. “I was helping with the dishes and I dropped it. It shattered on the floor. It was an accident. The man - he didn’t care. He shoved me. I fell back onto the shards. Got cut up. That’s how I have that scar on my palm. And the one on my back.”

Alex had never told him much about his life before Mr. Washington. John curled up next to him, propping his head up on his hand, watching his face change as he relived the memory, wishing that there was some way he could make the pain just vanish.

“I was walking on eggshells after that,” he continued. “If I was too slow, he’d hit me. If I was in the way, he’d shove me. If I pissed him off for any other reason, he’d lock me in my room without dinner.” Alex took a deep breath. “I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.”

“You _weren’t_ doing anything wrong,” John said firmly, taking one of his hands. Alex looked down at them.

“I know that now. But I was so scared. I- I stayed in two other houses before George and Martha adopted me. The last one was the worst.” He swallowed. “Lafayette was there, too. We were there for six months before George found us, and another two before we got to go home with him. The woman bullied Gil for his lisp. She actually made it worse. And the man, he liked to hit us. He’d smack us around just for the hell of it. I used to push Gil out of the way so he wouldn’t get hurt.” Alex squeezed his eyes shut.

“Alex, you don’t have to-”

“No. You need to hear this. I need to- I need to _say_ this. The man liked to play videos and soundtracks of thunderstorms because he thought it was funny when I got scared. The woman yanked our hair and told us we’d never be loved. Said that it was our fault our parents were dead.” A few tears leaked out. John slid an arm around Alex. “If there was a storm, they’d make us watch from the porch. If I closed my eyes or covered my ears, the man would throw me out into the rain and laugh when I screamed. He used to talk about how Alphas were made to be powerful and Omegas were just- just objects for them to own.” Alex shook his head, as if that would dispel the thoughts. “I disagreed with him, but a part of me still internalized it. He called me a _bitch Omega_ and said that I was good for nothing. I started to believe him, caught myself thinking things about other Omegas that went along those lines. I hated myself for it. And I thought that Alphas were abusive by nature, that George was just the exception.” He covered his face with his hands. “I overheard Henry talking about how all of his children were Alphas and I got scared because I thought that _you’d_ turn into him. That you’d grow up and turn into a power-hungry jackass. I tried to tell myself that you weren’t like them, but I couldn’t quite convince myself. As time went on and I got older, things got better. But then you told me that you were an Omega and it fucked me up. I already felt awful for thinking those things about you, and then finding out that you were actually an Omega made me think of everything that man had said. I’d finally gotten over the idea that Omegas weren’t useless, but you really hammered the point home and it was too much in that moment.”

John remembered that. They’d been ten. Alex had stared at him in shock, and then immediately burst into tears and began blubbering apologies. John had hugged him tightly and called for Mr. Washington. Alex had never exactly explained why until now. It made sense. A lot of things were beginning to make sense, actually. “It’s not your fault,” he said. “You’ve moved past those thoughts.”

Alex nodded. “It took a lot. I’m still leery of my family being around any Alphas that I don’t know. God, John, when I found out that I was an Alpha...” He took a shaky breath.

John remembered that, too. Alex came over with tears running down his face, sobbing so violently that his entire body shook. He'd thrown his arms around John and cried that he didn't want to be a bad person, that he wanted to be good, that he was going to find a way to become an Omega, like John, because John was good and kind and he didn't want to hurt him. John had no idea what was going on at the time, but he'd pulled him closer and ran a hand through his hair, whispering that it was okay, that everything was okay.

“ _I’m a bad person.”_

“ _No, Alex, don’t say that.”_

“ _I’ll only ever hurt people! I’ll hurt you! You should run away!”_

“ _Alex, you’d_ never _hurt me.” John felt Alex grabbing his shirt and his heart broke. “You’re not bad.”_

_He sniffled. “John, I’m scared.”_

“ _I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.”_

“You worried that you were a horrible person?” John guessed. “You’re not. And you’ll never be like them.” He pulled Alex’s trembling form tight against his chest. Alex clung to him.

“They were awful people, and they did so much - they _hurt us_ so much - the thought of your father doing that to you -” Alex’s voice cracked.

“He’s not like them, either,” John assured him. “He never laughed when I got hurt or scared. He never made me go without food or clothing.”

“He made you feel like shit just because you’re an Omega.”

“Yeah. He did.” Nothing else could be said about that.

“It’s wrong. You deserve so much better.”

“So do you.” Alex shook his head with a sob. “Yes, you do.”

“No,” he cried. “No, I don’t. I’m self-absorbed and petty and impulsive and it’s _my fault_ you’re bonded to me.”

“Your quick thinking saved me from a worse fate.”

“It was a Pyrrhic victory at best,” Alex said.

“But still a victory nonetheless.” John sighed. “You're right. This _is_ a bit of a mess and we'll have to work through it. That being said, there's no one I'd rather have to help me deal with this than you.”

Alex grew quiet. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

John untangled himself from Alex, earning a halfhearted whine of protest, and turned out the light. Then he crawled back onto the mattress, pulling the blankets up over them. Alex wrapped himself around John again, much like he'd done seven years ago. And just like seven years ago, John's breath caught in his throat.

Only this time, he knew exactly what it meant.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pyrrhic victory: a victory in which the cost outweighs the achievement  
> What'd you think? Let me know!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: The Protocol is talked about more, and it becomes... more real??? I don't know how to explain it without spoiling anything. It falls under the category of referenced/implied rape  
> Also, there's A LOT of underage drinking and use of drugs, just a head's up!  
> And I shamelessly threw in every single Hamilton reference possible into this one chapter.  
> I think that's it. Enjoy!

Chapter 14

  
  


**T** he soup kitchen reopened and John spent almost all of the day there. There was a disturbing lack of people, but the few that showed up in need of a meal were more than grateful.

When he returned to the Washingtons’, Alex called him into the living room. John found him on the couch with Frannie. “This an intervention?” John asked, taking the chair.

“No,” Alex said. “I was thinking that we should celebrate. George and Martha have that gala in Richmond on Saturday. They’ll be leaving on Friday and won’t be back until Sunday afternoon.”

“I know.”

“Well, we should have people over. And alcohol.”

“Sounds fine with me.” He liked the idea of getting to drink more than he cared to admit. “Who are we inviting?”

“Hercules, Lafayette, and Adri. The Schuylers won’t be back until Tuesday. Marty can come too, if she wants.”

Frannie arched an eyebrow at Alex. “Adri? You must be pretty thrilled about this whole _successfully evading the feds_ thing.”

“I don’t _hate_ Adri,” Alex said, rolling his eyes. “At least she’s not Jeremy.”

It was John’s turn to roll his eyes, while Frannie looked as if he’d just personally insulted her. “I _loved_ Jeremy. He was great!”

“He was a dick!”

“He was _not_! Jeremy Feingold was wonderful!”

“Yeesh, Frannie,” John said. “I’m _still_ convinced that you were more invested in him than _I_ was.”

She shrugged. “Can you blame me? You two were adorable together.”

“He also got John hooked on coke.”

John laughed. “He did _not_ , Alex. He invited me to a party where someone was _doing_ coke. He didn’t know there’d be drugs there.”

“But you wouldn’t have tried it if he hadn’t invited you in the first place.”

“I only did it once. I’m not an addict. Besides, he yelled at me for like an hour the next morning for doing it.”

Alex outstretched his arms. “He yelled at you. Bad boyfriend. Case in point.”

“You’re grasping straws,” Frannie snapped. “Why don’t you like him?”

Alex opened his mouth. Closed it. His cheeks were darkening and he began to fidget. “Do I _need_ a reason? He was just... He was all wrong for John.”

“Uh-huh.” Frannie glanced at John. “So tell me, then, who’s _right_ for him?”

Alex didn’t answer.

“You know what _I’m_ thinking?” Frannie said, leaning towards John. He could feel his own face flushing in secondhand embarrassment. “I’m thinking you’d look good with someone of the _tall, dark, and handsome_ stereotype. What do you think?”

“You mean like Lafayette? Pretty sure both Alex _and_ Adri would murder me if I tried anything with him.”

Frannie snorted. “Fair. But you think he’s handsome?”

John smirked. “Anyone in their right mind would think he’s handsome.”

“So, Alex, who would you prefer to see Lafayette with? John or Adri?”

Alex gave her a hard glare. “Adri. John doesn’t need _tall, dark, and handsome_. He needs someone who’ll love him and stay by his side no matter what.”

“Have anyone in mind?”

John tuned them out and thought about Jeremy. He had bright blue eyes and a huge, contagious smile. They hadn’t really spoken since Jeremy broke up with him. That had been almost three years ago. He wondered what he was up to now.

His face fell, and his heart seized.

He had a pretty good idea of where he was.

Jeremy _was_ an Omega, after all.

Frannie seemed to notice the change in John’s mood before Alex did and turned to him. “What’s wrong?”

John shook his head. “Just... Jeremy.”

It took a second for them to get it. “God,” Alex whispered. “I’m sorry, John.”

“It just means that we need to work harder to lift the Protocol. Starting with the protest.”

* * *

 

Hercules came over Friday night, carrying bottles of whiskey, vodka, tequila, and rum. He also brought in a case of beer.

“Christ, Hercules, there's only six of us,” Alex laughed.

“Marty's not coming?”

“No, she's not much of a drinker,” John said, grabbing the glasses from the cupboard. “Can't say that I mind.” His phone started ringing, and he answered it. “Hey, Frannie. What's up?”

“Do you know if your friend brought rum?”

He glanced at the bottles on the table. “Yeah, he did.”

“Cool. I'm at the store. Is there anything you can think of that you might need?”

“No, not really. Pizzas just came out of the oven, Alex is making buffalo wings, and we've got a whole bunch of fries that we can drop whenever the need arises.”

“How are we on non-alcoholic drinks? Like soda or lemonade?”

“I guess it wouldn't hurt to pick some up. Oh, but don't get pink lemonade unless you want Herc to go off on a three-hour rant.”

“Why would you dye perfectly good lemonade?” Hercules called from the other room.

“Deal. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes.”

He hung up and tossed an ice chip at Alex, who'd gotten busy mixing the sauce. He scowled at John. “I'll rub your eyes with my hot sauce-covered fingers,” he threatened.

“Wanna start the night off right, huh?” John said, hopping up on the counter and eyeing the bottles on the table. “You think we'll be able to drink all of that?”

“Hell, no. Hercules probably just wants something extra to take home to his apartment. Or something for after the protest. He'd mentioned that he wanted us all to come over afterward.”

The man in question came into the dining room. “It might be a little cramped, but it could be fun,” he said.

“Sure, sounds good.” John caught Hercules looking at him with an almost concerned expression. “What's up?”

“I just haven't gotten the chance to check in with you, see how things were going.”

John smiled. “Okay, I guess. Living here is a little weird. Going back is even weirder because I know I’m only visiting. And everyone knows that if Henry comes home early for whatever reason and sees me, we’re going to get into it and I’d really rather not do that in front of the kids. Being there with them is nice, but it’s so tense. I think Mary Eleanor has it the worst, because she doesn’t fully comprehend why I’m gone, just that I don’t live there anymore and Henry and I are mad at each other. Marty says she’s still learning how to deal with nightmares without me to comfort her.” He made a face. “I think I coddled her too much.”

“She was like your kid,” Hercules said. “I mean, they’re _all_ like your kids, but you did raise Polly from infancy.”

John shrugged. “The others are fine, too. James and Junior are still fighting, Junior will ask me for dating advice. I’ll redirect him to Marty, as per usual. She’s been trying to get me to come over less, but that’s not going to happen. It’s not fair that all of this is falling upon her now. And if she thinks I’m _not_ going to try to help out, she’s insane.”

“It wasn’t exactly fair to fall upon you, either,” Alex said.

“True. But I was better equipped to handle it. I had the experience.” John hopped down and picked up the bottle of whiskey. Contemplated whether or not to pour himself a drink this early.

Lafayette came into the kitchen, Adrienne right behind him. “Hey, guys! Ready for the best night of your insignificant lives?”

“You are the worst, Laf,” Hercules said, rolling his eyes. “I happen to work for Spotted Otto Industries. Not so insignificant _now_ , huh?”

“You mean you _intern_ for them,” John corrected, earning a look.

“If you're done arguing,” Adrienne said, stepping around her mate and over to the table, “I've got some goodies for you.” She produced a small bag and some papers.

“No way,” John said, at her side in an instant. “We're gonna get _trashed_ tonight.”

She was already making a joint with expert hands. “Was that not the point? This is my way of congratulating you, John.”

“I should've sent you a graduation announcement, then.”

Adrienne laughed at that and licked the paper, then twisted it a little. “Wanna take the first hit?”

It was really tempting. “No, I think I'll pace myself a little bit tonight.”

“Suit yourself,” she said, taking out her lighter. “Would you rather I go outside?”

“Yeah,” Alex called from where he was pulling the wings out of the fryer. “If you could. We can get secondhand baked later.”

She shrugged and walked out onto the porch, leaving the glass door open so they could still talk to her through the screen. “Lafayette, _mon nonours_ , do you want to join me?”

John fought the snicker at the nickname, but Alex wasn't as kind. Lafayette swatted the back of his head on his way outside, where he delicately removed the joint from her outstretched fingers and took a puff.

The front door opened and John went to greet Frannie. “Laf and Adri are already smoking,” he informed her, taking one of the boxes of soda.

“Wonderful. At least we've got enough food.” They walked into the kitchen and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hercules do a double take. Frannie set her cooler on the counter and took out a pack of frozen strawberries and lime juice. Then she scooted the blender out. “I forgot to ask how much ice we had,” she said as she grabbed some sugar from the cabinet.

“We've got plenty,” John said, heading over to the freezer. “Making us daiquiris?”

“Figured I might as well.” She looked at the bag of ice he'd placed by the blender and smiled at him gratefully.

“Wings are done,” Alex announced. “But they're still pretty warm. So be careful.”

Hercules opened a bottle of rum and handed it to Frannie. She worked quickly, not even stopping to measure. When everything was blended, she spooned a little bit out and held it out to Alex. “Taste this.”

He complied and nodded. “Can't even taste the rum.”

“Perfect.”

Adrienne and Lafayette came inside, and Frannie kissed them both in greeting. “Made daiquiris,” she said, nodding to the blender.

Everyone got settled pretty quickly, pouring themselves something. Alex mixed Sprite and tequila. Adrienne helped herself to a daiquiri. John followed suit. Lafayette got a shot of vodka. Hercules poured himself a shot of whiskey. Frannie did the same.

“You sure you can handle that?” Hercules asked Frannie with a smirk. John noticed Alex tense and nudged him.

Frannie arched an eyebrow at him and popped a hip. “Don’t worry about me. I can handle my liquor like a big girl.” And then she downed the shot.

Hercules had never looked so smitten.

John lost track of time after that. He drank and ate – and praised Alex for his _fucking awesome_ hot wings – and laughed at stupid jokes with everyone. He eventually indulged himself in a couple of hits from the joint and leaned back against Alex contentedly. Alex smirked and tugged playfully at his hair.

“I'm just saying,” Hercules was telling Adrienne, who was listening intently, “there's no point in pink lemonade. It's so _extra_. Unnecessary. It's literally just _dye_! There _are no pink lemons!_ ”

“It's ridiculous,” Adrienne agreed from where she was resting comfortably in Lafayette's lap. “And since it's dyed, there's a little bit less lemonade in every can. You know what I mean? Since there's dye, there's less actual juice.”

“They're just trying to rip us off,” Hercules said darkly.

“Fuck the food industry,” she spat.

Lafayette's eyes met John's and he smiled. “I think he's made a conspiracy theorist out of her.”

“I think so, too.” He leaned his head back and looked at Alex. “You think she's been converted?”

“Huh?”

“How long have you had that?” He reached up and took the joint from Alex, bringing it to his own lips. “Save some for the rest of the class.”

“You've got pretty eyes,” Alex said softly.

John took another hit, then handed it back to him. “So do you. They're like, really dark brown. Like chocolate. _Dark_ chocolate. Or coffee. Maybe you've had so much coffee that you're _becoming_ coffee.” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “What I'm trying to say is that I like your eyes.”

“No, no, I like _your_ eyes. Sometimes they look like golden honey, sometimes they look like leaves in the summer. But I don't think they're ever the same exact color twice.”

“How would you even know that?”

“I stare at you enough,” he said simply, leaning back. “I stare into your eyes. They're so damn _warm_ , John. They make me feel like my heart's being hugged by a blanket fresh out of the dryer.”

“You stare at me?” John laughed, taking the joint again. “What a coincidence. _I_ stare at _you_!”

“Stop hogging that,” Frannie snapped, plucking the joint from John's hand.

“You've got coffee eyes, too,” John mused. “I thought you preferred tea.”

Frannie shook her head with a grin. “You two are _blazed_.” She sat down next to them, resting her head on Alex's shoulder. “I love you guys.”

“I love you too, Frannie,” Alex said. “You're just, you're just _great._ Isn't she great, John?”

“She is the best,” he agreed. “Frannie, you're the best. Did you know that?”

“No, _you guys_ are where it's at.” She took a hit and handed the joint over to Hercules, who had appeared next to John. “Anyway, I've been thinking about the protest this weekend and that charity, V- V- what's it called?”

“VAMO,” John said. “Virginians Against the Maltreatment of Omegas.”

“Yeah, them. I've been thinking. What's being done about the _children_ , guys? The children of the Omegas being force bred.”

“I don't know,” John admitted. “I hadn't thought that far ahead. Had you, Alex?”

Alex shook his head. “We need to make sure there are programs that will help the Omegas and their kids.”

“Because it's not their fault, either,” Frannie said. “They weren't the ones to sign off on the Protocol.”

“It seems that this stupid thing is hurting more people than it's helping,” Hercules grumbled.

“But it's okay,” John added bitterly. “It's okay, because they're all Omegas, right?”

“Except it's _not_ okay,” Alex said, taking a drink and making a face at it. “It's not okay that this is happening, which is why we need to stop it. So we'll go to the protest next weekend, provoke outrage and make Aquitaine realize just how much he fucked up.”

“Right.” John felt a little bit better. “Because we're not just going to sit back and do nothing!”

“We've only got one life,” Adrienne called from across the room. “We need to make sure it's one worth living.”

“We've got one shot to make a statement. We can't throw it away,” Alex agreed.

“If you knock us down, we'll get the fuck back up again!” Hercules yelled, thrusting his glass into the air.

“We won't stand for violence or discrimination against Omegas any longer!” Frannie cried.

“We'll take the horse by the reins, and we're never going to stop!”

The excitement turned into chatter and John smiled. _This_ was his family. _These_ were his people. And they were what mattered.

“ _Raise a glass to freedom_ ,” he sang, laughing a little.

“Uh-oh,” Alex said. “Someone cut John off. He's singing.”

“ _Something they can never take away. No matter what they tell you_ ,” he continued, lying down on the floor. Alex looked over at him, equally amused and thoughtful. “ _Raise a glass to the six of us._ ” He paused for a second. “ _I hope they don't make dicks of us._ ” Alex threw his head back with a loud laugh. “ _When we tell the story of tonight._ ”

“Where'd you hear that, John?” he asked, lying down next to him.

“Just made it up. Kinda pretty, huh?”

“Yeah. Really pretty. Maybe we can make that our theme song.”

Hercules tapped on John's arm some time later. “Hey. John. Gotta talk to you.”

“What?” He reluctantly sat up.

“So, Frannie.”

“What about her?”

“She's grown up a lot since I've last seen her.”

“It _has_ been three years. Your point?” He didn't know whether he liked where this was going.

“I wanna ask her out.”

John pondered the notion, then shook his head. “I don't think that's such a good idea. She's not one for hookups. At least, not right now.”

“Maybe I don't want a hookup. I think I could really like her.”

“I dunno, Herc. She's got a resume as long as your leg. She's got her schoolwork, her internship, _and_ her volunteering. I don't think she'd have time for a relationship. But you can ask her, if you want. Just don't get your hopes up.”

“I think it'd be a good match,” Alex said from the floor. “Frannie loves kids, and Herc's the dad friend of our group.”

“There you go.” Hercules gestured to him. “See? _He_ gets it.”

“He's also hammered.”

“So are you.”

“And so are you.”

“Well, so am I,” Alex said from the floor. John glanced down at him before standing and retrieving a water bottle from the fridge and handing it to him. “What's this?”

“It's good.”

“Oh yeah?”

“You'll have to sit up to drink it, though.”

Alex mumbled incoherently and sat, opening the bottle. “It'd better be _damn_ good for all that work I just did.” He took a long drink and his eyes widened. “John, you glorious bastard, this is _amazing_!”

Hercules shook his head at Alex. “You're a lightweight.”

“No, I'm from the Caribbean.”

“Case in point,” John said, looking around the room. “Where's everyone at?”

“I think they went outside. They took the joint with them.”

When had John handed it to anyone?

“Fuckers,” Alex spat. He wrapped his arms around John and pressed his face into his shoulder. “You smell like weed and alcohol.”

“Yup.”

“Do I smell like that?”

“Without a doubt.”

“Hmm.” He wrapped his arms around John's neck. “Are you from a bakery, John? Because you sure are bae goals.”

Hercules guffawed and John rolled his eyes. Alex _always_ flirted when he was drunk.

“You wanna know a secret, John?” Alex leaned in close and, before John got the chance to answer, whispered, “I think you're... fucking... Just, you're so great. You know? Just such a fucking treasure. You're the best. No one says that to you, even though you deserve to hear it every. Single. Day.”

John beamed, heart thrumming a little at the confession. He vaguely hoped that everyone would assume his cheeks were red from the alcohol. “You know, Alex, I think _you're_ pretty great, too.”

His face fell a little. “I'm alright. Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually kinda insecure.”

John had figured that out years ago. “That's not good. You shouldn't feel insecure. You shouldn't feel insecure about _anything_. What's... What're you so insecure about?”

Alex shrugged. “A lot of stuff. I'm shortish and have a big nose and I don't think I'm a good Alpha to you or anyone.”

“You have a better center of gravity if you're short,” John said, lying down, or, more accurately, _falling_ , onto the floor next to him. “And I like your nose. It's nice. _You're_ nice.”

“I am?”

“You're gorgeous. And you haven't had any practice being an Alpha to anyone. Not really. It takes time.”

“Maybe I could practice on you some time?”

John turned his head to look at him. “Huh?”

Alex's face was red. “I don't think I said that right.”

“You want to practice being an Alpha with me? What exactly does that mean? Like, what context? Bossing me around? Looking out for me? And do you want to be my Alpha like Mr. Washington is for you, or like Adri is for Laf?”

“I dunno,” he said sheepishly. “I want to _protect_ you. Keep you safe forever and ever. Because you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want you to get hurt but it's a problem because you're so damn _fighty_. And it's great until the day I have to ID your body because you picked a fight with the _one_ person who couldn't be beat.”

“Hmm.” John's head was swimming, but he wasn't sure why. And what was the funny feeling in his stomach? “I'm not going to stop that.”

“I couldn't ask you to, baby.”

 _Baby?_ John's hearing had gone. He was too drunk, too delirious. “But I guess I could let you worry over me? I don't know. You hardly ever stop to take care of _yourself_ , let alone someone else.”

“That's why I need a trial run!”

“Yeah, okay.” His eyes closed on their own volition. “You can take care of me. I guess? Wasn't that what you wanted?”

Alex scooted close and wrapped his arms around John. “I think so. I don't remember what I said.” John felt a weight on his chest, just below his shoulder, but his eyelids were too heavy. “John?”

“Yeah?”

“Where's that really good stuff that you gave me?”

“The fridge. Bottom shelf.”

Alex disappeared. John drifted away, but was pulled back when someone nudged him.

“John, honey, sit up.”

“Frannie, I'm tired.”

Hands were tugging his shoulders. He groaned, but relented. Someone was pulling him up. He leaned against them as they walked up some stairs. Then he was falling back onto something soft and wonderful.

“Don't fall asleep quite yet,” Hercules said. When had he gotten here? “Let's get you under the covers. And open your eyes.”

John complied with too much effort and gasped at the sudden sensation of light.

“There you are,” Alex said, appearing in the doorway, arms full of bottles. “Are you going to sleep?”

John nodded solemnly. “I think so.”

Alex grinned. “I've got it from here, you two. Thanks.” And then the two – Frannie and Hercules? - were gone. Alex opened a bottle and handed it to John. “I'll share some of this stuff with you. It's _really_ good.”

He took a drink and moaned. What _was_ this stuff? It was _amazing_. He gulped the liquid down greedily.

Alex was still smiling. He set the rest of the bottles down on the table and leaned John back into the pillows, tucking him in. “There?”

“It's nice.”

“Good.” He sat down beside him and took his hand. “I'll sit with you until you're asleep. Like any good Alpha.”

“You know, Alex, I've got insecurities too.” John was finding it a little hard to speak, but this was the most important thing in the world. “Everyone does. It's not a bad thing.”

“Why would you be insecure?” Alex asked. “You're perfect.”

“And you're drunk,” John laughed. “We both know I'm far from perfect. But sometimes, when I'm not busy with anything and get a second alone with my thoughts, I worry about stuff. Like, like if there's something wrong with me because I'm _not_ like other Omegas. I'm not very quiet and I don't like it when others speak for me. I'm hot-headed and aggressive and I've only just learned to channel that into something healthy and sometimes I'm _still_ a little much at times. And I’ve never really submitted to anyone. It pissed my dad off to no end because I wouldn't take shit from him or anyone. I still don't. And I know that since I'm bonded to you that technically means you have some kind of authority over me, but that's not thrilling for me, it's terrifying. That idea that I could be owned by someone else, that I only exist for them anymore - I don't want to live like that. And other Omegas seem to be fine with it but I'm not. I'm not fine with any of it. I'm not fine.”

Alex didn't answer for a long time. “You may not be a normal Omega,” he finally said, “but you're _you_. And no one in their right mind would trade that for the world. I sure as hell wouldn't.” He grabbed a bottle from the table and took a drink before coaxing John to do the same. “And I don't think there's such a thing as _normal._ That's just what society wants you to think because they want you to conform and _they're_ wrong, not you. You're the goddamn world.” John blinked at him, and Alex reached over to wipe away tears that he hadn't realized he'd shed. “I don't want authority over you. Not that kind. I want to care for you, not command you. That's how all Alphas should feel, right? And I'll never own you. No matter what anyone says.”

John hiccuped and looked away for a moment. _I love you_ , he thought. _I love you so much._ “I'm glad it's you,” he said. “I'm glad you're my Alpha now, not anyone else. I'm glad it's you.”

Alex stilled, eyes widening for a second, then ran a shaky hand through his own hair. It had come out of its ponytail a long time ago. “John, I...” He shook his head and laughed. “You're the goddamn world.”

John smiled at that and closed his eyes once again. “I didn't ever really like my freckles, either,” he said, “until you compared them to stars.”

“I can’t believe you remember that.” They’d been eight. He felt a hand brushing hair from his face. “John?”

“Yeah, Alex?”

“I'm glad you're...”

When he didn't finish, he turned his head. Alex looked slightly stricken. “Alex?”

He smiled, but something was off about it. He leaned down and pressed his lips to John's forehead, maybe lingering for just a little too long, but John cherished it. “Go to sleep, Jack.”

“Hmm.” He let himself drift off, Alex's hand still on his.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John basically asked Alex if he wanted to be his daddy or his  _daddy_ lol
> 
> So, that's the end of my week-long posting frenzy. I'll see you Sunday, if I'm not incarcerated for killing the director of my play, who has failed to show up to rehearsal twice now!  
> Ta-taa!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't really have any warnings that I can think of.

Chapter 15

  
  


**P** ain.

Light.

Too much.

_Ouch._

John cracked his eyes open, whining a little at the strengthening of his headache when he did so. He could _feel_ the light more than he could see it, but it still hurt. His head hurt. His stomach hurt. He felt like shit.

Slowly but surely, he woke up and became more aware of his surroundings.

For instance, he suddenly noticed that his face was buried in someone's neck.

They smelled like alcohol and weed, which made his stomach lurch. But they also smelled faintly of home.

Alex.

His face was tucked into his neck, his arms were wrapped around his waist, one of his legs was hooked over his hip. He could feel every inch of Alex's sleeping form and it was equal parts soothing and mortifying.

John squirmed until Alex's grip on him loosened enough that he could get up without waking him, then went to the bathroom and threw up.

He felt a little better after that. He rinsed his mouth out, splashed cold water on his face, then went downstairs.

Frannie and Hercules were already in the kitchen, drinking coffee. Frannie was sitting on the counter and Hercules was leaning against the one perpendicular to it. They both halted their conversation when they saw John stumble in and pour himself a mug.

“How are you two still alive?” he asked, taking a long drink. He _hated_ coffee. But he hated the headache more.

“We didn't drink as much,” Frannie said matter-of-factly. “And we're professionals.”

“Don't let Mr. Washington hear you say that,” John said.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” Hercules asked with a smirk and arched eyebrow.

John tried to recall. “Frannie made daiquiris. They were really good, by the way. And Adri brought weed. Also top notch.” He closed his eyes. “Herc rambled about pink lemonade. And... didn't we talk about the protest?”

“A little,” Frannie said with a nod. “Nothing else, though?”

“Not really. Just flashes.” Mainly Alex. Alex, tugging his hair. Alex, laughing at Hercules. Alex, sprawled across the floor and nonverbal for about an hour. Alex, holding his hand as they talked. What had they talked about? He could remember the sound of his voice, but not the actual words. “Why? Did something happen?”

“Not really,” Hercules said. “You and Alex rambled to each other for a while and then you fell asleep, so Frannie and I took you to your room. Alex came up later and told us to go away because he could handle it.”

“He had, like, ten water bottles in his arms,” Frannie laughed. “I came in a little later to check on you, and you were both fast asleep, pressed up against each other like you were freezing to death and huddling for warmth. When I tried to help Alex to his own bed, he, uh.” She laughed again. “He kind of growled at me? Not a very serious growl, but it got his message across. And when I told him that maybe he should go back to his room to sleep, you clung to him even tighter and whimpered like a pup.”

John's face turned red. “My God.”

“It was pretty adorable, actually.”

“Were we the first ones to crash?”

Hercules shook his head. “Nah. Adri and Laf were the first to go to bed, but it was only because Adri started getting a little grabby and whispered some naughty things to him in French. He wanted to stop it before it got out of hand. He'd told you good night.”

John didn't remember. “What about you two?”

“I turned in at about six. I don't know about him,” she tilted her head in Hercules's direction, “but he was passed out on the couch when I came down to make coffee.”

Hercules shrugged. “It seemed comfortable enough.”

John smiled a little at that, but it faded as he recalled Hercules asking him about a girl. A girl he wanted to ask out on a date. He glanced at Frannie, then said to Hercules, “I need to talk to you for a second.”

They went into the living room. “What’s up, John?”

“Did you ask me about Marty last night?” He _did not_ like the idea of those two going out.

Hercules shook his head. “No. No, I asked about Frannie.” He stared at John for a moment. “I’ve seen the looks you give me when Marty and I are talking, and I can assure you that nothing’s going on between us. She’s great, and I know she’s going to do amazing things, but she’s like a sister to me.”

John nodded, rubbing his temples. His headache was back. “I’m glad to hear that. And I’m sorry if that makes me sound like an ass. You know I trust you, but-”

“She’s your little sister.”

“Yeah.”

“I'm not in love with Marty. But Frannie, on the other hand...”

“You've literally only known her for a night.”

“I've known her for much longer than that.”

“You haven't spoken in three years. She'd always been just Alex and Laf's older sister. Why the sudden interest?”

Hercules shrugged, looking sheepish. “She's grown up a lot. We kind of talked last night and she had some really great ideas for rallies and raising awareness. And she brought things to the light that no one had ever _considered_ before. She's also so funny and smart and her _smile_ , John.”

John shook his head. “I've seen it.”

“She's beautiful. And radiant. And she's got so much that she wants to accomplish. It's breathtaking.”

“Is this what you told me last night?”

“More or less.”

“What did I say?”

“That she's probably not interested in a relationship right now.”

“Good. Yeah. That's my answer, then.”

Hercules smiled. “Do you think she'd hate it if I asked her out as a friend?”

“No. But she's clever. If you try any lines or techniques, she'll see right through them and be really insulted.”

“Techniques?”

John shrugged, yawning. It was only ten o'clock. He'd just gotten up. He couldn't be tired yet. “Treating her to something expensive, only to claim that you do this for all of your friends. Taking her out to anywhere with a romantic atmosphere. Giving her flowers or other pointless gifts. Stuff like that.”

“Flowers aren't pointless!”

“If you wanted to woo her, surprise her with an espresso when you study together. Don't go all out. Girls hate that stuff.”

“John, you're gay.”

“ _Exactly_.” He understood the implication and threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “Girls _talk_ to me about stuff like this! I know so much and yet nobody believes me! Hell, do you have any idea how good I would be at sex with a woman if I wanted to do it? They talk to me about _everything_ , because they know I'm not going to use it against them!”

“Who's talked to you about sex?”

He waved his hand dismissively. “A lot of people. They need someone to vent to who isn’t going to judge. And other girls can be judgmental and gossipy. So they come to me.” Okay, _three_ people came to him. But making it seem like more would give him more credibility. Hearing Eliza’s complaints about Alex in bed, though, was equally hilarious and heart-wrenching. It had been about a week after they’d broken up. She hadn’t known yet how John felt.

“Got any advice for me?”

“Foreplay, find the G-spot, the clit isn’t the only sensitive part of the body...” John glanced over his shoulder as Frannie walked into the room, carrying her mug and wearing a confused expression. “Anything else you can think of?”

“About women? Um, don’t make a big deal if she hasn’t shaved her legs. Or isn’t wearing makeup. And be willing to communicate.”

“Always communicate,” John said. “Hell, be the one to bring it up. It shows initiative. The good kind, not the macho-heteronormative kind.”

“You’ve learned well from me,” Frannie praised him, sitting down on the couch and propping her feet on the coffee table. John smirked when Hercules gave him a surprised look. _Of course_ Frannie vented to him. They were best friends. “I heard bits and pieces of what you and Alex were talking about last night.”

“Care to fill me in?”

“Just little things. He said that you had really pretty eyes. And you told him that he was gorgeous.”

“He delivered a really bad pickup line,” Hercules added. “And I think the whole _gorgeous_ thing came from when you two were talking about insecurities. He said that he didn't like his nose.”

“He's got a nice nose.”

“That's what you told him.”

John sighed. “How embarrassing was it?”

“Not too bad,” Hercules said. “He ate it up and stared at you for an ungodly amount of time. You were both pretty far gone.”

“I think you're wrong in your assumptions,” Frannie said quietly.

“What assumptions?”

“That he doesn't feel the same.”

“The same?” Hercules frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Frannie snorted. “God, you're thick.”

“Frannie, he hasn't known us as long as you. I was already past the point of no return when we became friends. I didn't seem any different to him because he hadn't known me before. And how long have _you_ known? I never even told you.”

“Just like you never told Marty or Laf? Everyone knows about it, John. Well, except for Hercules, apparently.”

“Wait,” Hercules said, leaning forward, his voice low. “Wait a sec. You've got a thing for Alex?”

John nodded. “Just don't tell him. It was complicated enough _before_ the Protocol.”

“I won't.” He ran a hand over his stubble. “It all makes so much sense now. No wonder you sulked when he started dating Eliza. I'd thought you were just jealous because he wasn't spending as much time with you.”

“Nope. Just heartbroken because I thought he was straight.”

“In his defense, _you_ didn't come out until after they'd broken up.”

John remembered that. “I feel like you all kind of knew anyway.”

“I had a feeling,” Frannie said. “Kinda broke my heart, but I got over it.” She nudged him.

“I always knew. I just figured you’d tell us when you were ready.” Hercules glanced at Frannie, then at John. He could see the gears turning in his mind. Frannie curled up, resting her head on John’s shoulder.

“Get a room, you two,” Adrienne said from the doorway.

Lafayette appeared from behind her and shot John a playful glare. “You'll make Alex jealous.”

“Maybe then he'll grow some stones and tell him how he feels,” Adrienne grumbled.

John shook his head at them, ignoring the _what if_ that intruded upon his thoughts. He sat up and picked up his mug, finishing off his coffee, before heading into the kitchen and starting another pot. Alex would be miserable enough as it was. The last thing he needed was a long wait for his vice.

While it was brewing, he thought about the protest. The projected amount of attendees had doubled, and there were announcements of more protests being planned and scheduled across the country. This one wasn't the first – the first one had been in San Francisco, followed by another in St. Louis. Maybe, with enough support, there'd be a march in DC in the future.

He filled his mug and took a sip, being mindful of the heat. There were a lot of things he had to fight for. And he had a lot of people to fight alongside. The thought filled him with warmth and made the coffee taste slightly less terrible.

“Why are you drinking that? You hate coffee.” He turned to see Alex walking over, grabbing a mug and filling it. He brought it to his lips and his eyes fluttered shut. “But you make it so good.”

“I've gotta get my practice in.” The phrase seemed slightly familiar, but he had no clue why.

Alex hummed appreciatively. “How are you doing this morning?”

“Could be better. You look a little worse for wear.” And he did. His hair was a mess, down and unkempt instead of pulled back like he usually kept it. His eyes were even more tired than usual, and there were dark circles under each one. His skin was pale and dry.

“So do you, asshole. Maybe we shouldn't be drinking this.”

“You must still be drunk,” John teased, “because I don't think I've ever heard you say that about coffee.”

“It dehydrates you.” He chuckled. “I don’t remember much of last night. I think we exchanged secrets like a couple of teenagers.”

“We _are_ teenagers.”

“I don't remember what I said, though.”

“That you didn't like your nose, apparently. At least, that's what Frannie and Herc said.”

He reached up and touched it, pulling a face. “No one was supposed to know about that.”

“We've all got things we don't like about ourselves,” John said simply, getting a glass for water. “It's normal. But, for the record, I like your nose.”

“I think you said that. And did we share a bed last night, or was that just a really weird dream?”

“No, we shared. You'd tried to take care of me, I think.”

“That explains the water bottles.”

John slammed his mug down on the counter, suddenly making the connection. “ _Water_! _That_ was the super amazing drink that you brought me!”

Alex laughed, nodding. “That was the magical stuff that you tricked me into drinking.”

He let out a half-laugh and picked up the glass of water. “It worked, though. You're not _as_ dehydrated as you could've been.”

“I guess not.” Alex looked down. “Hey, John, thanks. For, you know, taking care of me.”

That phrase sounded vaguely familiar, too. “It's no big deal, really.”

“But it is. It's _such_ a big deal.” He set his mug down and touched John's shoulders. “It's a _huge_ deal. You're always there for me. You've always _been_ there for me. Even when I don't necessarily want you to be. Because you look after my needs.”

“Of course I do. That's what friends are for.”

Alex's face went rigid for half of a second, but then he was pulling John into a hug. “Yeah. I know. We're supposed to be there for each other. As friends. Because that's what friends are for.” His voice sounded off, and he was still holding John close. “I just...” He took a breath. “John, I just think you're the best friend anyone could ever ask for. And I wish there was a way I could... I could make you see that.”

John's arms were tight around Alex. “Are you okay?”

Alex nodded jerkily. “I just feel crappy. Hangover and all. And maybe I need to go back to bed because I thought I could handle this but I can't.” And then he let out a really small, barely audible sob.

“Hey, hey, hey,” John whispered soothingly, rubbing his back. “I'm here, it'll be okay. Let's get you back to bed, yeah? Maybe some more sleep will help you feel better.”

He took Alex upstairs and tucked him into his bed. “Do you want something for the headache?” Alex shook his head, tears streaming down his face. John grabbed him the box of tissues. “Do you want me to stay here with you?”

He took a shuddering breath, eyes clenching shut, probably against the light, and John pulled the curtains closed. “John?” His voice was uncharacteristically small. He only sounded like that when he was hurt.

The alcohol must've done a number on him.

“Yeah, Alex?”

“I think I'd... I think I'd like to be alone for a little while.”

“Sure thing. Just let me know if you need anything, okay? You know you can do that, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

John left Alex's bedroom and closed the door, heading back into the living room.

“Where's Alex?” Frannie asked from the couch. “I thought I heard him come down.”

“Yeah, he still didn't feel well, so he went back to bed.”

Lafayette and Hercules exchanged a glance. “I can’t think of a time when he hasn’t powered through a hangover,” Lafayette said.

“I think he just had too much,” John replied. “I don’t know why exactly today’s worse, but he’s resting right now. And that’s what he needs.”

“Stress _does_ have a different effect on everyone,” Adrienne offered. “And we’ve all been under a lot of stress lately.”

Everybody muttered some kind of agreement, but John got lost in his thoughts shortly after. Something had seemed a little off about Alex, and he'd just chalked it up to the hangover. What if it was something else, though? What would Alex be hiding from him? They told each other everything.

 _Almost everything_ , John corrected himself, glancing at Hercules. _If I can keep my secrets, I suppose he can, too._

That didn't help the knot in his stomach. It only tightened when Alex came downstairs two hours later, eyes red and puffy, and sat on the side of the couch opposite John.

He tried to focus on the television, but his gaze kept shifting to Alex, who was wrapped up in a blanket, curled into himself, leaning against Frannie. She met his eyes and made a confused face. John could only relate.

Something was definitely wrong, but Alex wasn't telling him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (PS: I'm not incarcerated, but that's not to say that my director showed up. I'm absolutely tattling on him tomorrow.)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little late, I'm sorry!!!  
> This features the lovely Schuyler sisters! I don't think I could ever do them justice, so I apologize in advance.  
> Warning: More talk about the Protocol and its implications.

Chapter 16

  
  


**T** he tension between Alex and John was palpable, to say the least. Alex only spoke to him about the upcoming protest and had stopped touching him almost entirely. People were starting to notice.

Mr. Washington asked John if everything was okay between them.

Mrs. Washington asked if they'd had a fight.

Frannie offered to speak to Alex for him. John politely refused.

Tuesday rolled around and John received a text from Eliza, announcing their homecoming and inviting Alex and him over.

“Hey, Alex?”

He looked up from his laptop. “Yeah, John?”

John suddenly felt uncomfortable. “Uh, the Schuylers just got home and Eliza was wondering if we wanted to come over.” When Alex didn't answer, he added, “We can talk about the protest?”

After an eternity, he nodded. “Sounds good. I'll drive.”

The car ride was painful. Neither man said a word. Alex sat rigidly, focused entirely on the road. John watched him out of the corner of his eye.

Was it something John had done? Alex hadn't been himself around anyone, but John seemed to be the main recipient of his... whatever this was.

When Eliza opened the door to the two of them, she engulfed them both in a giant hug. “I've missed you so much!”

“I've missed you, too, Eliza,” Alex said, hugging her again when she pulled away.

“You've gotten a little bit of sun,” John said conversationally as she led them into the parlor. Peggy jumped up from one of the sofas and threw her arms around him. Angelica offered him a smile and dip of the chin. “You all look great. Where's Maria?”

“Right here,” a smooth voice said from behind him. He turned and welcomed the hug from the young woman. “Missed you all.”

“We missed you guys.”

They all took seats on the sofas. Alex sat next to Angelica. John sat next to Eliza. The furniture was maybe eight feet apart. It might as well have been miles.

John hoped that no one would notice anything, that they'd all be too wrapped up in the afterglow of the vacation to see the distressed look on his face, and the carefully placed emotionless mask on Alex's.

Lady Luck ignored his plea.

“Don't tell me you two fought again,” Peggy sighed, breaking the silence. “God, you guys. For a fake relationship, you sure do argue like you've been bonded for years.”

“We're not fighting,” John said quickly. Alex wasn't meeting his eyes.

“Then what's wrong?”

What _was_ wrong? John had no idea. He wanted to know. He desperately wanted to know so they could fix it. But Alex wasn't talking to him and he _hated_ that. He missed his friend. A deeper part of him missed his Alpha. He wanted Alex back.

He didn't say any of that. He just kept looking at Alex, who was looking at everyone but him.

“Okay, that's it,” Angelica said, standing. “Maria, with me. Come on, Alex. Let's go.”

“Where are we going?”

“To talk. Eliza, you and Peggy take John.”

The three disappeared – Alex with a protest on his lips until Angelica fixed him with a look.

John turned to Eliza and Peggy. “I have no idea,” he said before they could ask. “I have no clue what's going on with him. He's been quiet and reserved and he's not talking much to _anyone_ , me especially.”

“How long has this been going on?” Eliza asked, leaning forward.

“Since Saturday. We'd had that party Friday night, and he was pretty hungover from it. He actually went back to bed.” He replayed the day in his head. “None of this started until he woke up the second time.”

Eliza chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. “Did anyone say anything to him?”

“No. Nothing out of the ordinary. He seemed a _little_ off when he first got up, though. He thanked me for always being there for him, but the way he worded it was... odd.”

Peggy fixed him with her signature determined look. “What did you say to him?”

“That it wasn't a big deal, because that's what friends are for?”

She threw herself back against the sofa with a groan. “John Laurens, you beautiful moron!”

“What?”

“You _friendzoned_ him!”

“Peggy,” Eliza scolded gently. “ _Friendzone_ is not a polite term.”

“What would _you_ call it, then?”

“In this case? A misunderstanding.” She turned to him. “John, I think he has feelings for you. That's why he's so upset. You told him you were his friend.”

“You basically told him that was all you'd _ever_ be.”

John frowned. “I don't think -”

“What is your deal with not believing he loves you?” Peggy threw her hands into the air. “I'm so sick of all of this dancing around you two are doing! He loves you! I can see it, Eliza can see it, Laf can see it, _everyone_ can see it! You're just so damn dense!”

“She's got a point,” Eliza said, taking his hand. “Why is it hard for you to believe?”

“I know Alex,” John said. “He's upfront with everything. He's a bit of an open book. If he has an opinion, he shouts it from the rooftops. So if he loves me so much, why hasn't he told me?”

“Why do you assume it's _his_ job to make the first move?” Peggy asked, crossing her arms.

John didn't have an answer to that. _Because he's an Alpha_ was his immediate thought, but he was trying so hard to destroy stereotypes like that one.

“He's probably scared to tell you because he knows what's at stake if you don't feel the same,” Eliza said. “My guess is that he loves you on many different levels, and he doesn't want to risk losing you as a friend if you don't love him as anything else. He'd rather be your best friend and keep quiet than face losing you because he said too much.” A knowing smirk. “Sound familiar?”

It did. Painfully so. “So you really think he could be...?”

Twin nods.

The room spun and he had to catch his breath. After all of these years, all of this time, there was actually a chance?

“You should talk to him about it,” Eliza said.

There was a knock on the door and Angelica poked her head in. “Okay?”

Eliza stood and kissed his cheek. “Good luck,” she whispered to him. Then she and Peggy left and Alex came in. They stared at each other awkwardly for several moments.

“I'm sorry I've been like this,” Alex said. “I've had a lot on my mind, and I didn't realize that it was affecting other people. I'm a little self-absorbed. Or a lot, according to Maria. And I didn't even think about how it would be for you, because of your bond.”

“What's been worrying you so much?” _That you're in love with me and can't say it. That you're in love with me and can't say it. Say it. Say it. Say it say it say it sayitsayitsayit-_

“The Protocol,” he said.

John's mouth fell open and it took a second for him to regain the ability to close it. “Oh?”

“There's not much being done about it. I've been keeping up with it, and all of the politicians who are claiming to care obviously don't. The BIB has arrested over thirty-thousand Omegas for fraud. It's only been four weeks and almost an eighth of the Omegas are pregnant. There's been riots and fighting in the streets but no one's stopping to ask _why_. No one's thinking about the consequences and it's not right and you almost got caught up in that! If Eliza and Maria hadn't bonded last year, _Eliza_ would've been caught up in that! And I just want it to stop but I'm _just one person_.” He sunk down onto the sofa, head in his hands. “I'm only one person. I can't do everything.”

John took a seat next to him, swallowing the lump in his throat. The fantasy was officially shattered. It was time to get back to the real world. “Who's expecting you to?”

“I am.”

He wrapped his arms around Alex, earlier hopes and heartache gone from his mind. “You're so angsty.”

“I'm nineteen. But some days, I feel older.”

“I know. I do, too.”

Alex looked up at him. “Aren't you going to offer me some stellar advice? Make me feel better and motivated and ready to take on the world?”

John gave him a small smile, shaking his head ever so slightly. “I don't think there's anything I _can_ say right now.”

Alex leaned against him. “I'm sorry you're suffering because I'm upset. You shouldn't have to.”

“Don't worry about it. I'm here for better or for worse, right?”

Too soon.

But Alex was chuckling, so the sharp pain in his heart was a little less in vain than he'd thought.

“We never exchanged vows,” John muttered, more to himself than anything.

“It was a shotgun bonding.”

“I thought that only happened if someone was pregnant.”

Alex placed his hands on his stomach. “I didn't know how to tell you.”

John laughed and shoved him lightly, and things were back to normal.

Maria checked on them a couple of minutes later. “You two good?”

“Yeah, we're fine.”

The sisters came in and sat down. Eliza curled up in Maria's lap, giving her a soft kiss, before looking at the two sitting across from them. “Anything you want to tell us?” she asked, eyes locking on John.

“Yup,” he said quickly, throwing his arm around Alex's shoulders. “We're all better. Everything's back to the way it used to be.”

Peggy left the room.

Angelica stared at Alex, eyes narrowed. He wouldn't look at her.

“Well, then,” Eliza said, swallowing whatever she was about to say, “now that _you two_ are all better, we can finally tell you about Italy!”

John nodded eagerly. He'd always wanted to go. He'd only ever been to London for a couple of weeks while his father had work in the area. That had been when he was nine.

Eliza regaled them with stories of cuisine, sights, mishaps, and experiences. John listened intently, laughing out loud when she described Peggy's literal trip down the stairs. “For a dancer, she's a little clumsy,” Maria remarked with a smirk, earning a well meaning nudge from her mate.

In the middle of her telling of a boat ride through Venice, John felt Alex's hand slip into his, fingers interlocking. His shoulders sagged a little and he gave Alex's hand a squeeze. Even if they were to remain platonically bonded besties forever, he could still have this.

And this made it worth the pain.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we're all Peggy right now.
> 
> And also, I've been tentatively planning on writing some scenes in Alex's POV, mainly to get practice writing him as a character. They won't be posted until after this story is complete, mainly because I'll be using it to keep active on AO3 until I can start posting the sequel. That being said, if you have any particular requests, let me know and I'll get back to you!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None that I can think of.  
> And there's a little bit of Spanish in here, but it's not my first language by any means, so feel free to correct me if I've made any mistakes!

Chapter 17

  
  


“ **E** veryone ready to go?” John asked at eight in the morning on the Saturday of the protest.

“All ready.” Marty was fixing Mary Eleanor's purple and teal hair bows. John had been reluctant when he learned that Marty wanted to bring her, but she swore that she'd be fine. “Remember what to say?” she asked her.

“ _El Protocol es mala!_ ” She thrust her fist into the air for emphasis.

“In English,” John whispered to her. He and Marty were raising her to be bilingual, as all of the other kids had been. He’d taught her how to say the phrase in both languages.

“I thought we were going to have her say _fuck the president_?” Junior said with a smirk.

“Language,” Marty snapped at him. “And that's not going to get the point across.”

“What do I say?” James asked, glancing back at Frannie, who was leaning against the counter, talking excitedly to Adrienne.

“ _Chinga el presidente?_ ” Junior suggested, dancing out of the way when Marty swatted at him.

“Oppression for Omegas is oppression for all,” Alex chimed in, coming back into the room. “John came up with that one.” There was a hint of pride in his voice and John laughed to himself a little.

Everyone was wearing teal and purple. Their picket signs were decorated with orange and navy. Hercules, Lafayette, John, and Peggy had made them Wednesday night. They'd even put a smaller one together for Mary Eleanor, who was currently clinging to John.

“Missed you, Jacky,” she said. John picked her up.

“I've missed you, too,” he replied, heart melting as she buried her face in his shoulder. He glanced at Marty and realized that maybe there had been another reason that she'd brought her.

“The protest technically starts in forty minutes,” Hercules said. “We should get going.”

“Agreed,” Mr. Washington said, joining them. “It'll take twenty minutes just to walk there.”

So they set off. Lafayette grinned at John, his reflective winged eyeliner and shimmery eye shadow flawless. Mary Eleanor gasped at him. This was the first time she'd seen him this morning.

“'Fayette,” she whispered, “you look _beautiful_.”

“Thank you, my dear, but surely _you_ are the most beautiful one here. I love your ribbons!”

She giggled, reaching up and touching her hair gingerly. Adrienne watched the interaction with an unreadable expression, then looked away with a small smile and faint blush.

Mary Eleanor shifted in John's arms. “Jacky, why aren't _you_ wearing any?”

“Any what?”

“Of... that.” She pointed to Lafayette.

“Makeup,” he informed her. “I didn't think about it.”

“Daddy said that _makeup_ is just for girls?” She looked puzzled. “But I don't think so. 'Cause 'Fayette looks beautiful.”

“That's his _opinion_ ,” Junior said, falling into step with them. “He just thinks that. That doesn't make him right.”

This was obviously new information to Mary Eleanor. “Daddy's not always right?”

“Of course not. _Nobody_ is.”

“Not even me?”

“Not even you, hon. But it's okay.”

“Not even 'Lex?”

“ _Especially_ not Alex,” John laughed.

Alex shot John a look, but he was smiling. “Drag my name through the mud around her enough, and sooner or later she's gonna believe it.”

“What's that mean?” she asked with wide eyes.

“It means Jack's being rude to me,” he explained, slowing down until he was at John's side.

“Jacky!”

John just laughed. He looked at Frannie, who was leading the group with Hercules. The two had seemed to really hit it off. He hadn't asked her out, but was following John's advice and getting to know her better. James was following them, looking after Frannie like a lovesick puppy. Either she hadn't noticed yet, or she didn't particularly care. Lafayette and Adrienne were a few feet behind him, speaking softly to each other, hands locked together. Marty and Junior walked behind them, but Marty would occasionally look over her shoulder to check on Mary Eleanor, who was still in John's arms.

“Jacky?”

He looked at his little sister. “Yeah?” Mary Eleanor seemed a little distressed, like she didn't know how to say what she wanted to. “Take your time,” he said gently.

“Is the Protocol bad because we think it's bad?”

“No,” he said. “It's bad because it hurts people.”

“That's why we're here?”

“Yes.”

This only confused her further. “If it hurts people, why's it alive?”

“Alive?” He made a face. “Honey, the Protocol isn't alive.”

“Exist,” Alex said. “Why does it _exist_.”

That made more sense. “Is that what you meant?”

Mary Eleanor nodded.

“The Protocol exists because the people who enacted it – the people who made it happen – don't realize that it hurts people.”

“Or they don't care,” Alex grumbled.

“How don't they know?”

“Because it doesn't directly affect them,” Alex said with thinly masked bitterness. “Because none of their friends or family are hurt by it.”

Mary Eleanor's brows furrowed. “But that's...”

“Exactly.”

“That's not fair!” she cried, eyes huge. Marty's head snapped around at the noise. An automatic response.

“That's why we're doing this,” John said calmly. “So that they see that there _are_ people being hurt. Hopefully that will make them realize it. This is called _raising awareness._ ”

“Raising awareness.”

“Good job.”

Mary Eleanor grew quiet for several moments, then she looked over at Alex. “'Lex?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Daddy said you and Jacky are bonded now.”

Mary Eleanor had talked to John about it when he'd first told the rest of his siblings. She'd asked him the standard questions, but it felt like she was grilling him. She'd never brought it up around Alex. He hadn't thought she'd have a reason to.

“We are.”

“Jacky says it means that you're like kissing friends, but more?”

“Kissing friends?”

“Date-mates,” John translated.

“Ah. Yeah, that's basically it.”

“How is it more?”

“We just agreed that we wanted to be together forever.”

“So bonded is like... forever kissing friends?”

“Pretty much.”

“Then why don't you two kiss?”

Alex actually stopped walking, and Maria almost bumped into him. “Uh...”

“We do,” John cut in smoothly. “You just don't see it.”

“Why not?”

“Because you're not supposed to. It's for adults.”

“But what about that time Marty -”

“Mary _Eleanor_ ,” Marty gasped. “I didn't know you were still awake when I brought her over!”

John started to laugh, then stopped. “Wait, _her_?”

She gave a nervous chuckle. “Yeah? I, uh, brought a date home last year, when you were at college. It was a bit of an experiment for both of us, because we were curious. Turns out neither of us really like girls.”

“Huh. You never told me about that.”

“Well, it's not exactly news that I'm straight. Everyone always assumed I was.”

John winced. “Yeah, that's not good.”

“It'd be cool if people stopped assuming anything about anyone,” Alex said. “Then we wouldn't have such a heteronormative society.”

“Preach it,” Maria said. “I thought something was wrong with me for the longest time. And then when I realized that there _was_ a word for liking girls, I cried.”

“Me, too,” John agreed.

“So what I'm hearing is that after _this_ blows over, we'll set our sights on destroying heteronormativity,” Peggy said. “I hope my kids never feel like they have to _come out_ to me.”

“You know what I'm not gonna do with _my_ kids?” Marty said. “I'm not going to get them tested to see which class they fall into.”

John shook his head. “Do you have a clue how different my childhood would've been if Henry hadn't had me tested?”

“Yes. And that right there is exactly why I'm not doing it.”

“Have I told you that I love you lately?”

“Only whenever you open your mouth.” A wide grin.

“Tested for what?” Mary Eleanor asked.

“Whether you're an Alpha, Beta, or Omega,” John explained. “That's called _class_. Sometimes you can tell as soon as the baby's born, but -”

“How?”

Marty and John exchanged a panicked glance. They both prided themselves on never skirting around answers with their siblings, but Mary Eleanor might still be just a little _too_ young to know yet. “You just can,” Marty said. “But sometimes you can't, and that's when some parents decide to have the doctor do a little test when the baby's a couple of weeks old.”

Mary Eleanor digested the information. “Why?”

“Some parents just want to know,” John said. “They want to be better prepared for when they're older. Each class has its own special needs.”

“Was I tested?”

“No, Mama and Dad could tell when you were born,” Marty said. “They could tell when I was born, too.”

“Was Jacky tested?”

“Yup. So were Junior and James.”

Mary Eleanor peered up at him. “But you're the only Omega?”

“That's right.”

“Is that why you smell different than Marty and Junior and James?”

John nodded. They were getting close to the park. He could see the mass of people, feel their energy, sense their anger. He held Mary Eleanor just a little bit tighter.

“Is 'Lex an Alpha?”

“Sure am,” Alex said, stepping closer to them. “So are Hercules, Mr. Washington, Angelica, Maria, and Adri.”

“What about 'Fayette?”

“He's a Beta, like Frannie, Peggy, and Mrs. Washington.”

“Then is Jack the only Omega?”

“Nope,” Eliza said brightly from behind them. “I'm one, too.”

“Hi, Liza!” She waved enthusiastically. John smiled at her, then at Eliza.

They arrived at the park and clustered together. John could make out several news vans. There was shouting, disorganized chanting, and he heard a baby crying somewhere off in the distance. He hadn't known what exactly to expect, but this wasn't it. Mary Eleanor looked around with nervous eyes before hugging John tightly around the neck. “You okay?” he asked her.

“Loud.”

“Yeah, I know.” He took a step back from the crowd and glanced at Alex's watch. “We've got about fifteen minutes until it's technically supposed to start.”

“How long is that?”

“Roughly half the length of a Magic School Bus episode,” Marty said from beside them. Mary Eleanor made a face but otherwise didn't complain.

The fifteen minutes turned into thirty, then to forty-five. John ended up putting Mary Eleanor down, but made her hold his hand. She pouted and danced around a little. He understood. Alex was acting somewhat similarly, but he was keeping a better hold on it. He wasn't exactly known for his patience.

“I don't think the Magic School Bus is this long,” Mary Eleanor said with a huff.

“It's the length of their Christmas special,” Alex replied. John shot him a look.

Finally, someone stepped onto the stage and up to the microphone. “Thank you all for coming,” she said. “We're all here today because we agree on one thing. We agree that the Emergency Breeding Protocol set forth by Jonathan Aquitaine is a despicable abuse of power that cannot go ignored!”

A round of cheers.

“The Protocol was enacted as a way to increase the population, but what about the people that already exist? How do they plan to take care of more, when they can hardly handle _us_?” She paused for a moment. “This act hurts everyone involved, not just the Omegas who are being violated and tortured by the government that allegedly _protects_ us! We're gathered here because this is wrong! It's time to take a stand and tell Aquitaine that we _won't take this_ for any longer!”

More cheers.

“ _We_ _the people_ need to act! We need to fight for the freedoms we deserve! We need to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves! We need to not just ask for them to change their minds, we need to _demand it_! It is time for the people to unite against the greater evil and _fight back_!”

This time, the cheers were battle cries.

“Let's take to the streets and march to the court house and tell them that we won't be silent any longer!”

With that, the group began to move forward. John hoisted Mary Eleanor onto his shoulders. She giggled with delight. He glanced around, making sure the rest of the kids were still there. Junior was talking to Lafayette, James was following Frannie, Marty was right next to him.

“The speech didn't go into much detail,” Alex said, giving Mary Eleanor a high five when she held her hand out. John fought the laugh when he had to jump a little to reach her. “And it was kind of short.”

“They _did_ make us wait thirty minutes. They probably wanted to get us moving. It seems to have motivated everyone pretty well.”

“Sure, but I think her word choice could have been a little better.”

John rolled his eyes with a good natured smile. “You're always critical -”

“No, no, not like that. Although, yes, I _am._ But she seemed to be making it more about Aquitaine. She only mentioned Omegas once. She mentioned the government four times.”

John hadn't thought of that. “You think she's focusing on the wrong thing?”

“I think that she's making it more about herself than the Omegas.”

“Well, then I guess we'll add that to the list of what _not_ to do when we set up our own protest next summer. If it's still necessary.”

“I agree with Alex,” Marty said. “It's a pretty strong accusation, but it's not uncommon in situations like this. They make it too personal and forget who they're really supposed to be fighting for. This could get out of hand pretty quickly if nothing changes.”

“It's already out of hand, sister,” a stranger from in front of them chimed in. “It got out of hand the day Aquitaine was elected!”

She didn't say anything, but she pressed her lips firmly together, until they were nothing but a thin line. John reached over and squeezed her hand. “I get what you mean,” he said to her.

They walked the five miles to the courthouse, chanting different phrases that sounded garbled when combined. There was a band up front, but their music was faint and out of tune. Mary Eleanor seemed to be enjoying most of it, though, waving both arms and yelling, “Oppression for Omegas is oppression for all!” John didn't think she knew what exactly that meant, but he was grateful for the spirit.

The courthouse came into view, and they were led to the park just in front of it. The lady from earlier stepped onto a bench.

“We've got several more groups that will be joining us shortly,” she said into a megaphone. “There are over forty thousand people protesting here today! Over forty thousand courageous people who will fight for what is right! Who will stand up for what they believe! Citizens of Norfolk, give yourselves a round of applause!”

“My God,” Alex growled under his breath.

“She's hyping the crowd,” Peggy said somewhat reassuringly. “Getting them excited and keeping the energy levels high. Like a cheerleader.”

That didn't wipe the frown off of Alex's face, but he grew quiet.

The emcee introduced a professor from the community college, who proceeded to speak for half an hour about the role of citizens in the government, and what they could do to get more involved. He only mentioned the Protocol in the last five minutes.

“Jack,” Mary Eleanor whispered.

“Yeah, hon?”

“I've gotta go potty.”

John grimaced. He'd completely forgotten about bathroom breaks. He scanned the area for any place they could go, and spotted a convenience store. He told Marty and Alex where they were going and weaseled through the crowd.

“Bathroom's for paying customers only,” the man at the counter said in a bored voice.

John reached for his wallet, glancing at Mary Eleanor, who was squirming and looking miserable in general. He realized with a start that he didn't have any money, just his ID. “Please,” he begged. “It's my little sister. She's only four.”

“Sorry,” they said unapologetically. “Store policy.”

“They're with me,” a voice said from behind them. John turned to see an Alpha in his early forties. He placed a candy bar and two bottles of water on the counter. “Now will you please let us use the bathroom?”

The cashier handed the man the key, who handed it to John, who thanked him before hurrying Mary Eleanor to the bathroom.

When they emerged, the man was waiting for them just outside. John picked his sister up, holding her close to his chest. The man didn't _seem_ threatening, but John had been fooled before.

“Thank you so much for helping us out,” he said carefully.

“Don't mention it,” the man said, handing John one of the bottles of water. “All I ask is that you pay it forward.”

“What's that?” Mary Eleanor asked.

“It's when you pay someone back by doing a good deed for someone else,” John explained.

“My name is Nicolas Condorcet,” the man said, extending his hand.

“John Laurens,” John replied, shaking it.

“And I'm Mary Eleanor, but some people call me Polly!”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Mary Eleanor.” The man's eyes sparkled. “I've got a little girl about your age back in Richmond.”

“Well, thanks again, Mr. Condorcet.” John's brow crinkled in thought. “Your name sounds familiar.”

“I'm the founder of Virginians Against the Maltreatment of Omegas.”

“Oh!” He resisted the urge to smack himself on the forehead.

“So you've heard of the charity, I take it.”

“Of course. You'd said that you would come, but I thought we'd be seeing you on stage, not in person.”

Mr. Condorcet stopped walking momentarily. “So you _did_ send me the email. I _thought_ your name rang a bell, but I'd chalked it up to the fact that you share the last name with the senator.”

“That's our daddy,” Mary Eleanor chirped.

“Ah. Well, I'm glad I've run into you, Mr. Laurens.”

“John,” he corrected. “If it's all the same to you. And why is that?”

“I'm just glad I've gotten the chance to thank you properly. So tell me, what do you think of the protest?”

John hesitated. He couldn't see any benefit to lying. “It's disorganized and messy,” he said. “No one seems to know what they're doing, and the two people who've spoken are skating around the topic.”

Mr. Condorcet nodded. “It's definitely unfortunate. What had you been hoping for?”

“I don't know. I've never protested before. I guess I'd hoped that they'd talk about how we could help Omegas, or offer public support, or something along those lines. And maybe I was hoping for something a little more... I don't know, _glamorous_?”

Mr. Condorcet laughed. John decided that he didn't dislike him. “Protests like this one often leave much to be desired, but the reality isn't far off. People are angry, John, and a lot of them have no idea how to channel it.”

“We'd be an unstoppable force if we could help them channel it into something productive.”

“Which is why it's important for events like these to be outlined in detail instead of thrown together. For issues like this, simply being a mass of bodies isn't enough. We need true action.” They were at the edge of the crowd. John could only just see Lafayette's bushy hair. “What would you suggest?”

“My mother always told me to be the change I wanted to see,” he said.

“Very wise words, indeed.” Mr. Condorcet pulled something from his pocket and handed it to John. Mary Eleanor shifted to get a better look at it. “Here's my contact information. We could use more people like you on our side.”

“People like me?”

“Smart, resourceful people who are willing to do more than just react. Call me any time. My associate and I will be in town until Wednesday. Have a good rest of your day, John.”

“And you do the same, sir.” He watched Mr. Condorcet turn and walk into the group of people without hesitation.

“Jack?”

“Yes, hon?”

“Who _was_ that?”

John smiled down at his little sister. “A good guy. He wants to help Omegas too.”

“He seems nice.” She rested her head on his shoulder as he navigated through the sea of people.

Marty looked relieved when she saw them. “You two were gone for an awfully long time. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, we're fine, Marty. We just ran into someone and talked for a little while. I'll tell you about it later. What're we doing now?”

“The band's gonna play for us before we march again. This time we're going to City Hall,” Alex said. Mary Eleanor reached for him. He took her in his arms after a moment of shock. “What's up, Polly?”

“Jacky's too hard.”

“What do you mean?”

She poked Alex's chest. “You're hard, too, but not as hard. Marty's the softest. James says it's because she has something called _boobs_.”

Marty's face turned red and she turned to James, who hid behind Hercules.

“Why are you and Jacky laughing so hard, 'Lex?”

Marty swatted them both on the back of their heads. “Stop encouraging James,” she hissed, but John wasn't blind to the mirth in her eyes.

John ran a hand over his face. “James shouldn't have told you that,” he said, taking note of the few people chuckling in front of them. They'd apparently overheard.

“Is that a bad word?” Mary Eleanor slapped her hand over her mouth.

“No, not really, so much as it's impolite,” Alex informed her.

“Why is Jacky harder?” she asked.

“Because he's a beefcake.”

“ _Alex,_ ” John admonished.

Alex only grinned. “That means he gets plenty of exercise and has a lot of muscles because of it. But you probably shouldn't say the word _beefcake_ , either. Because it _could_ be considered impolite in certain company.”

“He's pretty good with her,” Marty whispered to John, watching the two interact.

“He's known her for her entire life,” John replied.

“But still... It's really sweet, don't you think?”

He thought it was _incredibly_ sweet, but he didn't want to say that out loud. “I think we should focus on what's going on right now and worry about that at a later date.”

Marty rolled her eyes, but turned back to the band.

The rest of the protest dragged on, and nothing too meaningful happened. There were more speeches – three of them actually _did_ address Omegas, but not as much as John would've liked – and more terrible music. They marched to City Hall and then to the library, which John didn't understand. It ended at three, with the emcee delivering yet another speech. Mary Eleanor had moved to Marty, then to Lafayette, then to Alex, and finally back to John. She babbled in a mix of English and Spanish for a while, then dozed in his arms as they trudged back home.

“So, what did you think of your first protest?” Mr. Washington asked from somewhere behind them.

“Exhausting,” Adrienne replied.

“Seconded,” Junior said. “I'm going to bed as soon as we get home.”

“You'll shower first,” Marty said. “You stink.”

“We _all_ stink, Marty. That's what happens when you stand out in the heat for extended periods of time. At least we're not sunburned.”

“Thanks to me,” she snapped. “ _I'm_ the one who made you put it on.”

“And none of us are burned. I'm too tired to argue with you, Marty.”

She looked taken aback.

Alex smirked at her, then at John. “How's Polly? Pretty tired?”

“For sure. I don't think she'll have any problem sleeping tonight.”

“I won't, either. I call the couch when we get to Hercules's.”

“No, Frannie already called it earlier this morning.”

Alex grumbled.

“Don't be such a baby,” John said. “I'll make you a nest.”

“Can you make it the way you did last time?”

John stiffened at the memory. It had been for his Bonding Heat. “That would require me to remove the mattress from a bed, so that's a firm _no_.”

Alex grimaced. “Sorry, wasn't thinking.” John caught the double meaning in his apology and nodded once. “You coming this time, Marty?”

She shook her head. “I'm not going to be much fun. Besides, Dad won't let me spend the night at a boy's house. Even if Jack's there.”

“That's bullsh-”

“Young ears,” she snapped, cutting Alex off. He glanced at James and Mary Eleanor. He was usually pretty good about watching his mouth around them. “You didn't sleep much last night, did you?”

He didn't answer. John glared at him. “You went to bed at eleven!”

“I went to my _room_ at eleven.”

“You were up writing all night again, weren't you?”

“Yeah, I was. I finished another essay.”

John sighed. “You just don't get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

He shook his head. “I’m too tired right now. We'll talk about it later.”

Alex huffed and walked ahead, catching up with Hercules and Frannie. John rolled his eyes.

“Just like an old bonded couple,” Marty mused.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if you want any particular scenes/chapters/snippets from Alex's POV, just let me know!!!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mention of when Henry hit John

Chapter 18

  
  


**A** fter an uneventful night at Hercules’s apartment, Frannie, John, and Alex returned to the Washingtons’. Alex settled in on the couch to write an essay, and Frannie went upstairs to get a start on some of her fall studies. John wasn't nearly as productive – he played on his phone across the couch from Alex, whose feet were on his thigh.

There was a knock on the door at around one. John and Alex exchanged a glance and played _rock, paper, scissors_ to see who would have to answer it. John lost.

It was probably for the best, because Henry Laurens was standing on the porch when he opened the door. Marty was behind him, a panicked look on her face.

“John, did you know that Mary Eleanor is an internet sensation?”

Before he could answer, Henry showed him a video or Mary Eleanor from the protest.

“ _Why do you think the Protocol is wrong?”_ the reporter asked her.

“ _Because it hurts people who don't deserve to be hurt. And I don't think everyone knows that people are being hurt, and people need to know that people are being hurt,”_ Mary Eleanor answered.

John smiled at that. “She's a good kid.” Pride filled his chest. “Maybe it'll be good for the cause.”

“I don't give a damn about your _cause_ , John. Why were _my children_ at a protest with _forty_ _thousand_ people? They could've gotten hurt, or kidnapped, or murdered!”

“We all had an eye on them! Neither Mary Eleanor nor James left Marty's or my sight!”

“What about Junior? What about Martha? What about _you_?”

“What about me?”

“You could've been hurt.”

“You didn't seem to give a damn about that when he was about to be shipped off to a breeding facility,” Marty snapped. “You can't suddenly decide that you care about him.”

“Why are you here, Henry?” John asked before he could turn to her. “Just to yell at me? Have you gone too long without telling me that I'm a disappointment?”

His face soured at that. “No, John, I didn't come to tell you that. And for what it's worth, I don't disagree with you or the children. The Protocol _is_ wrong. But I can't do anything if I get fired. Sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war.”

“And I was just an acceptable casualty,” John said, laughing humorlessly, his smile a grimace. “You know what? You're a terrible father. And you're damn lucky I'm only nineteen, because that means you have two years to prepare yourself.”

“Prepare myself?” He straightened and assumed his Threatening Alpha Pose. “For what, John?”

“When I turn twenty-one, I'm taking the kids. You're unfit to parent.”

He scoffed. Marty gawked. “You wouldn't win a case like that. I haven't done anything to any of you.”

“But I've got Mr. Washington, who has his own firm. And I've got Alex, who's even more stubborn than you are. I could raise Mary Eleanor and James.”

“During college?”

“I'll get a job.”

“You'll be too busy to worry about two children.”

“But that's a problem I'm going to have two years to solve.”

“Jack, stop,” Marty intervened. “Dad, you had another reason why we're here.”

He glanced back at her, then stiffly produced an envelope that had been opened. “I've signed everything that needs to be signed.”

John looked at it, taking it cautiously. “What is it?” It had the words _STATE OF VIRGINIA_ were stamped on the front, followed by _THIS DOCUMENT CONTAINS IMPORTANT LEGAL INFORMATION_. It was addressed to him. “Opening my mail, Henry?”

“Jack, you're being stupid,” Marty admonished. “He needed to sign them.”

“And you also need to change your address,” Henry pointed out.

John pulled the paper out. _Official Transfer of Alphas_. “Oh.” He'd forgotten about this part. He'd forgotten how much Omegas were still viewed as property. “This is bullshit,” he growled. “ _This_ is why we're protesting. Because shit like this hurts -”

“I know.” There was just a hint of sympathy in Henry's voice. John didn't let himself read too much into it. “But it's necessary. And if you don't have Alexander sign everything -”

“I won't be legally bonded,” John finished. “I know.” He wilted. Another slap in the face, another setback.

Another reason to fight.

“If you get your way, these will become nothing more than scratch paper,” Henry said. John looked up at him, noting the change in his eyes. They were slightly less hard, slightly less guarded. For just a brief moment, John felt a little less like this man's enemy and more like his son. But it was gone as soon as it occurred. “I'm going back home. Martha, come along.”

Marty hugged John. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too.” Then he glanced at Henry. “Hey, you go on ahead. I need to talk to him about something for a second.”

She was about to protest, but caught the look on his face and walked away. John watched her sadly. “She's a good kid, too,” he said softly. _Still just a kid._

“What did you need to talk about?”

“You need to hire a nanny for the school year.” John got right to the point. “Marty's got six advanced courses and college to worry about, and knowing her, she's probably going to get involved in some kind of extracurricular activity. She can't take care of all of them by herself.”

“You took care of them,” Henry pointed out.

“I didn't have a choice. No one else seemed to care enough when Mama died.” He powered through the pang in his chest, powered through the look on Henry's face. “But she can't do it all. And she shouldn't have to.”

Henry was quiet for a long time. Then he said, “I'd never expect her to.”

“So you'll get a nanny for James and Mary Eleanor?”

“I will.”

“Thank you.”

Henry regarded John for a moment, then nodded once and turned. He hesitated when he reached the driveway, and John thought he was going to turn around, but he continued. John watched him go into the house.

He walked back inside, and was met with another pair of dark eyes, but these were more open, less cold. “Hey,” he said to Alex.

Alex walked up to him and leaned up, brushing his lips across John's cheek. John accepted the kiss, willing his blush to go away.

“How much did you hear?” he asked.

“Just that you don't want Marty to juggle everything herself.”

“What was the kiss for?”

He shrugged, cheeks turning slightly pink. “I know it's not easy talking to him. If you don't want me to -”

“No, no, it's fine. Just wondering.” They stood there awkwardly until Alex's eyes ghosted to the envelope in John's hand. “Oh, this. You, um, need to sign it and then we'll send it back to the state.”

“What is it?” He took it and read through the document. His eyes narrowed. “There's no way I'm signing this.”

John frowned. “Then I guess you bit me for nothing, because I'll get shipped off it you don't.”

“Really?”

“Without a doubt. Not having an Alpha or Beta is just as bad as being unbonded. Not to mention it'd be a huge red flag to the BIB.”

Alex grumbled, but didn't protest further. They walked into the living room. He placed the pages on the coffee table and went to sign the first line, then hesitated, his pen hovering uncertainly over the page.

“What is it?” John asked him, putting his hands on his shoulders, thumb-rubbing them over the fabric of his sweatshirt. He only seemed to tense more. “I hate this, too.”

“It's just that... this makes it... _official_ , official. If I sign this, you're...” He swallowed audibly. “I'm _your Alpha_. You become my responsibility. And I don't know if I can...” Alex trailed off and he pulled away from John. He turned to him, his face earnest. “John, I don't want to lie.”

John’s heart sunk. He didn't know what to say to that. “Are you scared they'll find out? We've more than covered our tracks.”

Alex shook his head emphatically. “No, no, I don't care about the government. And I know that if anyone can pull off a lie like this, it's us. But I just- it's hard for me to-” He ran a hand through his hair, worried his lip. “John, can I be honest with you?”

“Always.” He wanted to ask what was going on, tell Alex that he was worrying him, but he was afraid that the wrong words could make him retreat. And Alex needed to say this. He could tell that much.

He swallowed again. “John. John, I...” A laugh. “God, you'd think that the _English major_ would be better with words... You're not my Omega.”

John nodded slowly.

“Because _you_ didn't bite _me._ I only bit _you_ , so that makes me _your_ Alpha, but you're not _my Omega_. According to biology, nothing that I'm feeling should be... happening.”

“It's normal to feel protective -”

“But I've _always_ felt protective of you! That hasn't changed, John! I think I - I _want_ to be your Alpha. I’ve wanted it for _years._ I've always wanted to care for you and keep you safe. And now I'm getting all of that but not the way I want it.”

John narrowed his eyes at him for a moment, then snapped his fingers in understanding. “It's kind of like how I felt about Frannie.”

“Frannie?” Alex stared at him, brows furrowed.

“Yeah, I had a really big squish on her. And that's what you're feeling, right?”

He didn't answer.

“In hindsight, it makes a lot of sense.” John hesitated for a moment. “Would you want to consider... I mean, are you – do you want to talk about maybe becoming queer-platonic? Us, I mean?” The proposal burned his throat, but if they were in this for the long haul, John would have to learn to deal with it. And there were worse predicaments to be in. “I wouldn't have any problems with it. You can still be my Alpha, and it'll even be in a better context. And it's not like physical affection is foreign to us. We'd just be putting a bit of a label on it, and maybe changing up a _couple_ of things. Could be fun.” God, he was awkward.

“Queer-platonic...” Alex muttered. Then he rubbed his face, a sign that either something was wrong or he was thinking things over. “I want you to be my Omega,” he whispered. “And I know that you don't like the terminology because it implies ownership, but that's all I can think of to describe it. I won't ever own you, and I'll never boss you around or try to make you do anything you're not comfortable with.”

“I don't think I'm exactly a good fit to be somebody's Omega,” John admitted. He'd always figured that if he and Alex didn't happen (chances were still slim to none, as far as he was concerned), he'd end up with another Omega, maybe a Beta.

Alex stepped forward and took John's face in his hands. “Trust me, you're perfect.”

God, that did things to him. “Well okay, then,” he whispered, slightly dumbstruck. “I'll be your Omega. Your official unofficial Omega.”

Alex frowned. “Is there any way we could... I don't know, make it more _official_?”

“Like how?”

“What if you bit me?”

John blanched at that, then shook his head. “No, we've got too much else to worry about. And I couldn't do that to you.”

“But you just said you'd be my Omega.”

“It can create feelings that you wouldn't otherwise have, and what if you wanted to fall in love?”

“Wait -”

“Bonding to me would make it a lot harder. Besides, I don't want to put you through a Bonding Rut. Going through that alone isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy.”

Alex stared at him. “You mean – wait, is this – _if I want to fall in love_?”

John nodded. “I know that being queer-platonic can mean long-term commitment, but I also know _you_. We can have this arrangement until the Protocol ends or you find someone else. I'm fine with that.”

Alex continued to stare, brows furrowed. “So you _want_ to be queer-platonic with me.”

John's face heated. “I thought we'd just agreed -?”

“Right. Right. Yeah. We can be – if you want.”

“What did you _think_ we were talking -”

“Never mind.” Alex waved his hand dismissively. “I'd like to be your zucchini. Like you said, could be fun.” He took a breath. “About you biting me. Is there anything I can do to convince you to reconsider?”

John thought for a moment. “If you still feel like this in a few years, we'll talk again. How about that?”

“Fine.”

“Good, now sign the forms so we can get them in the mail.”

Alex glanced back at the papers on the table and pulled a face before pulling John down and kissing his cheek, right next to the corner of his mouth. He picked up a pen and signed each line, then John did the same. “What exactly does this mean for you?”

“It means that I need your permission, physical or written, to pick up prescriptions, be admitted into a Heat Clinic, receive medical care in a non life threatening situation -”

“That's bullshit.”

“It is. But at least with you I know that I have a little bit more freedom. Knowing you, you probably won't even look at the form, just sign it and hand it back.”

“You're right.” Alex's expression shifted and he looked away before John could read into it further. “You know me really well, huh?”

“Of course. Does it bother you?”

He shook his head, laughing a little. “No. No, it doesn't. Not really.” He turned back to John and watched as he folded the papers before sliding them into the smaller envelope that they'd provided. “What else did Henry talk to you about?”

“He wasn't too happy with me for letting the kids come to the protest. Then he basically said to my face that he didn't like the Protocol, either, but not enough to protect me from it.”

Alex's face darkened with a glower. “That son of a bitch. What'd you tell him?”

“That I'm taking custody of the kids.”

“ _What_?”

John plopped down onto the couch, tossing the envelope onto the table. “I'm taking custody when I turn twenty-one. He shouldn't be a parent.”

“What's he done to them?”

“What do you mean?”

“Has he beaten them? God, John, if he's _beating_ them, then we're not waiting two years -”

“No, no, he's not beating them.”

Alex closed his mouth and contemplated for a moment. “Oh.”

“I'll need your help.”

“What can I do?”

“You're better at arguing than me. I need you to convince everyone that he's not a good father. No one will take my word alone. And Mr. Washington can be the lawyer. We can get Frannie's opinion on all of this, too.”

Alex was already typing away on his laptop, the _clack, clack, clack_ soothing to John's ears. “Let's see, _neglectful, emotionally distant, one known instance of physical assault..._ Will you be getting custody of everyone?”

“Junior would already be eighteen by the time the trial's over, so it wouldn't make much sense to fight for him.”

“Fight for whom?” Mr. Washington asked from the doorway.

“Junior,” Alex said. “John's taking custody of Polly and James.”

Mr. Washington paused, frowning. “John, you're only nineteen.”

“I'll have two years to prepare. Will you help us?”

He crossed the room and settled into his armchair. “The state will want a good reason that your father is unfit to parent, especially given his position.”

“He neglects us.”

“Have you ever gone without food or clothing?”

John blinked. “No. But I meant emotionally.”

“Emotional neglect isn't enough to warrant a transfer of custody. Court-mandated counseling, maybe, so long as there's actual evidence. What else do you have against him?”

“He hit John.”

Mr. Washington's reaction was almost comical. He leaned further forward in his seat, eyes widening, mouth falling open. “ _What_? When?”

“About a month ago. A couple of days before he kicked me out.”

“Was this the first time he's done this?”

“Yeah.”

“Has he done it since?”

“No.”

“Did you report it?”

“... No.”

Mr. Washington's shoulders sagged a little. “That won't do you any good, then. If you'd gone to the police as soon as it happened and showed them the mark, if there was any, then the odds would be more in your favor. What exactly happened?”

“He tried to dismantle my nest and I growled at him, so he slapped me.”

“Growling at an Alpha - that's not going to hold up in court.” He ran a hand over his head. “But physical assault is a very serious issue. Are you worried that he'll hurt any of the others?”

John shook his head. “No, they'll be fine.”

Mr. Washington narrowed his eyes, frown deepening. “I'm going to be frank with you, John. Taking custody of your siblings will make you entirely responsible for them – emotionally, physically, mentally, _financially_. It's a serious commitment. And if you're not fully prepared for it, then it's going to hurt not only you, but James and Polly, as well.”

“I know, sir.”

“And Alex, how do _you_ feel about this? You two are legally mates, and although John will, I'm assuming, be the main caretaker, you'll be the one held legally accountable if anything goes wrong.”

“Why?”

“You're the Alpha.”

He took that in, processing the information. Looked at John. Smiled. “I'm okay with that.”

“You'll both have to find jobs on top of being in school. Are you really certain that you'll be able to juggle being seniors or grad students, having a paying job on top of your internships, _and_ raising two children?”

John knew it wasn't going to be easy. “We'll find a way to make it work. I'll do anything for my family.”

“Me too. I love those kids. I have no problems raising them.”

“You'll become parents as soon as you turn twenty-one.”

“We'll make it work.”

Mr. Washington leaned forward, balancing his elbows on his knees, his hands folded and his chin resting on them. “John. I want you to be sure that this is what you want -”

“It is.”

“- and that you're looking out for the children's best interests instead of your own.”

“I'm -” John stopped mid-sentence and stared at him. “What?”

“It sounds to me like you're doing this to get revenge on your father, and not because you think the children actually need to be removed from his care.”

John spluttered, his face turning red. “That's not- he's a-”

“He was awful to you, no one's denying that,” Mr. Washington said calmly. “But is he the same way with your siblings?”

“He would be if they were Omegas!”

“But they're not.” Mr. Washington sighed. “I know where you're coming from, I really do. And I commend you for wanting to make a better life for Polly and James. But until you can prove to the judges that you're capable of doing that, no one will listen to you.”

John swallowed his anger. Glared at the table because he couldn't bear to look at Mr. Washington like that.

“I'm sorry, John,” Mr. Washington said, standing and leaving.

Alex wrapped an arm around John's shoulder, pulling him close. John wanted to hit something. “Alex,” he said numbly, still staring at the table. “Alex, please don't touch me right now.”

The arm fell away. “Jack.” Spoken soothingly, comfortingly. The words created a warm cradle for him to fall into. “I think he has a point.”

The cradle was a cage. “You _agree_ with him?” he demanded, turning on Alex, eyes bewildered.

“Well, Henry _did_ hear you out when you told him that he needed to hire a nanny for this year.”

John stood and grabbed his phone and earbuds. “I'm going for a run.”

“John, don't do this.” Alex stepped in front of him. “Don't shut me out because you're angry.”

“I'm not shutting you out.” He took his hair out of the tie and redid it. “I'm cooling off. I'm pissed and I need to be alone with my thoughts for a little while.”

“You're coming back, right?” Spoken as a joke. Alex's eyes betrayed him.

What had him so scared?

John leaned down and pecked his forehead without thinking. “Of course. I just need a bit of space right now.”

Alex held his gaze, then moved out of the way and John went outside, turning on his music and running until the majority of his anger sweated out.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's happening now. What'd you think???


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you eaten today? Drank any water? If not, please do so before you read. :) (You know that whole "you're not allowed to die" thing? Yeah, that applies to you, too. So take care of yourself!!!)  
> Warnings: Once again, Henry's an asshole. And John's got to deal with the repercussions of that.  
> Also, I used a double contraction. Just wanted to let you know ahead of time.

Chapter 19

  
  


**H** enry Laurens hadn't loved John since he was three weeks old, when the test results came in. He'd shunned him, only introduced him as his son when it was necessary, never came to any of his baseball games or art shows. John remembered hitting his first home run, sliding onto home plate with carefully practiced skill, beaming as he heard the cheers. He remembered looking into the crowd for his father, who'd said that he'd be there, and only seeing Mr. and Mrs. Washington, Alex, Frannie, and Lafayette. They'd all been making so much noise. Alex had fixed him with a wide smile, a gap where his two front teeth had been. Mr. Washington gave him a proud look and an apologetic grimace when he realized that John knew who _wasn't_ there.

When Marty's elementary school science fair rolled around, he'd been prepared to comfort her when he didn't show up. And then Henry came. He came to every single event. Junior's piano recitals, James' soccer games, Mary Eleanor's dance showcase – she'd been _two._ And Henry had gone to every. Single. One.

John made it back to the Washingtons' and got into the shower, scrubbing angrily at his skin and scalp. His vision blurred as he recalled every hope that had been crushed, every dream dashed. He'd only wanted his own father to go to _one_ event. He hadn't even gone to John's graduation. He'd had a _meeting_.

John got out of the shower and dried off, taking care to control his breathing. Henry had been a terrible father to _him._ Not to the others. They didn't know what it was like to peer into the audience expectantly from the stage of their fourth grade play, only to see an empty chair reserved for _Dad._ They'd never had to face their first grade class with a lump in their throat because they were the only ones whose father didn't show up for Bring Your Dad to Class Day. They never felt the soul-crushing disappointment that slowly morphed into defensiveness, followed shortly by apathy.

He'd gotten into his first fight in the seventh grade and was sent to the principal's office. His father had been called in. He hadn't come until late, and lit into John before anyone got the chance to tell him what he'd done to end up there.

That was the only time his father had yelled at him.

John didn't remember what he said, but he remembered the sheer terror he felt in that moment. He'd never forget the panic that grasped at his throat and rendered him breathless - his first anxiety attack. And he'd never forget the look on the principal's face. The pity, the guilt. The pity.

He walked back to the guest room and dressed, blinking hard. He sunk onto the mattress, face in his hands. Focused on his breathing. “ _Un, deux, trois-_ ” A shuddering gasp. _Try again._ “ _Un, deux, trois, quatre-_ ” A choked sob. _Another language?_ “ _Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinc-_ ” This wasn't working.

Then, a knock on his door. “John? You okay?”

He wiped his face and stood just as Alex was coming inside. “I'm fine.”

Alex shut the door, leaning against it and crossing his arms. “I thought we'd agreed not to lie to each other anymore.”

John shattered. His body shook with the force of his sobs and he buried his face in his hands.

Arms wrapped tightly around him. “Shh, shh, it's gonna be okay.”

John pressed his face into Alex's shoulder, going limp in his grasp. Alex swayed a little under the weight, but regained his balance and moved until they were against the bed. He maneuvered them onto it, lying down and pulling John on top of him, rubbing his back and humming softly. John wept into his chest, tears burning their way out of his eyes and soaking into Alex's shirt.

“I've got you,” Alex whispered. “I've got you, you're safe.”

John nodded vigorously, grabbing fistfuls of Alex's shirt. Alex had him. He was with Alex. He was safe.

He cried harder.

When he finally calmed down, Alex had braided and re-braided his hair at least a hundred times. His eyes stung, his throat hurt, his limbs ached. It took all of his energy to roll off of him and onto his side. Alex watched him, eyes soft and worried. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

John grasped at words, but they were like birds that flew higher into the sky each time he made a grab for one. He stared at the wall behind Alex helplessly, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Alex leaned forward, then hesitated. “John, can I comfort you?”

John nodded mutely, closing his eyes.

Alex pressed himself closer to John, their legs tangling. John's breath hitched. Then he felt lips on his cheek, on his other cheek, right under his eye, on his jaw. His eyelashes fluttered, his lips parted slightly. An automatic response. The tears were still coming, and Alex was kissing each one away. One got dangerously close to his mouth and John almost whimpered when he felt the press of lips right next to his. If he moved just a little...

He sighed, letting his eyes close fully. He stopped crying and Alex stopped kissing him. A part of him wanted to start again so he'd keep doing it.

“Do you feel better?”

John nodded. Alex moved to get up, but John shook his head. “Don't go. You're warm.”

Alex's brow furrowed a little, but he complied, rejoining John on the bed and pulling him close. “Do you want to talk about what had you so upset? Was it George?”

John shook his head, burying his face in Alex's neck demurely. He was tired and emotionally drained. He just wanted to be close to Alex. “You're my Alpha,” he murmured.

“And that's why you were crying so hard?” The words sounded like they'd forced their way out and climbed through a field of barbed wire and rusty knives to do so.

“No,” John said quickly. “No. Just... I'm really glad it's you. I'm really glad that you're my Alpha.”

Alex's breath hitched. “John,” he whispered. “You mean it?”

“Why would I lie about something like that?”

Alex kissed the top of John's head. “You told me the same thing when you were drunk.”

John felt too safe to get embarrassed. “It's true.” _I love you_. He'd never say _that_ to another living soul, though.

“I'm glad you're my... my official unofficial Omega.” His voice was slightly bitter, and John liked it even less than usual. He hugged Alex tighter and made a soft noise of dissent. “What?”

“I'm doing it to _protect you,_ you egg.”

“You don't – did you just call me an _egg_?”

John pressed on. “I don't want you to go through what I went through.”

“My tolerance for pain -”

“Won't help you. It's a different kind of pain. It's like a _longing_ kind of pain that forms in your gut and won't leave you alone. It's not a broken leg or cut. It's deep and agonizing and everything _aches_ and all you can think about is how much you need your mate and how they're not there. Physically, everything sucks and there's nothing you can do to stop it. And it's awful. But then there's the _emotional_ pain that you can't escape from.” John's breath caught a little. “They're all you can think about, and you wonder why they're not there with you, and then you wonder if you did something wrong, and you'd be willing to _die_ for just a moment with them, just a touch, just a look, hell, just the sound of their voice -”

“I told you that you could call me,” Alex whispered.

“What would I have said to you? What would you have said to _me_?”

“Anything. Everything.”

“I’d've said so much that I would've regretted later.”

“Like what?”

“I probably would've begged you to come over, I would've cried and told you how much I needed you. Then you'd have had to tell me that you couldn't, and I'd have lost my mind and been even more inconsolable.” He sniffled, remembering those three days of hell. “I don't want you to ever feel that way.”

Alex made a pained noise in the back of his throat. He ran a hand through John’s hair. “If I'd known...”

“What, you would've snuck over?”

“Maybe.”

“It would've been maddening. It would've been worse.”

“I would've held you and made sure that you had plenty to eat and drink.”

“It would've been worse. I'd have cried and begged. And when you didn't give in, I'd probably have done something stupid, like thrown myself at you.”

“You think I wouldn't have been able to refuse?”

“I don't know how differently the hormones would've affected you. Not only was it a Bonding Heat, but _you're_ the one I bonded to. And I wouldn't have stopped until I got my way. You would have needed to physically restrain me. I would have been even more miserable.”

Alex braided John's hair again. “I could have provided you _some_ comfort, at least.”

“You'd be dangling a carrot. You were the one thing I needed, and the one thing I couldn't have.” How loaded that sentence was. John inhaled shakily. “It would have been torture.”

They grew quiet for a moment. Alex moved his hands down to John's back, and he leaned his head back as John buried his face in his neck again. “I wish I could've done something for you.”

“It's okay. It's over now.”

Another stretch of silence. “Do I smell good?”

“Huh?”

“You're right next to my scent gland. Just wondering if I smelled really good today, or something.”

Being close to a mate's scent gland usually had a calming effect if the other was stressed. John hadn't realized he was doing it until now. “You always smell good.”

“What do I smell like?”

“Coffee.” That earned John a laugh. “Ink. Cinnamon.”

“Cinnamon?”

“I don't know, either.”

“That makes me sound like the love interest in a shitty fanfiction. What else do I smell like?”

“Like your deodorant and shampoo. And your soap, but it's pretty mild.” He closed his eyes again, sighing and letting himself relax against him. “You smell like...” His cheeks felt warmer.

“Like what?”

“It doesn't make sense.”

“It'll probably make more sense than _cinnamon_.”

“You smell like home.”

Alex's hand froze and John felt him swallow. “ _Oh_.” A beat. “Your bond did that to you?”

John shook his head. “You've always smelled like home to me.”

“Oh.” He resumed in rubbing slow circles into John's back, and began using both hands. John's eyelids drooped.

 _This_ was what a good Alpha was supposed to do. They were supposed to make their Omega feel better, and nurtured, and cherished.

Henry had never done that in any context.

John sniffled again, blinking hard.

“Hey, hey, don't cry,” Alex said. “What's wrong?”

“Dad's a dick.”

Alex sighed and shifted slightly. “I know. I'm so sorry.”

“I thought he was a bad father in general, but he's just bad to _me_ , and I don't know what to do about it.”

Alex didn't say anything – what was there that _could_ be said? They remained like that for a long time, John in Alex's arms, both of them clinging to each other like life itself depended on it. John listened to Alex's heart beat, focusing on it as the tears stopped.

“I'm not going to fight for custody,” he said sadly. “It would do more harm than good. Henry's a... a better father to - to them than I could ever be.” A couple more tears leaked out, his heart breaking at the confession. “He supports them, he cares about them, he can _provide_ for them.”

“That doesn't mean you're not important,” Alex said gently. “You may not be their dad, John, but you _are_ their big brother. And a damn good one at that.”

“I was ready to take them away from Henry because I was mad at him.”

“No. You were ready to take them away because you thought he couldn't care for them as well as you. You've always put them first, even if your logic's a little misguided at times. And you're putting them first now, too, because you're not going to fight for custody.”

John closed his eyes, listening to the words. He needed to internalize them. “I love them all so much.”

“I know you do, Jack. They love you too.”

“I've tried so hard to take care of them.”

“You've done an excellent job.”

John clung tighter to Alex. “I miss her.”

Alex let out a humorless chuckle and kissed the top of his head. “I know. We all do.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Emotions are emotional!  
> Next chapter will be much more light, I promise!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings that I can think of.

Chapter 20

  
  


**M** r. Condorcet smiled and rose to greet John as he and Alex walked through the doors of the cafe. The air was cool and smelled of coffee and various desserts, the walls were an off white and the floor was a muted brown. John felt equally relaxed and uneasy.

“Mr. Condorcet,” John said, shaking his hand and nodding to the man seated next to him. “This is my mate, Alexander Hamilton.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Mr. Condorcet said, shaking Alex's hand. They sat down. “This is my co founder, Jeremy Bentham.” The man shook each of their hands. He appeared to be just a few years younger than Mr. Condorcet, with black hair and deep-set gray eyes. “So, John, you'd mentioned over the phone that you and Alex were planning a rally?”

“We were toying with the idea,” John said. “We'd have several different sponsors and sell t-shirts to raise money for different non profit organizations. We haven't really gotten much further than that.”

Mr. Condorcet nodded. “I think it's a great idea. Of course, it would take some time to plan. Did you have a timeframe?”

“Next summer.”

Another nod. Bentham was taking notes. “How old are you, John?”

“Nineteen.”

“You're in college, then? Are you in-state?”

“No, Alex and I go to Columbia in New York.”

“What're you two studying?”

“English,” Alex said. “Minoring in polisci.”

“I'm doing environmental science and pre-law.”

“Really?” Mr. Condorcet leaned forward. “What field?”

“Environmental.”

A smile. “Probably could’ve figured that one out for myself. We could definitely use a couple more environmental lawyers in the world.” He straightened up. “So, since you're both leaving in a month, it wouldn't make sense to set you up formally with our local chapter. But we are setting up a sister organization in New York City. If you'd like, I could get you their contact information.”

“Sure, I'd love that,” John said, grinning. He turned to Alex. “What do you think?”

He smiled fondly at him. “Sounds good to me.” Then he turned back to Mr. Condorcet. “So what exactly _is_ your mission?”

“Well, it has multiple parts,” Bentham said. “The first one is to raise enough awareness and ultimately end the Emergency Breeding Protocol. We're also going to work to make the lives of all Omegas better through public service and by dispelling ignorance. And then we'll work to unite all classes and hopefully diminish all discrimination.”

“Hefty goals.”

“Just means we've got our work cut out for us.”

John smiled while Alex simply leaned forward. “What about the children of the Omegas who are currently being bred? Are you looking to help them?”

“That would involve upgrading the foster system and promoting family counseling.”

“Not a bad idea,” Mr. Condorcet said thoughtfully. “We'll add that to our list.”

“List.” Alex seemed largely unimpressed.

“We have a list of all of the things that need to change. If anyone contacts us in hopes of starting up a sister organization, we can always give them that list, let them focus on one key thing to improve. We provide them with the funding and the legal paperwork, and they get to start making the world better.”

“How do you get all of this money?” John asked. “None of that can be cheap.”

“Jeremy and I both have more than we know what to do with. Jeremy's parents left him with a fortune when they passed, and I'm a Marquis.”

He didn't know French still had nobility. Then again, it could be just a formality. Now wasn't the time to ask. “So you're using your own money to start a non-profit?” John asked.

“I can see no other use for it. We still accept donations, of course, and will be having fundraisers in the future, but we're not going to fail without them.”

Alex's mood changed, his expression softened. The general atmosphere of the cafe seemed warmer. “So what kind of public service is planned?”

“Mainly little things – working in shelters, helping with the cost of living, providing safe places. There's one large project planned for two summers from now, in which we'll build several public buildings and shelters for Omegas and their families all across the state. Maybe if we raise enough money and get enough people on board, we can make it nation-wide.”

Alex glanced at John and took his hand. John hardly noticed. He was too starstruck. These men were speaking directly to him, not just to Alex. They took his questions seriously. They didn't write off anything he said.

Was this what it was like?

They continued to speak for hours – only when Mr. Condorcet's phone rang at six did they realize how late it had gotten.

“We need to get going,” Mr. Condorcet said apologetically, placing a fifty dollar bill on the table and rising. “We're heading back to Richmond in the morning, and we need to finish up here before then. It's going to be a long night.” But it was said with a genuine smile. He shook each of their hands again, and Bentham followed suit. “John, I will send you a text with Ms. Nightingale's information when I get back to the hotel room.”

“Thank you,” John said. They walked to their respective cars. He and Alex watched them drive away before Alex started the car. “What do you think of them, Alex?”

Alex backed out into the parking lot. “They really seem to care.”

“I know. It's so great. I never in a million years would have thought that enough people actually gave a damn about Omegas and then being exposed to this is just...” He waved his arm. “It gives me hope.”

“I could tell. It's been a while since your eyes lit up like that. They seem to be really focused on specifics, though.”

“You can't have a charity that does a whole bunch of things. You've gotta specialize, or run the risk of getting overwhelmed. I'm surprised they have that list.”

“It's certainly comforting.” A beat. “This is it.”

“What is?”

“The world seems to finally be giving you half a chance.”

John looked out the window at the sun that was just beginning to sink below the horizon. “It really does seem so, doesn't it?”

They arrived back at the house and John went upstairs to finish Eliza's birthday present. It was almost done, only needed some final shading. Frannie sat in John and Alex's room while John sketched, reading a law textbook. Alex worked on his classes downstairs.

“It's almost time for school to start back up,” Frannie said some time later.

“Seems like we were just being freed yesterday.”

“Seems like a lot of stuff only happened yesterday.” The sound of her book shutting. “I remember drawing flowers on your arms and letting you draw turtles on mine. I remember the summer right before Alex and Laf were adopted.” A wistful sigh. “The Fourth of July, mainly. Remember when we found that frog and showed it to your dad, but he made us let it go? He'd said that it needed to be free to play alone? So we put it in the grass and watched it hop around until we were called for dinner. And then when we set off fireworks, you got worried that they'd hurt the frog, so we tried to find it but we couldn't. And then your mom said that he'd gone home.”

He did remember that. He remembered the slimy green frog that he'd showed to Frannie, the initial disgust that gave way to delight. He also remembered the bittersweet feelings he had when they couldn't find it later. They wouldn't get to play with it anymore, but it was back at its froggy house with its froggy family. He'd told himself that it was happier there. “What brought this on?” he asked her.

“Just feeling nostalgic, I guess.” A beat. “Alex and Laf came that September.” Frannie laughed. “God, I hated them both so much.”

“What?” John turned around. “I thought you loved them.”

“I do. But I certainly didn't at the time. I was used to only having to share with Daniel. Then I had to share with two more boys? Not to mention two boys who needed extra care, which I didn't understand for the most part. They were fun from time to time, but Alex's panic attacks scared me, and I didn't know what to do with Laf when he went nonverbal.” She shook her head. “I wasn't a very good big sister to either of them. Not that I got the chance, really. Alex was already Laf's big brother.”

“You're a good sister now, though.”

“Yeah. I tease both of them relentlessly about their mates.”

John smirked. “That's part of the job description.”

“I used to draw turtles on Alex's arms when he got scared because he said that they reminded him of you and that calmed him down.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “He really has always loved you so much, John.”

Stuff like that would usually fluster John, but today it made him feel warm. “Laf really worried me when he stopped talking for the first time. He wouldn't even reply to Alex. He'd only scribble things down and Alex would have to interpret because it was a mix of French and English. I thought he was broken.”

“In a way, he was.” Her eyes grew sad. “That's why I'm doing what I'm doing.”

John joined her on the bed and she leaned into him. “You're going to be amazing.”

“We were so lucky. I mean, our families have their problems, for sure, but we were never scared of being starved or having our hair yanked or being pushed down stairs.” She looked up at him. “I know they hate pity, but my heart goes out to them both.”

John wouldn't call either of them _lucky._ “Neither of them had it easy. That's why they adore you so much, though I doubt Alex will ever say it out loud. You're working so hard to make sure other kids don't go through what they did.”

“And _you've_ been working your entire life to make things better for everyone who's less fortunate than you. That's why _I_ adore _you_.”

John smiled and kissed her on the cheek, then looked up at the ceiling. “I can't help but wonder, though. Is it enough? Will it ever be enough?”

“What do you mean?”

“I could work my ass off, dedicate my entire being to the betterment of the world, but what if it doesn't really help people? What if I can't save the world like I want to?”

Frannie thought for a moment, then took his hands. “If you help the people that you can, if you truly work to make life better for others, then yes, it will. But you've gotta learn to take your losses. Sometimes you can help ten people, sometimes you can only help one. And sometimes, you can only help yourself. And that's okay. Life isn't about _quantity,_ it's about _quality_. And, honestly? I can't think of any sane person who could ever say that you don't improve the quality of their lives in some way. In that regard, John, it will always be enough.”

He squeezed her hands. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I'm going to miss you so much when I go back to New York.”

“I'm sure you'll have other things on your mind that'll help you deal.”

He caught the implication and chuckled, nudging her. In a month, things were going to get even more hectic. In a month, he'd have to juggle school, volunteering, and Alex.

But for now, he was content to lay on his back and stare absently at the ceiling, his hand safe in Frannie's.  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a head's up, I'll be posting a Christmas one-shot on or before Sunday, so keep an eye out for that!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!
> 
> Warnings: Discussion of mental illness, brief talk of suicide, and nightmares.

Chapter 21

  
  


“ **W** elcome back, boys!”

John glanced over his shoulder as Mimi bounced into the room, more energetic than both he and Alex combined. She was carrying a bag and a tray of cookies, which she set down on the table before plopping down on John's lap and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alex wrinkle his nose.

“Hey, Mimi,” John said. “How was Canada?”

“Canadian,” she replied simply, picking up one of the cookies and taking a bite. “How was Virginia?”

“Virginian.” They exchanged a wry smile. John could sense the fragile tension beneath the superficiality. “Your father?”

“Still kicking, the old bastard. Told me that I've been given a second chance at life, and that I shouldn't be wasting it as an art major.”

John shook his head. “Don't listen to him.”

“Wasn't planning on it. Got my nipples pierced to spite him.”

John choked out a laugh. “You're kidding.”

“Nope. Hurt like a motherfucker but it was worth it to see his face when I told him.”

“Couldn't you have just told him you got them pierced without actually getting them pierced?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Then what's the fun of it?” She pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder and smirked at him. “It's really weird wearing a bra now. Couldn't wear one for a couple of days immediately afterward, either. It hurt too much. No one complained, though.” She finished with a wink.

Alex just rolled his eyes and went back to his phone. Mimi turned back to John with a satisfied smile. “You're an ass,” he told her.

Her smile only widened. “Says the man who bonded without telling me.”

“Touche.” He reached for a cookie, and she handed one to him. He took a bite, closing his eyes. “These are really good. S'mores?”

She nodded. “Old family recipe. And by that I mean I found it on the internet. I'm the only one in my family who knows how to cook.” Spoken with mild distaste. Then she ruffled John's hair. “Might move off campus at the semester.”

“Why?”

“It'd be safer, I think.”

Alex looked up at that, exchanged a glance with John. “You can call us if you ever feel unsafe,” John said to her. “Or just come over. Pretty sure you still have a copy of our key.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

“When did she get a copy?”

“Last year.” John waved his hand dismissively. “What's your course load like?”

“Seventeen hours. Prerequisites, mainly. Ceramics, Latin, English Two-fifty...” She thought for a moment. “Health, calculus, photography. You?”

“Three science classes, an English course, a pre-law course, philosophy, and Latin.”

“Eighteen hours?”

John nodded.

“How do you do it?”

“It involves a lot of praying. To multiple deities from multiple religions. And tears. Lots of them. The more, the better.”

Mimi laughed. “I'll try to remember that.” She hopped off of John's lap and walked to her bag, pulling out a candle warmer. “I swear, you two have only been here for a couple of hours and it smells like men live here.”

Alex quirked an eyebrow at John. “Well, one of us is going to have to break the news to her.” Then he noticed what she was doing and groaned. “Mimi, don't. I _like_ our manly-smelling room. I don't want it to smell like pumpkin spice or magical unicorns or whatever fancy scents you have in there.”

“It's not _fancy_ ,” Mimi snapped. “I learned my lesson last time. No more vanilla, no more apple pie. This is just simple linen. It smells clean and fresh.” She set it up and plugged it in. “There.” She turned to them. “I'd better get going. I still need to finish unpacking, prepare for my roommate's arrival.”

“See you,” John said as she left. He saw Alex looking at him and said, “What?”

“Don't keep encouraging her. She'll keep coming back.”

John tossed a pillow at him. “Don't be a dick. She's sweet.”

“She's _annoying_. And you remember what she did last year!”

He grinned. “Who could forget that? It took you a week to notice.”

“I was busy studying. Imagine how _you'd_ feel if you suddenly realized that every single face in each of your pictures was replaced with Nic Cage!”

“It was beautiful. You screamed.”

“ _You_ didn't tell me about it. You just let her do it and didn't say a word!” He crossed his arms.

“She only gives you shit because she knows you're not particularly fond of her.” John shrugged, lying back on the couch, resting his head on Alex's lap. “You never told me why.”

“I don't need a reason,” Alex huffed. “She's just a pain in the ass.”

“She's also a genius.”

“And yet she wasn't smart enough to be able to tell that you were gay.”

“All she said was that she thought I was cute. _You're_ the one who overheard and made fun of her for not having a gaydar.”

“Is that why you stood by and let her cover my pictures like she did?”

“One of the reasons, yeah. You get too defensive. You really embarrassed her.”

“I apologized.”

“And then you wrote an angry essay on how heteronormative culture has negative consequences on college students, completed with an unflattering retelling of the story.”

“I left out names.”

“That's about all you did to protect identity. And I'd bet that you only did it because your professor made you.”

He didn't respond. Case in point. “You're an asshole, too,” Alex said. “You're always picking fights with everyone because of your stupid inferiority complex that makes no sense because everyone knows you're fucking amazing.”

“That was an insult and a compliment rolled into one. Fight me.”

Alex shook his head. “You're a pain, too.”

“Ah, but I'm _your_ pain now.”

He snorted, tugging John's hair gently. “I suppose.”

“Consider it karma for being melodramatic and self-absorbed.”

“I am _not_ melodramatic!”

“Alex, you _invented_ melodramatic!” John shot back.

“At least I don't have an obsession with turtles!”

“It's not an obsession! And if anything, _you_ have an obsession with writing.”

“At least _I_ don't have a tattoo of it.”

“That's only because you can't stand needles while I can.”

“That's kinda kinky.”

John's argument froze in his throat and he made a face. “If you squint. God, you're a pain in the ass.”

“Yup. But I'm _your_ pain in the ass. Also kinky.”

John shoved at him playfully, sitting up. “Quit while you're ahead. And don't make a sex joke just because I said something with _head_ in it.”

“Well it's not like it would be funny _now_.” He threw up his hands in mock defeat. “Did Henry ever find out about that, by the way?”

“If he did, he hasn't said anything.” John had gotten the tattoo early last spring. It was a simple turtle on the back of his right shoulder. “Doubt he cares. Mr. Washington, on the other hand, will probably lose his mind when he finds out about Frannie's.”

“Tell me about it. She swore me to secrecy.” He leaned deeper into the couch. “She and Hercules seem to be getting pretty chummy.”

“She told me that he took her to brunch the day before she went back to West Virginia.”

“He did. Said it's kind of hard, being around her when his feelings for her are only growing. But he's more concerned with losing her as a friend than getting into bed with her.”

John opened a Snapchat from Marty and responded to it. “It's good to know that he's a decent human being.” It wasn't news to him at all.

“It sucks,” Alex said with a sigh, “having feelings for someone and not being able to express them.”

John paused and smiled wistfully. “It really does.”

Both men lapsed into silence, deep in thought. Alex broke it when he suggested Chinese for dinner instead of the dining hall because the food there had gotten old halfway into their first semester. They ordered and ate quietly.

“Ms. Nightingale seemed pretty happy when I called her again last week,” John said, more to dispel the quiet than anything else. “She said that we could start whenever we wanted, that they could use all of the help they could get.”

Alex nodded. “What kind of work?”

“Some of it will be pretty tedious. Cleaning up the building, filing paperwork, occasionally answering phones. Once they officially open, they'll need all kinds of people.”

“Not the most glamorous,” Alex said, but added, “Not to say it isn't important,” when John opened his mouth. “I'll probably join up when I'm a few weeks in. Get my study habits down and make sure I'm not falling apart.”

“I'm going down tomorrow. Mimi's coming with.”

“Makes me really glad I'm waiting, then.”

“Ha-ha.”

They finished and did the dishes. John washed, Alex dried and put away. Then they realized how late it was and agreed that it was time for bed.

“When do you want to call counseling?” John asked as they crawled under the sheets. The beds had been pushed together – Alex's suggestion.

“I don't need to. I'm fine.”

 _God, not this again._ “Alex _._ ”

He frowned at John, but the annoyance faded after a second. “Okay. We'll call them tomorrow, set up an appointment so that they can tell me I'm crazy and need to take all kinds of special pills that will magically make me better.”

“You and I both know that they don't do that. We can go together this time, if you want. Make it less uncomfortable for you?”

Alex nodded, tugging John close. “It's not like I don't know what's wrong with me.”

John sighed. Alex had gone to counseling for most of last year, but from John’s understanding, those meetings had been pretty basic. Alex hadn’t opened up to them very much. That needed to change if he wanted to get better. There was only so much that John could do to help when stress got the better of Alex, no matter how much he wished he could do more. “Yeah, but knowledge is only the first step. You've gotta do something about it, or you'll run the risk of things getting out of hand. And then things will just get worse from there.”

He didn't answer for a long time. “Do you remember when you’d convinced me to go to the counselor last year?”

“Of course.”

“When I came back, we had that long conversation that lasted until three in the morning? And I told you that sometimes I felt like I shouldn’t be alive because of everything I’ve survived? Then I asked you if you’d ever felt like that and you said _not anymore_?”

“You remember all of that?”

“I was too self-absorbed to pick up on it then,” Alex said rather than answering him. “But I need to ask. Did you really feel that way?”

John sighed. This conversation wasn't one he'd ever wanted to have. But if Alex had held onto this for almost a year, then it was obviously important to him. Besides, having that conversation with Alex about his father had made him feel better. Maybe this would, too. “I did. A couple of times.”

Alex grew quiet and nodded slightly, as if he'd already known the answer.

John continued. “It was really hard growing up knowing that your dad was ashamed of you for something you couldn't control. Sometimes it got to me a little bit more than usual. I felt like there was something _wrong_ with me. And that it was my fault, that I'd tainted the bloodline, that I was dirty.” He swallowed. He still felt like that from time to time. “So, yeah, I sometimes thought that maybe everyone would be better off if I didn't exist.”

“Did you ever get help?”

“No. Not really. I talked to Mama and Frannie.”

“Then I'm glad you're coming with me to counseling.” A beat. “I didn't even realize.”

“Well, it's not like either of us were taught to recognize the signs of something like that.”

“Did you ever try to… to end it?”

John shook his head. “It never got that bad. But I've done some things that I'm certainly not proud of.”

Alex didn't pry. “I think we all have. For the record, I'm really glad you're still here.”

“So am I.”

“You're not allowed to die.”

“Neither are you,” John said. “Remember that, yeah?”

“I'm sorry your father is a bastard.”

“Me too.”

Alex shifted a little, then tucked his head under John's chin. John let out a breath and whispered, “Do you ever want to hate someone with your entire being, but you just can't, no matter how hard you try?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

“That's how I feel about him. Especially since I'd realized how he is around the other kids.”

“It's okay. I hate him enough for the both of us.”

John chuckled. Alex shivered a little. “You cold?” John asked him.

“Kinda.” John pulled the other blanket over him. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He sighed. “I'm gonna try to sleep a little. You should, too.”

Alex agreed and John closed his eyes.

He was plagued with a nightmare. He hadn't escaped the Protocol. He was escorted to the facility. Given a shot. Led to a room. Ordered to build a nest for himself. And then he was given another shot and met with an Alpha. Except the Alpha was a monster, with angry red eyes and large fangs coated with blood. Claws grasped at his body. He couldn't scream.

“ _It's for the good of the country!_ ” a voice called over the intercom. It sounded like his father. “ _It's all you're good for!_ ”

He couldn't scream, but his throat ached like he had. The monster roared and went for John's jugular.

John shot up, breathing hard, hand going to his neck to stop the bleeding. His heart was pounding in his ears.

“John? You okay?” Alex turned on the lamp and looked up at him sleepily, confusion giving way to concern when he saw his face. “You're crying. What happened?” He sat up and wrapped his arms around him. John leaned into him, closing his eyes and slowing his breathing. He was safe. He was with Alex.

“Nightmare,” he said. His voice sounded rough. “Alex, we have to end the Protocol. We have to do everything we can, we can't-”

“I know, baby. I know.” He combed his fingers through John's hair. “We're _going_ to do everything we can. We'll get there. I promise.”

John nodded, taking a shaky breath. “We'll get there.” He wiped his face. “We'll get there.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's Mimi.  
> And Alex's mental issues tentatively coming to the surface.  
> And John's mental issues tentatively resurfacing.  
> And John's nightmare.  
> Fun chapter.  
> But, hey, I'll be posting a New Year's special this week!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real warnings that I can think of, other than mentions of the Protocol.

Chapter 22

  
  


**T** he campus was empty. John felt it in his chest, in his throat. People milled about, going to their classes, but there was an absence that everyone felt.

And people were scared.

The professors in his first two classes made sure to hammer home that this was a safe place for all, and that the university's views were not necessarily the same views as the president's. That the Omegas here were safe.

But they were only safe because they'd gotten out of the Protocol for one way or another.

Omegas had made up roughly twenty percent of the student population. Now, there were only five. Five Omegas who were either bonded or disabled or, in Mimi's case, belonging to an influential family. Only five.

John felt like a sitting duck.

He walked from class to class with both eyes open for any jeers or snide remarks. Sure, the professors claimed that this was a safe place, but there would always be at least _one_ asshole who would try to start something. John hadn't run into one yet. He was sure he would.

He Snapchatted Marty, Frannie, and Lafayette throughout the day, and texted Alex on his lunch break. When his last class ended, he went back to the dorm and dropped his bag on the table, collapsing onto the couch and putting his head in his hands.

Mimi came over a couple of minutes later and rubbed his back. “My English professor said that we've got the option of calling the SafeWalk people. They'd be glad to escort us places.”

“We shouldn't need it.”

“I know.” She sat down next to him and rested her head against him. “It was exhausting. I got leered at by so many Alphas today. And I'm so sick of that _you're safe here_ crap. We're not safe anywhere. We're not even safe from our own fucking government.”

“Who leered at you?”

“Lee and his stupid friend.”

John made a face. He hated Lee, but the professors adored him because he was charismatic and got good grades. John got good grades, too, but the professors didn't praise him or look at him like he was some kind of blessing. They triple checked for plagiarism and stared at him when he tested to make sure he wasn't cheating.

Alphas didn't know how good they had it.

“Wanna get going?” Mimi asked, standing. “We should leave now if we don't want to be late.”

John nodded and grabbed his keys. “Stay close to me, yeah?” he said, taking her hand as they left.

Mimi rolled her eyes. “You're so protective.”

“I've got four -”

“I know, I know, you've got four young siblings that you've learned to take care of and those instincts have carried over into your everyday life and now you worry over every single one of your friends like a mother hen.” She giggled. “God, you're the mom friend.”

John shook his head, but smiled a little. “It's become a habit.”

“I'll bet Alex hates it.”

“I know he doesn't like it when I try to get him to drink tea instead of coffee.” They got into John's car.

“Even I know that fucking with Alex's coffee intake is dangerous. He's addicted.” A wicked smile formed on her face. “I know what I'm doing for my next prank.”

John arched an eyebrow. “If it has something to do with replacing his coffee with decaf, please don't. It may be funny to you, but he'll be miserable and _I'll_ be the one who has to deal with it.”

“I guess it wouldn't be as fun then.” She looked out the window. “My roommate's an unbonded Alpha.” Said so casually.

John's heart jumped and he gritted his teeth. “What the hell were they thinking?”

“Probably weren't. She says that I shouldn't have to worry about her trying anything, that she's here to get an education too, blah, blah, blah, but it's still a little...” Mimi grimaced. “I can't help but wonder if I'd be this scared if the Protocol hadn't passed. If Aquitaine hadn't...” She sighed. “I try so hard not to hate people, John, but if I got the chance, I'd put a bullet in his head without a second thought.”

“A lot of people would.” He reached over and squeezed her hand. “You're not alone in that. What're you going to do about your roommate?”

“Spend all of my time at the library or with friends.” They pulled into the old parking lot of the new charity headquarters and got out, going inside where they were met with a very frazzled Ms. Nightingale.

She gave them both a smile that was just a little too thin. “Thank God you're here,” she said. “We've got so much to do and not nearly enough people. Come on, I'll show you where you'll be working.” Not one to waste time, she led them both to a group of desks pushed haphazardly together. “Could you two go through these? We just got them donated, but nobody thought to clean them out first.”

“Considerate,” Mimi snarked.

“At least it's more furniture that we didn't have before,” Ms. Nightingale said. The door chimed and she walked away to greet whoever had just entered.

John and Mimi made quick work of the desks, throwing away old papers, setting aside bank statements and bills to be shredded, and making a pile of pens that still worked.

“Huh,” John said, pulling out a piece of paper. “Listen to this. _My dearest Marianne. I love you more than anything and want to be with you forever. Divorce your mate and bond with me. We can run away to France and dine atop the Eiffel Tower, just like you've always dreamed._ ”

“Gross.” Mimi grabbed a handful of change. “Fourteen cents. I'd have been able to buy a steak with this a hundred years ago.”

“Try two hundred and fifty.”

“Whatever.” She reached for the letter and skimmed over it. “This is dated two years ago. I didn't even know people actually wrote love letters anymore.” She folded the paper and set it aside. “Wonder if she ever got it, or what she said.”

“I hope she said yes and that they actually got to France, so they don't have to deal with the American government anymore.” John opened another piece of paper. A list of expenses. “Well, if this is any indicator, there's two plane tickets for a one-way trip to Paris on here.”

Mimi snatched the paper and read it. “Right under _lawyer_ and _down payment_. Looks like they got away, after all.” She hi-fived John. “Super detectives.”

After they cleared out the desks, they swept and mopped the floors, then helped scrub the walls.

“I wonder if we could've gotten away,” Mimi said thoughtfully. “If I could buy a plane ticket, go far away. I hear Scotland's lovely this time of year.”

“It's also fifteen percent under water.”

“Better than this.” She sighed. “Did you think about it, John? You and Alex moving out of the country?”

“Alex wanted to, at first,” John admitted. “Well, it was an idea that he voiced once.” He worked at a particularly gross looking stain. “I couldn't leave, though. Not without my kids.”

“ _Your_ kids?”

John shrugged. “I'd feel like I was abandoning them if I fled the country. Not to mention they'd probably be questioned by the BIB if we left.”

“But you're legally bonded.”

He'd almost forgotten that she didn't know it was a lie. “I am. But still. Moving out of the country right after the Protocol was announced would've looked suspicious. Besides, I don't think Henry would let me go. No one would look after the kids during the summer.” Except he wasn't welcome in his own house anymore. Right.

“And he'd miss you.”

John snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“He would, John. I know him, remember? I'm not saying he's not an asshole, because my _God_ , he is. But I don't think he hates you. I don't think he ever did. I think it's just hard for him.”

“Because he's an asshole.”

“Yes.” She laughed a little. “It's no excuse to treat you like shit. But out of all of the kids, I think you take after Eleanor the most. And that's really tough on him now.”

John shook his head. “Marty looks the most like her.”

“Marty doesn't have freckles, though.”

“No, but she's got her shape.”

Mimi screwed her eyes up, trying to remember what his sister looked like. “Her eyes are too small. And her hair's wavy, not curly. She's got rosy cheeks. Eleanor didn't. You, on the other hand, have her nose, her cheekbones, her eyes, and her hair. Pretty sure that if you were five inches shorter and had tits, you'd get mistaken for her. You've got her look.” She made a face at the wall when she pulled the rag away and dipped it into the bucket.

“Her look.” John shook his head. “I guess. I don't spend a lot of time checking myself in the mirror for family resemblance. But I'm still pretty sure Marty looks more like her than me. And she's got more of her gentle nature and intelligence.”

“You're gentle, John. When you want to be. You're a weird hybrid between _looks like a cinnamon roll_ and _looks like he could kill you_. You're like a beautiful, delicious cinnamon roll that's obviously been laced with cyanide.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“And you're smart, too.” They moved to another wall.

“Not _Marty_ smart.”

Mimi glowered at the wall as she attacked it with her rag. She really hated uncleanliness. “You're both really knowledgeable. Just about different things. You know almost everything there is to know about drawing, for example. You can sketch just about anything. And no one can make better pumpkin bread than you. Not even me, and I'm a great baker. You most likely know more about the environment than the scientists the government has on hand.”

“ _Mary Eleanor_ probably knows more than them.”

“And you're a great singer, even though you may not do it often. Just because Marty knows more about math and physics and stars than you doesn't mean you're not as smart as she is. It just means you've got your own area of expertise, and she has hers. And fuck our professors.”

John smirked. “Good conclusive statement. Really solid.”

“Sorry.” She narrowed her eyes. “I'm just pissed at them. They pretend that they don't have any bias towards Alphas and Betas, but they clearly do. I was told that I needed to participate more this year or I'd lose a letter grade. I raise my hand all of the fucking time, that jackass Phillips just doesn't call on me.”

“Try just saying your answers. That's what I've started doing.”

She huffed. “I worry that if I do that, I'll either get yelled at or harassed. And I know I can kick ass, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a situation where I need to.”

“Fights aren't as fun as the movies make you think,” John said, rubbing his jaw. “They suck.”

“And yet you got into three last year.”

“Two. That last one didn't count. He swung first.”

Mimi frowned at him. “I don't like the idea of you getting hurt.”

“You sound just like Alex.”

“Ew. But he has a point. You don't back down when you're challenged, and that's admirable and all, but what happens when you _can't_ take whoever it is? What if you’re up against more than one person? It's a risk.”

“Everything's a risk. I told you, I'm working on my impulsiveness.”

“Good. Last thing I want is to have to explain to Dad that you've been killed.”

“Everyone thinks that I'm going to die in a fistfight.” He threw up his hands. “Hollywood lies. You don't die in fistfights. Unless someone sends the bridge of your nose into your brain, but that’s no longer a fist fight. That’s just _mean_.”

Mimi chuckled humorlessly. “Adorable.” They finished cleaning the other two walls and then Ms. Nightingale sent them home for the night. “My dad said that I'm wasting my time as an art major.” They got into the car and started back to campus.

“I know. You told me.”

“I think he may be right.”

John glanced at her. “Mimi -”

“It's not because he said anything, or because I'm _wasting my new chance at life._ I've just been thinking a lot about how many people need help, and I want to help them. And I can't do that with art. Not as much as I'd like to.”

“So what were you thinking?”

She swallowed. “I want to be a doctor. I have an appointment with my adviser tomorrow. We're going to talk about what I need to do to qualify for the pre-med program here. I know it won't be easy, because not a lot of Omegas are admitted, but I think it'll be worth it. If I could save lives.”

John smiled. “Do you know what branch?”

“Internal medicine.” She leaned back against the seat. “Just imagine. _Me_ , a doctor.”

“I'll make sure to call you at all odd hours of the night with any ailment I have, regardless of severity.”

“If you call me at three in the morning because you have a paper cut, I'm driving over to your house and giving you a _real_ reason to see a doctor.”

They pulled into the parking lot and walked back to their dorm rooms. “Have a good night, Mimi,” John said as she unlocked her door.

She smiled at him. “You too. Give Alex a kiss for me. Make it exaggerated, too, so that he's really weirded out the next time he sees me.”

John laughed. “Will do.” He waited until she was inside to go back to his own room and try to sleep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of Mimi so far?


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters are honestly my favorites.

Chapter 23

  
  


**H** is name was Andy.

And John didn't like him.

He didn't have a particularly good reason. Something just felt off about him. He didn't like how his hair was so neat, or how his clothes seemed to be perfectly in place, or how his smile showed off his brilliantly white teeth. He didn't like his strong jaw, broad shoulders, or sparkling eyes. Andy looked like a Mediterranean Superman. John hated it.

John hated it because Alex so blatantly loved it.

“He's _gorgeous_ ,” Alex said one night in their room as he shoveled ramen noodles into his mouth. “Did you see his _eyes_? They're so fucking pretty. And his _ass_... You can tell he works out.”

John worked out. John worked out a lot. And he had a great ass, too, but you didn't see _him_ seducing Alex with it.

He hated Andy, and he hadn't even officially met him yet.

“He's a TA for my English class,” Alex went on as John stared at his Ecology textbook. “He's a senior. He says he wants to go on to be either an English professor, or he wants to work for a publishing company. I showed you the pictures, right?”

“You texted them to me,” John said. “Twice.”

“He's just so great. I can tell. You know when you meet someone and you can just tell that they're a good person? Yeah, that's him.”

“Don't you have a paper that you should be writing?” John highlighted a chunk of text. _Mutualism versus parasitism._

Alex and John were a good example of mutualism. Alex protected John from the Protocol, helped him with his English class, calmed him down when he had a nightmare, and generally made him feel better. John, in return, made sure that Alex took care of himself, got him out of bed in the morning, made him coffee, and proofread some of his essays for him. They worked together in harmony to create one fulfilling queer-platonic relationship.

Andy, however, was a parasite. He latched on to Alex and filled his brain with his charm and his wit and his ass, until it was all that Alex could talk about.

“I've already done it. Did I mention he's hilarious? He's so damn funny, John. He tells the best jokes and never gets the punchline wrong.”

John sometimes got the punchline wrong. But Alex always laughed, anyway.

“He also paints in his free time. When he _has_ free time, that is. He's taking eighteen hours this semester. He's such an overachiever.”

But when John did it, he was working too hard.

“You should meet him. I think you two would get along really well.”

_You get along well enough for the both of us._

But John swallowed and nodded. “Sounds fun.”

And so that was how John found himself sitting across from Mr. Perfect the following Wednesday instead of reviewing for an upcoming test.

“John,” Alex said, beaming. “This is Andy. Andy, this is John.”

“You're his roommate?” Andy clarified, shaking his hand. His hands were too soft to be human.

“Mate, actually.” John could justify saying that. “Alex says you transferred from Washington State?”

“I did. Wanted to get out to the east coast, experience the Atlantic Ocean. Maybe escape from the wildfires, but I think I'll be just in time for hurricane season.” He laughed.

Alex stiffened slightly. “Don't worry,” John said, mainly to Andy but also to Alex. “Hurricanes don't make it this far north.”

“I've heard different stories.”

“I think you heard wrong.” John tried to keep it lighthearted. “Hurricanes always stay pretty close to the equator. They need warm water to form.”

Andy grinned. “Alex, you never told me your mate was so smart.”

_Bet he didn't tell you I exist, either._

“He always has been,” Alex chuckled, placing a hand on John's shoulder and squeezing. “He's going to be an environmental lawyer.”

“Ah, so that's why you know so much about the weather. It makes sense.”

_I know about hurricanes because it's common knowledge to anyone who pays attention to the weather, dipshit._

“But I still have to disagree. If the water continues to warm up, the possibility of hurricanes occurring further north is entirely possible.” He offered his award-winning smile.

“That's what I'm hoping to prevent.” John shot him his most charming grin. John knew he was attractive, and he was going to use it.

Andy didn't falter. Bastard.“It's quite an ambition. Environmental law. Takes a lot of hard work.”

“Oh, I'm well aware.” John chuckled, pretending to be more amused than he actually was.

“How long have you known that was what you wanted to do?”

 _One of my many hookups in high school suggested it one night during pillow talk when I said that I wanted to help the Earth._ But shock factor wouldn't help any. “Since just before my junior year of high school. I decided register for AP Environmental, just to see whether it was something I would actually enjoy studying, and fell in love with it.”

“So what exactly would you be doing?” Andy leaned forward a little. John leaned back in his seat, trying to be subtle.

“Essentially, I'll be keeping companies in check, making sure they follow the guidelines of the EPA. I think it'd be cool to work for the EPA, but that's pretty far off.” And John wasn't sure he wanted anything to do with the government. Not after what Aquitaine did. “I'll probably work with a firm that has several corporate clients.”

“That'll keep you busy.”

“Most definitely.”

Andy took a sip from his glass. It probably contained the blood of those he'd lured back into his cave, only to revert back into the fanged demon he was and slaughter them. “Between yours and Alex's schedules, it might be a little difficult to find time for one another.”

“You don't _find_ time for someone.” John tried to keep the venom from his voice. “You _make_ it. Alex and I will be fine. Right, honey?” He looked over at Alex with a smile.

Alex blinked at him, then returned it. “Of course.” John took Alex's hands, lacing his fingers through his.

“I hope you know I didn't mean anything by that,” Andy laughed, almost nervously. “Sorry, I'm really awkward sometimes. You two make a wonderful couple.”

“Thank you,” Alex said, and he and Andy launched into a long conversation about English that John only understood parts of.

Finally, Andy had to get going to his next class, so John and Alex headed back to the dorm.

“So?” Alex prompted when they were back inside.

John curled up in the bed, burying his face in Alex's pillow. “So?”

“Well, what do you think of him?”

“If I'm being honest...” John sighed. “He seems fine.”

“Isn't he cute?” Alex flopped down next to him.

“A real dreamboat. You should send him a fan letter, if you're that into him.”

“Fuck you,” Alex laughed. “It's just nice to meet someone who kind of wants to do the same thing as me. Who understands it. He didn't treat me any differently, either.”

“Why would he treat you differently?” John rolled over and looked at him.

Alex sighed. “Sometimes people just act differently towards me because I'm not your average Alpha. And I don't care about them or what they think, but it's nice to meet someone who isn't like that, even though he could get away with being that way because he looks like a god.”

John hadn't thought about that. “So he's nice to you?”

“Yeah. Because he's nice to everyone. But he didn't look at all surprised when he realized I was an Alpha.”

“That's good, Alex.” John got up and grabbed his Climatology textbook before getting back into bed. Alex snuggled close as John read from it.

“Read me a story,” Alex joked.

“Once upon a time, there was this asshole named Alex who wouldn't let his roommate study -”

“Point taken.” He closed his eyes, head against John's side.

Andy might've had Alex's eye, but Alex was in John's arms.

So maybe he wasn't so bad.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John: Step the FUCK off, Andy! He's mine. *Then, to Alex in a whisper* No homo though.
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone!!!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're officially two thirds of the way through!!!  
> Time will be passing very quickly in the story from here on out, just letting you know.
> 
> Warnings: Mild sexual content

Chapter 24

  
  


**H** e _was_ so bad.

“They're going out for coffee again,” John growled, pacing the floor. Mimi knitted from the couch, a bored expression on her face. “How the hell _else_ am I supposed to take it?”

“Maybe as friends going out for coffee?” she suggested. “John, you and I go out to lunch all of the time.”

“Yes, but not fucking five days in a row!”

“John. Stop. You're _mates_. Alex loves you. Clearly. You don't have anything to worry about.”

“But he's _Andy_. He's got perfect hair and pretty eyes and white teeth and a great ass and all of this _perfection_.”

“You have all of those things, John.” She rolled her eyes. “I never would've pegged you as the jealous type.”

“I'm not -” He ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. Yeah. I'm jealous.”

“Listen, Alex has seen you at your absolute worst and he still adores you.”

“That's the thing, Mimi. I don't think Andy _has_ a worst.”

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” Mimi snapped. “Every person on this planet has a _worst_. And I've learned that the more perfect they seem, the worse it is. I'll bet Andy's secretly a total slob, or that he only changes his underwear once a week, or that his dick is microscopic.”

“Maybe he bleats like a sheep in bed,” John mused. “Or says his mom's name.”

“Or his dad's.”

They laughed and John sat down on the couch. “I guess I'm still a little insecure,” he admitted. “I mean, all Alex talks about is how great he is.”

“The man's only human, after all.” Mimi set her yarn aside and leaned forward, a devilish smile playing on her lips. “So, John, what would you do if another man's caught your mate's eye?”

“The first thought that comes to my head involves violence, so I'm probably not the one to ask.”

“My God, John, think. You need to remind him why he's with you, and not _him_. Steal his affection right back. Show off the goods, strut around naked for no fucking reason, go heavy on the foreplay and leave him wanting more. Always leave him wanting more.”

A lot of that wouldn't work because they weren't together. But she'd given John some ideas. He stood again. “Wanna go for a run?”

When John came back forty-five minutes later, Alex was typing on his laptop. Perfect. “Hey,” John said, getting a bottle of water and taking a drink. He waited for Alex to start to turn, then removed his shirt as slowly as possible without being obvious.

“Where'd you...” Alex began to say. John pulled the shirt off entirely and tossed it into the hamper. “Um, did you go for a run?”

John nodded, taking his hair down next and shaking it out a little. Alex liked his hair, right? “It was a little warmer out than I thought.”

“Yeah?” Was Alex eyeing him, or was John imagining things? “How much did you run?”

“Ran four miles, walked one and a half.”

“Nice.” John felt Alex's eyes on him as he walked towards the bathroom, making sure to stand straight.

“I'm going to shower,” John said, turning around. Alex's eyes shot up to meet John's, and his cheeks colored slightly. _Huh._ “Enjoy your... homework.”

The cold shower felt nice on John's heated skin. He took a couple of extra minutes to cool off and contemplate his next move. When he got out, he treated his hair and only partially dried it, then wrapped a towel around his waist. He considered for a moment, then moved it so that it hung just a little bit lower.

When he left the bathroom, Alex was lying on the bed, reading a book, chewing on his bottom lip lightly. John took in the sight, willing his heart to calm down as he stared at Alex's mouth. He shook his head once and shut the door, walking over to their shared dresser and pulling out some shorts.

“How was your shower?” Alex's voice was soft. John only let himself glance at him. The lights had been dimmed.

“Refreshing.” John walked around to the couch, where Alex wouldn't be able to see him unless he was actively looking, and dropped the towel, pulling his shorts on, before hanging the towel and sitting down at his desk.

“What're you doing?”

“Homework.” John rolled his shoulders a couple of times before forcing Alex out of his head and focusing on the pages in front of him. He'd done his part for now. It was all about subtlety. _Always leave him wanting more_.

He didn't put a shirt on for the rest of the evening. When he curled up under the covers for the night, he rolled over onto his side and watched Alex as he typed another paper at his desk. He still had his bottom lip between his teeth. John wanted to bite it, too.

He awoke a couple of hours later and squinted at the bright light beaming at him. It took a second of his eyes adjusting to realize that it was the glow of Alex's laptop.

“Alex,” he sighed. “Come to bed. You can finish it in the morning.”

Alex didn't reply, so he got up and walked over to him, only to see that his head was buried in his arms and he was fast asleep. His heart softened at the sight, and he put his hands on his shoulders, shaking him gently. “Alex,” he whispered. “Alex, wake up. It's -” he checked the time - “midnight. Come on.”

Alex groaned, lifting his head and squinting up at him. “Wha-?”

“Let's get you to bed.”

“Essay,” he tried.

“No, no. We're getting you to bed.” He helped him stand. “You should take out your contacts.”

“Mm-hmm.” Alex leaned back against John. “Yeah?”

John chuckled. He was kind of cute like this. “Take out your contacts.”

“Mm-kay.” He went to the bathroom and braced himself on the sink for several long moments before finally removing the contacts in favor of his glasses. Then he trudged back over and rested his forehead on John's chest. “Essay?”

“Tomorrow.” He guided him to the bed and tucked him in, taking off his glasses and placing them on the nightstand. Then he saved Alex's work and shut the lid of the laptop before joining him. Alex immediately wrapped his arms around John and buried his face in his shoulder.

“Night, John,” Alex mumbled, falling asleep quickly. John watched him for several long moments before closing his own eyes and going back to sleep.

He woke up again with a sharp pain in his calf. Had he pulled a muscle while running?

Another jab. John rolled over to see Alex squirming. After a beat, he heard a low whimper. He began to wake him up. “Alex. Alex, you're having a nightmare. Al-”

Alex shot up and shoved at John with all of his strength. John landed on the floor with an “ _oomph_.” His ass was going to hurt tomorrow.

He watched as Alex rubbed his eyes and looked around. He could sense his panic rising. “John?” His voice came out as a half sob. “John?”

“I'm here,” John said, standing and getting back in bed. Alex threw himself at him and wept in his arms. John held him tightly. “It was just a dream.” He ran a hand through Alex's hair. “Just a bad dream. You're safe here.”

Alex continued to cry into John's chest. “Don't go,” he begged.

“I'm not going anywhere.” He eased him down onto the bed and tucked him in. “I'm right here.”

Alex reached for him, still sniffling. “It was so horrible.”

“What happened?”

“Hurricane,” he whimpered. “Hit Virginia. Killed everyone. Killed you.” He started sobbing again, and John pulled him close.

“There's no hurricane,” he said soothingly. “No hurricanes here.”

“B-but Andy said-”

“Andy was wrong. It's not likely. The water would have to get so much warmer in order for one to form this far north. We're safe here.”

“There was one in Florida.”

“I know.”

“If we'd been there -”

“We weren't,” John whispered against the side of his head, kissing his hair and rocking him gently. “We weren't there. We're here. In New York. And we're not going to get hurt. Not by a storm.”

Alex hugged him and nodded fiercely. “We're safe here.”

“Yes.” John brushed some hair out of Alex's face and leaned down, brushing his lips against his forehead. “We're safe here.”

Alex hiccuped and John got him a glass of water. Alex's hands felt warm to the touch. John frowned and felt his forehead. “What?” Alex asked.

“You're burning up,” he said.

“No, I'm cold.” He reached for John again. “Come back. You’re a furnace.”

“In a second.” John retrieved the thermometer and took Alex's temperature. “You're running a fever.”

“I'm fine. Just cold.”

“Your temperature is ninety-nine point eight degrees. Let's get you back into bed.”

“As long as you stay here.” He'd started shivering, and tucked himself against John when he got under the sheets with him. “You're warm.”

John wrapped his arms around him. “Go back to sleep.”

Alex didn't fall asleep for a long time. John could feel his hot breath against his chest and his eyelashes fluttering. It tickled. Alex shifted occasionally, then seemed to give up and stilled against him. After a while, John detected the evening of his breath. He stared down at him before drifting off as well.

Morning came and John was forced awake by the sound of his alarm. He shut it off and closed his eyes, chasing the dream he'd been having about Alex. He didn't remember much about it, just Alex's smile and his lips against John's and his hands roaming over John's naked body -

_Oh. Fuck._

John strategically removed himself from Alex's grasp, which was a little bit tighter than normal. His skin was also still too warm for his liking. Alex grumbled in his sleep, then turned over onto his other side. John wanted to join him again, but refrained and took a cold shower instead, electing to take a little bit longer so he could reset and hopefully regain some of his focus.

When he came back out, the sight of Alex sitting up in bed and looking at him blearily made him feel just a little weak. How could someone smell so good from across the room?

Alex smiled sleepily and held out his arms for John. He'd taken off his shirt. “Come here?”

John started to cross the room, but stopped. Thought for a moment. “Are you feeling okay?”

Alex nodded. “Just want you here. With me. In bed.” When John didn't comply, he frowned. “What?” He rubbed his eyes and put on his glasses. He looked so damn cute in them. “What's wrong?”

The fever, the clinginess, John's difficulty focusing. “When was the last time you took your suppressors?”

“I took them...” Alex trailed off, then understanding dawned on him. “Fuck.”

John marched over to Alex's desk and tossed him the bottle. “Take them.”

“I'm sorry,” he said as he opened the lid. “I'm usually so on top of it.”

“No, you're not. You forgot to take them for an entire week just a couple of months ago.” John was getting antsy. He crossed his arms. “You need to be better about this, especially now.”

Alex took the pill and went over to his bag, pulling out a bracelet. “I've got a scent blocker. It should help you not... What exactly are you feeling?”

“Irritated, mainly.”

“Other than that. Is it... affecting you at all?”

“Yeah.” John ran a hand through his hair. “It is. Stay here until you don't feel like a sex-crazed fiend -”

“ _Sex-crazed fiend?_ ”

“- and I'm going to go to breakfast with Mimi and Jake.”

“Who's Jake?”

“Just a friend.” John waved his hand dismissively, heading for the door. “He's in my Eco class.”

“John, wait.”

He turned back to Alex. “What?”

“You're still in just a towel.”

John's face turned red and he cursed, grabbing his clothes and throwing them on. “Thank you.”

Alex stepped over to him and hugged him. “Have a good breakfast.” He hung on just a little too long.

“ _Alex._ ”

“Right.” Alex took a step back. “You smell good,” he said lamely.

John left the dorm room and took a deep breath as soon as the door was shut. He hoped the suppressors would kick in soon. He didn't want to have to fight his instincts every time he was in the same room as him. Alex’s pheromones had always had an effect on John – and every other Omega – but it was stronger now that he was bonded to him.

He texted Jake, inviting him to the dining hall, and knocked on Mimi's door.

An Alpha answered. She taller than John, and had a stronger stature. She perked up upon seeing him and her scent changed slightly. John was probably giving off some kind of pheromones of his own in reaction to Alex. “Can I help you?” she asked.

“He's here for me, Krissy.” Mimi squeezed past her. She was wearing a panda kigurumi with the hood down, and her blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun. Her makeup had been washed off the night before, revealing darker circles and minor imperfections that she usually covered. Her smile was tired but genuine, and she took his hands before leaning into his chest and pretending to fall asleep. He smiled at her and Krissy shut the door, leaving them alone in the hallway. “I'm so tired and you smell weird.”

“Alex forgot to take his suppressors. His rut hit late last night.”

“You don't sound too happy about that,” she said as they walked.

“I'm not.” John made a face. “We agreed to take them until we could actually afford the time to share a cycle.”

“That's smart.” They walked into the dining hall and spotted Jake sitting at a table, already eating. “How'd last night go, anyway? Did you get his attention?”

John had almost forgotten about that. “I think so.” They got their food and joined Jake. “I'm pretty sure he was checking me out.”

“Who?”

“Alex.” John took a bite of his toast.

“He's been making all of these eyes at this Andy guy. It's making John jealous.”

“Andy Sampson?”

John nodded.

“I'd be into him if I liked guys.”

“Thanks, Jake. You're making me feel so much better.”

Jake shrugged. “Well, if it's any consolation, I'd be into you, too.” He gave an exaggerated wink and John chuckled. “I mean, he's pretty good-looking, but if Alex is your mate, then I don't think you have much to worry about. He'd never cheat.”

“You don't know him, Jake,” John said.

“Mimi's told me plenty. And he may be a total dumbass, but from what she's said, he's pretty blatantly in love with you.”

John poked at his eggs. “I suppose.” _Except we're not together, and he doesn't love me like that._ “You wanna come with us to help Ms. Nightingale tonight?”

Jake nodded. “Couldn't hurt. Anything that can be done by a paraplegic?”

“Tons. There's a lot of paperwork that needs to be sifted through, phone calls to be made, stuff like that.”

“We've made a lot of progress in a month,” Mimi said. “I don't even recognize the place anymore, since they redid the walls and flooring.” She reached out and grabbed John's arm. “I heard they were putting in a daycare on the third floor.”

“That's good. I knew they were debating what to do with the space.” He took a bite of his eggs. Made a face and grabbed the hot sauce. “Ms. Nightingale had mentioned that it was probably going to be devoted to helping low-income Omegas and those who've been released from the Protocol.” An uneasy silence settled at the table. Omegas were only released when they were found to be pregnant or sterile.

“I hope he's impeached,” Jake muttered, stabbing at a piece of sausage.

“I hope he's assassinated,” Mimi growled. “But until that fateful day, we need to do something productive.” A sigh. “Is Alex coming to help this time?”

John shook his head. “He'll probably come either tomorrow or Friday. He's got a lot of homework.”

Mimi nodded. “I've got a couple of other things to do tonight, too. Let me tell you, there's a reason pre-professional tracks aren't easy to get into. A and P is enough to kill me, and that's only one course.”

“So your adviser actually let you take pre-med, and not pre-nursing?” Jake asked.

“It took a lot of begging and pretesting, but yeah. In eight years, I will be a doctor of internal medicine. I will also probably be mocked and ridiculed by all of my fellow colleagues.”

“But if you're a doctor, you know how to both kill and save someone,” John said. “You could keep killing them and bringing back until they give you the respect you deserve.”

“Now that's an idea,” she laughed.

“Mind if I join you?” a voice asked. They all turned to see Andy holding a plate and a glass of milk. “Or am I intruding?”

“Go ahead,” Jake said, gesturing to the empty seat. Mimi shot him a look, but he didn't catch it.

“Thank you.” Andy sat down right across from John. “So how are you all this morning?”

“Tired,” Mimi said. “I was up all night studying for a test.”

“Which class?”

“Health.”

“The graduation requirement?”

She nodded. “I have to get at least a ninety to prove my worth to the rest of the class. And the professor.”

“Why? Do they think you're dumb?”

“Probably. I'm the only Omega in the class.”

Andy frowned. “So you have to _prove your worth_ to them? That's awful.”

“That's how it's always been,” John said. “It's just more prevalent now because of the Protocol.”

“At least you got out of it because you're bonded. Do you know how much it sucks to escape something due to disability? It's so conflicting. On one hand, you got out of it. On the other, it's because of something that's so seriously wrong with you that not even the _government_ wants anything to do with it.” Jake spat the word _government_ like it had left a foul taste in his mouth.

“That's very unfortunate,” Andy said sympathetically.

“Yeah. It is. Being a transgender paraplegic Omega was hard enough before. But no one gave a damn then, and no one gives a damn now.”

“How many Omegas are there on campus now?”

“Five,” Mimi said. “The three of us, Aaron, and Samuel.”

“That must feel very isolating.”

John gritted his teeth. “You have no idea.”

“Are the counselors helping at all?”

Mimi shrugged. “I haven't been. Don't feel the need to go.”

Jake glowered at his plate. “They just feed you the same bullshit about how it's so safe here, that no one's going to hurt us, that if we feel threatened we only need to call the number listed in the bathrooms. They don't even listen to what I have to say.”

John rolled his eyes. “Of course they don't. They don't care about _Omega problems._ ” He and Alex had gone together a couple of times, and then Alex had started going alone. He'd said that it felt easier to open up to just one person at a time. Not to mention the ‘group’ session was more centered on him, anyway, because he was an Alpha. But John was happy as long as Alex was getting the help he needed. And his mood _did_ seem to be improving for the most part.

“What if I put in a word?” Andy asked. “I know the board of directors very well. I could voice your concerns for you. Maybe they'd listen to a Beta.”

“Keep it anonymous, but sure.” Jake shrugged. “Got nothing to lose.” He checked his watch. “I've gotta get going. My first class is in twenty minutes.” He left the table, taking his plates.

John and Mimi exchanged a quick glance, then stood as well. “I've got a class soon, too,” Mimi said.

“And I'm going to check on Alex.”

“What's wrong with him?”

“He isn't feeling well.”

Andy frowned. “Wish him the best for me.”

“Will do.” John and Mimi disposed of their plates and headed back to their end of the building. “He's so sickeningly sweet,” John sneered.

“Yeah, how dare he wish Alex the best. I'm surprised you didn't launch yourself at him right then and there.” She danced away when John gently swatted at her. “Go tend to your man.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He braced himself for the worst and opened the door. Alex glanced over his shoulder from his laptop, which he was typing away at. All of the windows were open, and the fan was going.

“How was breakfast?” he asked.

“Fine.” John pulled a hoodie on and lay back down on the bed. Alex smelled normal again. “Could you wake me up at one?”

Alex nodded and John took a nap that was much shorter than intended. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that Alex was no longer at his desk. The second thing he noticed was that Alex was spooning him, his arms wrapped tightly around John's waist, his face pressed into his back. John knew that it had to do with Alex's rut, but he didn't complain this time. Instead he smiled and went back to sleep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life, so don't be afraid to let me know what you think!!!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Physical violence and trash talking that borders on sexual harassment.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy some Lams that's really hard for me to pass off as platonic!

Chapter 25

  
  


**T** he shelter was officially opened in mid-October. Everyone who'd volunteered was invited to the reception. Mr. Condorcet and Jeremy Bentham attended, as well, and gave a few short speeches. Ms. Nightingale thanked everybody for their continued support. Dinner was provided for all, drinks for those who were of age. Mimi snuck a glass of champagne and let John have a couple of sips.

“This is the most hopeful I've seen a group of people in a long time,” Mr. Condorcet said to John as they watched people milling about. “Florence tells me you've done a lot to help this happen.”

“All I did was come and work,” John said.

“That's more than can be said by many.” He smiled kindly. “Don't sell yourself short.” A beat. “I looked over your resume that you sent to Florence in August. It's very impressive.”

“Thank you.”

“You've been volunteering at the soup kitchen in Norfolk since you were sixteen, you give blood regularly, and you graduated high school with an unweighted 3.5 GPA. All while waiting tables and taking care of your siblings. That's astounding.”

John smiled awkwardly. He wasn't used to being praised.

“I know you want to be an environmental lawyer. But if you ever decide to focus on civil or family rights, let me know. I'd be more than happy to offer you an internship with one of our branches.”

“Thank you,” John repeated. Mr. Condorcet bid him farewell and walked over to Ms. Nightingale. John glanced around at the gym they'd worked so hard to complete. He could still smell the fresh paint, and the floor was still a little dinged up, but it was clean and the scent of mildew was gone. And with the small orchestra playing in the corner, and clothed tables lined up with food and glasses of wine and champagne, the atmosphere seemed much better than it had been. _Hopeful_ , John recalled Mr. Condorcet’s words. _There's hope now._

“Excuse me, sir, may I have this dance?” a voice asked from behind him. He turned to see Mimi extending her hand. She was wearing a black ball gown that clung to and flattered her form. Her hair was pulled back, with a few curled tendrils framing her face. And her makeup was spot-on, making her appear both elegant and sensual. She fit right in with the small crowd of beneficiaries that had come to donate. She'd even caught the eye of several gentlemen and some women, all of whom she ignored.

“Of course you may, my lady.” She laughed at his terrible fake British accent and let him lead her to the dance floor. She took one of his hands and he placed the other on her waist. Her free hand went to his shoulder. “Everything okay?”

She nodded. “Just felt like dancing and remembered that you'd had to learn how in the sixth grade.”

“Fifth,” John corrected. “My mother said that every southern gentleman needed to know how to dance properly.”

“I can imagine her saying that.”

“She made me practice with Marty.”

Mimi snorted. “Which one of you was better?”

“Marty, for sure. I kept stepping on her feet.” He spun her and then pulled her back in. “I guess we both got better over time. Mama managed to teach Junior, too, but James wouldn't have it. I think she would've insisted if she hadn't gotten sick.” He sighed. Didn't let himself dwell on it for too long. “I think the biggest problem with teaching me was that I had to learn both how to lead and how to follow.”

“Which do you do better?”

“Lead.”

Mimi smiled at him. “Well, you certainly _do_ seem to know what you're doing.”

“As do you.”

“And, might I add, you look absolutely dashing.”

He was wearing a fitted black tuxedo. He'd asked Marty to mail it to him a couple of weeks ago, when he'd first received the invitation. He never thought he'd be needing it up in New York. “And you're utterly stunning.” He flashed a grin. “Then again, you always are.”

She laughed. “For someone who's gay, you sure do flirt with women a lot.”

“Not all women. Just you.”

“Why, Mr. Laurens, I'm flattered.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “Is it because you know you'll never be able to have me?”

“We hunger the most for the fruit we cannot consume.”

“No, John, _you're_ the fruit.” They shared a stupid grin and continued dancing. “So where's loverboy?”

“His last class didn't get out until an hour ago. I told him he could come up later, but I don't think he's going to.” John shrugged. The song changed. Another waltz. “I can't see him enjoying something like this, to be honest. He'd probably talk about how pretentious it was, or that it's a waste of money and resources.”

“It's attracted a flock of wealthy do-gooders,” Mimi said. “Sometimes you have to spend money to make money.”

“I don't know if he'll ever see things that way. I’ll just give Ms. Nightingale his regards for him. I don’t think he’ll be making it tonight.”

“I wouldn't be so sure about that.” John realized that Mimi was staring over his shoulder, a smile forming on her face. John gave her a confused look and turned to see what had caught her eye.

_Oh._

Alex.

He was wearing a dark blue suit with a tie that was slightly crooked. John found it endearing. His hair was pulled back like normal, and his eyes were still tired, and he was nervously fiddling with one of his sleeves, but _God_ , he looked good. He hadn't spotted them yet.

“Stop gaping like a fish,” Mimi giggled, grabbing his arm and dragging him off of the dance floor and over to where Alex was standing. John regained his composure at the same time that Alex noticed them. His cheeks turned red and he looked John up and down so quickly that John wasn't even certain he'd seen it. “You look great,” Mimi said once they'd reached him. “Didn't know you had it in you.”

“Mimi.” Alex's voice was clipped. “You look nice.”

“Thank you.” She bounced on the balls of her feet, looking in between the two of them. John arched a brow at her. After a moment, she stopped. “Fine. I'll leave you two alone. I'm gonna see if I can't get one of the Betas to dance with me.” And then she was off.

John and Alex stood awkwardly. Then, Alex said, “You look amazing.”

“So do you,” John said in a rush. His face heated up. “Um,” he tried to save himself. He wasn't succeeding. “I don't think I've seen you dress up like this in a while.” _Or ever._

“I dressed up for graduation,” he said quickly. “And changed into my pajamas immediately afterward.” They chuckled painfully. “John, could you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Could you, um, fix my tie?”

John swallowed. “Oh. Sure. No problem. Here.” He led him off to the side of the room, where they were less conspicuous, and undid Alex's tie. For a hot second, he imagined removing the rest of the suit, too, but he pushed the thought away. He retied it, making sure the knot was centered and neat. “Is that better? Not too tight or anything?”

“No, no, it's perfect.”

“Do you want to dance?”

Alex blushed again. “I don't know how.”

“I can teach you. It's really easy.”

He glanced at the crowd of people, then back at John. Then he smiled. “Sure. Why not.”

It took a couple of tries and a lot of stepping on toes, but Alex eventually managed to get the gist of it and was able to follow John's lead.

“How were your classes?” John asked him.

“Okay. Tiring. I think I may have fallen asleep during Philosophy. Or maybe I just don't understand any of what they're talking about.” He gave a soft laugh. “Andy graded my essay on equal representation in the media. He said it was pretty strong, but I needed to tone down the anger. It's apparently got more than a healthy amount.”

He'd gone ten minutes before mentioning Andy. A new record. “Does it detract from the main idea?”

“A little.”

John nodded. “Then I have to agree with him.” _For once._ “How'd your calc test go?”

“It went. I'm hoping for at least an eighty. Maybe an eighty-five. But I don't think I got any higher than a sixty, to be honest. What about you? How was your day?”

“It was fine. I'm tired, too, but I think the worst of it's over for a little while. Found out that I got a B on my Ecology exam.”

“That's pretty good.” Alex started to yawn, but stifled it. “Sorry.”

John frowned. “I wouldn't have been mad if you stayed home and rested tonight.”

“I know.” Alex glanced around the room. “But this means a lot to you. It'd be shitty of me not to come. If nothing else, to make sure Mimi doesn't get you kicked out.”

“Mimi's not going to get me kicked out,” John laughed.

Alex shrugged. “You never know with her. She's a wild card.”

“She _did_ sneak some champagne earlier. And she let me have some.”

“See? She's corrupting you.”

John snorted. “I'm already plenty corrupted.”

“That's just depressing.” Alex shook his head in false sadness, pulling John closer. “My poor baby.”

The reception ended about an hour later. John had ridden over with Mimi, but she insisted that he ride back with Alex. The drive was relatively quiet. John kept stealing glances at Alex while being as secretive as possible. He loved how he looked in that suit. When they got back into their dorm room, the first thing John did was remove his shoes. Then he loosened his tie and took off his jacket. He went to the closet to hang it up and noticed Alex watching him. “What's up?”

Alex shook his head. “Just zoning out.” John hung up his jacket and tie when he heard a small noise from behind him. Alex's voice came a moment later. “John? I'm struggling.” He turned around to see Alex tugging at his tie. “I think you did it too well,” he said shyly, tugging at it again.

John sighed. “That's not how you untie...” He made quick work of it. “There.”

Suddenly Alex's hands were on his shoulders. “John,” he whispered.

John looked up from the unfastened tie to Alex's face. “Yes?” Alex was staring at him, gaze intense and almost -

It was gone before he could decipher it further. “I'm sorry. I, uh, got a little lightheaded there for a second.” He smiled bashfully. “I'm going to go get a drink of water.”

John frowned as Alex walked to the bathroom, but shook it off. He finished changing into his pajamas and lay down on the bed, not even pulling the covers up. The day had been a little more exhausting that he'd told Alex. He'd gotten his exam back and almost had to retake it because some mouthy bastard had said that there was _no way_ he could get an eighty-eight on an exam. He was, after all, just an Omega. Then he'd had to eat lunch alone because everyone else had classes, and Marty was in school, so he couldn't call her. He'd managed to read half a chapter of his Geology book, though. His English class was slow and dull, as was Latin. And he'd had his pre-law class first thing in the morning. Not a fun day.

At least he only had three classes tomorrow. But one of them was a lab.

Alex came out of the bathroom and changed into his pajamas while John stared up at the ceiling. “I'm glad I came,” Alex said.

“So am I.”

Alex sat down on the bed next to John and made him sit up, too. Then he crawled around behind him and gently took out John's hair tie before finger-combing through his hair. John's eyes started to close on their own volition. He hummed appreciatively.

“You have such pretty hair,” Alex said softly. John was glad Alex couldn't see his cheeks reddening. “It's so curly.” He worked through it slowly and gently, taking extra care not to pull it too much. When he was finished, he pulled John back against him and leaned down, kissing his forehead. “Let's get you some rest.”

“Hmm.” John looked up at him through half-lidded eyes. His chest ached. Alex tucked him in and kissed his forehead again before getting up and going to his desk. “What're you doing?” he asked.

“I have to finish this thing for my history of politics class. It won't take long.” He glanced over his shoulder at John. “Go to sleep.”

John watched him work and dozed for a little while, only waking up when Alex got into bed with him. Then he moved and rested his head on his chest, listening to the steady sound of Alex's heart, smiling when Alex placed a hand on John's head, rubbing his scalp.

The following two days were stressful and nerve-wracking for both Alex and John. Alex had two essays due on the same day, and John had a pop quiz in almost every class, and a short notice test next Tuesday that he hadn't even begun to study for. They focused on survival and survival alone, only stopping briefly to shower or eat. Time spent together was few and far between, unless sleeping in the same bed for a couple of hours counted. They buried themselves in their books, laptops, class notes, and flashcards. Mimi was equally busy, if not more. When John had last spoken with her the morning after the reception, she told him that she had four exams to prepare for. He hadn't seen her since.

The worst of it seemed to blow over on Thursday. John walked home from Latin, his mind dwelling on declensions and participles and ablative uses.

“Hey, Laurens!”

He shouldn't have relaxed.

Charles Lee was walking towards him. Evan Edwards was at his side, and Aaron Burr was following close behind.

 _Come on, Burr, you're better than them,_ John thought bitterly. Burr was a fellow Omega, a year older than John and Alex. He'd bonded with an older woman during the holiday break last year and moved off campus. Burr had been in a handful of Alex's classes during the spring semester, and they'd formed an uneasy friendship. Alex hadn't mentioned him yet this year, though, so John wondered if they'd finally agreed that they were too different. Where Alex was passionate and outspoken, Burr was quiet and reserved. From what little John had seen of him, he seemed to prefer to hold onto his cards rather than play them.

That being said, he didn't think Burr would actually stoop low enough to let himself get roped into Lee's little gang. Unless there was some unforeseen benefit to it.

“How's school going?” Lee asked him.

“What do you want?”

He frowned, crossing his arms. “Just wanted to see how our resident bitch is doing. Heard you were bonded to Hamilton.”

“I am.” The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. _Do not engage. Repeat: do_ not _engage. You know what'll happen if you engage._

“Charles,” Burr said, his tone warning, “I wouldn't mess with John if I were -”

“We’re just talking,” Lee snapped. He turned back to John. “What do you see in him?”

“Jealous?” John taunted. “Look, I don’t have the time or the patience to do this right now, so why don’t you fuck off?”

“Pretty big words for an Omega. I guess spending all of your time with Hamilton will make you feel more dominant. Hell, an _infant_ would make a better Alpha than him.”

John stepped close. “He's more of an Alpha than you'll ever be,” he growled. _What the hell happened to 'do not engage'?_ his inner voice screamed at him. He ignored it.

Lee's eyes darkened. His father's words from months ago echoed in his mind. _Don't ever growl at an Alpha. Don't ever growl at an Alpha._

“I wouldn’t count on it.” He leaned in way too close with an ugly sneer. “Or maybe you’ve just never had a real Alpha. I can show you later, if you like.”

Lee liked to feel powerful. He liked to throw his weight around and talk shit. He was baiting John, practically begging him to throw the first punch. But John was better. He’d told both Alex and Mimi that he wouldn’t be getting into any fights this year.

“Look, Lee, I’m really not interested in anything you have to say,” John bit out. “So why don’t you take your psychotic nature and daddy issues elsewhere?”

“You’re one to talk,” Lee barked. John gritted his teeth. “If any of us have daddy issues, it’s you. _You’re_ the one whose father doesn’t love you.” He looked over his shoulder at Edwards. “I’ll bet my tuition that little Johnny boy here calls Hamilton _Daddy._ ”

“Lee, stop,” Burr said.

“What? I’m just stating the facts. John’s bonded to a pathetic, filthy immigrant who can’t even make him submit like he should.”

“He’s not even an immigrant,” John snapped. “His father was a US citizen. Not that I’d expect you to understand, considering you’re too stupid to walk and chew gum at the same time.”

“Exactly what I mean. He can’t keep you in check.” Lee’s eyes got a wicked gleam to them. “Maybe I should pay _him_ a visit tonight, make him into the bitch Omega he’s supposed -”

John's fist connected to Lee's jaw with a _crack._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What better way to end an otherwise sweet chapter than with a fist fight?
> 
> And are there any fellow Latin students out there? Just curious.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **HUGE warning for referenced rape in the form of a single line of dialogue. ******

Chapter 26

  
  


**S** omeone was pulling John up and away from Lee. John resisted, getting in as many punches as he could. Lee wasn't letting up either. He grabbed onto John's hair and _yanked_ and John howled and raked his nails down Lee's face.

And then he was on his feet. When had they ended up on the ground? It didn't matter. He was going to make sure Lee stayed down. He launched himself at him again, but someone had him by the waist and was dragging him away. Edwards pulled Lee up. Lee wiped his bloody nose and looked at John with murder.

“Filthy fucking _incubator_!” he shouted.

John roared and tried wrench himself free from his captor's grasp, but they held on tightly. Lee started to laugh, but stopped short and winced, hands going to his ribs.

“Stop it,” his captor snapped. “You'll get into way more trouble than him.”

“I'll kill him,” John snarled.

“You almost _did_. Snap out of it.”

John glowered at Lee, who was still clutching his stomach. He watched as he spit blood onto the sidewalk. Edwards thumped him on the back.

He finally turned away from him and to whoever was pulling him along.

Burr.

“Why are you even with them?” John asked.

“Networking. If I make friends with him, I might get in with his father. That's one more person I know that I can add to my resume. Do you have your dorm key?”

John nodded.

“Good. You're still in the same one as last year?”

Another nod.

Burr led him back to the dorm, unlocked the door with John's key, and ushered him into the bathroom, turning the water on and wetting a washcloth. John took it from him and examined himself in the mirror. He had a couple of scratch marks dangerously close to his eye, a bloody nose, a bruise on his jaw, a bruised and bleeding lip, and his scalp hurt like hell. His body was beginning to ache. Mentally, he felt fine, but he knew that wasn’t going to last. Fights always took something out of him and he needed time to come down.

“Alex is going to kill me,” Burr breathed.

“Kill _you_?” John chuckled, then grimaced. It hurt to laugh. “I'm the one who got into the fight.”

“Do you feel better now?”

“For the moment.” He leaned his head forward, waiting for his nose to stop bleeding. It wasn't broken. Lee's most likely was. “Who won?”

“Couldn't tell,” Burr deadpanned. “I think you were faster, but he was more powerful. I'm surprised he didn't break anything of yours.”

“Tell that to my ribs.”

“You think you broke a rib?”

“It hurts to breathe, so probably.”

“Fuck, Alex is going to _kill_ -”

They both heard the door unlocking and opening. “John? You home?”

“In here,” John called. He was going to find out sooner or later.

Alex's footsteps. “Burr? What're you – Jesus _fuck_ , John what the hell happened to you?”

“Got into a fight.”

“A _fight_? Christ, John. Burr, move. Let me see.” His mouth fell open when John lifted his face. “Good God, who'd you fight?” He took the washcloth from John and started wiping away the blood. “Was your _nose_ bleeding?”

“Yeah. It's not broken, though.”

Alex continued to clean John's skin, and John winced every so often. “Who threw the first punch?”

“I did.”

“Why?” John didn't answer. He glanced down. Alex gave an exasperated sigh. “I thought you said you weren't going to get into any more fights.”

“You'd have hit him too if you heard what he was saying,” John grumbled.

“He _was_ hitting below the belt,” Burr said.

Alex turned to him. “You were there?”

“I tried to stop it -”

“He really did,” John said. “He kept telling him to back off. And then he broke us up.”

Alex's jaw worked and he looked over at Burr. “Thank you. I've got it from here.”

Burr left without another word and Alex turned back to John, rinsing out the washcloth and continuing to clean him up. John winced when he touched the scratches. Alex's hand stilled for a moment, then became more gentle.

“You _promised_ , John.”

“I'm not sorry, Alex. I can't be. Lee had -”

“ _Lee?_ You picked a fight with _Charles Lee_?”

“He picked a fight with me, okay? He singled me out and started taunting me. He wouldn't ease up, so I hit him.”

Alex shook his head. “He could've killed you.”

“I did a number on him, too.”

“Shirt off.”

John complied and Alex hissed at the bruise forming on the bottom right side of his ribcage. He touched it with a tentative hand and John inhaled sharply. Alex tested other areas. They were a little sore, but not as bad as the bruised part. “Think I'll live?” John joked.

Alex fixed him with a look and walked over to the tub, running the water. “Get in.”

“What?”

“Get in the tub.”

John hesitated, but one look from Alex had him stripping out of his pants. He elected to keep his boxers on as he got into the water. “Fuck, it's freezing!”

“It's good for you.” Alex sat on the edge of the tub and grabbed a comb. “Your hair's a mess. Here.” He handed him the washcloth. “Keep wiping your face down. We'll go over it with antiseptic when you get out of the bath.” Then he took the band out of John's hair. John winced as it pulled a little. Then Alex began combing through it. John yelped and almost jumped out of the tub, hand going to his head. Alex shoved it away and replaced it with his own, checking for bumps. Every touch hurt. John bit his lip to keep from crying out, and only succeeded in making it bleed again. “Did he hit you on the head?” Alex's voice was cold.

“He pulled my hair.”

Alex growled. John had never heard him growl like that before. He'd thought he was at his most threatening when he'd growled at Henry. This was an entirely new level. “I have to comb it out.” His voice was gentler this time. “I'll be as careful as possible.” He reached over and turned off the water, then began again. John gritted his teeth and stared at the wall. Alex _was_ careful. He worked his way up from the bottom, effectively cleaning John's hair of the dirt and leaves that had somehow gotten in there. But it still hurt. He let out the occasional gasp and when Alex got to the spot that Lee had actually grabbed, John held his breath the whole time, tears rolling down his face. His scalp had always been a little more on the tender side. This was agony. “Alright, baby, we're almost done.” A couple of minutes later, he put the comb to the side. “There we go.” He rubbed his scalp in an attempt to ease the pain, but it only made it worse. John yanked his head away. “Sorry.” Alex sighed and took the washcloth, going over to the sink. He didn't want to see what he was doing. He already knew. “This is going to _really_ hurt,” he apologized in advance, then stopped. John finally turned to look at him.

After a moment, Alex set the washcloth aside and took off his own shirt and pants, then climbed into the tub with John. “This should make it a little easier, angle-wise,” he explained, then cupped his chin and started dabbing the antiseptic onto John's cuts and bruises. John sniffled pathetically and willed himself not to cry. He was starting to crash. “What did he say to you?” Alex asked again.

John swallowed. Alex would feel terrible if he knew John had gotten into a fight over him. “He insinuated some things.”

“Like what?”

John didn't answer.

“John, please.”

“He said that...” He sighed. “He said that he’d pay me a visit later, show me what it's like to have a real Alpha.”

Alex growled again, even lower. John briefly wondered if he was going to hurt himself. “What else?”

“He called me a... an incubator.” He mumbled the word.

“A what?”

John steeled himself. “An incubator.”

Alex's eyes went dark with rage. He stared at John for a long time, washcloth forgotten in his hand. “An incubator. He called you – he _called you_ -”

“Yeah.”

He took a deep breath, then went back to tending John's wounds, but he was shaking. “I'm no longer mad at you for attacking him.” He finished up and stood, then helped John out of the tub. He wrapped him in a towel, and John dried himself while Alex rinsed the washcloth and then grabbed a towel for himself. John stripped out of his soaked boxers when Alex's back was turned and hung them to dry, then walked into the dorm, pulling on his warmer pair of pajamas and curling up on the couch, shivering. Now that it was all over, he felt like shit. He sniffled a couple of times and buried his face in the blanket, wincing when it touched his wounds.

_Filthy fucking incubator._

_Shut up._

John stood, discarding the blanket, and paced. He hadn’t done enough damage to Lee. He wanted to find him and put him in the ground. He wanted to choke the life out of him, watch the light fade from his eyes.

He felt a little sick at the thought, to be honest, but he disregarded it. _No one_ was going to talk shit about his Alpha. Lee had no right to call Alex a filthy immigrant. He had no right to call John an incubator.

_You’re just pissed because he’s right._

“I’m not,” he muttered to himself.

But the onslaught wouldn’t stop. He was recalling other things that had been said, memories that he wished he could forget already.

“ _Filthy fucking incubator.”_

“ _Omegas are good for one thing and one thing only.”_

“ _So what if I grabbed her ass? She’s just a little Omega.”_

“ _All unbonded Omegas will report to their designated military hospitals for emergency breeding.”_

“ _Can’t self-lubricate? Are you even an Omega?”_

“ _You brought this unto yourself, John. It’s_ your _mess. Don’t expect us to help you with it.”_

“ _If you step out of that door, you’re no longer my son.”_

“ _Yeah, puppy. Whimper for your Alpha.”_

John blindly swung, as if that would stop the memory from playing out in his head. His fist came into contact with the wall. He inhaled sharply, then clenched his jaw and reared back to do it again.

A hand on his arm.

John stopped. The hand grounded him, brought him back. There was a bit of blood on the wall. His knuckles hurt. But he hadn’t broken them. He’d gotten a brawler’s fracture when he was sixteen. He hadn’t known how to fight back then.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Alex chided, bringing his knuckles to his mouth and kissing them softly. John stared at him. The world seemed to stop. There was quiet for just a moment.

But the pain was a distraction from his thoughts. They wouldn’t shut up. Part of his mind was reliving the fight. Part of his mind was reliving other things. He wanted it to stop.

“They’re wrong,” John whispered. “I’m not an incubator.”

“Of course not.” Alex stepped forward and pulled him into his arms. “Never in a million years.”

“My brain won’t stop. It’s like a broken record.”

“You’re not an incubator,” Alex said, backing them onto the couch and pulling John into his lap. “You’ll never be an incubator. You’re worth more than all of those bastards combined.” He kissed the top of John’s head. “So much more. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Don’t give them the satisfaction.”

Sometimes he’d recall a few things and feel so filthy that he could scrub his skin off and he wouldn’t feel clean. This was one of those times. “I could kill him.”

“We all could.” Alex had no idea who he was talking about. “But that’s not a risk I want you to take. You’re not allowed to die. Remember that.”

Alex valued him. He wasn’t some object to be used and discarded. He was Alex’s Omega. And Alex would never hurt him.

John clung to him.

The next day, they discovered that John had a hairline fracture on one of his ribs. The doctor said he'd heal in four to six weeks. The bruises were also fading well enough, and by Monday, his lip no longer hurt every time he opened his mouth.

John joined Alex and Andy for lunch, stealing furtive glances at Andy, checking to make sure his eyes didn't linger upon Alex too much. They didn't seem to, but he kept looking over at John and smiling. Alex and Andy chatted avidly about the English department and John tuned them out for the most part and focused on his food. Suddenly, he noticed Alex stiffen and grow quiet.

“I'll be back,” he said quickly, getting out of his seat and walking away. John turned his head, confused, and felt his heart stop the exact moment he realized what was happening.

“Oh, God, no,” he whispered.

“What's going on?” Andy asked.

“Hey,” Alex said. Lee turned around, a nasty bruise on his nose and several large scratches running down the length of his face. Before Lee could open his mouth, Alex decked him. The dining hall became silent as Lee fell to his ass. “Stay the fuck away from my Omega.” And then he walked back to the table.

“You – you just – you -” John spluttered. Alex cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“He shouldn't be bothering you again.” He sat back down and continued eating his lunch as if nothing had happened. John stared at him for a moment longer before returning to his own lunch.

“What was that about?” Andy asked a couple of minutes later.

“He thought it'd be funny to pick a fight with John,” Alex said. “So John kicked his ass. And I just emphasized his point.”

John tried not to look too smug after that.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: When Alex says, "Get in the tub." I always imagine that episode of Spongebob where he's trying to bathe Gary.
> 
> And also, sorry if any of my comments to you guys are formatted weird. I'm still getting the hang of html.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING** : Use of guns and (not really) character death!  
> Lesser warning: cigarette use.

Chapter 27

  
  


“ **Y** ou know what bothers me?” Mimi said she and John walked home. “The women's resource center has free condoms on all of their booths. Why not give out free tampons?”

“Fair point,” John said.

Mimi reached into her pocket and pulled out three foiled packages. She handed them to John. “You'll probably have more of a use for these than me.”

John looked at them. “Why would you even pick these up?”

“They were free.”

“They're made for Omegas and Betas, not Alphas.” Alphas needed special condoms that would accommodate their knots.

“They were out of those. But now you're prepared if you ever want to switch things up in the bedroom.” She wriggled her shoulders with a smirk. “I won't judge.”

John rolled his eyes. Then he saw Evan Edwards strolling towards them, playing on his phone. When he looked up and made eye contact with John, he went white as a sheet and promptly turned around, going in a different direction entirely.

“Wow,” Mimi said monotonously. “It's like you're my guardian angel. Who would've thought kicking Lee's ass and then having your Alpha publicly humiliate him would keep them from harassing us?”

John glowered at Edwards until he was out of sight. Then he turned and they resumed walking. “Wouldn't hurt to do a follow-up lesson,” he muttered. He was still a little sore about what Lee had said about Alex.

“Did Alex get into any trouble for what he did?”

John shook his head. “Not really. They went over the case and decided that he'd been provoked because I sustained injuries. Lee didn't press charges, anyhow. I think he'd rather forget what happened.”

“Did _he_ get into any trouble?”

“I think he got probation.”

“Got off easy.”

“Well, he's the golden child.” They went into John's room and Mimi plopped right down on the couch. John shut the window. “Alex keeps forgetting to close this in the morning before he leaves.”

“He likes to sleep with the window open?”

“He said it allows fresh air to circulate through the room because I give off a lot of heat when I sleep.”

“Has he always done that?” Mimi opened her bag and took out two cookies, handing one to John.

“No. It's a recent thing.” He took a bite and pulled out his Latin book. They studied for a couple of hours before Mimi had to pace.

“Fuck scansion,” she said. “Fuck scansion, fuck ablative. Fuck passive, fuck subjunctive. Fuck it all.”

“Do you feel better now?”

“Yes.” She sat back down and picked up her book again. “I miss the simpler times,” she lamented. “I wish I could go back to the days where there was only one tense and one subject, where the only verbs we knew were _ambulo, amo, video, audio,_ and, _cedo._ ”

“You mean the first day?”

“Yes! I miss the first day of Latin. We're almost three semesters in and I want to kill something.”

“At least you know the verb for that now.”

She swatted him. “I miss Baby Latin.” She took her hair out of its bun and redid it. “Let's take a break. The test isn't until next week, anyway.”

John pulled out his phone and sent a Snapchat to Marty. Mimi curled up, resting her head on his lap and closing her eyes.

Alex came in a couple of minutes later, setting his bag down at his desk. He arched his eyebrow at Mimi, but shook his head and sat on John's other side and rested his head on his shoulder.

“So I'm just a pillow now?” John said.

“Yes,” Mimi replied. “Your thighs are almost too muscular to be comfortable, though.”

Alex's hair tickled John's neck. “There’s a trick to it. Wanna switch?” he asked her.

She nodded and sat up, leaning into John's shoulder while Alex put his head on John's lap. John sighed and continued to play on his phone.

“John,” Alex whined. “Pay attention to me.”

“He's busy,” Mimi said, watching John's screen. “Ooh, get the power-up.”

Alex _hmmph_ ed and rolled onto his side, staring at the wall. John exchanged a glance with Mimi and closed out of the game, putting his phone down and playing with Alex's hair. “You're such a big baby sometimes, you know that?” he asked him.

“Sure, but it got me what I wanted.”

Mimi snickered. “Spoiled brat.”

“Says the trust-fund baby.”

“Touche.” She reached down and poked his cheek. “I can't even be mad at you anymore.”

“Did I finally do something right in your eyes?” he deadpanned.

Mimi looked at John and smiled. “Yeah, you really did.” John glanced away. He didn't know whether she was alluding to Alex taking Lee down a peg or their general relationship, but the air suddenly felt a little stuffy. He understood why Alex liked having the windows open.

“Get up,” he said. “Both of you. I have to pee.”

They grumbled but complied, and John went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He wasn't entirely sure what that had been about. He usually didn't mind when multiple people would lay on him, but there was something about the way Mimi had looked at him. It was overwhelming. It was a reminder that she thought he and Alex were actually together. It was a reminder that they really weren't. It was a lot of things and John needed to get out of there for a moment and catch his breath.

“I'll be right back,” John said. “I just realized that I left something in my last class.”

Mimi made a face at him, while Alex just looked concerned. “Okay. Have fun.”

He briskly walked out of the room and down the four flights of stairs. When the cool October air hit him, he sighed in relief. He went to Morningside Park just off campus, to a tree that had a bench around it. He sat down and took a deep breath. He usually handled stress so well.

“Everything okay?”

John jumped and turned to see Andy poking his head around the bench. He just couldn't get away for two seconds, could he? “I'm fine.”

“You don't seem so sure.” He came around completely and lit a cigarette, taking a drag. “Want one?”

John shook his head. “I don't smoke.” He stared ahead at the buildings that made up Columbia. He could just make out Wallach Hall. Mimi and Alex were in there, oblivious to his momentary panic. He probably had fifteen minutes to get back before they would start to worry.

“You seem very tense. Did you and Alex have a fight?”

“Of course not.” John continued to stare straight ahead.

Andy scooted just a little closer. “This may be a personal question, but I noticed that you're the only one bonded in your relationship. Why is that?”

“You're right, that is a very personal question.” He offered no other answer and leaned back against the trunk of the tree, closing his eyes and grounding himself. Frannie had taught him a couple of techniques right before she went back to West Virginia.

“I get the feeling that you're not very fond of me.”

“And you'd be absolutely correct.”

“That's a shame. I really like you a lot, John.”

John vaguely recalled all of the times Andy had smiled at him. They seemed innocent. His stomach rolled at the thought of Mr. Perfection having a crush on him. “I'm bonded to Alex.”

“That's not what I meant. Alex and I just talk about you a lot, is all, and you seem to be a pretty great guy. But if you really don't like me, I'll leave you alone.” He took a final drag of his cigarette and stamped it out on the ground before getting up to leave.

“Pick that up,” John said.

Andy smiled ruefully and complied, depositing it in the ashtray. “Have a good evening, John.” And then he left.

John took a few extra minutes to gather his thoughts and went back to the dorm. Alex looked up from the couch.

“Did you find it?”

John nodded, patting his pocket even though it was empty. Mimi waved her Latin book at him, and he gave a resigned sigh. He rejoined them on the couch and studied, but the general feeling of uneasiness wasn't going away. Something was wrong, and his little chat with Andy hadn't made things easier. There was something off about him. John could feel it.

That night, he was awoken by someone pounding on the door. Alex looked at him, confused, as he got out of bed to open it.

“Are you John Laurens?”

John stood, too, and walked over to the door. Two police officers and one man in a suit were standing in the hallway. “I am,” he said, gently nudging Alex out of the way.

The man in the suit flashed a badge. “BIB. You're under arrest for committing bond fraud.”

The officers grabbed his arms and panic rose in his throat. “What? There's no fraud!”

Alex pushed his way in between John and the officers. “We're in love,” he snapped. “I'm his Alpha.”

“We know,” the man said. “You're coming with us, too.”

“There's no fraud!” John repeated.

“Then why didn't you consummate?”

“We -”

“Obviously you didn't, or we'd be able to smell it. Come quietly, and we'll make this as easy as possible for you two.”

“No!” Alex shoved John back into the room. “You're not taking him anywhere!”

“Sir, if you don't cooperate, we'll have to use force.”

Alex growled. John grabbed his arms. “Alex, don't. You'll only make things worse.”

“I'm not letting them take you.”

“Very well.”

A gunshot rang out. John screamed. Alex slapped his hands over his ribs, going white, and collapsed to the ground. John fell to his knees, gathering Alex into his arms. “John,” Alex panted. “You can't go.”

John shook his head, moving Alex's hands out of the way, examining the wound. There was so much blood. He ripped his shirt off and covered it with shaky hands, breath coming out in short, shallow gasps. “You'll be okay,” he whispered. “You're not allowed to die.”

Alex stared up at him with hazy, unfocused eyes. “Your freckles look like stars,” he whispered in awe. “I love the stars.” Then he winced. “It hurts, John.”

“I know. But stay with me, yeah?” Tears were pouring down John's face, blurring his vision. “Stay with me.”

Alex clenched his eyes shut. “I don't want to die,” he breathed, placing his hands over John's. “I want- I want -”

“I love you,” John whispered. “Stay alive for me. I love you.”

Alex continued to stare at him and opened his mouth to reply.

The light faded from his eyes before he got the chance.

John howled in pain and his head fell to Alex’s chest as he clung to him, shaking like a leaf and begging him to come back with words that slurred together until they meant nothing. They meant everything.

“You brought this unto yourself, John.”

He shook his head, pressing his forehead to Alex's. His skin was growing cold.

“He'd still be alive if you hadn't bonded with him. His blood is on _your_ hands, not ours.”

John looked at his crimson-stained hands in horror. This _was_ his fault. Suddenly, there were rough hands on his shoulders and he was being dragged away from Alex's body. From his best friend's body. From his _Alpha's_ body. His Alpha was dead.

Because of him.

John howled and screamed and shrieked until he could feel his throat tearing. He shook the very walls, and if he closed his eyes, he could imagine bringing the building down around them.

\--

His eyes shot open and he stared at a ceiling. It seemed familiar. He was in a bed. He spread out both arms, reaching for Alex. He wasn't there. _God, no._ He didn't have the energy to sit up, but made himself do it anyway.

He was in his dorm room. He stared straight ahead, unable to process what was happening. “Alex?” he whispered weakly, not daring to hope. He couldn't – if he was gone -

“John?”

His head turned towards the sound so quickly that he was surprised he didn't get whiplash. Alex was standing by the window. John couldn't believe it.

“John, why are you awake?” He crossed the room and sat down next to him on the bed. “And have you been crying? Why didn't you tell me?” He took John's face in his hands, wiping away the tears.

That was all it took. John's face crumpled and he began to weep.

“Hey, what is it?” Alex pulled him close and John grabbed him tightly. “What's wrong?”

John couldn't talk. He could only hold onto Alex like he was a lifeline and sob into his chest. Alex realized this soon enough and maneuvered John into his lap, rocking him and running his hands through his hair, murmuring soothing words against the top of his head.

“Shh, baby, it's okay. I'm here, you're safe, nothing's going to get to you. You're safe here. I've got you, I've got you.”

John only held on tighter.

After the majority of his tears stopped, he pulled away and wiped his face. “It was a nightmare,” he said before Alex could ask. “The BIB – they found out. And they tried to arrest us but -” John swallowed and looked down. “You wouldn't let them take me. So they shot you.”

Alex pushed John's hair from his face and kissed his forehead. “It wasn't real.”

“Felt like it.”

Alex sighed and made John meet his eyes. “It was just a bad dream, honey. They're not going to catch us. We got away, remember? They called us and said that we'd passed the inspection?”

John nodded. “I remember.”

“There's nothing to worry about.” He wiped John's tears away.

“You're not allowed to die,” John whispered, tucking his head under Alex's chin. “Never.”

“Okay.” Alex rubbed his back. “Okay.”

“Why were you awake?”

Alex stiffened slightly, then lay back, pulling John down with him. “I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I looked out the window. The stars look pretty tonight.”

John thought about his dream, about Alex telling him that his freckles were like stars before he died.

But Alex wasn't dead. It was just a nightmare.

Still, John rested his head on Alex's chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat as he fell asleep, just to be certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Do you despise me yet?


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **MASSIVE trigger warning for the following: depression, mental health issues, discussion of suicide, and suicidal tendencies.**

Chapter 28

  


**S** chool quickly settled into hectic rhythm of due dates and exams. Midterm break had just ended. That meant everyone was kicking it into high gear to prepare for the upcoming end of the semester. John moved past his nightmare and his anxieties and was able to concentrate again. Alex seemed to be getting better, too, as he went to counseling more often. Mimi was working hard on her pre-med courses. Jake would occasionally come over and study for Eco with John. None of the Alphas were bothering any of the Omegas. Life was going on, and John was beginning to feel at ease among the chaos.

He slept easy most nights, thoroughly tired from the day's work. He woke only when he felt the bed dip as Alex joined him some time later. He'd pretend to be asleep as Alex kissed his forehead and tucked him back in.

One night, he woke up because his teeth were chattering. The room was so _cold_. Alex probably left the window open again. It was a habit that was beginning to get out of hand. Winter was approaching fast, and as much as John didn't want Alex to overheat, he didn't want to freeze to death either.

John got up to close it, then stopped short.

Alex was sitting on the window sill in boxers and a t-shirt, legs hanging outside, his form rigid. John's heart leapt into his throat. He walked over to him and placed his hands on his shoulders.

“It's freezing out there,” he said.

Alex didn't reply for a long time. “I'd probably die if I fell from here,” he finally whispered. “I'd never jump. But if I _fell_...”

John's breath caught. He couldn't respond to that. He wouldn't know what to say.

He slid his arms around Alex's chest. If he _did_ decide to attempt to _fall_ , John would catch him.

“I don't want to die, John. But I don't think it's for the right reasons.”

“If it's keeping you alive, it has to be right.”

“I'm alive because people will miss me. Not because I want to be.”

John swallowed. “Did anything in particular bring this on?”

He shook his head. “I do this every night. Sit here, on the sill, wait for the right motivation to come along and push me over the edge. It never does, so I go to bed.”

“You haven't been to bed tonight?” He glanced at the clock. It was almost three. His heart seized. _Every night. He does this every night._

Alex shook his head again.

“Well, let's get you inside and warmed up. I'm gonna pull you in now, okay?” He hoisted Alex up and carried him to the couch, setting him down on the cushions. He shut the window, went back over to the couch and crouched down, rubbing one of Alex's legs with shaky hands. It was so cold.

Alex stared at him, expression unreadable, as John slowly worked the one leg before switching to the other. Then John grabbed a pair of his own pajama pants and helped Alex into them. He picked Alex up again and carried him to the bed, tucking him in and pulling him close.

 _How didn't I see it? How didn't I know?_ He swallowed the panic, the tears, the anger. There would be time for that later. Now, Alex needed … not _him_. He needed help.

“I don't want to die, John,” he repeated sadly.

“I know, love.” John caressed his face. “Have you been going to the counselor?”

Alex nodded.

“Have you been telling them about this?” _Please, please tell me you have._

He hesitated, then said, “No.”

“Tell them. Please. You're not going to get better if -”

“If I don't confront the problem.” The sudden anger in Alex's voice shocked him. “Tell me, John, what _is_ the fucking problem, huh? That it's hard to find the motivation to do anything? That there are days when I'm so disgusted with myself that I can't even look in the mirror? That I'm always torn between worrying if I'm good enough and not caring about anything at all? That I sometimes I wish I'd have been the one to die instead of Mom, that the hurricane had gotten me, that Peter had shot _me_ instead of himself? Because that's my normal.” His voice cracked. “Without that, I'm not me. I'm nothing.”

“You're not nothing,” John said seriously.

“Really? If I died right now, nothing would change. The world would keep turning, the sun would still shine, the fucking ocean would still exist.”

John gritted his teeth. “ _Everything_ would change. You're not nothing. I don't give a damn about the sun or the ocean or the world. Because you're the one who makes my days, not those things. Without you, none of it matters. None of it.”

“You can't say that,” Alex sobbed. “You can't say that to me.”

“Why not?” John demanded. “It's true.”

“No, it's _terrifying_. I can't live up to those expectations. Not even for you.”

“They're not _expectations_ , Alex.” John touched his arm. “They're absolutes. They'll still be true, even on days when you can't get out of bed, or don't know how to go on, or can't remember who you're supposed to be. Those things will always be true, no matter the circumstance. You'll always -” He stopped and sighed. “Alex, I … You'll never understand how much you mean to me.” And there it was.

Alex stared at him. “John.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “John, I -”

A knock on the door. Icy fear grasped at John's heart as he remembered a dream that involved a late-night housecall. “I'll get it,” he said, getting up before Alex could move. He eyed his baseball bat propped against the headboard.

It was Mimi.

“I'm so sorry to come so late,” she said. She looked exhausted and smelled... off. “Krissy's having her rut. Apparently she's allergic to something in suppressors, but didn't think to let me know. Can I stay here until it passes?”

John stepped aside and she trudged in, moving to the couch and collapsing onto it. John grabbed her a pillow and blanket, but she was already asleep.

He got back into bed with Alex. “What were you saying?” he asked him.

Alex shook his head with a small smile. “Nothing important. I'm going to get some sleep. Goodnight, John.” He curled up on his side.

John didn't let himself go to sleep until he knew for sure Alex wasn't going to be getting up again.

Alex made an appointment with his counselor the next day. He gave them a vague idea of what was going on over the phone, and they scheduled him for five o'clock that evening.

“I've got so much work to do, though...” Alex said as soon as he hung up.

“Health first, school second,” John said. “A 4.0 won't do you any good if you're dead.”

Alex nodded, sitting down on the bed. John took his hands and squeezed them. “I'm doing the right thing,” Alex mumbled.

“Absolutely.”

Alex glanced at the couch, where Mimi's pillow and blanket were haphazardly resting on the cushions. “Can't we make her stay somewhere else?”

“It's only for a couple more nights. She doesn't have anywhere else to go. You're the only Alpha she trusts.”

Alex grew quiet at that. “I didn't think it was that bad. Is it like that for the other Omegas, too?”

“Jake's rooming with his cousin, so he's fine. Burr lives with his mate off-campus. And I haven't talked to Samuel in a while. But overall, it's scary being a minority. Especially if it's one that's being terrorized by society as a whole.”

Alex squeezed John's hands. “You know I'll protect you from anything, right?”

John still didn't like that, but he'd do the same for Alex, so he had no room to argue. “I know.”

Mimi came back into the room with her backpack and a duffel bag. “I feel kind of bad about encroaching on your privacy, so I made you some muffins.” She pulled the tupperware out of the duffel. “They're banana chocolate chip.”

“Thanks, Mimi,” Alex said, taking the container from her and placing it on the coffee table. “They look great.” He grabbed his own backpack and kissed John on the cheek. “I've gotta get going. I have a class at nine.”

John watched him leave, the urge to pull him back in and never let go creeping up his neck and latching onto the back of his head.

Mimi turned to John as soon as Alex was gone. “Is he okay?”

John didn't answer right away. It wasn't his place to tell. “He's... not in the best place right now. It's hard, with everything that's going on.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. Anything I can do?”

John shook his head. “Probably go easy on the pranks for a while.”

Mimi waved her hand. “He's safe from me now, since the whole Lee thing.” She fell back onto the couch and propped her feet on the table. “He showed his true colors, and now I know I can trust him with you.” She pointed a finger at John, suddenly serious. “But if he _ever_ hurts you -”

“He's dead?”

“He'll wish,” Mimi laughed.

John's phone began to ring and he checked it, grinning when he saw who it was. He answered the Skype call. “Hey, Marty.”

She beamed at him. “Hey, big brother. Checking in again. How's week nine of college?”

“Feels like centuries. The usual.”

Mimi bounded over and snatched the phone from him. “Hi, Marty!”

“Oh my God, _Mimi_? It's been so long since I've last seen you! How are you?”

She ran a hand through her hair. “Really good, actually. I've decided that I'm going to be a doctor.” She caught the look John was giving her. “I'm gonna give the phone back to John before he kills me.”

“Don't be mean,” Marty teased John when he had it back in his hand. “Listen, I've gotta be at school in ten minutes, so I'll give you the Sparknotes version of the weekly update. Junior and Alicia are fighting again, big surprise there. James got second overall in the video game tournament at his school. Mary Eleanor wanted me to tell you that she drew you a picture for when you come back over Christmas. Her teacher says she's doing a great job with her reading and writing, but math is a little shaky. We're working on it now. And I got an A on my AP Physics test.”

“That's great, Marty.”

She smiled again, more apologetically this time. “I've gotta get going. Love you!”

“Love you, too.”

“Tell Alex I said hi!” she said before hanging up.

John stared at his phone for a moment longer then began to get ready for his class.

“Does she call you every week?”

“Yeah.”

“That's so cute. I almost wish I had siblings so that they could call _me_ and tell me how much they've missed me.”

“It's just Marty that does it. Mary Eleanor will sometimes call me in the evenings and talk about Kindergarten.” School started for her a week after John's classes had begun. He hadn't gotten the chance to see her off.

“What about your brothers?”

“They'll text me from time to time.” He took a muffin from the container and checked the time. “I need to get going, too. You have a key, right?” Mimi nodded. “Good. Text me if you need anything.” He left in a hurry, already late for Climatology.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. College was college, no matter how much John missed his family or worried about Alex and Mimi. He got home, finished his homework, waited for Alex to come back from the counselor, and texted Frannie and Lafayette. Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Washington were experiencing empty nest syndrome again, so Lafayette and Adrienne visited them frequently to keep them sane.

The door opened and John looked up to see Alex walking in, barely visible tear streaks on his face. He stood and held out his arms, an invitation that Alex graciously accepted, shuffling over and resting his forehead against John's shoulder. John enveloped him in a hug. “How was it?” he asked, fearing the worst.

“We talked a lot about when I was a kid. She said that's where my issues seem to stem from. Says I need to find healthy ways to cope and get more sleep. I need to focus on getting healthier in general because coffee is Satan incarnate.”

“She said that?”

“No, but that's what she meant. How the fuck do I get _healthy_? What even _is_ healthy?”

John gave it some thought. “Physical activity. Sleeping. Eating better. Hell, eating at all.”

“I eat!”

“Picking at your plate doesn't count. Maybe you could start a multivitamin.” John pushed Alex's jacket over his shoulders. It fell to the ground. “Less coffee certainly isn't going to hurt you. If you could cut down to one or two cups a day -”

“That's impossible.”

“Anything's possible with a little bit of work.”

Alex took a deep breath. “I've got so much to do.”

“We'll do it in steps. Work our way up. No one's expecting you to get better overnight.”

“She says I have PTSD and high-functioning depression. She says that I should try to get healthy first and see how that goes before she decides whether to put me on medication. That it might be manageable enough to do without if I'm in better shape, or something like that.” He pulled away and wiped his eyes. “She also said that I need a support network. That I need to have friends across the board who'll help keep me in check.”

John nodded, sitting down on the couch. Alex curled up next to him, leaning into his chest. John draped an arm around him and rubbed his shoulder. “Anyone in particular you're thinking of?”

“You and Mimi, if she's okay with it.”

“I'm sure she will be.”

“I'm also thinking Andy wouldn't be a bad choice, because we see each other every day in English, but I don't know how I feel about opening up to him like that. I don't want him to think I'm weak.”

John frowned. “You're not weak.”

“I don't want him to think I have too much baggage.”

“Too much baggage for what? Friendship? Alex, he's going to find out sooner or later if you two continue hanging out so much.” _Wouldn't break my heart if you didn't._ John didn't say that, though. Alex was allowed to have friends, and John didn't have to get along with every single one of them. “If you think he'd be a good person to tell, then go for it. I don't think he's the type to just cut you off because you have depression.”

Alex didn't respond. They lapsed into silence for a couple of minutes. “It's complicated,” he finally whispered. “You are, I mean. It only makes sense that you're a part of the support system, because you're my best friend and we live together, but you've already done so much for me, and I feel like this is just asking too much.”

“It's not,” John said adamantly. “It's not asking too much at all. I'll always be there for you when you need me. That should go without saying.”

“It does. I know you will, I mean. But you've got so much on your plate, and I'm only adding to it.”

John shook his head. “No, you're not. You do so much for me, too. That's the basis of every good relationship. Being there for each other, especially when they need it most.”

“But...”

“No buts, Alex.” John gave him a serious look. “You hold me when I wake up crying from nightmares. You get onto me when I do stupid things. You hold me responsible for my actions, and make sure I hold myself responsible, too. Not to mention you motivate me to get up when I really just want to go back to sleep.”

“I wake up after you.”

“Exactly. If I went back to sleep, then I wouldn't be able to make you coffee and get _you_ out of bed.”

Alex gave a half-laugh. “I guess. It's really okay?”

John smiled and rubbed his arm. “It's really okay.”

Alex looked at him, eyes getting a slightly strange look to them. He leaned closer to John and his eyes closed. Then he stilled and his shoulders sagged. “You're the best, you know that?”

“I try.”

They held eye contact and John imagined what it'd be like to throw caution to the wind for once, to make a move. His stomach turned pleasantly at the thought.

“John,” Alex whispered. “About last night. I was going to say that I...” He stopped and looked stricken for a moment. He took a breath. “You just really _are_ the best.” He wrapped his arms around John and pressed his lips to his cheek.

Was he crazy, or had it lasted longer than usual?

Alex stood from the couch and the moment was gone. “I'm gonna get started on my homework.”

John watched him walk over to his desk, and he reached up and touched his cheek with a tentative hand.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John might just be figuring it out. Slowly but surely. Maybe. Probably not.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of underage sex and underage drinking

Chapter 29

  
  


**T** he next day was Saturday, which meant John _could_ sleep in without worrying about either of them missing a class. He was going to be taking a much-needed lazy day in, with a break from the laziness at around three to go help out at the Resource Center for Omegas in Need, or ReCON. VAMO chapters really seemed to like their acronyms. He'd stay for a couple of hours – answering phones, helping with the cooking, maybe even working in the daycare – before coming back home and vegging out on the couch.

That was the plan, anyway.

His morning started much earlier than he would've liked.

“John.”

He closed his eyes tighter and chased the sleep.

“John, I've been poking your face for like ten minutes. Wake up.”

“But it's Saturday,” John whined, rolling over and burying his face in his pillow. “Lemme sleep.”

“You can go back to sleep in a couple of minutes. Your waffles are getting cold.”

That piqued his interest. He rolled over and looked at Alex blearily. “You made me waffles?”

“With my help,” Mimi said from behind him. She plopped down onto the bed next to John, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He made a face. “Get up and enjoy them. You can sleep when you're dead.”

“You actually went to _Mimi_ for help?” John finally gave in and sat up, rubbing his face. “What's the occasion?”

“You're kidding.” Alex and Mimi exchanged a glance. “John, tell me you're kidding.”

“It's not our anniversary, is it? I thought that wasn't until March?”

“No, you twerp. It's the twenty-eighth. Of October.”

John stared at him blankly for a moment, then fell back onto the mattress as the realization dawned on him.

“Come _on_ , John, we _just_ got you to sit up!” Mimi tugged him back up. Sometimes he forgot that they worked out together until he was reminded of how strong she was. “Now eat your damn waffles!”

He shook his head. “You guys,” he mumbled sheepishly. “You didn't have to do anything.”

Alex pulled him to his feet and took him to the couch. On the coffee table was a plate of waffles, smothered in strawberry preserves and whipped cream, with a lone candle sitting in the middle of them. “Happy birthday,” Alex said, kissing the side of his head.

They lit the candle and John blew it out, then dug in. “These are really good,” he said.

“You also got a package from the collective family,” Alex said, pulling a large box out of the closet. Had that always been there? “Mimi hid it in her room for a while,” he explained.

John finished eating and set the plate aside, opening the box and pulling out several smaller packages and three cards. One was from Hercules, one was from the Washingtons, Lafayette, and Adrienne, and the last one was from his family. Another piece of paper was tucked into the envelope, and he opened it to reveal a handmade card from Mary Eleanor. She'd drawn the entire family. “Alex, look, you're on this.” He handed him the card.

“She's so sweet,” Mimi said. “This is getting pinned to your bulletin board, isn't it?”

“Absolutely.” John continued opening the presents. They were all practical, thank God. He hated quixotic gifts, even though he felt bad for thinking so.

Alex handed him a package a couple of minutes later. “I know you don't exactly have time to draw anymore,” he said as John undid the wrapping paper, “but when you do, these'll come in handy. At least, that's what Mimi said.”

They were a set of pens and pencils, with different sized tips. John beamed and pulled Alex in, kissing his cheek. “Thank you.”

His phone started ringing ten seconds later. He answered the Skype call, and was met with a slew of faces.

“Hi, big brother!” Marty said. Mary Eleanor sat on her lap, and she waved at John with a wide smile. James was sitting next to her, and Junior was standing behind them.

“Jeez, Junior,” John said. “You're almost as tall as Henry.”

He shrugged. “Happy birthday, Jack. We miss you.”

“I miss you guys, too.”

“Did you eat the waffles?” Mary Eleanor asked eagerly. “I told them you like waffles.”

“They were delicious, thank you.”

She grinned and looked up at Marty proudly. “Did you get our presents?” Marty asked.

“Yeah, I did. I love them all. Thank you so much.” Alex and Mimi left the room to give him some time alone with his family.

“Dad says to wish you a happy birthday,” James said. “He signed the card.”

“I saw that.” John tried to keep himself from grimacing. “Tell him I said thanks. So, guys, tell me what's going on in your busy lives.”

They spoke for about an hour, and John got a full update on everything. James had the trophy from his video game tournament displayed proudly next to his soccer medals. Junior and Alicia had officially broken up. When John offered sympathy, Junior just shrugged and said, “ _It's whatever.”_ Mary Eleanor was excited to tell him that she was learning to read very quickly, and that maybe someday she could read _him_ bedtime stories. Marty was still working hard in school and at her new job as a hostess at the same restaurant John had worked at. He could see the exhaustion in her eyes. It worried him. Henry hadn't changed, but he was going out more often after work. John met Marty's eyes when James said that, and she nodded once. They were definitely going to talk later.

The _later_ came when Marty sent the three away. John said goodbye to each of them and promised to come home for Christmas.

“Jack,” Marty sighed once she was in her bedroom. “About Dad -”

“Is he drinking again?”

She didn't answer for a long time. “All I know is that he's going to the bar when he gets off of work and doesn't come home until late. He's not drunk, at least not that I can tell. Maybe he's just having a drink with his buddies. Or something like that. Maybe he's not -” She shook her head. “I hope to _God_ he's not. I've got enough problems as it is.”

“I can tell. You look so tired. Have you been taking care of yourself?”

“I'm in six AP courses and playing parent to two children on top of working a part time job.” She put her head in her hands. “God, Jacky, I don't want to do this today, not on your _birthday_. You deserve a day off.”

“Family doesn't take breaks. Come on, Mars. Talk to me.”

She stared at him, then sniffled once. “It's _exhausting_ , Jacky. I can't imagine how you did it. You worked just as hard as I did, if not harder because you still made time to volunteer, and you made it look so easy. And I know it's because you've got more experience, but still.”

“What about the nanny?”

“She gets off at eight. That's when I get off of work, and I have to watch the babies on top of doing my homework, which takes long enough without the distractions. And I love them, you know I love them, but I haven't slept properly in months. I fell asleep in my history class and almost got a detention last week. Not to mention I haven't heard anything back from any of the colleges I applied to, but at the same time, if I don't get in, I can take next year to work and watch the kids until Junior graduates, but then I have no fucking clue what Dad's gonna do about the other two-”

“Marty. Breathe.” She complied, face red. “A lot of colleges won't tell you until November or December. Don't worry about that. And it's not easy being a caretaker. It was never easy for me, either. And I wish I could offer you more advice, but I have no clue what to tell you, other than prioritize. Tell the nanny to make sure they do their homework with her, so you don't have to help them, and maybe she can even bathe Mary Eleanor.” He sighed. “You could also consider quitting your job. I know you don't like that, but it'd give you so much more free time to go to the library and work.”

Marty started to cry. “I never thought it'd be possible to miss her _more_ , Jack.” She wiped her face angrily. “I'm trying so hard to be strong. To keep going. She'd want me to keep going. But I've grown up without her, and Polly doesn't even _remember_ her, and sometimes I get _so angry_ with her for dying even though it's not her fault she got cancer.” She laughed bitterly. “I was looking at decorations for my dorm room, and I realized that she'd have loved to look with me, to help me pick out themes or even design some, and that's something that I never got to _do_ with her. And then my next thought was that you'd help me, and then I got even angrier because it's not your job to replace Mama, but you had to. You had to step up and take care of the family and I never realized how much of a _weight_ that was. You shouldn't have had to do any of it, but you did. And then I got angry at her _again_ for leaving, but also for doing that to you. Because I know she asked you to take care of us before she died and I don't know if I can forgive her for that.”

“Marty...”

She blew her nose and hiccuped. “I'm so sorry. This is probably the last thing you want right now.”

“Getting this off of your chest is good for you.”

She shook her head. “There you go again. How did you do it? How'd you cope?”

John ran a hand through his hair. She was old enough now. She'd understand. And maybe she'd realize that he wasn't as good at stepping into the role of a caretaker as she'd thought. He'd never realized how much she admired him. It was unsettling. “Not healthily.”

“What do you mean?” Clearly not the answer she was expecting.

“Look, Mars, I’ve done a lot of stuff that I’m not proud of.”

“Do you mean the cocaine? Frannie told me about that.”

John laughed humorlessly. “I did it _one time_. But that’s one of the things, yeah.” He sighed. “When Mama first died, I kind of went off the deep end. Hell, I got drunk off my ass after her funeral and ended up in bed with a woman.”

“ _That’s_ why you were gone?”

“Yeah. She’d just had a fight with her father and had been drowning her sorrows, too. The next morning, we had a long talk and agreed that it probably was a good thing that we couldn’t remember any of it and went our separate ways.”

“I had no clue.”

John glanced down. “I probably would’ve been a lot worse if Henry hadn’t started drinking, too. You guys needed someone capable to take care of you. So I turned to other methods of dealing.”

“What’d you do?”

Was he really going to tell his little sister about this? “I, uh, slept around.” Apparently he was. “Which isn’t really wrong in and of itself, but my reasons were bad. It was a distraction from how shitty life had become. There was one guy in particular - when I was with him, I didn’t have to think about anything.” He grimaced at the memory. “It never should’ve happened. None of it.”

“I had no clue.”

“Good. I didn’t want you to. Not even Alex knows.”

She shook her head, then chuckled. “Well, happy birthday.”

“Yeah, thanks for letting me relive all of that.”

“I guess we have different methods of coping. I destroyed the good china, and you slept with every man you saw.” They shared a smile. “You’re still a great brother, Jack, no matter how many skeletons you have in your closet. And you’ll be a great parent, too, if you ever decide to have any kids of your own.”

John snorted. “Ask me again in ten years.”

When they hung up, John went across the hall to Mimi’s room. He found Alex and Mimi sitting on the floor. “What are you two doing?”

“Waiting for you,” Mimi said. “And the rug's pretty comfy. Krissy left for the weekend. Shut the door.”

John exchanged a glance with Alex, who appeared to be just as confused as he was, and obeyed before joining them on the rug. “What's up?”

“Are you two really together?”

Alex spluttered. “Of course. Why would you think otherwise?”

“I dunno, maybe because I've never seen you kiss? Or because Alex isn't bonded? Or because I _know_ that you two haven't had sex in months, if ever?”

“We're busy,” John said. She glowered at him.

“If people want to fuck, they find the time. Even Alex. And don't try to tell me that it's because you don't have a high sex drive. I know that both of you do.”

“You don't know that about me,” Alex said. “We've never slept together.”

“I don't have to. One of your female hookups from last year wrote _Hamilton fucks like a bunny rabbit_ on the bathroom wall. And John's got a lot of testosterone.”

“That doesn't mean I have a high sex drive.”

“Means there's a higher chance that you do. And your suppressors raise libido because Big Pharma's an asshole. Not to mention that even if you _didn't_ have a sex drive, you'd still be fine with doing it with Alex because you think he's sexy for some reason. You'd be sleeping together at least once a week.”

“Mimi,” Alex sighed. “Look. You've never been in a relationship, right? You haven't had to juggle sex and other work. Once that happens, you'll understand what it's like.”

She stared at him, and even John turned to him.

“What?”

“I'm _asexual_ , you walnut!”

He opened his mouth. Closed it. “Oh.”

“Yeah, _o_ _h_. Anyway, I'm fairly certain you two are faking it for the sake of getting John out of the Protocol. Which is fine. I'm not going to tattle. I got out through trickery, too. Told them I'd taken a vow of chastity, convinced the family priest to back me up.”

“That's ingenious.”

“It's also not the point.” She crossed her arms. “So. Are you going to tell me the truth?”

John and Alex shared a look. “You're right,” Alex said, surprising both John and Mimi. “We're not really together. I bit John to fool them.”

She nodded. “I thought so.” A pained look at John. “You went through your Bonding Heat alone, didn't you?”

John glanced away. It was still painful to think about.

Mimi scooted closer and rubbed his arm. “I'm so sorry. We're learning about that in my A and P class. My professor said that it was a torture method used on Omegas a long time ago. They'd bite them and then force them to spend the Bonding Heat by themselves. If they didn't talk, they'd do it again.”

“The same person?” Alex asked. “The same person can bite an Omega twice and they'll have a Bonding Heat each time?”

Mimi nodded. “Anyone can bite anyone multiple times and a cycle will happen. But that's not the point.” She frowned at John. “It must've been agony.” She turned back to Alex. “And _you._ I don't care if you're together for real or not. Take care of him. If you hurt him, I will make your life so miserable that you're gonna _wish_ I'd banished you to the eighteenth circle of hell.”

“Duly noted.”

“I'm serious.”

“And it's unnecessary. You really think I'd hurt him?”

She didn't answer. Looked at John. He could see her response in her eyes: _You already have._ He was grateful that she kept quiet. “I'm gonna go for a run,” she said, standing. “Thanks for being honest with me. And happy birthday, John.”

They walked back to the dorm in silence. They went inside and Alex leaned against the door. John stared at him.

“Like a bunny rabbit, huh?”

“ _That's_ what you took away from all of that?”

John shrugged, smirking. “Go easy on me. It's my birthday.” He lay back on the bed. Snorted. “ _Bunny rabbit.”_

“For the record, she wasn't talking about speed. She was talking about frequency. I'm not a minuteman. I'm like a one hundred and _twenty_ -minute man.”

John shook his head. “I thought it meant that you loved to snuggle afterwards. You know how bunnies like to snuggle?”

“No. It was a compliment.”

“There's nothing wrong with snuggling. Besides, you don't have to defend your bedroom prowess to me.”

Alex huffed and collapsed face-first into the mattress. “I had no idea she was ace.”

“It's pretty obvious.”

“She said you were handsome.”

“Yeah? You can find someone attractive without _being_ _attracted_ to them. I mean, you find me aesthetically pleasing, but you're not attracted to me.” He hoped that Alex would disagree.

Alex stilled for a moment, then gave a laugh. “Guess you're right. What was I thinking?” _Oh._ “What do you want to do for your birthday, John? It's all about you.”

“I want to sleep.”

“Done.” He pulled the blanket up. “Have a good nap.”

“You, too.”

They slept for a couple of hours before John went to ReCON, where he was able to work until six. Then he came back home, and Alex had dinner ready for him.

“I made it all by myself,” he said proudly.

“I can see the takeout containers in the trash.”

“I _bought_ it all by myself.”

John laughed and took off his shirt in favor of a comfier one.

“How're they doing up there?”

“Pretty good. They need volunteers for Thanksgiving. I put my name down, since we're not going to be doing anything over break.”

“Put mine down too, when you get the chance.”

John nodded. “Will do.”

“How does it feel? Being two decades old?”

John smiled. “Not that different from yesterday. But hell, fifty years ago I would've been bonded with two kids and another on the way. Crazy to think about.”

Alex placed a hand over his chest. “What am I? Chopped liver?”

John shook his head with a laugh. “No, I mean bonded for _real_.” He hadn't meant to sound so bitter.

“Oh.” They went back to eating. When they were done, John showered. Alex took one after him.

John got into bed, then stared up at the ceiling. He thought about everything that had happened today. Thought about his talk with Marty. Thought about his mom. Thought about his dad.

Alex came out of the bathroom and got dressed, crawling under the covers and turning his back to John. “Goodnight,” he said.

John continued to stare at the ceiling. The dread that had begun to form in his stomach hadn't gone away. “Dad's drinking again.” He hated how weak his voice sounded.

Alex wordlessly rolled over and draped an arm over John's stomach.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! More character insight that'll be developed if I ever get around to writing the sequel!!!


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Underage drinking and sadness.

Chapter 30

  
  


**T** hanksgiving break came much more quickly than John had anticipated. Life seemed to have dragged on and flashed by at the same time. He figured it was due to the stress - he had plenty to be worrying about, after all.

Henry wasn’t getting better, and he hated how that made him feel. He hated that he still cared, that he’d sometimes find himself glancing at his phone with bated breath, as if waiting for that one fatal call from Marty. She hadn’t been getting through to Henry, and John’s calls had gone ignored. He finally resorted to calling Mr. Washington, who promised that he’d talk to him.

John was still scared.

Marty had gotten accepted into every college she’d applied to, and even landed an interview with a representative from Cambridge. That scared him, too, but in a different way. He didn’t want Marty to grow up. He wanted her to stay a baby forever, but he knew how ridiculous that was.

At least Mimi had forgiven John and Alex for lying to her.

But Alex.

He seemed to be responding to the counseling really well. At least, the window remained shut and locked at all times, and his eyes weren’t as exhausted. That wasn’t what worried John.

What worried John was that Alex didn’t talk to him.

They _did_ speak, but only out of necessity. Alex did his homework in the library, hung out almost exclusively with Andy, and ate before John got home.

He even slept further away from him. In the same bed.

John didn’t know why he was pulling away from him, and Alex wouldn’t tell him. He’d dismiss John’s concerns and insist that they were fine, that John couldn’t expect them to do _everything_ together.

Was John really that dependent on him? He didn’t think so. He just liked being with his best friend.

It hurt a lot more than he cared to let on. He’d talked to Mimi and Frannie both about it several times. Frannie was sympathetic. Mimi was furious. John made sure to keep her from running into Alex - he didn’t know if he’d be able to hold her back if she decided to attack. She was way stronger than him.

Alex came into the dorm on the last day of classes and set his bag down on his desk, making quick work of his jacket and shirt. John watched him hunt through the closet until he pulled out a nicer shirt that he only wore on special occasions. “The English fraternity’s holding their Thanksgiving party.” Alex had dragged John to it last year, and he’d had to watch him drunkenly hit on and make out with at least five different people. He’d dragged Alex away before they got too far. His stomach turned at the memory. “Andy’s taking me.”

Maybe he was going to throw up. Were they just going together, or were they going _together_? He didn’t ask. “Be careful. Don’t drive. And call me if -”

“I know.” Alex turned to go, then hesitated. He walked over to John and gave him a hug. It felt awkward. John hated it. “Thanks. You’re such a great friend.”

 _That_ hurt.

John watched him leave. The shutting of the door sounded like a goodbye.

He stood and stretched, running a hand through his hair. Was he really going to brood over the fact that Alex wasn’t in love with him? That was old news.

But there had been times - he’d thought -

He’d thought wrong.

“I got my hopes up,” John whispered to himself. He looked up at the ceiling. “I always do that, don’t I? Hell, I’ve been doing it for eight goddamn years. You think I’d have learned by now.” His throat burned.

It wasn’t the first time he’d doubted whether or not he was doing the right thing, hanging on by a thin string of hope. He wondered if it’d be the last.

It _could_ be the last.

John sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. He’d never felt particularly _trapped_ by his feelings for Alex, never felt weighed down.

If he moved on, it’d be like cutting off a limb. Wouldn’t it?

He looked at the ceiling again. “You listening, Mama?” he asked. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I love him.” The confession stung. “I’ve loved him for so long. I don’t know...” He rubbed his face. He’d thought that Alex had feelings for him. He’d hung on for _eight years_. Like an idiot.

Hadn’t he always known that he’d have to give up eventually?

He just had no clue how hard it would be.

“I can’t imagine a life in which I _don’t_ love him,” he breathed. “It’s - it’s just... He’s so... What the fuck am I supposed to do, Mama? How do I get over someone that I’ve been so crazy for without hurting our friendship?” A terrifying thought took hold. “God, maybe that’s why he’s pulling away. Because he’s figured out how I feel, and he doesn’t know how to tell me that he’s not - _oh, God_.” John buried his face in his hands. A few tears leaked out. “Tell me what to do, Mama. I need you right now.”

There was no answer. He knew there wouldn’t be. It still made him cry a little. He tried to imagine what she’d say if she were still alive. Couldn’t think of anything. He’d only been fifteen. He’d never felt the real need to talk to her about love.

“ _I have to tell you something. You're the first person I've told.”_

“ _What is it, baby?” Mama asked from the hospital bed. The doctors had said it'd be any day now._

_John swallowed. Clutched his hands together tightly. “I'm gay.”_

_Mama stared at him for a moment, then smiled, opening her arms to him. “I know.”_

“I should’ve told you about him too, Mama.” He wiped his eyes. “Then you could’ve told me what to do. I’m so... I’m so _confused_ right now. And he’s such a great person, and I love him so much, but I can’t be with him, and it _hurts_. It hurts every day and I don’t know how much longer I can take it, especially if he’s drifting away. Maybe he’s tired of me. Maybe he’s tired and he can’t do anything about it because we’re bonded. _God_ , I’ve trapped him!”

He paced again. Maybe it was really time to move on, wait until the Protocol was over, and find another Alpha. Maybe one with the same dark eyes and dark hair. Or maybe he'd find an Omega. An Omega with blue eyes and a smile that filled everyone with warmth.

Alex's smile made him feel that way. And his eyes weren't ones he could find anywhere else.

If he found someone else, they'd be nothing like Alex.

He hated that.

He called Frannie.

“I need you,” he said as soon as she answered.

“Sounds desperate. I suppose I could make room for a torrid love affair in my schedule. Don’t think Alex will be too happy -”

“It’s _about_ Alex.”

Frannie took a breath. “What did he do?”

“Nothing’s changed.” He sniffled. Frannie knew him. She could actually give him advice, she could listen to him cry, and be there for him. She was his best friend. “Nothing’s changed at all. He’s still distant. And now he’s going to a party with Andy.”

“Hot Andy?”

“Don’t call him that,” John snapped. He fell back onto the mattress. “I love him, Fran. I love him so much.”

She was quiet for a moment. “I think that’s the first time you’ve actually said those words to anyone but yourself.”

And then he was crying.

“ _Honey_ ,” Frannie sighed.

“I think I need to move on. I think I need to let go and - and let him be happy. Even if it’s not with me. But it’s killing me, Fran! I _can’t be with him_ after _eight fucking years_ of wanting it so bad!” He took a minute to calm himself down a little. “If I hang on, I’m scared that I’ll lose him. But this feels like I’m losing _everything_ and I don’t know what to do!”

“What do you think you should do?”

He wiped his eyes again. “I don’t know, Fran. _Tell me_ what to do. Please.”

“You know I can’t make up your mind for you. It’s your decision. I’ll be your sounding board and I can offer advice, but it’s ultimately your call.”

His face crumpled. She was right.

“Do you want to come down to West Virginia for Thanksgiving? You can stay in the dorm with me if you need to get away for a little while.”

John entertained the idea, then shook his head. “I’m needed here. That VAMO chapter needs able-bodied people to get it up and running.”

“Well, the option’s there if you change your mind.” A beat. “I love you no matter what. You know that, right?”

“I know.” John smiled despite how shitty he felt. “You’re my best friend. You’ve always been there. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“John,” she whispered, “don’t do that. Don’t get sentimental or nostalgic.” She sniffled. “Fuck, now _I’m_ crying. You’re _my_ best friend. You’ve been there for me, too, and I wish I could make things better for you. Because God knows you deserve it.”

“I’m sorry I’ve made you cry.”

She laughed the way she did when she was tearful. “It’s okay. It’s cathartic for us both.”

They spoke - well, they mostly cried together - for the better part of an hour before Frannie decided to go for a run. John figured it'd be a good idea to do the same, and ran until his legs almost gave out. He tried to process, tried to make up his mind.

He couldn't stop thinking about Alex at the party, having the time of his life with his friends, with Andy.

Maybe Andy could make him happy.

After all, that was what John should want for him. To be happy.

But Andy didn't know that Alex didn't like having his hair pulled unless it was very gently, or that only the right side of his ribs was ticklish, or that he loved the _idea_ of pineapple upside-down cake but couldn't stand the taste in practice. He didn't know that one time when they were nine, Alex got sent to the principal's office because he'd drawn a picture of a volcanic eruption that looked more like an atomic bomb detonating. He didn't know that Alex didn't like flowers because they reminded him of funerals, that Alex didn't swim in the ocean until he was thirteen, that Alex's first language was actually French but his mother taught him English when he was very young. He didn't know that Alex talked about stars in his sleep. He didn't know that John had taught Alex how to speak basic Spanish, but he was still really rough in the language. There was so much Andy didn't know.

And there was so much that John would never learn.

He had to accept that. He had to accept that and find someone else that he could learn. They might even be as interesting as Alex.

But he wouldn't ever find another Alex.

And Alex was what he wanted.

By the time he’d showered and gotten into bed, his mind was no clearer.

There was a sudden knock on the door that jolted John from his thoughts.

He glanced at the clock. It was too early for Alex to be back. He got out of bed and answered it. His heart stopped.

Andy.

With Alex.

One of his arms was over Andy's shoulders, and he was leaning into him heavily.

“He hit the liquor really hard,” Andy explained. “Then he started rambling and crying. I thought it'd be best to bring him home.”

John took Alex from his arms. Alex grumbled, then latched onto John, sniffling and burying his face in his neck. “J-John,” he whimpered.

“He's not in a good state to be drinking,” Andy said. “I hope he feels better.”

John looked down at Alex. “Thank you,” he said to Andy, “for making sure he got home safely.”

“No problem. Have a good night.”

“You, too.” He shut the door and took Alex to the bed, lowering him down onto it, but Alex didn’t let go of him. “Why'd you get so drunk?”

Alex started crying again, arms still around John's neck. “I can't,” he wept. “I can't. I've tried so hard, but I can't.”

“Can't what?”

“Can't get over him.”

John swallowed and pulled himself away. He got Alex a glass of water and coaxed him into drinking a couple of sips. “Oh?” He tried to keep his tone neutral.

Alex didn't notice either way. “I can't. I love him too much. But I can't be with him. I'm in love with him, but I can't. We can't. I love him so much.” His words were slurred and desperate. It broke John’s heart.

“Let's get you some sleep,” he said softly. “You'll feel better in the morning. After a long night's sleep.”

“I love him,” Alex whimpered. “He doesn't love me.”

“You never know.”

“I can't be with him.”

“I'm so sorry.”

“I want to build a life with him. I want _everything_. But I can't have it!” Alex started to cry again, and John rubbed his arm. He cried a little, too, but didn't let Alex see it.

This was it.

Alex was in love with someone.

It was all over.

  
  



	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: referenced underage drinking.  
> Sorry this one's so short.

Chapter 31

  
  


**J** ohn was woken by the sound of Alex throwing up. He went to the bathroom and pulled his hair back for him. When Alex was done, he stood on shaky legs, flushed the toilet, and rinsed his mouth.

“I'm going to throw up again,” he groaned. A few moments later, he did. “God, this is like our senior year of high school.”

“Yeah.” John didn't quite feel anything this morning. He'd had an emotional night, and he was still on the fence about what he wanted to do. That much stress made him shut down a little, made his chest feel empty while his mind caught up with what was happening.

“We used to take turns holding each other's hair back. We were so gross.” He threw up again, then brushed his teeth. “I think that's it. How many times did I get sick last night?”

“Twice.”

He nodded and John helped him back into bed. “How'd I get home? Did you come get me?”

“Andy brought you.”

“Oh.” Alex closed his eyes. “I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm so glad I don't have any classes today.”

“Me too.”

He snored when he was hungover. John had known that since the first time they'd gotten drunk together. He was also better at hiding his hangovers than John.

Did Andy know that?

John watched Alex sleep. His heart hurt. He let it.

He went to the couch and curled up under a blanket, pulling up Netflix on his laptop and getting lost in it. He pulled away once when Mimi texted him, asking if they wanted to get together for dinner at six.

Getting out of the dorm would be good for John, especially because he really didn't want to. So he accepted the invitation and went back to watching conspiracy documentaries that he only half paid attention to.

Alex woke up again at five-thirty. “John?”

John took a deep breath, wiping his face, and sitting up. “Yeah?” He turned and his heart stuttered. Alex was sitting up in the bed, his hair a mess, his dark eyes still bleary and tired, clothes rumpled from sleep. He wanted to see this every day. Would Andy appreciate it? Would he appreciate all of the little things about Alex that John did? Would he accept and learn to love each and every quirk or flaw, or would he try to bury them in an attempt to find perfection?

Perfection didn't exist.

“Have you been on the couch the whole time?”

John nodded. He'd talk to Andy. If Alex really loved him as much as he claimed to, they'd talk. John would be a gracious loser. He'd concede to Andy, step back and let them be happy. If Andy was what Alex wanted, he should have him.

Because Alex deserved the goddamn world.

“Come here?”

John glanced at his laptop. It promised escape and mindlessness. Alex promised everything but. He shut the lid and walked over to him, sitting down on the foot of the bed. They needed to talk about this. It would kill John, but he wasn't about to tell Alex that he couldn't be with the one he loved.

Alex moved to John and rested his face between his shoulder blades, hugged him around the middle. “I'm sorry that I've been distant.”

“It's okay. I understand why.”

He stiffened. “You... you do?”

“You told me last night.”

John could feel Alex's breathing becoming shallow. “Oh.”

“I'm so sorry,” John whispered.

Alex began to shake. “I-I don't know what to say.” His voice broke.

This was hurting him, too. Of course it was. He was John's friend. He didn't want to break his heart. John swallowed. “We can work something out, if you really want to. I don't want to be the one standing between you and the one you love.”

Alex stilled. “Wait, what?” He moved away and wiped his eyes, sitting next to John and looking at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

John couldn't meet his eyes. “Last night. You told me that you were in love with someone, that you wanted to be with them so much, but you couldn't. It's Andy, right? If you think he's trustworthy enough, we could tell him the truth. You two could be together. We'll get a divorce when the Protocol ends. Don’t know how the BIB will react, but we can certainly try.”

“You...” John risked a look at Alex. His eyes were wide, mouth agape. “You think...” Then he shook his head, defeated. “It's not Andy.”

John didn't know whether to feel relieved or more devastated. “Oh. Well, who is it?”

Alex continued to stare at him for another moment, then looked down. “It's you,” he whispered brokenly.

Time stood still in that moment. John's head swam, his heart raced. He must've heard him wrong. He _had to_ have heard him wrong. “What?”

“I've been in love with you for almost seven years.”

John stared at him, dumbstruck.

Alex continued, “I know. I didn't know what to do with it, at first. I'd had a crush on you for a while before that, but then it became more and I had no clue what the hell... You're just so _amazing_ , John, and all I can think about is how much you mean to me, and how much I want to be with you, but I _can't_. Especially since we're bonded now. If I told you, I didn't want you to feel like you had any obligation to love me too. Because you don't. You really don't. I just want you to be happy, even if it's not with me, and I feel like I'm keeping that from you, and I hate it. But until the Protocol is lifted, there's nothing we can do.” He ran a hand over his face. “I've tried to get over you, but I can't. Because every time I see you, I feel like I'm falling all over again and it's corny as hell but it's true. It happens whenever I see you talking to your siblings or volunteering or wearing a tux or coming in from a run or studying or fucking _existing_. I can't get over you when I know that you'd stay up all night for me if I asked, or that you'd do that for anyone if you thought they needed it. Not when I know how truly good you are.” He sniffled. “I'm sorry. I'm babbling. But how I feel about you... it's not like we can't be friends. I think I just need some time to move on.”

John looked at him for a second longer before laughing. It started out quiet, then grew louder and he covered his mouth, his shoulders shaking.

Alex shot him a look. “You don't have to be a dick about it, John.”

John shook his head, getting a hold of himself and taking his hands. “No. No, it's not that. Just that I think I've finally beaten you at something.” Alex didn't say anything. “You see, you've been in love with me for seven years. You think you've been pining after me for longer than anyone has pined after anyone.”

“Rub it in, why don't you?”

“No, no, you're not getting it. You _haven't been._ Because you've only been in love with me for seven years, while I've been in love with you for eight.”

It was Alex's turn to gape at him.

“See why it's so funny?” John was grinning like a doofus, but he didn't care. Alex _loved him_. He'd been so ready to give him up for the one he wanted, but _he'd_ been the one Alex wanted all along.

Alex started laughing, too. “God, we're both so stupid.”

“Maybe that's why it works. Because we're both so stupid.”

Alex looked down at his and John's hands. “Did I die of alcohol poisoning last night?” he asked.

“Not unless I got hit by a car or something. But if we're _both_ dead, I guess I can't really compl-”

Alex pressed his lips against John's. John's eyes slid closed and he wrapped his arms around him. Alex's hands moved to his face, then to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. He relaxed in John's arms, sighing as if he'd been waiting his whole life for this moment.

In a way, he _had._ Both of them had.

Alex's lips were a little chapped, but his mouth was soft. His lips parted against John's, and John responded in kind. He'd always wondered what this would be like. His imagination had been selling him short.

They broke apart a couple of moments – or a couple of days, John couldn't tell – later, and Alex's eyelashes fluttered. “I love you,” he whispered.

And that was everything.

“I love you, too,” John replied, leaning in and kissing Alex again. One of Alex's hands moved to the back of John's head, fingers tangling in his hair. The kiss developed a certain urgency that only increased when Alex's tongue brushed John's bottom lip. Alex moved closer, John's grip tightened on Alex, his head began to swim again and Alex was starting to become all he knew but he honestly loved it that way. They kissed and kissed and Alex's hands were starting to wander, pushing John's shirt up and John loved it, loved the contact, loved the feel of his fingers running up and down his back.

They had so much lost time to make up for, so much time that they could've been spending together, but _weren't_. God, they were both so stupid.

John broke away from Alex's mouth when he heard his phone ringing, but Alex was unfazed. He trailed kisses over John's cheeks, his chin, his jaw. John's breath hitched when he felt the press of lips on his neck. How important was the phone?

It began to ring again.

Too important, apparently.

“Alex,” John said, but it came out as a moan when Alex's teeth grazed his skin. “Alex, my phone.”

“Ignore it.”

“ _Alex_.” It was so tempting, but the damn thing was still ringing. It had to be something. “Alex, I need to answer it.”

Alex groaned in frustration but moved away. John could feel the physical separation. He didn't like it, but he'd been interrupted before. He'd be fine. He found his phone on the coffee table and answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey, I thought we were going to eat dinner together?”

Mimi. Shit.

“Oh. Sorry. I was, uh, really busy with something.”

“Well, get your ass down here. I don't want to eat alone.”

“Can Alex come too?”

Alex flopped down onto the bed with a frustrated noise. John agreed.

“Yeah, just get here.”

He hung up and grabbed a pair of jeans.

“Where are we going?”

“Dinner.”

“Food's not important.”

 _You've obviously never had sex on an empty stomach._ “I promised Mimi I'd eat with her tonight.” He changed his pants quickly and opened the closet, grabbing something for Alex and tossing it onto the bed. “Get dressed.”

He muttered something along the lines of, _“The exact opposite of what I'd like to be doing,”_ but complied. Then he finger-combed through his hair and took a deep breath before looking at John. “I'm ready if you are.”

John nodded and pocketed his phone, heading towards the door.

“Wait.”

John turned and Alex gave him one last kiss. It was chaste, but held a promise and left John breathless. Then Alex took his hand and they walked to the dining hall.

It was going to be a long dinner.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys hate me yet?


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: referenced underage sex and underage drinking

Chapter 32

  
  


**M** imi waved at them from the table and they headed over, fingers still intertwined. John squeezed Alex's hand, and he squeezed back. It was so tempting to say _fuck it_ and go back to their dorm, but he refrained. He was learning to stop being impulsive. This was just a test. A really fucking hard test that he didn't study for.

They sat down and Alex's hand moved to his thigh, rubbing it with his thumb.

_Speaking of hard..._

John had to move his hand away, trying to keep his face straight. Alex smirked at him. “Well, _I'm_ gonna go get some food,” he said. “You coming, John?”

“In a second.” Alex leaned down and kissed his temple before walking off and John let out a breath.

Mimi arched her eyebrow. “You okay?”

John nodded. “I'm fine.”

“Not hungry?”

“No, I am. I just need a second. I, um, don't feel well.”

She didn't look at all convinced, but shrugged it off and stabbed at a green bean. “You two seem to be doing better.”

“A lot better, yeah.” John smiled. “We actually -”

“Mind if I sit here?”

Mimi glanced up, then looked at John. He turned to see Andy holding a plate. Didn't he have friends of his own?

But then again, he'd brought Alex home safely. “Go ahead,” John said, gesturing to the seat across from him. At least he could stand now without embarrassing himself. “I'm going to go get something to eat. I'll be right back.” He walked into the kitchen, grabbing a plate. He got a glass of cold water to drink.

When he returned, Alex was already back in his seat and he was talking to Andy. _What a shocker_.

But Alex was with _him_. John didn't have anything to be jealous of. He sat down and took a drink, nudging Alex's foot with his own. Alex nudged back, a smile playing at his lips.

“So you're working Thanksgiving?” Mimi asked John.

“Yeah. I'm going to be in the kitchens most of the night, though. You?”

“I'll be manning desserts.” She snorted. “ _Manning_.”

“You're awful,” he told her, taking a bite of his chicken. “They put you in charge of it?”

“God, no. Marion's in charge. I'm just helping out. Are you coming, Alex?”

Alex nodded. “I'll be in the kitchens, too.”

“Working?” Andy looked at Alex for clarification. “Where?”

“ReCON,” Alex explained. “The charity we volunteer at. Since none of us are going home, we figured it'd be a good idea to do _something_ productive. Are you going home for the holidays?”

Andy studied his plate, pushing a carrot around with his fork. “My family and I aren't on speaking terms.”

Mimi frowned. “Welcome to the club,” she said. “My father's still pissed that I'm not bonded with a kid on the way.”

“I thought he wanted you to get your education?” John said.

“I have no fucking idea what he wants. But that's family. It's confusing and messy and a pain in the ass. We've all been there.”

Andy arched an eyebrow at John. “Even you?”

“ _Even me?_ ” John chuckled, shaking his head. “My father disowned me back in July.”

“Oh, God. I had no idea.”

John just shrugged, taking another drink. “You been fighting for long?”

“That's part of the reason I transferred here.”

Alex glanced at John. He didn't like the look he was giving him. “If you want,” Alex said slowly, “you can come home with us for Christmas.”

John had been right to be suspicious.

“I couldn't-”

Alex waved his hand. “My parents would be glad to take in another wayward soul. I think they miss having kids in the house. An extra mouth to feed would probably make them ecstatic. And you can come, too, Mimi. If you want.”

Mimi blanched at that. “I guess it'd be a really good _fuck you_ to my dad. Not to mention I'd be hanging out with the world-famous Laurenses while he's stuck in Maine.” She narrowed her eyes in thought. “Okay. But I get to borrow John once a day to take pictures that I can use to rub in his face.”

“Done.” Alex grinned. “I'll call them tonight.” He glanced at John out of the corner of his eye. “Or tomorrow.”

 _Try next week_. It was Saturday. They had so much free time before classes started up the next Monday. Nine whole days. So much time to occupy...

Mimi looked in between the two of them, and recognition flashed in her eyes. “Gross,” she said.

John stuck out his tongue at her and she gave him a look that said, _you're telling me everything later_.

Yes, later.

“They also throw a holiday party every year,” Alex said. It took a second for John to remember what they'd been talking about. “It's mainly for George's firm, but he lets us hang out with all of the grownups. You know, because that's exactly what a bunch of teenagers want to do. We always just wait until Henry shows up and then sneak over to John's house.”

“Will alcohol be provided?” Mimi asked, leaning forward.

“No,” John said. “George knows his kids too well. Daniel's the only one of us allowed to drink, because he's twenty-three. Frannie doesn't turn twenty-one until late February. When we snuck over to my house, we literally watched old Christmas movies on the flat screen until the party ended. We've been doing that for, what, ten years now?”

“About.” Alex grinned. “Now there's going to be a whole bunch of grown-ass adults curled up in a giant nest, watching the original Rudolph. I'm pretty sure it started out as a way of keeping the little kids quiet, but we got wrapped up in the movies, too.”

“What if it becomes a long-standing tradition?” Mimi said. “Your kids could be doing it.” She propped her chin on her hand. “When _do_ you two plan on having kids?”

“Ask me again in ten years,” Alex said. “We've gotta graduate first.”

“And get steady jobs and an actual place to live. Don't think your parents would be thrilled with us raising a baby in their house.”

“Maybe they could be swayed if we gave them custody.”

John shook his head. “I'm not giving custody of my children away unless I have to.”

“You've clearly put some thought into this,” Andy mused.

“We had to talk about it when we found out when we were getting questioned,” Alex said, an easy smile on his face. It faltered for half a second when he realized what he said.

“Questioned? What for?”

John had this one. “The BIB wanted to make sure we weren't committing fraud to avoid the Protocol. So they pulled us in for questioning.”

“You bonded after the Protocol was announced.” A statement.

Alex took John's hand. “I couldn't stand the idea of... anything happening to him. He means too much to me. So I suggested we bond and he said yes.” A chuckle. “It wasn't exactly how I'd always imagined proposing, but our relationship has always been pretty unorthodox.”

John looked at him. “You'd planned out your proposal?”

Alex's cheeks turned pink. “Not exactly _planned_. I thought I had a few more years. But I'd thought of how I wanted to do it.” He laughed nervously. “Is that weird?”

John shook his head. “I used to daydream about the kind of house I wanted us to live in.”

“You two are so fucking sweet that it's making me physically ill,” Mimi groaned. “We get it. You're in love and will be together forever and ever and ever. Congratulations.”

“I think it's cute that they've found each other,” Andy said. “I take it you'll have an actual ceremony in a few years?”

“Sure,” Alex said. “In a while. A long while.”

“Like post-graduation,” John said. That would buy them enough time to navigate actually being together for real. Because they'd only been officially _official_ for less than an hour. “We can worry about technicalities and children and legality and all of that later. For now, I just want to get my degree and pass my Bar.” He chewed thoughtfully. “Would it be an official ceremony, though? Or would it be a renewal of vows, since we're already technically legally bonded?”

“If Alex bit you again, it'd be a ceremony. If you only bit him, it'd be a renewal. It's not official unless both parties bond,” Andy said. “But you could probably get whoever it is that's performing the ceremony to say whatever you want them to, considering the circumstances.”

“How do you know that much about bonding ceremonies?” Mimi asked.

Andy shrugged. “My uncle was a justice of the peace. He oversaw a lot of ceremonies. I almost got ordained online, but decided not to. Didn't want that kind of responsibility. Too many papers to sign and mail to the state.”

They ate in silence for a couple of minutes. Alex stole a bite of chicken from John's plate, and he nudged him in halfhearted protest. It wasn't good enough to really defend. It was dining hall food.

“I used to wonder what it'd be like to meet the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with,” Mimi said wistfully. “Never liked the idea. Didn't quite know why. Now I do.”

Andy looked at her curiously. She ignored him.

“What's it like, being ace?” Alex asked. “Is sex literally just a pastime to you?”

“Not even that. I've only had sex one time, and I don't remember any of it.”

John took a drink of water.

“It's like, if someone wanted to have sex, that'd be fine, but I'd be just as happy playing Scrabble or watching Netflix. I think I'd actually prefer Netflix, but that's beside the point. It's something I don't think I'd _mind_ , but I wouldn't go out of my way to do it, especially because I'm demiromantic, too. But it’s a spectrum, you know? Everyone’s different. And I’m still figuring things out for myself, too.”

“You don't remember the first time you had sex?” Andy said. “It must not have been that good.”

“No, no, I'm sure it was great. I mean, as great as it could've been considering we were both fifteen and neither of us really knew what we were doing, and we were drunk. Besides, pretty sure he didn't like women. Just as well.”

_Pretty sure._

“Sounds fun,” John muttered. He hoped to God he wasn't blushing.

“It was a blast. I wonder what he's up to right now.”

“Who knows.”

She coughed to hide a laugh. Sometimes John couldn't stand her sense of humor.

“On that happy note, I'm going to go back to the dorm and binge-watch Friends again. Any of you care to join me?”

“Love to, but we've got some stuff we need to do,” Alex said. He took John's hand again and squeezed it. John swallowed.

“Again, gross.”

“You're jumping to conclusions,” John said. “Don't be that person, Mimi.”

“Then what _are_ you going to do?”

“Play Scrabble?” Andy joked. “Watch Netflix?”

Mimi laughed and high-fived him.

John worried about those two being in the same house for the even a week of Christmas break. He and Alex would never hear the end of it.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Mimi and Andy stood and put their dishes away before walking out of the dining hall. Alex stood a moment later, trying and failing not to look eager. “You ready?”

That was a loaded question.

But John nodded and got up, following Alex back to the dorm room. Alex glanced over his shoulder at him and the look in his eyes said one thing.

Yeah, they definitely had some stuff to do.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna say it. Mimi. **M** i **m** i. M.M. **M** artha **M** anning.
> 
>  _Anyway_ , I'm going to be writing a total of 13 things from Alex's point of view. I'm already writing the infamous "that's what friends are for" hangover scene as well as a fic that goes from when they first find out about the Protocol to just after Alex bites John. That means that I still need eleven more scenes to write, which is where _you_ , dear reader, come in. Let me know what you want to see!  
> (I will **NOT** be doing either of the sex scenes for reasons.)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: **EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 OR IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THE SEXUAL CONTENT**
> 
> **I REPEAT, DO _NOT_ READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 OR DON'T WANT TO READ SEXUAL CONTENT**
> 
> I'll be summarizing the chapter in the end notes for those who chose not to read.

Chapter 33

  
  


**A** s soon as they were inside, Alex's mouth was on John's and he was pushing him back against the door. John kissed him back, arms wrapping around him and pulling him close. He felt a different kind of hunger stirring in his stomach, a need, a craving that only Alex could satisfy. John had wanted him for so long and now here he was, lips moving against John's like the world was about to end. When Alex's teeth brushed his bottom lip he groaned softly, and Alex responded by pressing himself even more tightly against him. John groaned again when he realized how much this was affecting Alex.

Suddenly they weren't kissing anymore. Alex pulled away and looked at him seriously, his chest rising and falling, lips parted, brown eyes darker with desire and affection and lust. John wanted to pull him in again, and started to, but Alex shook his head.

“We don't have to do this if you don't want to,” he said. “I want you to know that. There's no rush if you want to wait. I promise.”

John wasn't sure he knew the meaning of _slow._ He began to mouth at Alex's neck. “I want you,” he breathed, pulling him close. “All of you.”

“Yeah?”

John nodded. “Yeah.”

Their kisses became rushed and passionate and maybe a little messy as they leaned against the door for support. Hands wandered, pushing unnecessary and annoying clothes out of the way. They needed to touch skin, to explore, to have _contact_. They weren't close enough. John wasn't close enough. He'd never be close enough. Not like this.

He broke the kiss, his chest aching with desperation, fully intent on taking Alex to the bed, but then Alex's lips were attacking his neck, assaulting his senses, and his mind went blank. He groaned silently, eyes closing for an instant. When they reopened, he focused on the bed again. It was less than fifteen feet away. Maybe that was too far.

Then again, he didn't want his first time with Alex to be on the floor, no matter how much distance was between them and the mattress.

“Alex,” he whispered.

“Hmm?” He'd moved down to his collarbone. John's shirt prevented him from going any further. “Baby, you're wearing too many clothes.”

And dammit if the endearment didn't go straight to his groin.

“Alex,” he tried again. “We should probably move to the bed...”

“Good idea.” Alex finally pulled away and grabbed John's arms, tugging him towards and then almost pushing him onto the mattress. John landed on the foot of the bed and reached down, taking off his shoes. Alex did the same, then took off his shirt. John grabbed his hips and pulled him close, running his hands greedily over his skin. Alex's cheeks darkened a little and he brushed John's hair back from his face, leaning down and kissing his forehead, then his nose, then the corner of his mouth. John's eyes slid closed and he brushed his lips against Alex's, his heart beginning to ache in an addictive way. Alex's hands found the hem of John's shirt and pulled it over his head. “Fuck,” he murmured, taking in the sight and pushing John down onto his back. He moved so that he was straddling John's hips. “Fuck, John, you're gorgeous.”

“So are you.” He leaned up on his elbows and Alex met him for a kiss.

“Is there anywhere you _don't_ have freckles?”

“I don't think so.” His skin grew flushed with the attention.

Alex smirked and nipped at John's jaw. “You blush everywhere, too, don't you?” His fingers danced over his chest, down to his stomach. He lightly traced the lines of John's muscles, making John shiver. He leaned down again and gave him a long kiss. John reached one hand up and placed it on the back of his neck, touching his soft hair. When Alex pulled away, his eyes were soft. “I love you.”

This was still so new to John. “I love you, too.”

“I could listen to that forever,” Alex whispered, moving down to John's neck, then further. John squirmed when Alex's teeth grazed one of his nipples. “A little sensitive?” Alex teased before taking it into his mouth.

John's breathing hitched when Alex pulled away and smirked at him. “Come here,” John said, and kissed Alex again when he complied. He wanted to take off their remaining clothes, but at the same time, he wanted to savor this moment. He wanted to savor the taste of Alex's mouth, the pressure of his body resting on top of John's, the sight of Alex looking at him with those warm brown eyes that were so open and vulnerable. He'd almost never wanted sex to be anything more, but this was _Alex_. He loved him. And _he_ loved _him_.

Alex broke the kiss and moved down John's body, unbuttoning his jeans and glancing at John for any objection. John lifted his hips, and Alex slid them off. John sat up and pushed Alex's pants down, too. Alex pressed his lips to John's and slowly ground into him. He moaned loudly when their erections, only separated by two pieces of cloth, came into contact, while John's eyes rolled back into his head. Alex did it again with a little more purpose, and buried his face in John's neck. “You feel so good,” he panted.

John wanted him to feel even better. He flipped them and braced himself over Alex, kissing his forehead, his cheekbone, his chin, his jaw, his neck, his pulse. He moved downward, alternating between sweet kisses and gentle bites. Alex threaded his fingers into John's hair. Soft gasps and groans were spilling from his lips, so John took that as encouragement and continued. He reached Alex's underwear and made a rather bold decision, mouthing at his cock.

“ _Fuck_ , John,” Alex moaned. His grip on John's hair tightened slightly, and John's eyes snapped shut, his own cock twitching.

He pulled away and looked at Alex innocently. “What?”

Alex just stared at him, chest heaving. John moved further down, spreading Alex's legs, and placed a kiss on one of his inner thighs. He heard a sharp intake of breath and smirked to himself before latching onto the spot, sucking a mark into it. Alex moaned, a shudder running through his entire body. John didn't stop for several moments. When he finally pulled away, it was only to suck another mark on his other thigh.

“You know I have to mark you too now, right?” Alex asked, sitting up and pulling John closer, until he was straddling Alex's lap. “Just to be fair.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Alex picked the area right below John's collarbone. It was low enough that it wouldn't be visible to the public unless his shirt was off. John's hands twitched. He didn't want to grab onto Alex's hair. He knew that Alex didn't like having his hair pulled. But he wanted to touch something. He settled for grabbing onto his shoulders and taking care not to use his nails.

Alex pulled back and admired his work. “This is a good look for you.” He shifted and rolled them, kissing John's cheek and lowering him into the pillows. “Kind of want to leave a hickey or two on your neck, show everyone that you're mine, leave them with no doubts.”

At the moment, John wanted nothing more, but the rational part of his mind objected. “Please don't,” he sighed.

“I won't, don't worry.” Alex's hands moved to the waistband of John's boxers. John waited with bated breath. After an eternity, he nudged the elastic down until his hips were uncovered. John swallowed as Alex moved down and kissed one of his hips. _Oh._ “If I remember correctly, you're still a little ticklish right here.” His fingers ghosted over the spot he'd just kissed. John shivered. “That's what I thought.” He nipped and sucked on the spot. John's toes curled and his eyes slid closed.

They shot open when Alex palmed his erection, and a whimper tore from his lips. John's face went red at the noise he made, and he glanced at the wall. For a split second, panic welled in his chest, but it vanished almost as soon as he felt it. Alex rubbed him through the fabric of his boxers for a couple more moments before pulling his hand away and giving his hip one final bite. He pressed his lips to John's, and their tongues danced together. John sighed, arms sliding around Alex's neck.

“I love you,” Alex breathed when they broke apart.

“I love you, too.” John gave him a chaste kiss, his head beginning to swim. Alex started to pull John's boxers down, and he was snapped back into reality. “Wait.”

Alex stilled immediately and looked at him. “Everything okay? You worried about protection? Because I'm on a pill, but if you'd feel better using a condom, too, I have -”

“No, I know you're on a pill. So am I. It's not that.” John sat up and reached over to the drawers on his side of the bed, fishing out the bottle of lubricant. He handed it to Alex. “We'll be needing this, though.”

Omegas were supposed to be able to self-lubricate with ease. John had gotten plenty wet during that one heat that he didn't particularly care to remember, but he had trouble doing it on a normal day. And he hated that. It was just another reminder that he wasn't a normal Omega, that something was wrong with him. A Beta he'd been with had joked that maybe he wasn't really an Omega, then. It would explain the dominant streak, after all. There hadn't been a second date.

But Alex simply glanced down at the bottle and put it to the side, then gave John another kiss. He lay back against the pillows and didn't object this time when Alex removed his boxers. John sighed as Alex took his cock in his hand and stroked it a couple of times.

“Did I tell you that you're fucking gorgeous?” Alex asked.

“You may have mentioned it once before,” John replied coyly.

Alex smiled at him, then took the bottle, squeezing some lube onto his fingers. He took a second to warm it up, which John was grateful for. At the same time, though, he wanted Alex to get on with it. He'd wanted this for so long. Cold lubricant wasn't going to kill the mood for him.

But then Alex was gently spreading John's thighs and pressing one finger against his entrance. It slid inside and John's eyelashes fluttered. Alex stared at him, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, as he moved it in and out slowly. He added a second, then a third, as he worked John open. John got a little bit wetter on his own, too, but he was really glad that he'd thought to grab the lubricant. By the time John was ready, his thighs were shaking, his pupils were blown, his breathing uneven. His eyes locked with Alex's.

Alex pulled his fingers out and slid his own underwear off. John almost moaned aloud at the sight of his fully hard cock. “Do you think you'll need more?”

“Huh?” John tore his eyes away to find Alex smirking at him.

“You think you'll need more lube?”

John shook his head, and Alex leaned over him. John pressed his lips to Alex's, and they shared an impassioned kiss before Alex pulled away. John felt Alex against his entrance and he closed his eyes, head falling back as he pushed inside. John groaned softly at the feeling, and Alex's head dropped to John's shoulder, arms tense on either side of him.

“Oh my God,” Alex groaned.

“Agreed,” John said.

Alex snorted a laugh and moved his head slightly, so he could kiss his neck. “Such a dork.”

John rolled his hips instead of replying. Alex moaned. He pulled most of the way out, then slid back in. John arched his hips to meet Alex's. His hands went to his back. “You feel so good,” he whispered. He'd had great sex before, sure, but _this_ was something else entirely. He hadn't realized it could be like this.

Alex looked up at him and straightened, giving him a proper kiss. He adjusted the angle a little and began to move faster. John arched his back, fingers digging into Alex's shoulders. If Alex noticed, he didn't say anything. They fell into a sort of rhythm, Alex thrusting into John and John moving his hips to meet each one. John clung to Alex, unwilling to let go of this beautiful, wonderful, _amazing_ thing they were creating. And now that he was getting a taste of it, he'd never be able to let go. Not that he wanted to.

Alex was covering John in kisses, and a hand moved to one of John's arms, guiding it back down onto the mattress. John didn't know what he was doing until their fingers interlocked. He glanced at their joined hands and moaned at the sight.

Alex's hips suddenly stuttered and he moaned John's name, stilling for a moment before moving to pull out. John's legs wrapped around his hips on their own volition.

“John?”

John didn’t know what had come over him. He’d only taken a knot from one other Alpha, and it had left him a little leery of taking any others. But now, he wanted it. He didn’t feel scared or like he had no other option. He felt safe and loved and he _needed_ this. “Stay?” His voice was a whisper.

Alex stared at him before pressing his hips into John's once again. A second later, John felt his knot swell inside of him. He clung even tighter to Alex.

“You okay?” Alex asked.

“Yeah,” John panted. The knot continued to grow for a couple more seconds, then stopped. “You feel so good.” He had no clue it could be like this.

Alex kissed him again, pulling his hand away from John's only to wrap it around his cock, pumping it slowly. John leaned his head back. It only took about thirty seconds for him to come undone and then he slumped against the mattress completely, breathing hard. Alex rolled them onto their sides and covered John's face in kisses. John smiled at that and ran a hand through Alex's hair. He felt both weak and strong at the same time. He had no clue how, but he wasn't about to question it.

“I love you,” John whispered to him.

“I love you, too.”

Then John heard a curious rumbling noise. It took a second for him to figure it out, but when he did, he beamed. Alex, on the other hand, went pink and swallowed, looking away.

“Don't be embarrassed,” John said, pulling Alex closer. He could feel the vibrations in his own chest. “I thought Alphas only purred during a cycle, though.”

“Most of them,” Alex said. “There's a gene that a few have, though. They can purr any time, so long as they're really content.” His cheeks darkened even more. “It's harder to conceal now, since I'm so damn happy.”

John's smile widened and he tucked his head under Alex's chin. The rumbling grew louder. “I can't purr,” John said, “but I'm pretty happy, too.”

They lay like that for several minutes before Alex's knot began to loosen. He pulled out and continued to hold John close. His purring didn't let up. John's eyelids were growing heavy, and he was tempted to fall asleep like this, but he made himself get up anyway.

“Where are you going?” The purring had stopped.

“I wanna shower.” He glanced over his shoulder at Alex. “You're welcome to join me.” When Alex didn't answer immediately, he shrugged and went into the bathroom, turning on the water.

He felt hands on his hips. Alex kissed his head. John smiled, leaning back against him. Alex began to purr again. They got into the shower and John stood directly under the spray of the water, thoroughly wetting his hair. He reached for the shampoo, but Alex took it from him. John turned around and looked at him, confused, but Alex was already pouring it into his hand. “Turn back around,” he said.

John complied and felt Alex's hands in his hair. He sighed contentedly when he realized what Alex was doing. Alex scrubbed his scalp gently, chest still rumbling. “You said it was hard to conceal?” John asked.

“Yeah. Do you rinse before you use conditioner or after?”

“I think you're technically supposed to rinse first, but I never do. So you can make yourself... _not_ purr?”

Alex's hands were on John's scalp again. He really liked this. “I can.”

“Why would you?”

“Because it's not normal for Alphas to be able to purr all of the time. I don't want anyone to mistake it as a display of dominance. Like if Henry heard me purring, he'd probably kill me.”

John thought for a second. “That makes sense. When do you have to stifle it?”

Alex moved his hands away and John rinsed his hair. “Usually I only have to worry about it when I'm with you.” John looked at Alex and he shrugged. “It's true. And it's not every time we're in the same room, or anything like that. It's mainly when we're in the bed together and you're in my arms.” He glanced at the floor. “I didn't bother hiding it if I knew you were asleep, but I didn't want to freak you out, so I kept quiet when you were awake.” He grabbed John's washcloth and the soap, then began to wash him. “And when you have really bad nightmares, I have to work really hard to stifle it.”

“Does my fear please you?”

“No. God, no. But there's some kind of instinct telling me that my purring would comfort you.” John took the washcloth from Alex and finished washing himself, then rinsed off and motioned for them to switch places. He wet Alex's hair and shampooed it.

“You don't have to conceal it around me anymore,” John said, glancing at the bottle. It was 2-in-1. “It's really soothing.”

He began to wash Alex's body while Alex rinsed his hair. “On one condition.”

“Okay.”

“Don't get worried if I _don't_ purr for whatever reason. It doesn't always happen.”

John nodded. “Fair enough.” He stepped out of the shower while Alex finished up and began to dry himself.

The water turned off and Alex made a point of checking John out before grabbing a towel. John treated his hair, then pulled on his pajamas and curled up in the bed. It smelled so much more like them now. He smiled at that.

He cracked his eyes open and watched Alex get dressed before joining him and pulling the sheets up. John snuggled close, and his smile only grew when Alex began to purr again.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” Alex said.

John didn't have any bad dreams that night.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Summary for those who didn't read:_  
>  They have sex. John realizes Alex can purr outside of his rut, which is uncommon. They shower together and act domestic.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **!!!EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT!!!. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE EXPOSED TO !!!EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT!!! _OR_ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18.**
> 
> I will be summarizing in the end notes for those of you who don't read it.

Chapter 34

  
  


**J** ohn always loved those first few blissful moments that came immediately after waking up. They allowed him to close his eyes and sink into the feeling of pure contentment before reality set in and he had to face the day.

When he woke up the next morning, he enjoyed the momentary ignorance. Then he remembered what had happened the night before and the blissful feelings didn't fade; in fact, they grew. He loved his current reality, because in it, Alex was his.

He watched his sleeping lover – yes, _lover_ – with a smile. He looked so relaxed, so at peace. John wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, but he didn't want to wake him and shatter the moment. Alex deserved his sleep. Hell, he deserved the goddamn world. But John couldn't give that to him, no matter how much he wanted to, so he'd settle for this.

 _This._ This thing that they had, that they'd always had but been to oblivious to see. This thing that needed to be nurtured and cared for, this thing that John knew would change so many _other_ things, this thing that would probably be difficult sometimes, this thing that might seem like second nature at other times, this thing that John adored with every fiber in his being, this thing that he'd give his life to protect.

John didn't know whether he was thinking of Alex or their new relationship. Maybe they were one in the same.

Either way, John was so immensely in love and _this_ was more than he'd ever imagined he'd have.

Alex's eyes opened and he blinked at John before a sleepy smile formed on his face. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“Is that creepy?” John asked.

“If it is, then we're both guilty.” Alex closed his eyes again and took a breath that turned into a yawn. “Last night wasn't a dream, was it?”

“No.” John snuggled closer, tucking his head under Alex's chin. The gesture was familiar enough, but now it meant so much more. Everything meant so much more.

Alex's chest began to rumble. “Good.” A beat. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” John kissed Alex's neck. Alex's arms tightened around him. His stomach chose that moment to growl. They both laughed a little. “Wanna go get breakfast?”

“You and your metabolism.” Alex let go of John, who rolled out of bed and grabbed a change of clothes. “I swear, you love food like Kanye loves Kanye.”

John shook his head, smiling, as he took off his shirt. He glanced down at the fading mark just below his collarbone. He usually hated when lovers left marks, but this... was nice. “I suggest you come, too. You'll be needing your energy.”

He heard the mattress shift as Alex got up. He glanced over his shoulder to see him getting dressed.

The dining hall was even emptier than usual due to the break. They got their plates and sat down. John dug right in but kept an eye on Alex to make sure he actually ate. When they'd talked about it, Alex had explained that he sometimes didn't have an appetite and didn't feel hunger. When he wasn't hungry, he didn't eat because he had more important things to do. So naturally, John had taken it upon himself to drag Alex to the dining hall with him each time he ate. It irritated Alex to no end, but he eventually stopped complaining because he knew he needed food to survive and that John wouldn't let up no matter how much he bitched.

Alex lifted a forkful of pancakes to his mouth and John smiled. Alex caught it.

“I've half a mind to stop eating right now just to spite you,” he grumbled.

“Then you can just forget about our _plans_ for the day.” Because John could actually hold that over Alex's head now. He had that power.

Alex actually paused. “I don't know if you're bluffing or not.” He narrowed his eyes and examined John's face. “I'm going to say you're bluffing.”

“Is that a gamble you're willing to make, though?”

Alex continued to eat.

When they got back to the dorm room, Alex gave John a long kiss. His lips tasted like syrup. They made quick work of their clothes and soon John was on his back, eyes half-lidded as Alex's mouth moved over his body. He stopped at his ribs and looked up at him.

“Does is still hurt?”

“Hmm?” John had almost forgotten about his fracture. “No. It's been a month. It's probably healed by now.”

“We should still be careful.” Alex kissed the spot. The gesture made John's heart flutter and he watched as he lingered there for a moment before moving on.

“Does that mean I should cancel that order I placed for the sex swing?”

Alex laughed against John's tummy. “Nah. We can always save it for later. Or we can hang it on that tree in your yard. Just use it as a regular swing.”

“I don't think anyone would fall for that.”

“Does it look too much like a sex swing?”

“Yeah. It doesn't have a seat. Just some bands to hold onto and grips for your hands and feet.”

“Wait, so that's _not_ what a playground swing is supposed to look like?”

It was John's turn to laugh. “God, you're a dork.”

“You started it.” Alex nipped playfully at his stomach, grinning when John reacted. He continued further down and nibbled the fading mark on his hip. John watched him, a smile playing on his lips.

He loved him. He really did.

“We should probably take a water break,” John said a couple of hours later when Alex pulled out.

“A _water break_?”

John got up and grabbed a bottle of water, taking a drink and handing it to Alex. “Yeah. So we don't get dehydrated.”

“I know what a water break is. Just didn't know we were running a marathon.”

John got back into bed, fighting the urge to defend his wording. His thought process hadn't yet fully returned to its typical coherence, and it was all Alex's fault. “Obviously we're not. Marathon runners can typically go for more than, what, thirty seconds?” He batted his eyes at Alex so he knew he was kidding.

“You're an ass,” Alex said, shaking his head as John snuggled closer.

“But you love this ass.”

“Hell yeah, I do.” Alex grabbed it. “It's so fucking firm. I could bounce a quarter off of it.”

“You _have_ bounced a quarter off of it. Remember senior year?”

Alex snorted. “Well it's not _my_ fault that Maria said it wasn't possible. And you just happened to be lying on your stomach anyway... Did it hurt?”

“A little. I was more surprised than anything else.”

“And then you chased me and threw me into the pool.”

“At least I had the courtesy to make sure your phone wasn't in your pocket first. And then _you_ had to be a dick and pull me in, too.”

Alex laughed. “You tried so hard to be angry, but you were laughing too hard.” He ran a hand over John's back. “I wanted to kiss you so badly in that moment.”

“So did I.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Alex's. “Nothing's stopping us now.”

And so they kissed until they were both dizzy and drunk on the taste of each other. Alex rolled John onto his back, prepped him with the lube, and slid inside of him. John arched his back, tightening his grip on Alex. Alex moved in and out of him at a steady pace. John stared at him, chest heaving, as he met each thrust.

Alex leaned down and mouthed at the spot right under John's jaw – he'd learned how sensitive it was. John exhaled shakily, nails biting down into Alex's shoulders. He relaxed his grip immediately. “Sorry,” he gasped out.

“I can take a little pain, baby,” Alex murmured, moving down to his neck and delivering several small love bites. “Do you care if I mark you if they're gone by tomorrow?”

John was so far gone at this point that Alex could've bonded him again and it wouldn't bother him. “Yeah, yeah, feels good when you do it.” He shuddered when Alex bit down just a little harder. Then Alex shifted just slightly and John saw stars. “Alex,” he groaned. “Alex, _there_.”

It took a couple of tries for Alex to find the spot, but when he did, John threw his head back. Alex made sure to keep his angle constant so he would hit it with each thrust. “Like this?”

John nodded, biting off a moan. He screwed his eyes shut, too overwhelmed with what Alex was doing to him.

“You feel so good,” Alex moaned. John loved the noises he made, loved that Alex was loving this as much as John was loving it.

“A-Alex,” John stuttered, vice gripping Alex's shoulders. He felt the coil in his belly begin to wind tighter.

“Sounds so good when you say my name like that.” Alex peppered his face in kisses, then reached down and spread John's legs a little more. It allowed him to go even deeper, and he went faster and harder and John clung to him. “You're so fucking good, John.”

John lost all sense of time in that moment. All he knew was Alex. Alex's lips on his face, Alex's hand on his thigh, Alex's eyes staring into his.

The coil snapped and John saw white. “ _Fuck_ ,” he groaned. Then Alex was moaning into John's neck and his hips were stuttering.

“Stay,” John whispered to Alex before he got the chance to ask. “Stay with me.”

“Okay, baby.” Alex pressed a kiss to John's forehead. John sighed when he felt his knot growing within him, stretching him in a way that he was learning to love. “Are you okay?”

John nodded, still clinging to him. His heart pounded in his ears and he took a few steadying breaths as his pulse started to calm.

Alex began to purr, and John closed his eyes again, only opening them for a split second when Alex rolled them onto their sides. John tucked his head under Alex's chin and breathed him in. This was everything.

They lay quietly, Alex rubbing slow circles into John's back, until his knot loosened and he pulled out. Then he moved to get up, but John made a small noise of protest, holding onto him tighter.

“Baby,” Alex laughed. “I'm just going to get some water. I'm not even leaving the bed.”

John let go, but didn't take his eyes off of Alex as he sat and took a drink of water. Then he offered it to John, who took it and drank the rest. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was. Alex watched him, lying back down and pulling him close, running a hand through his hair.

“For the record,” Alex said softly, “that was forty minutes, if you don't count the knot. Not thirty seconds.”

That didn't seem exactly correct, but John wasn't going to argue, especially because he hadn't been keeping track. “You held off for a pretty long time,” he mumbled. “You'll go pretty far to prove a point, huh?”

“Only when my pride's at stake.”

“That's going to be your downfall one day.”

“It almost was. Kept me from telling you how I feel for all those years. Well that and the crippling fear that you'd hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

“I appreciate that.” Alex kissed the top of his head.

John yawned. “I'm gonna take a nap.” He could do that. He didn't have to worry about picking up the kids from school or parents coming home early. He could enjoy sleeping next to the person he was with. The person he loved.

“Did I wear you out?”

John only nodded and let his eyes close. The feel of Alex's arms around him, paired with the sound of his purring, lulled him right to sleep.

He woke up a couple of hours later and automatically reached for Alex. His eyes opened when he couldn't feel him anywhere, and he made a face. The lights were off and the curtains were drawn. A look at the clock told him that it was three.

“Alex?”

Movement to his left. He looked to see Alex sitting up on the couch. “When did you wake up?”

“Why are you so far away?” John frowned at him. “Come here.”

Alex came over to the bed, sitting down. John wrapped his arms around him and pulled him down with him.

“Why are you wearing clothes?” John asked.

“Because sitting around the dorm naked is a little weird.”

 _Says you._ “Did you sleep any?”

“About twenty minutes.” Alex caressed John's face. John leaned into his hand.

“Why were you all the way over there?” _And not next to me, where you belong?_

“I was doing a little bit of research, and you're like a furnace when you sleep.”

“Research?”

Alex nodded. “We should probably talk about a couple of things.”

John didn't like the sound of that. “Like what? Is this about me needing lube? I know it's kind of weird, but it's not a big -”

“No, it's not about that. And it's not _weird._ ”

“You're the first person to think so,” John grumbled. “So what is it?”

Alex sat up and John rested his head in his lap, sighing when Alex began to play with his hair. “Last time seemed to get kind of... intense for you.”

“I guess so, yeah.”

“You okay?”

John nodded. “I'm fine, don't worry about me. What about you?”

“I'm okay, too. And I know this is a little late to be asking, but what kind of aftercare do you need?”

“No clue.” He'd never received it. Never felt like he needed any. He was a top, for the most part. “I guess I'm still figuring things out. I mean, you _are_ my first.”

“Really?”

“Sure. I've been saving myself for you because I've always known that you and I would end up together. You're the first person who's ever... been with me like this.”

“Seriously?”

John gave him a look. “Of course not.”

Alex sighed. “God. You had me going for a hot second. You're mean sometimes, you know that?”

“You don't know the half of it.” He wondered if Alex ever _would_ let him run things in bed. From what he could tell, Alex was a top, too. But that was only from sleeping together a handful of times. It wouldn't be the end of the world if Alex couldn't be swayed. Besides, John had no problem being a power bottom from time to time.

Or being a brat.

“What's with the smile?”

“Hmm?” John shook his head. “Nothing. Just thinking. About stuff that we'll talk about later.”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Possibly.”

Alex regarded John for a moment, then reached down and ruffled his hair. John swatted his hand away. “So in all seriousness, what kind of aftercare do you need?”

“I don't. Not really. I guess _this_ is nice, though. Being close to you.”

John could tell that Alex didn't like that.

There were three types of aftercare. The first was the basic care that everyone needed after sex of any kind. It usually involved cuddling for a few minutes, addressing any problems that came up, and all parties assuring one another that they were loved and valued. The second type was Omega-specific, and only occurred after a cycle. It was _Omega-specific_ because Omegas went into an entirely different mindset during their heats in which they were completely open and exposed.

The third type was for anyone who bottomed and/or subbed during sex, because everyone was susceptible to going into a headspace – subspace, littlespace, or otherwise. That being said, Omegas were more likely to slip into one due to their unique brain chemistry. John didn't know the logistics of it, but he figured it was for the same reason that they got like they did during their heats. The experience had been dubbed _Omega-space_. John was good at giving care to Omegas who went through it, but he himself had never been in that headspace. And that was fine with him. He didn't like being vulnerable.

Although, with Alex, he might be willing to try to learn how to let himself open up that much. Just not yet. Or any time soon.

“You don't have to worry about me going into a headspace and dropping,” John told him. “I've never slipped that far. And I won't. I swear.”

Alex brushed his hair from his face, his brow furrowed in concern. “I don't want you to get hurt.”

“I won't.” He changed the subject. “What's your safeword?”

“I've always used the colors.”

“Good. Me, too.” John sat and straddled Alex's lap, pressing soft kisses to his face. Alex's arms slid around John's waist. “You know,” John said, “it's been a couple of hours.”

“I know.”

“I thought we'd agreed to spend the _entire_ _day_ in bed together.”

“You were asleep, John.”

He just smirked. “Circumstances don't matter.” He pulled Alex's shirt off and nibbled his shoulder. “It just seems like we've got some lost time to make up for.”

Alex chuckled at that and John let himself be lowered onto the mattress. This was perfect.

This was everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn't read, Alex and John woke up, ate breakfast, had tons of sex, and discussed a few bedroom-type things. John also decided that maybe he can learn to be a bit more vulnerable around Alex, since they're together now.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 35. Also known as the one where I try to tie up a whole bunch of loose ends.  
> Warnings: Implied sexual content.

Chapter 35

  
  


**W** hen Thanksgiving break ended, so did their free time. Alex and John had to focus on preparing for finals, and that meant that the most _romantic_ thing they did was exchange heated glances that made John’s stomach liquefy and fall to his feet.

The Sunday before hell began, Alex strolled into their room and dropped a bag onto John’s desk with a satisfied smirk. “Got you a present.”

“You bought me Taco Bell?” John opened the bag and looked inside, as if he expected it to be empty. “I think I love you.”

“I wish I’d known it was that easy seven years ago.” He leaned down and they shared a kiss. “Figured you could use the fuel. You’ve been studying for five hours.”

“I really need to get a good grade on this exam. If I don’t -”

“- Then you won’t be able to get into law school.” Alex grabbed John’s textbook and notes. “Eat and I’ll quiz you.”

John’s heart swelled. “I fucking love you.”

* * *

 

John got a ninety-six on that final.

And he made sure Alex _knew_ how much he appreciated his help.

* * *

 

Frannie beat them home somehow. Alex groaned when they saw her car in the driveway. “I thought we’d at least have _today_ to ourselves.”

“You’re so thirsty.”

Alex gave him a look. “Pot, meet kettle.”

John stuck his tongue out as they got out of the car. “You’ll have me all to yourself next semester. One month isn’t going to kill us.”

“It might, if Mimi’s coming down.”

“She’ll only be here for a week. And _you_ invited her here, not me.”

“It was a lapse in judgment. I had other things on my mind.” He slid his arms around John’s waist and mouthed lightly at the back of his neck. John suppressed the shiver.

He grabbed the suitcases and turned to him. “Let’s just get inside so we can unpack. I wanna see the kids.”

The door swung open before they could even get to it. “My boys!” Frannie said cheerfully, hugging them both. “I missed you so much!”

“We’re not _your boys_ , Frannie.”

“You, Laf, and John are _absolutely_ my boys. Don’t try to dispute it. What can I carry?”

Ten minutes later, they were more or less situated. They still had to unpack, but that could be done later. John bounced on the balls of his feet, glancing out the window at Marty’s car.

“Go,” Alex said without looking up from his duffel. “We’re fine here.”

When Marty opened the door, she immediately launched herself into John's arms. He lifted her with ease and spun her around. “I missed you so much, Jack,” she said, kissing his cheek. She grabbed his hands, dragging him to the couch. He took the opportunity to really look at her. She seemed to have more energy - she wasn’t as tired as she'd been when they'd spoken on his birthday. “Guys,” she called. “Jack's home!”

Mary Eleanor got to him first and crawled into his lap, hugging him around the neck. “How was college?” she asked excitedly. “How's Lex? Are you gonna be home for Christmas? Are you gonna be home for New Year's? Are you -”

“Breathe,” Marty laughed.

“College was alright, but it would've been better if you were there.” John tickled her ribs and she shrieked in delight.

Junior and James came downstairs a few seconds later. Junior sat next to him on the couch and James took the recliner. “Does love get easier?” Junior asked him seriously.

John sighed. “Alicia?”

“I think I loved her, Jack.”

“He's been crying about it ever since they broke up,” James said.

“Well, getting your heart broken sucks,” Junior snapped. “Not that you would know – you've never had a girlfriend.”

“That's because girls are gross.”

“No, it's because _you're_ gross.”

“Both of you,” John said in his warning tone. They grew quiet. “To answer your question, Junior, it does in time. But you have to remember that you're still only fifteen. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't worry so much about love. It'll find you eventually.”

“That doesn't help at all,” he groaned, flopping back onto the couch.

“Maybe not right now. Heartache is one of those things you just have to power through.”

“Easy for you to say. You have Alex.”

“Sure, but that doesn't mean I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Have you ever been dumped?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“Well, how did you get over it?”

“I cried, ate a tub of ice cream, and watched cheesy movies with Frannie. Then I focused on other stuff until I could deal with the pain. It gets easier.” That wasn’t the entire story, but it was all that Junior needed to know.

Junior huffed and went back up to his room. Marty watched him and rolled her eyes. “He's such a drama queen.” Then she turned to John. “An entire tub?”

“We ended up splitting it. But yeah.”

She shook her head. “That's gross.”

“That's heartbreak.”

James looked up from his phone. “That's why I don't like girls.”

“You don't have to. Jack doesn't.”

John swatted Marty.

“Jacky doesn't like girls?” Mary Eleanor looked confused. “But I'm a girl.”

“Not that kind of like,” Marty said. “He doesn't like girls in the way that Junior likes girls. Jack doesn't want to be date-mates with them.”

“Why?”

“That's just how some people are.” John shrugged. “There's nothing wrong with it.”

“Oh.” She hopped off of his lap and went to the coffee table, where her crayons were.

“Why is it that a five year old will take an explanation just like that while most middle-aged people can't seem to wrap their heads around it?”

Marty chuckled. “Who knows.”

Alex came over at noon, and Mary Eleanor greeted him just as enthusiastically as she'd greeted John. He took it in stride and looked at John with a smile. “So how's the family?”

“Dysfunctional, as per usual.”

Mary Eleanor tugged on Alex's hands. “I wanna show you what I colored. I drew you.”

“Did you?” She took him to the coffee table and showed him a piece of paper. “Wow, that looks just like me! How'd you do that?”

John's heart melted a little. _Maybe in a few years..._ Nah, it was too early to entertain the idea.

“Jack,” Marty whispered and he turned to her. She smiled at him sadly. “Your heart's showing.”

They hadn't told anyone yet, other than Mimi. They'd wanted their new relationship to be just _theirs_ for a little while. “Marty,” John began.

“Alex?” Junior interrupted them. “Can you give me better advice than Jack?”

“Advice on what?”

“You know how Alicia and I broke up?”

Alex nodded.

“That. Jack says that I need to be patient, and it'll get better.”

“Well, he's not wrong.”

Junior frowned. “So you have nothing better to offer?”

“Unfortunately not.”

He groaned loudly and went back up the stairs.

“You weren’t kidding, Mars,” John whispered. “His melodrama puts _Alex_ to shame.” Alex nudged him while James cackled, going upstairs after Junior. “Don't tell him I said that.”

“Whatever.” James waved his hand and disappeared from sight.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Marty suggested.

They settled on the couch and Mary Eleanor continued to color. John leaned against Alex, who ran a lazy hand through John's hair and ended up pushing it into his face. John swatted at him halfheartedly but didn't otherwise object. He closed his eyes and listened to Alex and Marty debate what to watch. They settled on something that they'd all seen before because it was the only thing the two could agree on that was appropriate for Mary Eleanor.

John fell asleep ten minutes in.

Alex woke him up when the movie was over. He squinted up at him and made a face, sitting up and rolling his neck. “Your chest isn't as comfortable as I remember,” he said.

“You were at a weird angle.” Alex began massaging the back of his neck. John leaned into his touch. “Am I doing it right?”

“Uh-huh.” Mary Eleanor wasn't in the room. John figured she'd gone up to her room to play.

“You two are so weird,” Marty said from across the couch. She'd curled up in a blanket.

“I think it's really sweet.” John smiled at her. “Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me.”

Alex snorted. “Jesus, you're a nerd.”

“I thought I was a twerp?”

“If we went through the list of all the things you are, we'd be here for a long time.”

“Dork, snark, asshole, jerk.” Marty counted on her fingers.

“Love you too, sis,” John grumbled, but there was no venom in his voice. Alex's hands were too warm on his neck, and it was making him feel sleepy again. He leaned his head back and looked at Alex. “You gonna add to it?”

“Muscular.”

“We're _insulting_ him, Alex. How is that an insult?”

“Okay. Okay, fine. Um... you're overprotective.”

“Ooh, I think I need some cold water for that burn,” John said, rolling his eyes.

“You're lame, that's for damn sure,” Alex laughed. “And a general pain.”

“But you love me anyway.”

“Of course.”

Marty narrowed her eyes at them. John looked as innocent as possible. He wondered how long it would take her to figure it out.

They had to leave pretty soon after that. Henry wasn't due home until four, but John didn't want to take any chances.

“Everyone still doing okay?” Frannie asked from the couch when they came back.

“Yeah. Marty looks a lot better.”

“I know. I’m so glad she quit her job.” She pocketed her phone and stood, stretching. “It’s really weird, not having anything to do after months of having _too much_ to do.”

“Tell me about it.” Alex looked over at the staircase. “I think I’m gonna take a nap, actually. Unless anyone else had other plans for the day?”

Frannie shook her head. “Nah. Probably just going to binge-watch Netflix or something.”

Alex glanced at John and arched an eyebrow. “I don’t have anything planned,” John said. Alex headed up the stairs.

Frannie waited until his door had been shut for a few seconds to turn to John. “He’s still okay, right?”

John sat down on the couch. She joined him. “I’ve been keeping an eye on him. He’s doing better.”

Her shoulders sagged in relief. “No more incidents like with the window?”

“None. And he’s actually eating.”

“Good.” She took his hands. “Thank you for taking care of him.”

He smiled. “Of course. It’s in my prerogative, after all.”

“You’re too good for this world.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. How was the rest of your semester?”

Frannie shrugged. “Okay. Got mostly A’s. Two B’s. So not too bad.” A smirk. “And I finally got laid.”

“Hell, yeah.” They hi-fived and John said, “So did I.” It was too easy.

Her smile faltered. “What? Like, rebound sex or did you two... ?” When John beamed, she squealed and threw her arms around him. “Oh my God oh my _God_ John! I was hoping it would happen! When?”

“About a month ago. Over Thanksgiving break.”

She pulled back. “So when you called and told me that everything was fine, _that’s_ what you meant? I thought you’d been dodgy because you’d decided to move on.” She punched his arm gently. “I was worried, you dick.”

“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll give you any details you want from now on.”

“Are you kidding? I _always_ want details.” She made a face. “Just... try not to mention that it’s my brother.”

He laughed and filled her in on their confession and their _activities_ during break. He’d always imagined telling Frannie about Alex, just like he told her about every encounter he had, but he never would’ve guessed that he’d actually be able to.

“I now know way more about Alex than I ever wanted to. But you seem really happy together, so I guess I can’t complain too much.” She hugged him again. “Hercules wants to go out for lunch tomorrow. I could probably stay away from the house for a couple of hours, if you’d like the privacy.”

“You’re the best.” He waggled his eyebrows. “You and Herc, huh?”

“God, not you too. Laf’s been giving me shit since yesterday. We’re friends right now. And yeah, he’s really sweet and _definitely_ a catch, but I don’t want any kind of relationship while I’m still in college. Too much could happen.” She bit her lip. “Maybe in a few years, if we’re still friends and he’s still open to it. Because I _do_ like how he treats me.”

“How does he treat you?”

“Correctly. And like I said, he’s really sweet. Kind of like a big, muscular teddy bear.”

John snorted. “Now I’ve got the mental image of Hercules in a teddy bear costume.”

“Think he’d still wear the headband?”

“For sure. He’d find a way to make it a central part of the ensemble.”

She snorted. “I can actually see that.” She turned on the TV. “I was serious about binge-watching something. You game?”

“Let’s do it.”

When Alex came downstairs an hour later, Frannie and John were drowsily rewatching Black Mirror. They were both lying down on the couch and John was partially spooning her. Alex made a face at them and John rolled his eyes. “You’re still my favorite,” he promised him.

“Liar,” Frannie mumbled teasingly. “Alex, you’re an asshole.”

“What did I do this time?”

“I don’t know, fucking confessed your undying love to our best friend and didn’t tell me?”

“You told her?” Alex plopped down in the recliner. “And here I thought we were keeping it to ourselves.”

“We never agreed to that, did we?” Guilt clenched at his stomach.

Alex shook his head. “I just thought we were.”

“You should be glad I know,” Frannie said.

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m leaving the house for three hours tomorrow. Just for you. You’re welcome.”

John heard the front door swing open and he tensed, but relaxed when he heard Lafayette’s voice. Alex jumped up and hugged his brother as soon as he was in the room.

Lafayette turned to John and held out his arms. “And of course my lovely brother in law gets a hug, too!”

John laughed and got up, accepting the embrace. “It’s good to see you, Laf.”

“It’s good to see you, too! And congratulations! Adrienne and I were so happy to hear that you two had finally figured everything out for yourselves!”

John gave Alex a look. Alex glanced down. “What happened to keeping it a secret?”

“I might have accidentally told Laf.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’ll pretend not to be offended,” Frannie said, pausing the show. “So who else have you not told?”

“Just Laf.” Alex smiled apologetically at John. “I’m kind of an ass, huh?”

“I knew that going in.” He sat back down on the couch and Alex sat next to him. They leaned into each other, and their fingers interlocked. “Let’s keep watching, Fran. I wanna see the part where he calls out the judges.”

Mr. and Mrs. Washington got home when they were all halfway through the second season. They greeted everyone happily, and John would be lying if he said that he didn’t get a little choked up when he was hugged by both of them.

After dinner, Lafayette went home and Frannie went up to her room. Mr. Washington asked Alex and John how school was going, how their finals were, and other basic college questions. Then Alex announced that he was going to bed and John decided to join him. It had been a long drive and a longer day.

John pulled on his pajamas and curled up under the sheets. Alex stripped down to his boxers and spooned John, pressing soft kisses into the back of his neck.

“Alex,” John whispered. “Alex, I'm tired.”

“Me, too.”

“Then go to sleep and stop thinking about sex.”

“How do you know I'm thinking about sex?”

John rolled his eyes. “You're spooning me. I can feel _everything._ ”

Alex shifted his hips away. “Better?”

John rolled over and tucked his head under Alex's chin. “ _Now_ it's better.”

Alex began to purr. “You're a sap,” he said softly.

“Yup,” John mumbled, closing his eyes.

He woke up to something prodding him. “John. _Move._ ”

“Wha-?” He rubbed his eyes. “Alex? What's wrong?”

“You're a furnace. Roll over or something before I die of heat stroke.”

John pouted and pressed his face back into Alex's hair. It tickled his nose a little. “You're not gonna die.”

“ _John, for the love of Christ_.”

He grumbled and rolled onto his other side, letting go of Alex.

“We do this every night,” Alex groaned. “Will you ever _not_ try to spoon me?”

“You know I'm a cuddler,” John whined. “You knew that before we even got together.”

“But you give off too much heat. I need cold air. I need _circulation_. You're suffocating me.”

“We've only been together for a month and I'm already suffocating you?” John tugged the blankets closer to his chin. “Shit.”

“Not like that, baby.” Alex kissed the back of John's head. “Go back to sleep.”

The next morning was easier. Alex woke up first and kissed John until he was awake, too, and they spent a couple of minutes holding each other as their lips moved together, hands wandering freely without true intent. They didn't have anywhere to be today. They could spend all day in bed if they wanted to.

They didn’t because Frannie would still be home even when Mr. and Mrs. Washington went to work and as much as John trusted her not to walk in on them, he didn’t want to risk it.

They walked downstairs for breakfast and sat down at the table. George was reading the paper and acknowledged them with a “ _Good morning.”_

They ate in silence for a few minutes. John and Alex exchanged glances and John could tell that Alex was wondering when he could get him alone today.

“John,” George said suddenly, breaking the silence. “You're welcome to stay here for as long as you like.”

“Thank you.” He felt like there was a _but_ coming.

“However.” He fixed both of John and Alex with a look. “If you two are actually in a relationship, and not just faking it for the BIB, you sleep in the guest room. Understand?”

 _Fuck._ “Yes, sir.”

“What?” Alex wouldn't go down without a fight. “That's not fair! We're legally bonded!”

“So are Lafayette and Adrienne, but I don't let them sleep in the same room when they stay over.”

“But-”

“When you're twenty-one, you can sleep in the same room. End of discussion.”

Alex caught the tone of finality in George's voice and sulked, glaring at his toast.

John figured it was more than reasonable, but he didn’t mention it to Alex. They _were_ only nineteen – _twenty;_ John kept forgetting that he’d had a birthday - after all. George was just looking out for his kids.

Of course, when Frannie went out to lunch, leaving Alex and John with the house to themselves, they seized the opportunity.

“Wanna ruin my childhood bed?” Alex asked, shutting and locking his bedroom door.

John shook his head. “Pretty sure it's been _ruined_ for about four years now.”

“Rude.” Alex took off John's shirt and ran his hands greedily over his chest. “You're lucky you're so damn attractive.”

“Ah, yes. My lone good quality.”

Alex kissed his neck. “I wouldn't say it's your _only_ good quality. You have at least two others.”

“That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.”

Alex laughed and nudged him onto the bed, removing his own shirt. “You know I love you, right? Even if your sense of humor is shitty at best?”

“I thought my humor was one of the three things you could stand about me?”

Alex gave John a searing kiss. “I fucking adore you,” he whispered when they broke apart.

“So eloquent.” John unbuckled Alex's belt. “I love you too.”

They ruined Alex's childhood bed.

John’s phone started ringing a few minutes after they got out of the shower. Alex grumbled, but didn’t protest when John answered it. “What’s up, Mars?”

“You should come over.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just come over.”

He and Alex dressed quickly and wasted no time in getting there. Marty was waiting for them in the foyer. There were tears in her eyes, but she was smiling.

“What’s up?” John asked.

She wordlessly handed him a piece of paper. He skimmed the first two lines and then gasped, pulling her into a tight hug. “Oh my God, Marty!”

“What is it?” Alex asked.

Marty pulled away from John and threw her arms around Alex. “I got into Cambridge!”

He broke into a face-splitting grin. “That’s amazing! I knew you could do it!”

“I’m gonna go get my laptop and maybe we can look at it together? Like, the housing and stuff?” When John nodded eagerly, she raced up the steps. His heart warmed.

“I’m so proud of her,” he said, going into the living room and sitting on the couch.

“I am, too.”

“ _Cambridge_ , Alex.” John leaned back against the cushions. “My baby sister’s gonna change the world.”

“Just like her big brother.”

John pulled Alex into a kiss. They only broke apart when they heard a giggle. Mary Eleanor was standing in the doorway.

“Hi,” she said, smiling like someone had let her in on a dirty secret. She crawled into John’s lap. “Hi, Lex.”

“Hi, Polly.”

“Is John a good kisser?”

John rubbed his face as it turned red.

“ _I_ think so, yeah.”

“Will I ever get a boyfriend?”

He fought the urge to say no, that she wasn’t allowed to like boys yet - or anyone, for that matter - because she was still just in kindergarten.

“Maybe someday,” he said instead.

Marty came back into the room with her laptop and Mary Eleanor drew at the coffee table while they looked at Cambridge’s website.

“I could never have done any of this without you,” Marty said softly ten minutes into their research. “I mean it.”

“I’m sure you could have.”

She shook her head. “You are literally the best brother anyone could hope for. If it weren’t for you, I never would have even applied.”

John swallowed thickly and they turned back to the screen.

“I drew you,” Mary Eleanor said proudly a few minutes later, handing the piece of paper to John. “I’m gonna go play now.” And then she bounded up the stairs to her room, giggling.

He didn’t understand why until he actually looked at the picture. “Oh, God,” he laughed, giving it to Alex. “She drew us.”

He took it and guffawed. “She’s actually really good.”

“Let me see.” Marty looked at it. “It’s kinda cute. I probably shouldn’t have let her watch that rom com with me. It’s giving her ideas.”

“To be fair, it’s our fault too.”

“How so?”

“We thought she was up in her room.”

Marty gave them both a confused look. “What?”

“She saw us and then drew it.”

“She saw you doing what? _Kissing_?”

John nodded.

She stared at them before setting her laptop on the coffee table. “And how long has this been going on?”

“About a month.”

“So you’re like... platonically making out?”

“No. In fact, there’s nothing platonic about us.”

It seemed to click and she facepalmed. “You two finally listened to us.”

“Actually,” Alex said, “I got drunk and listened to someone ramble on about their fiance at a party. I don’t remember the rest.”

“You started crying and didn’t stop, so Andy brought you home.”

“Oh. Right. But yeah, I fessed up the next day and it turns out that John feels the same.”

Marty shook her head, a small smile forming on her face. “I really was wondering if you two would ever get your shit together.” She wrapped her arms around both of them with a laugh. “Why didn’t you tell me, you assholes? Was this before or after Thanksgiving?”

“Before.”

Then she _really_ smiled. “Herc owes me twenty bucks.”

John shouldn’t have been surprised.

That night, John kissed Alex goodnight before heading towards the guest room. Mr. Washington was waiting for him outside of the door.

“Just making sure I'm obeying the rules?” John joked.

Mr. Washington shook his head. “I figured you would, no matter how much Alex protested. I just wanted to let you know that I spoke with your father. He said that he does have a problem and that he’s taking steps to make it better.”

“Thank you.” Another weight off of his chest.

“No, John, I should be thanking _you_.”

“For what?”

“Alex seems a lot happier. And I know you're at least part of the reason.” He placed a hand on John's shoulder. “You've always been so good to him.”

John fought the blush. “That's what you do when you care about someone.”

“And _that_ is why I'm glad it's you.” He smiled. “Have a good night, John.”

“You too.”

John crawled into bed and closed his eyes. After tossing and turning for an eternity, he finally drifted into a restless sleep.

The door opened and startled John awake. He rubbed his eyes. “What's-?”

“ _Shh_ ,” a voice whispered. The door shut and he felt them get into bed with him. “It's just me.”

“Alex?”

“Yeah.” Lips pressing softly to his, hands in his hair. His eyes fluttered shut. “Couldn't sleep.”

“Mr. Washington-”

“If he seriously expects _me_ to follow the rules, then he doesn't know me at all.” He lifted the covers and pressed himself against John. “Besides, Laf and Adri did this all of the time.” Alex gave John another kiss. “I missed you.”

John smiled at him. “I thought you'd be glad to have the bed to yourself, considering how much of a furnace I am.”

“Well,” Alex said, voice warm and open, “I guess I never realized how cold it was without you.”

John snorted. “You're a sap.” But he wrapped his arms around Alex and held him close. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

John had been wrong.

 _This_ was his everything.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is _technically_ the last chapter, if you don't count the epilogue. It's been fun.


	36. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!!!!!!
> 
> Warnings: implications of sex, mention of Emergency Breeding Protocol

Epilogue

  
  


**June 3rd**.

John awoke to several texts from, well, everyone, each message telling him to turn on the television.

He rolled out of bed and kissed Alex on the forehead, pulling on a pair of boxers and going into the living room. They'd moved into their apartment a week ago and had just finished unpacking. He found the remote and flipped on the TV, glancing at the time. It was almost eleven. They'd slept later than normal.

Alex came out into the room, still rubbing sleep from his eyes, and wrapped his arms around John from behind, leaning against him. He'd grown about an inch over the past six months, and joked that someday he'd be taller than John. John doubted that.

He felt lips on the back of his right shoulder. It stung slightly on contact, but John leaned into him. “Just how many scratch marks do I have on my back, again?” he teased.

“I'd say it about matches the number of hickeys on your chest.”

“Staking your claim on me, huh?”

Alex nuzzled his scent gland. John shuddered. “You don't smell enough like me. I need to make sure people know you're all mine.”

John rolled his eyes. They scented every morning. Sometimes, if they woke up early enough, they even did a little more than that. John didn't mind it as much because Alex didn't smell like him at all – John still hadn't bitten him, for numerous reasons. Alex, however, didn't think John ever smelled _enough_ like him, so he took extra steps to ensure that everyone knew that John was his. Hell, he lost his mind every time John stole one of his hoodies.

John didn't know how to feel about any of it – Alex was an Alpha, and he'd always known that, but it was starting to show a lot more now that they were together. And even though Alex would _never_ abuse his power, John still got scared sometimes. Scared that Alex would come to be too much for him. Scared that Alex would come to realize that John wasn't _enough_. John wasn't a normal Omega. And Alex knew that. Loved it, even, because _his Omega_ was unique.

 _His Omega._ That was the problem.

“What are we doing?” Alex asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Watching the news.” John stared at the screen, waiting for the commercials to end. “I've got at least ten people telling me that I need to see what's going on.”

A reporter appeared on the screen. “ _We're here live in Washington DC, where President Aquitaine has just announced the revocation of the Emergency Breeding Protocol.”_

John gasped and leaned back into Alex. His knees felt weak. Alex tightened his grip on John. He was shaking. They both were.

The screen cut to Aquitaine, who was standing at his podium. “ _I am revoking the Emergency Breeding Protocol, effective immediately. All Omegas in our custody have been released from the breeding facilities.”_

It cut to the reporter. “ _President Aquitaine has also said that he regrets that his decision to enact the Protocol was not received as well as he would have hoped, and that he is revoking it due to a large lack of support from US senators, stating, 'a house divided against itself never stands, and I will not be the cause of this nation's downfall. It was never my intent to hurt or degrade Omegas, and I wish only the best for them as they are released.'”_

John turned off the TV and sat down on the couch. Alex took his hands. “Just like that,” John whispered. He was crying. “Just like that, it's over.”

“He wishes them the best,” Alex growled. “What kind of bullshit is that? What about counseling? Or healthcare? What about the pregnant Omegas who don't have anywhere to go?”

“It's over.”

“What about-”

“Alex.” John pulled him into his lap. Buried his face in his shoulder and held onto him like he'd die if either of them let go. “Alex, the Protocol. It's over.”

Alex ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah. It is. But we still have so much work to do.”

“But we're that much closer to victory.” John laughed and pulled Alex into a kiss. “Don't you get it? We need to celebrate.”

“The war's far from over, John.”

John shook his head. “I know. I know it is. But _this_. _This_. It's-”

“Everything?”

“No. But it's a strong start.”

“Start? To what?”

John pulled Alex into another kiss before standing. He grabbed his hands and squeezed them. “The end. The beginning.” He laughed a little hysterically. He felt so high at the moment. He'd never come back down. “I'm not making any sense. All I know is that the Protocol is over and we're here now and there's _hope_ for us now. There's _hope_ that we'll finally be- be-”

“Free?” Alex suggested.

John spun and cupped his face in both hands. “Free,” John agreed. “God, you always know just what to say.” He pressed his lips to Alex's and they kissed for several long moments. “We've got so much to do, though, like you said. There's Omegas out there who need care, who need homes, who need _jobs_. But now there's a chance. There's a chance that we didn't have until now. We have a _chance_.”

Alex smiled at John and wiped his tears away. “So what now?”

“Now?” John looked into his eyes. He leaned his forehead against his. “Now, my love, we celebrate. Tomorrow, though? Tomorrow, the real work begins.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end...  
> You know, until I post something else, like that one thing from Alex's POV that I'd promised to post.  
> (psst, find it [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13691271))  
> A big thanks to EVERYONE who has read this, and especially to those who have left me comments! You are all wonderful, and I hope you know just how much I appreciate this!!!  
> Goodbye for now,  
> Jaq

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me or ask me stuff or shriek with me into the void! [@PandaPantsLovesYou](https://pandapantslovesyou.tumblr.com)


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